Lost Boys
by StartWhereYouAreUseWhatYouHave
Summary: Jess and Kirk both experience life changing events. Luke does his best to be there for both of them.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1 Notes:** This is a Luke and Jess centric story set around the time of Swan Song. Much of what's going on will be recognizable from the show, but there are some AU elements as well, including Kirk being only a year older than Jess. There are limited Luke and Jess scenes in the first chapter as the story is being set up, but there will be more in future chapters. Please let me know if there is interest in a continuation of this story, or if the idea's a dud. Thanks!

 **Trigger Warnings:** Suicide of a minor character occurs 'off camera'.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Luke took one last look at himself in the bathroom mirror. He always felt uncomfortable in a suit, and today was no exception. He adjusted his tie and collar. His reflection stared back at him awkwardly, but he decided this was as good as it was going to get. Today wasn't about him anyway. He walked out of the bathroom and addressed his nephew who was sprawled out on the couch reading a book. "Jess, are sure you don't want to come with me to this thing?"

Without glancing up from his book, Jess responded. "As sure as I was the last two times you asked, but thanks for checking."

Luke sighed. "I would really like you to reconsider. I think it would mean a lot to Kirk if you were there."

Jess kept his eyes on his book. "I barely know the guy. He's not going to care if I skip it."

"C'mon, Jess. You know him from the diner. You serve him at least one meal every day. I've heard you guys talking. You're usually nice to him. Kirk doesn't have a lot of friends, especially other kids his own age. And he likes you. I think it would be good for him to see you there. And I closed the diner today so that we could all go. You, me, Caesar…."

"Kirk and I aren't friends, Luke. We talk about how he wants his eggs or his burger cooked. If you've seen him talking to me beyond that, I can guarantee I was tuning out whatever ridiculousness he was saying."

"Jess!" Luke scolded, voice raised. "Is it too much to ask for you to show a little compassion here?"

Jess finally looked up at his uncle's tone, and couldn't help mocking. "Oooh, stern face! Someone's getting a spanking."

"Is that what you need, Jess? Do I need to threaten to ground you or punish you in some way to get you to do the right thing here? Because that can be arranged, my friend!"

"Hmmm…...So, just to recap, you tell me I can choose whether I want to go, but now you want to ground me if I don't make the choice that you want me to make? That doesn't really seem like good parenting to me, Luke. Does that honestly sound fair to you?"

Luke sighed. "No." He agreed. "You're right, Jess. It's not fair. I'm sorry. You don't have to come if you really don't want to."

"Why is it so important to you that I go? It's not like you're that close to Kirk. He seems to spend most of his time at the diner working your last nerve."

Luke knew why this was affecting him so much, but he hadn't planned on discussing it with Jess. He supposed he did owe him an honest explanation for why he was trying so hard to push this on him. "I don't know. I guess it just makes me remember when my dad died. I was only twenty. Just a year older than Kirk is. I didn't have a lot of friends, either. I had already drifted apart from most of the people I had been friendly with in high school. I'd been busy with taking care of my dad when he was sick and running the store. The only two guys that I had kept in touch with from high school weren't able to come back. One was in college out west and one had joined the army. Liz didn't even come home for the funeral. She had moved again without giving me a new phone number or address, so I couldn't get in touch with her to let her know when he died. Don't get me wrong, there were lots of people at the funeral. Friends of my dad's. The guys from the reenactors group he was in. Neighbors. Customers from the hardware store. But, I just remember feeling so alone. It would have been nice to have had someone my age, who was there for me as a friend, instead of just people who knew my dad, you know. And, Kirk's mom wasn't involved in the community. She was kind of a recluse for most of Kirk's life. She barely left her house, and I'm not sure how many people in town knew her or will care enough to come to her funeral." Luke could feel himself rambling, and tried to rein it in. "Anyway, I just want Kirk to have people there for him so he doesn't feel like he's all alone. Maybe I'm being stupid…...Maybe you're right, that he won't care if we go or not…...I don't know. But, I would like for us both to be there in case he does. Can you understand that?"

Jess sighed. It was rare that his uncle actually asked him for a favor outright like this. He dog-eared the page he was on in his book before sitting up and setting it down on the coffee table. "Fine, but I'm going to need to borrow a tie."

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Luke could feel Jess fidgeting next to him in the sparsely populated church as Reverend Skinner delivered a sermon about the beauty of life being directly related to its impermanence. Something about the comparison between a human life and cut flowers, and how the bloom was even more special and wondrous due to its ephemeral nature. Luke was only half-listening. His mind kept wandering back to the loss of his own parents. To a time when he had been barely out of his teens and already lost the two people he had loved most. It wasn't an easy place to be and his heart went out to the boy sitting in the first pew, head bowed, beside an older man that Luke didn't recognize. Kirk had already lived a lonely life when his mother had been alive. He had been a permanent fixture at the diner for years. If Luke had to guess, he would say Kirk had been maybe nine or ten when he first started coming to the diner after school. Luke could still remember him as a little boy, shy and quiet, usually with just enough money to order a coke. At first, sitting at a table by himself, silently observing the people and families around him, and later, when he had become more comfortable, sitting at the counter and talking to Luke when the diner was slow. Luke had to admit that the boy was odd. The stories he told about his life and his mother seemed almost made up to Luke in their strangeness. But, depending on the mood he was in, Luke didn't always mind the company. And he was pretty sure that Kirk didn't have a lot of people who were willing to listen to him. He never came in with a friend, or with his mom. The only people Luke ever saw him talking to at the diner were Babette and Miss Patty. When Luke had asked the two women about Kirk, he had learned that the boy's mother had suffered from debilitating depression for years. She and Kirk survived off the disability aid that she received from the state along with sporadic financial assistance from Kirk's father, a lawyer and married man that she had had an affair with when she had been living in New York waiting tables in her early twenties. She had fallen into a deep depression a few years after Kirk had been born and rarely found reason to leave her house. And three days ago, she had succumbed to that depression and taken her own life. Leaving the only other member of her household to find her body in the tub, almost entirely submerged in red water. Luke knew losing your parents in any way at that age was hard enough. He couldn't begin to comprehend the pain of throwing suicide into that mix. He logically knew that things would get better for Kirk with time. Not that he would ever get over this loss completely, but other people would come into his life and he would eventually move on and even heal from this. It had happened to Luke. He cast a sidelong glance at his restless nephew, a reassuring and tangible reminder of how much things had improved in his own life. He knew rationally that all loss became, if not diminished, then at least more manageable with time. But, he also knew how bleak everything felt when you were in the thick of it. Heartbroken and alone, and unable to see the potential light on the other side. He wanted to be there for Kirk, but he wasn't sure how.

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Luke had re-opened the diner after the service, and the dinner rush was just dying down when Kirk walked in with the older man who had sat next to him at the funeral. They sat down at a table by the window, Kirk staring at his companion silently, his expression blank, while the other man averted his gaze uncomfortably, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Luke walked over, setting two menus down on the table. He placed a hand on Kirk's shoulder and squeezed gently, prompting the boy to look up at him. "I'm really sorry about your mom Kirk. If there's anything I can do, anything at all, just say the word. Ok, Kirk? I mean it. Anything."

"Thanks, Luke. I appreciate that." Kirk rarely ever registered emotions in his expression, but Luke could read the subtle signs of sadness in the boy. "And I appreciate that you came to the service. You and Jess, both. I know you had to close the diner to do it, and I want you to know how much that means to me. I know I spend a lot of time in here, but I was never really sure if we were friends. I like you guys a lot, but I could never be positive that I wasn't just mistaking your physical proximity for reciprocated feelings of friendship and intimacy, like my junior high guidance counselor always said I did."

Luke held in a sigh at the boy's awkward straightforwardness. "Of course, we're your friends, Kirk. And we're here for you. For anything you need." Luke's own life had gotten so much harder after his father's death and he had been a relatively normal and well-adjusted twenty-year-old. Everything was going to be so much harder for Kirk, who barely fit in with other people on his best days.

Kirk gestured toward his companion. "Luke, this is my father, Timothy Marsden. He's in town from New York. This is Luke Danes. He owns the diner."

Luke extended a hand to the older man, and they shook. "Good to meet you, Mr. Marsden. I'm really sorry for your loss, too."

"Please, it's Tim. And thank you for your condolences." Tim frowned. "It's a very sad day all around."

"So, how long will you be staying in town?" Luke was glad to hear that Kirk had a relative here to support him during this time, but something about this man was rubbing him the wrong way. Maybe he was just biased from hearing the stories about his affair with Kirk's mother, or from knowing this guy hadn't been around much during Kirk's childhood.

"Just for a few days. Just long enough to put the house on the market and wrap up some loose ends. Then it's back to the grind in the city."

"You're selling the house?" Luke asked in surprise. What he really wanted to know was whether Kirk's father was planning on taking his son back to the city with him, but before he could think of a not overly invasive way to phrase the inquiry, Kirk's father had already answered the question for him.

"Yes, I think it's the best option. Kirk doesn't need all that space. Do you Kirk?" The man smiled indulgently toward Kirk, who wordlessly confirmed with a slight shake of his head. "I'll list it for sale now, while the real estate market in Stars Hollow is so hot. Then I'll help Kirk get settled in an apartment once the sale closes. It's time for Kirk to be out on his own anyway, right Kirk?" Another look in Kirk's direction, met by a small nod from the boy. Though Kirk still wasn't wearing an actual expression, Luke thought he could sense an increase in the boy's anxiety level. This was a lot of change all at once. And if there was one thing Kirk didn't handle well, it was change.

"Oh…." Luke trailed off, unsure how to respond.

"I'll take a BLT, and a cup of coffee, please." Tim picked up the two unopened menus and held them out to Luke, effectively shutting down the small talk. "Kirk, do you know what you want, son?"

Kirk looked back up at Luke. "I'll have a patty melt, I guess. And a coke, please."

"You got it. You want the melt cut into stars or triangles today?"

"He'll have a normal sandwich. He's nineteen not nine." Tim cut in before Kirk had time to respond, frustration evident in his tone. He took a deep breath and forced a smile onto his face. "That's ok, right, Kirk? You'll eat a normal sandwich, won't you?"

Kirk nodded his head. "A normal sandwich is fine, Luke. Thanks."

"Ok." Luke took the offered menus from Kirk's father. "Two normal sandwiches, coming right up." Luke had a bad feeling in his gut as he headed to the kitchen to give Caesar the order slip.

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A few days later, Luke was cleaning up during the mid-afternoon lull at the diner as a table of two lingered over their coffee, chatting quietly. Kirk hadn't been in since the day of the funeral, and Luke was worried about him. He had wanted to give Kirk and his father space, but he was starting to wonder if he should go by the kid's house and check up on him. Maybe bring him some food as an excuse for stopping by. Luke was pulled out of his thoughts by the jingling of the bell on the door and looked up to see the girl Jess had dated before he had gotten together with Rory. Luke tried to school his features to hide his surprise as she walked up to the counter. "Hi Luke, is Jess here?"

"Uh, hi Shane. No, he's not. His shift doesn't start until three o'clock. Sometimes he takes a walk after school before he comes in. But, he should be here in a few minutes."

"Oh. Is it cool if I wait for him?"

"Uh, sure." Luke watched with trepidation as Shane took a seat at the counter. He wanted to know why this girl was here and what she wanted with Jess. It was early February and these two had broken up before Thanksgiving. Luke had been relieved when Jess had moved on from this girl, who the boy seemed to merely tolerate as a make-out buddy, and had started dating Rory instead. Something about this girl unnerved him. He supposed it was her total lack of concern about making out with his nephew in front of him. At least Rory had the decency to pull away from Jess when Luke walked in on them. "Uh, you do know Jess is dating Rory now, right?"

Shane let out a sharp exhale. "Yeah, I know. I could tell he was into her from the day she got back to town in September. I guess he finally got what he wanted." She didn't sound bitter, exactly, but Luke could tell she was upset about something. "And don't worry, I'm not trying to get back together with your son or anything."

Luke frowned. "Jess is my nephew, not my son. Wow, you two really didn't talk at all when you were dating, did you?" Luke had meant it as a joke, since he had never seen Jess with this girl when their mouths hadn't been occupied with some form of making out. He regretted the comment instantly when Shane looked back at him with an expression of teenage anger on her face that fell short of masking the hurt in her eyes. Luke didn't know what was wrong with him sometimes. This was a kid who had been dumped by someone who hadn't even bothered to treat her well when they were together. It was natural that she would be sensitive about the relationship, and not want to be teased about it. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that."

The girl shrugged, still offended, but softening at the apology. "It's fine. Jess didn't like to talk about his family. At least not with me. He lived with you and you gave him a curfew, so I guess I just assumed you were his father. I thought you were just one of those parents who liked to be called by their first name because it made you feel young or something."

Luke laughed. "If I wanted to feel young, I'd get rid of Jess all together. All that kid does is give me grey hair." "Hey, you want a soda or something while you wait?"

"Oh, uh, no thanks. Could I maybe get an herbal tea though?" Luke eyes widened and he felt his heart rate pick up as he watched Shane bring the palm of her right hand to rest briefly, blink and you'd miss it briefly, on her belly as she placed her herbal tea order. He didn't think the girl even realized she had done it until she registered the shocked look on his face and had looked back at him with big eyes of her own. He turned quickly away from the counter in an effort to conceal his reaction and set about filling a mug with hot water. He couldn't believe this was happening. He didn't trust himself to speak to list the tea selection, so he brought her an assortment of flavored tea bags. He should have seen this coming. She honestly didn't seem like she was trying to get Jess back. And for what other reason does a woman track down an ex to talk? Pregnancy or an STD are the only reasons Luke could come up with. Even amid the pulsing panic in his brain, he recognized that he should be grateful it was the former, instead of a life-threatening form of the latter. Luke wasn't sure whether he should acknowledge her slip or just ignore it until Jess arrived. Luke felt helpless and awkward. He wondered if a real parent would know what to do in this situation.

Luke was saved by Jess walking into the diner. The boy stopped short a few feet from the counter at the sight of his ex-girlfriend. "Hi, Jess." Shane started. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Jess regained his composure and walked around the end of the counter, as far from Shane as he could get. "I can't now. I have to start my shift."

Shane's neutral expression faltered, and she sighed. Something about Shane sitting there, eyes cast down, already looking defeated, triggered Luke's paternal instincts and he decided to intercede. He knew from personal experience how difficult it was to get Jess to listen when he didn't want to. And this was important. This was something Jess needed to hear. "You know what, it's fine, Jess. Why don't you two go upstairs and talk? It's pretty dead right now. I can handle it by myself for a while."

Jess scowled at his uncle. "Luke, I don't think-"

"I just need a few minutes, Jess." Shane cut in. "Please. It won't take long."

"What is this about?" Jess had a nervous feeling growing in his stomach, knowing this couldn't be anything good. Shane hadn't flirted with him or really talked to him since he had ended things after the dance marathon. She barely even looked at him in class. He didn't think she was trying to get back together.

"I'd really rather discuss it in private. Just five minutes, Jess. Please."

"Jess, you should go talk to Shane. I'm serious. Don't be rude."

"Jeez Luke, just stay out of-"

"Jess!" Both kids startled at Luke's raised voice, but it had the desired effect of stopping Jess' arguing. Conversation stopped at the table for two as the diners stared at Luke in surprise. The woman whispered something to the man, and he put cash on the table with their bill before they quickly exited the diner.

"Fine, jeez!" Jess snapped, feeling ganged up on and cornered, and more than a little embarrassed. He needed air. "Let's go talk outside."

"Just a minute, let me get you a to-go cup for your tea, Shane. It's cold out there." Jess sighed as Luke transferred the hot water and tea bag into a cardboard to-go cup with a plastic lid and handed it back to Shane, who was pulling out her wallet. "Here you go. No charge, it's on the house."

Shane gave him a small smile as she took the cup and got up to follow Jess outside. "Thanks."

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"I'm pregnant." Jess felt his mind implode at her words. His stomach dropped like he was on a roller coaster. He suddenly felt like he wasn't getting enough air. Like there wasn't enough air in Stars Hollow. Time seemed to stop as his vision tunneled down to the swan he had been watching as it made its way across the lake from where he and Shane sat on the edge of Larson's dock. He knew he needed to respond. To look at her. He tried to take a deep breath, to get some oxygen flowing to his brain again.

"How?" He looked at Shane then, in time to see her annoyed look and realize the idiocy of his question. "Sorry, I don't mean how. I mean, uh…...I don't know…...Are you sure?"

She spoke to him slowly. "Yes, Jess, I'm sure. I wouldn't have come to you otherwise. I took a few home tests and then my mom took me to the doctor for an official test last week."

"And, uh, are you sure it's mine?"

Her expression told him she had been expecting this question, even if it hurt her to hear it. "Yes, I'm sure. I've only gone all the way with two guys in my life, Jess. The first was over a year ago. You were number two."

Jess took this in. "And no one since me?"

Shane sighed. "No, Jess. No one since you. I've been taking a break from guys. I'm not the one who started dated someone new five minutes after we broke up." "And, anyway, the doctor says I'm about three and a half months along, meaning it happened in late October, when we were still together. I think it was that time we didn't use a condom and you pulled out." "Guess you weren't as quick on the draw as you thought you were."

Jess sat in silence, processing. He remembered that night. The only time in his life he had ever had sex without a condom. He had run into Rory for the first time in months that day. She was soaking wet and looking for someone to help her turn off the water in her neighbor's yard. He had rushed to the rescue and they had stood there, both dripping wet and out of breath, unable to look away from each other. Somehow their shared wetness lent the moment more gravitas in Jess' mind. He had wanted nothing more than to pull her toward him, to lose himself in her. That moment felt like what they had been meant to have from the first time he had met her. He was sure it was the start of them, together. Then Rory had received a page from Dean. He was on his way over to help. Jess had turned the water back on, and walked away, feeling vulnerable and foolish, the whole encounter feeling like a reminder of the life he wasn't good enough to have. Later that night, when he had been in Shane's bedroom, her mother at work, her little sister watching television downstairs, he had been overcome with the need to fuck Rory out of his system. To get Rory and Dean out of his head, and to reassure himself that he could be wanted. That he was good enough. Neither of them had a condom, which usually would have stopped them, but he had been so hell bent on validating himself and soothing his hurt feelings that he had used all his charm to talk Shane into doing it anyway. Promising he would pull out in time. Lying to assure her that he had done it this way with other girls before and never had a problem. The only thing that had mattered was what he wanted. The only people he had cared about were himself and the vision of Rory haunting his thoughts. He felt flooded with shame and guilt at the recollection. And, now he was finally in a relationship with Rory. Things were actually going well between them and he had managed to go over two months without messing it up. But apparently it still wasn't his to have. His stupid selfishness one night three months ago was going to cost him everything. And what hurt the worst was that this time there was no way to blame Dean or anyone else if he lost Rory. He would be his fault alone.

"I'm so sorry, Shane. Seriously. I never should have made you do it without a condom. God, I'm such an idiot!"

Shane sighed. "It was my fault, too, Jess. It's not like you forced me. I knew it was stupid at the time. You wanted it so bad, and I wanted to make you happy. I shouldn't have agreed."

Jess looked at her then. He could feel his blood pulsing through his veins and pounding in his head. But, mostly he felt shock. "How can you be so calm?"

Shane laughed softly. "I'm really not calm. I'm freaking out every second of the day. I'm scared all the time. I'm so scared, Jess! Of everything. Of being a mom so young, and not knowing what I'm doing and messing this kid up. Of what people are going to think. Of how much harder this is going to make everything…I've just had a few more weeks to get used to the idea. So, I can talk about it like I'm calm now, even though I'm not really. I stayed in bed and cried for a whole day after I took the first home test. I couldn't deal with it. I still cry about it almost every night in bed. And sometimes during the day when someone brings up going to college after we graduate, or traveling, or moving out of Stars Hollow, or going out on a date with a new guy, or anything else that I'm going to miss out on because I'll be home changing diapers. And I freak out about what I'm going to do with my life, and how I'm going to support myself and raise this whole other little person." Shane's eyes were damp and she reached up to wipe away the lone tear that had slipped out.

Jess reached out a hand tentatively and rubbed Shane's arm through her jacket. He wasn't sure how to be comforting or what she would welcome from him in this situation. He knew he hadn't treated her very well when they had dated, and he wouldn't be surprised if she hated him for it. "How come you waited so long to tell me?"

Shane shrugged. "I was kind of in denial for the first couple of months. I missed my period, which should have made it pretty clear, I guess, but I just didn't let myself think about what that meant. I probably would have gone on like that until I started showing and couldn't hide from it anymore, except my mom noticed that I hadn't opened the box of tampons in the bathroom that she had bought me back in November. When she asked me what was going on, I just started crying and couldn't stop. I think I knew deep down the whole time. I could feel it. I just couldn't deal with it."

"How did your mom take it?" Jess' mind went back to Luke being so adamant that he talk to Shane. "Wait, did you tell Luke?"

"No, but I think he suspected. I wouldn't take a soda, and I asked for herbal tea instead, and I put my hand on my stomach without realizing what I was doing. He looked really freaked out so I think he put it together, but you walked in before he could say anything."

"Oh." On one hand, Jess was relieved that Luke would already have had some time to process this before he got back home. But, on the other, he knew he was dead. "He's going to kill me."

"I don't know your uncle, but I can tell you my mom has been awesome. She took it so much better than I expected her to. She's been really big on focusing on what we need to do and moving forward. Getting me prenatal vitamins and setting up my doctor's appointments and getting me pregnancy books. She really hasn't blamed me or acted disappointed in me, like I thought she would. Maybe Luke will surprise you, too, if you give him a chance." Shane started to smile a little. "I would recommend you cry a lot, though. My mom was definitely mad at first, but I think seeing me cry my eyes out over it was what made her switch from pissed-mom mode to comforting mode."

Jess nodded, a small smile forming on his lips. "Turn on the waterworks and throw myself at his mercy. Got it. Thanks for the advice."

"No problem. Anyway, I should get going. But, I want you to know something, Jess. I'm not expecting anything from you. I know you've moved on and you're dating someone. I don't want anything like that from you. I just wanted you to know about the baby. And that I think it would be really great if its dad wanted to be its dad, you know. I would love it if this baby got to have both its parents in its life. But, that's really up to you. I know I'm springing this on you, so why don't you take some time to think and maybe we can meet up again in a few weeks."

Jess nodded, and mirrored Shane's movements, rising to his feet. "Uh, can I ask you one more thing? And, you can feel free to slap me if this is totally offensive-"

"Jess, stop. I'm not getting an abortion. I don't even want to talk about it. I never considered myself a serious Catholic, but I did go to Catholic grammar school before I ended up at Stars Hollow High and I guess more of if sunk in than I thought, because I won't even consider abortion. It's not the right choice for me."

Jess saw the last hope he had been subconsciously clutching at slipping away. He couldn't think of how to respond, but he felt like he should say something. "I, uh, didn't know you were Catholic."

Shane gave him a strange look. "Seriously? My last name is usually a giveaway for most people."

"Oh, yeah, of course." Jess tried not to look as uncomfortable as he felt. "I just, uh…never thought about the connection, I guess."

Shane rolled her eyes. "It's McMurphy, Jess. That's my last name."

Jess nodded wordlessly, trying not to do any more damage than he already had. Shane didn't look angry, only sad, as she turned and walked away. Jess watched her go, feeling like more of an asshole than he had in a while. Then he sat back down to think. He wasn't ready to face Luke yet.


	2. Chapter 2 - The Aftermath

**Chapter 2 Notes:** Luke does his best to help Jess deal with the news he received in Chapter 1 and Jess goes to Friday Night Dinner. There's not much Kirk in this chapter, but he will have a lot more to do in Chapter 3. Thank you to everyone who read chapter 1 and took the time to review my little story. Your generosity is greatly appreciated. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are most welcome.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess sat at Larson's dock until it got dark. It was still only a little after five o'clock. Though the winter was a mild one so far, the temperature had dropped along with the setting sun, and the cold was now enough to cause physical discomfort, especially to a body sitting as still with shock as Jess'. He knew he would be shivering soon if he stayed out any longer. He could still make it back to the diner in time to help with the dinner shift if he left now, but he somehow couldn't make himself move to stand up. He had always found the shortness of winter days depressing, but he couldn't remember a time when he had felt as bleak as he did at that moment. No matter how long he sat there and dwelled on it, he couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that his life was destined to be over before it had really even started. He would be saddled with a baby before he turned nineteen. The ink wouldn't even have dried on his high school diploma before he was locked into his future. And that future was going to be sleepless nights, dirty diapers, spit-up baby food, and working as many shifts as possible at dead end minimum wage jobs to pay for those diapers and that food. What surprised him the most about the situation was the lack of anger he felt. He couldn't remember a time when anger hadn't been his most reliable companion in coping with the upsets life had handed him. He felt like he should be angrier at himself for pressuring Shane to hook up without a condom. He should be hating her for being stupid enough to listen to him. He should be cursing life for how unfair everything was. But, he didn't feel any of that. All he felt was the overwhelming desire to lay down on the cold dock until he became comfortably numb. And to keep laying there until everything else faded away and he no longer had to deal with the mess he had made of his life. To have everything stop for good. He recognized that he was in shock, but it felt like the whole situation was happening to someone else, and he was just a casual spectator. He knew he needed to snap himself out of it and get home, but moving his body felt like too much effort. Jess heard a soft paddling noise coming from the water to his left, and was jarred from his thoughts by a sudden splash and a fluttering of white rushing toward him.

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It was almost one o'clock in the morning when Luke finally heard the apartment door open. He switched the television off and was on his feet moving toward his nephew in an instant. He briefly thought about how hard it used to be for him to stay awake past ten o'clock or to watch anything on television other than the Red Sox without drifting off to sleep in his armchair. But that was before Jess. It was amazing how alert it kept him knowing that his teenage nephew wasn't home in bed where he belonged. Especially tonight, when he figured the boy was dealing with some very rough news.

"Jess, are you ok?" Luke made a point of keeping his voice steady and calm despite all the panic he was feeling. He had been teeming with nervous energy from the moment Jess and Shane had left the diner together. He needed to know what was going on. Luke noticed the unnatural way the boy was positioning his head, his face angled slightly down and to the side, as he quietly responded. "Yeah, I'm ok, Luke. I'm sorry if I worried you. And I'm sorry for missing my shift."

"It's all right, Jess. I don't care about your shift. It's not the first time I've had to get through a dinner rush understaffed. I'm just glad you're all right."

Jess just nodded. Luke wanted to let his nephew bring up the subject of his talk with Shane. He wasn't technically supposed to know anything yet and he wanted Jess to tell him on his own as opposed to having to drag it out of the boy with questions. He wanted to know that Jess trusted him enough to want to tell him something like this. "So…" he prompted. "You hungry? I could make you some eggs or something."

"No, thanks. I think I'm just going to go to bed if that's all right." Jess paused, knowing he needed to acknowledge the situation in some way, considering how much Luke already knew. "We can talk tomorrow, though, ok? I'm just really beat right now."

"Ok, Jess. You go get ready for bed." Luke was disappointed, but he didn't want to push. That's what you were supposed to do in these situations, right? Let the kid come to you. And the boy did look exhausted. Luke got a brief glimpse of the dark shadows under the kid's eyes as Jess turned to head toward his bedroom. On second glance, it appeared to be one very large, dark shadow under his left eye only. "Jess, wait." Luke reached out a hand to grab the boy's upper arm as he walked by. "Let me see your face." He steered the boy back around until they faced each other. Jess was more docile than usual as he stood in front of his uncle, complying as the man put a hand under his chin and gently guided his face up and to the right to get a better look at his black eye. "What happened, Jess?" Luke asked softly. "Did you get in a fight?"

Jess made a small side to side gesture with his head, constrained by Luke's hand still holding him in place by his chin. Luke noticed and released Jess' face. "Then what happened? How did you get hurt?" When Jess didn't answer, Luke continued. "I need you to talk to me."

Jess could feel moisture gathering in his eyes, and blinked it away. He hadn't been sure how pissed Luke would be or what kind of reaction he would be coming home to. He knew Luke couldn't possibly be happy with him right now, but the only things he felt coming from his uncle were concern and compassion.

"Oh, God, Jess, did Shane do this!" Jess huffed out a soft laugh, both at the idea of Shane clocking him one and at how horrified Luke looked at the prospect.

"No, Luke, Shane didn't hit me. Though I wouldn't blame her if she had."

"Why do you say that, Jess? What do you think you did that's so terrible?"

Jess looked at Luke, unconvinced. "C'mon, Luke, I know you know. Shane told me you got all freaked out when she was in here and touched her stomach or something."

"Yeah, well, I didn't know for sure, but I suspected. How are you doing with the news?"

Jess shrugged and turned away from his uncle, walking slowly over to his area of the apartment and sitting down on the edge of his bed. Luke followed a few steps behind him and leaned on the wall at the entrance to his nephew's room, taking in the sight of the sad boy in front of him. He didn't want to let Jess go to bed without talking about this at all, but he didn't want to pressure the kid either. Part of him wanted to ask Jess how he could have let this happen, and just what in the hell he had been thinking having sex with a girl he didn't care about to begin with. But, he knew there was no point. He already knew the answers. The backseat of a car. Or an empty house. A broken condom. Or a bad choice. Teenage hormones. Or desperately needing to feel a connection. The 'where's and 'how's and 'why's were too universal to matter. Luke sighed.

"I'm sorry, Luke. I know I wrecked everything. I know you're pissed…" Jess looked up at Luke. "She's keeping it. We're keeping it, I guess. I'm going to be someone's father. I feel sorry for this kid already…" Jess felt himself getting choked up at his next thought. "Rory's going to leave me-" He cut off his sentence as his voice cracked. He rested his elbows on his knees and lowered his head into his hands. He couldn't breathe. He felt light headed. He watched a tear land on the leg of his jeans before he even realized he was crying. He felt the bed dip next to him, and Luke's arm wrap around the back of his shoulders. He leaned into the embrace, hiding his face against Luke's shoulder, and letting himself be held as he cried out his grief and frustration over losing the life he had been expecting to have. And he hadn't been expecting much. Just to not be tied down with a kid at eighteen from a girl he barely knew. Was that too much to ask for? And Rory. Always, Rory. Knowing that this was going to cost him Rory was what hurt the most. He felt Luke's other hand on the back of his head, gently smoothing through his hair and holding him steady while he sobbed.

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Jess woke up cold. He had taken off his jacket at some point during the night, but had never gotten under his blankets. His body sought heat and he instinctively nuzzled into the warmth he felt at his back. He turned his head into the heat and realized with an embarrassing start that he was trying to snuggle into the side of Luke's sweat pant covered leg. Jess pulled away from his uncle, who was sitting with his back against the wall at the head of the bed, slumped slightly to one side, still asleep. Jess couldn't remember falling asleep last night, much less that his uncle had passed out in his bed with him. Jess had been a mess. He remembered crying for what seemed like forever. He remembered ending up lying on his bed, curled up on his side. And Luke sitting with him, rubbing his back and making soft shushing noises like someone trying to soothe a baby. And reassuring Jess that he was ok. That everything was going to be ok. That Luke would be here for him and they would figure this out together. That this didn't mean his life was over. Not by a long shot. That this would be something good. Luke was sure of it. That Jess could handle this. That he was stronger and more capable than he thought he was, and Luke knew he would be a great dad. That this baby was going to end up being the most important thing in the world to Jess. That from the minute this baby was born, Jess would feel so much love for his son or daughter that he wouldn't be able to imagine his life without his child in it. The same way Luke could no longer imagine his life without Jess.

Jess took in the sunlight coming in from the window and the sound of birds chirping outside. He didn't have an alarm clock by his bed since Luke always woke him up, but he could tell it was late. For school and for opening the diner. He was tempted to sneak out before Luke woke up. To skip school and just take some space for himself. But, he knew skipping out on his sleeping uncle would be a sorry way to say thanks for all the comfort Luke had given him the night before.

He reached out a hand to Luke's shoulder and gently shook the man. "Luke, Luke, get up. It's late."

"Huh…...oh." Luke opened his eyes and looked around, disoriented by his surroundings. "Hey, Jess, what time is it? I slept in your bed?"

Jess nodded. "I don't know what time it is, but I think we're both pretty late. How bout we just bail on today and go back to bed? Separate beds this time, just to clarify."

Luke laughed and started to move from his position against the wall, pausing when his stiff back screamed at him to stop. "Oh, ow! Yep, definitely too old to sleep in that position." Luke made it to his feet and twisted his upper body gently from side to side trying to work the kinks out of his back.

"So, what do you say, Luke?"

Jess followed his uncle into the kitchen and took the bottle of water that Luke handed him. "I say drink this. You must be dehydrated from last night." Jess unscrewed the bottlecap and took a long drink, glad to have something to do to distract from his embarrassment over the mention of the breakdown he had had the previous night.

Luke looked at his nephew. The boy's eyes were still a little puffy from all the crying he had done the night before, but he looked to be in much better spirits. The bruise around his eye was still bothering Luke though. He hadn't pushed for answers once Jess had started crying, so he still had no idea how the kid got it.

"Well?" Jess persisted.

"You want to stay home from school, do you?"

"Why, I would love to, Luke, thanks for asking!"

"How about this? You tell me how you got that black eye and I'll call you in sick. Sound fair, tough guy?"

Jess sighed. "I didn't get into a fight. Can we please just leave it at that?"

"No can do, Jess. You're my responsibility, and you've got a huge bruise on your face right now. I can't just leave it. Sorry."

"Oh, shit, I have that stupid dinner with Rory's grandmother tonight! My eye is going to make a great first impression. She's going to think her granddaughter is dating a delinquent. Jeez, I didn't want to go to this thing to begin with!"

"Jess." Luke tried to refocus the boy. "You tell me what happened to your face right now, or I will take you by the hand and walk you over to school myself."

"Fine, relax! It's stupid, really. I took Shane to Larson's dock to talk, and after she left I stayed to think. I was just sitting on the dock minding my own business when this psychotic swan came out of nowhere and beaked me in the eye!"

Luke laughed before he could stop himself. "A swan? At Larson's dock? In February? 'Beaked' you?" Luke was trying, without much success, to hold in his amusement.

Jess scowled. "That's what I said, isn't it? What part of this is such a knee-slapper exactly?"

"Gee, I don't know nephew. The part where you got attacked by waterfowl. Or maybe when you used the word 'beaked' as a verb. There's so much room for comedy here. Take your pick."

"It's not funny! I could have lost an eye! Or gotten some kind of deadly bird flu! And, I was already having the worst day…"

Luke grew serious at that. "I know you were, Jess. And, I don't mean to laugh. Are you ok? Does it still hurt?"

"I'm fine. It's not as painful as it looks."

"Did you get it cleaned up after it happened?"

"Yeah, after it happened, I went over to the Black, White and Red theater and used the bathroom there to wash my face and clean the mark where it hit me. Then I sat through like three movies in a row, until the theater closed. Sorry for staying out so late and everything…I know you were probably worried. I just…I wasn't sure how you were going to take everything, and I didn't feel ready to face you." Jess paused. "So, how come you're not mad anyway? I was expecting yelling, maybe beating, possibly killing."

Luke smiled. "Wow, after all this time, you still have such a high opinion of my parenting skills. You flatter me."

"Ok, probably not the killing, and maaaybe not the beating, but I was definitely expecting yelling. Lots of yelling. About how stupid I am. How I completely fucked up my life. You know, things of that nature."

"I don't think you're stupid. I don't think you have completely fucked up your life. And, even if I did think those things were true, yelling wouldn't have changed anything anyway."

Jess was looking thoughtfully at his uncle. "Wow, you've finally realized that yelling doesn't actually solve problems. You're really stepping up your parenting game, huh?"

Luke laughed. "I'm not exactly happy about the situation. It's not the path I would have ever chosen for you if it had been up to me…...But, getting angry doesn't serve a purpose in a situation like this. And last night, I saw a kid who needed a hug more than anything else. Definitely more than he needed beating or killing."

Jess let out a soft laugh.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just thinking about something. Shane said her mom was pretty pissed until she had a meltdown and cried her ass off, then her mom started comforting her. I guess she was on to something."

"Hmm…...I guess she was. All right, a deal's a deal. I'll call you in sick and then I'm going to get dressed and go downstairs to help Caesar. Stay out of trouble. If you leave this apartment, you come tell me first, got it? I don't want a repeat of yesterday and not knowing where you were all day."

"I got it. And thanks, Luke, seriously."

Luke nodded. "I'm here for you, Jess." He patted the boy on the shoulder and walked to his area of the apartment to start getting ready for work.

Jess headed back to bed, feeling grateful for how understanding his uncle was being about everything. He had a feeling that breaking the news to the only other person whose reaction he really cared about wouldn't go as well.

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Dinner had been tense from the start. Jess had arrived almost half an hour late, due to the traffic buildup from an accident that had left a tractor trailer blocking two lanes of the highway. He had apologized for his tardiness and tried his best to be sociable and make a good impression on Rory's grandmother. He might have pulled it off, too, if Rory had let up about his eye. She had started in on him about getting in a fight with Dean as soon as he walked in and she wouldn't let up even when he asked her if they could discuss it later, when they were alone. He had been ready for his eye to be an issue, but not for the level of anger it had brought out in Rory. Or the unrelenting questions. He was already stressed about the pregnancy, and tense and self-conscious about this dinner. He had never met a girlfriend's family like this before. He had run into Shane's mom a couple of times at their house, but never in a situation as formal as this. He would rather have spent his Friday night anywhere else. He would have refused to come if he thought he could get away with it without looking like a jerk to Rory. He expected to feel uncomfortable in the Gilmores' home and to feel judged by Mrs. Gilmore, herself, but he hadn't been expecting this level of aggression or accusation from Rory. She had made him come to this stupid dinner. The least she could do was be on his side while he was there. His frustration level had been rising since he had walked in the door. He recognized that he wasn't exactly putting his best foot forward with her grandmother when she tried to make small talk with him about his job at Walmart, but he felt unable to stop himself. He was uncomfortable and embarrassed and turned to his usual snark and sarcasm as a coping mechanism. He couldn't wait for this night to be over.

Jess' frustration turned into real anger when Rory asked her grandmother if they could be excused for a moment. Instead Mrs. Gilmore had excused herself with the explanation of going to check on something in the kitchen, as though it were a normal event for her to leave the table during the salad course to give one of her guests the privacy to yell at the other. Jess found himself in awe of her composure. She never hit a wrong note as a hostess, or made him feel unwelcome at any point, even though he was sure that deep down she didn't understand why her granddaughter was with him. He briefly wondered what it would be like to have grown up in a family like this, and how much easier life would be to navigate if he had learned social skills like hers.

As soon as Mrs. Gilmore left the room, Jess turned to Rory, keeping his voice low since he had no idea how sound would travel in a house like this. "What is your problem? Why can't you just let this go? Do we really need to talk about this here with your grandmother in the next room?"

"We wouldn't still be talking about this at all if you had just told me what happened the first time I asked you about your eye?"

Jess tried to rein in his anger. "I told you that I didn't want to talk about it here. Why couldn't that be enough for you to let it go for a couple of hours?"

"I don't know why you're trying to hide it. If you picked a fight with Dean, I'm going to find out about it anyway."

"Oh, you are, are you? What does that mean? You'll read about it on one of Miss Patty's flyers? Maybe if it's a slow news day, they'll be an article in the Stars Hollow Gazette about it? Oh, wait, I know! You're going to run right to Dean to ask him, right? Because you believe everything good ol' Dean says. A standup guy like Dean would never lie or do anything wrong." He knew he needed to tone down the sarcasm. He usually reserved this level of attitude for people he didn't give a shit about or for Luke, who he knew would put up with him letting off steam and still care about him anyway. It wasn't for people that he cared about, but could potentially drive away.

"At least I can trust Dean to tell me the truth!"

"Yeah, he's a real prince! And, why are you only jumping to conclusions where I'm the bad guy? If there was a fight, why are you assuming it was my fault? How do you know Dean didn't attack me and I had to defend myself?"

"Dean wouldn't do that. He's not someone who gets in fights, except with you. And you were already pissed that I sat with him at Miss Patty's."

"I didn't get in a fight with Dean. There was no fight. Are you happy now? Can we please drop this?" Jess knew at this point, he should tell Rory about the swan. He had wanted to avoid the explanation out of embarrassment at first, but now he was feeling defensive about not being trusted and didn't want to give her the satisfaction.

"Why won't you just admit it? Why are you being so stubborn?"

"Why don't you just trust me?"

"Trust you? Are you kidding me, Jess? You got mad at me for talking to Dean at Miss Patty's rehearsal, which was a town event that I got pulled into, in a public venue. You make a point of asking me to tell you when things like that happen so that you don't have to read about it on a flyer, and then last night, Lane tells me she saw you and Shane sitting at Larson's dock together. You are such a lying hypocrite!"

Jess felt his heartbeat speed up. He started to sweat. This was the last conversation he had expected to have tonight, at Rory's grandmother's house of all places.

"What's the matter? Nothing to say, Jess?"

"It wasn't like that, Rory. Shane just wanted to talk to me."

"Oh, really? Ok, then. Why didn't you just say so? That seems totally believable since you two spent so much time 'talking' back when you were dating. I remember seeing you guys 'talking' all over town. I feel so much better about the whole thing now that you've explained it!" Jess hated being on the receiving end of this level of hostility and sarcasm from someone he cared about as much as he did Rory. It instantly made him sorry for all the times he had spoken to Luke the same way he was being treated now.

"Rory-"

"No, tell me, Jess. What stimulating topic were you and Shane discussing? Politics? The economy? World events? What's her take on recent events in the Middle East?" When Jess didn't respond, she continued angrily. "No, none of those topics came up? Maybe you were discussing literature then? What is Shane reading these days? Is she still working through the Dr. Suess collection, or has she moved on to Encyclopedia Brown?"

"Don't do that, Rory." Jess wasn't sure if he was pissed that Rory felt the need to put Shane down in general when the girl hadn't done anything to her, or if the Dr. Suess comment had hit too close to home, knowing that reading Dr. Suess was exactly what he and Shane both had to look forward to in a few months.

"Do what, Jess? I just want to know what you were talking about with your ex-girlfriend? The same way you wanted to know what I was doing with Dean. I'm sorry, does that not seem fair to you?"

"It's different, Rory. Shane and I weren't serious. We never loved each other. I wasn't even that into her. And she's not trying to get back together with me."

"Oh, no? So, you two just happened to run into each other in a nice, secluded spot like Larson's dock to talk about, what was it again? Oh, wait, you never actually said!"

"Apparently, it's not that secluded if Lane saw us, is it? We didn't run into each other. She came by the diner because she needed to talk to me in private so I took her there. To talk."

"Just talk, huh? Lane said she saw you touching her. You had your hand on her shoulder."

"Jesus Christ, what did Lane do, stand there spying on me!"

"I find it interesting that you still haven't told me what you were talking about."

"It was private, Rory."

"So, you can have secret, private meetings with your ex, and I'm supposed to be ok with that, but you grill me for ten minutes and give me a guilt trip about what I'm doing with Dean when you hear that we sat next to each other at a show at Miss Patty's?"

"I'm not sure if Shane wants me to tell anyone-"

"And, you don't want to upset Shane, do you? Wow, it's really impressive how considerate you are of the feelings of a girl you claim to have never been that into."

"I know it looks bad, but I just don't-"

"Why are we even together if you don't trust me enough-"

Jess felt cold fear at where this conversation was headed. He couldn't lose Rory. Before he even realized what he was doing, he blurted out the truth to make her stop. "She's pregnant!"

Rory stared at him, stunned.

"Who's pregnant?" Mrs. Gilmore had walked back into the dining room, a smile on her face and a carafe of water in her hands. Her genial hostess demeanor still intact, the question sounded more like, 'who wants dessert' than an accusation. Jess was surprised she hadn't turned on him then, but he supposed that hearing the pronoun 'she' relieved her of worry that Rory was the expectant mom in question. And the woman was probably delighted that Jess fathering a child with another girl would prompt her granddaughter to dump this clearly unsuitable boyfriend.

Rory kept her eyes on Jess, still in shock, as she answered her grandmother, who was making her way around the table, refilling water glasses that had barely been touched. She spoke slowly as though still processing the situation. "Jess' ex-girlfriend is pregnant, Grandma." "Is it yours, Jess?"

Jess nodded. "That's what she tells me." He hadn't meant for that to come across as flippant as it did, or to imply he didn't trust Shane. "Yeah, it's mine."

"Oh dear, that is startling news, isn't it?" Mrs. Gilmore had returned to her seat at the head of the table, still taking everything in stride, but with a subtly gleeful look on her face that told Jess she was already looking forward to the demise of her granddaughter's relationship with him. He could see her counting down the minutes until he was out of her home and Rory's life for good. When he realized she had overheard their conversation, he had expected to be thrown out. Were they really all expected to sit through this interminable evening and make small talk about Shane's pregnancy while a woman he just met weighed in on the biggest event of his life? He wanted to get out of there, before things got even more uncomfortable, just get in his car and drive, but he didn't want to risk pissing Rory off even more. He didn't know what to do. He wished Luke was at this dinner, too. It would have felt good to have one person there who was always on his side.

"And, is she keeping it?" Rory asked, voice flat.

"Yeah, she's keeping it. And, that's what we were talking about. That's it, Rory, I promise. That's all."

"That's all?" Rory repeated, hurt evident on her face. "Ok, then." She averted her eyes from Jess, staring hard at the plate in front of her.

"So, how is everyone taking the news?" Mrs. Gilmore asked, her tone interested, but still conversational. "The girl's parents? Your uncle…Luke, isn't it? A pregnant teenager can be such a source of stress on the whole family. I speak from personal experience on this." She speared a bite of her salad and watched Jess as she chewed, patiently waiting for a response. Rory still was staring at her untouched salad, avoiding looking at anyone.

The whole situation felt surreal to Jess. Like he would wake up any minute and realize this whole night had just been a crazy, fever dream. "Uh, Shane said her mom has been really great. And, Luke, my uh, my uncle, has been cool about it."

"He's been 'cool about it'?" What does that mean? Does he actually think it's a good idea for an eighteen-year old with a job at Walmart to father a child?" Jess marveled at how the woman's tone continued to stay sociable and above reproach while she insulted him to his face.

"Uh, no. I wouldn't say he thinks it's a good idea, exactly." Jess kept glancing at Rory to see if she was going to save him from her grandmother, but she wouldn't look up or meet his eye. "He's not happy about it, but he's been supportive. He hasn't kicked me out or anything yet." Jess laughed nervously as he touched on what had been his biggest fear prior to talking to Luke.

"Well, that's a relief." A pleased smile played on her lips as she spoke. "For a moment, I was concerned this story was going to lead back to the bruise on your face."

Rory looked at her grandmother then, brow furrowed slightly. Jess had resolved to put up with whatever he needed to this evening to not worsen the situation, despite his instinct to want to retreat to somewhere private to recover from what had already transpired. But, he wasn't going to let anyone talk shit about Luke, not even Rory's grandmother. "Luke didn't hit me, if that's what you're getting at." He was aware that, unlike Mrs. Gilmore, he wasn't very good at keeping the attitude out of his own voice. "He isn't like that."

"Luke would never do that, Grandma." Jess knew it was stupid, but he couldn't help but feel a little resentful that Rory was speaking up for Luke when she hadn't said anything in his defense.

Mrs. Gilmore was unfazed. "I don't know this Luke. But, I do know it's very possible for otherwise composed men to lose their tempers when they've received such upsetting and disappointing news." Jess knew the extra emphasis she placed on 'disappointing,' was for his benefit, in the off chance he had yet to realize what a huge disappointment he was. "I can still hear Straub threatening Christopher with grievous bodily harm when we learned about our daughter's pregnancy."

"Well, then I guess I'm lucky that Luke's a better man than Christopher's father is, because he's been really great. He's always really great."

"That's just lovely. And I would assume it's much easier to remain calm in a situation like this when the teenager in question isn't your own child. And you're not watching the situation happen to someone that you love and have watched grow up and for whom you have high expectations." The woman took another forkful of salad and smiled appreciatively after swallowing the bite. "Olivia outdid herself on the salads this evening, don't you think? This goat cheese is just divine with the raspberry vinaigrette."

Jess couldn't deal with anymore. "I'm out of here." He jerked his chair back and stood up, looking at Rory. "Are you coming?"

Rory looked uncomfortably between her boyfriend and her grandmother, before responding. "I think I'm going to stay here tonight. I'll come find you tomorrow and-"

"Fine. Have a great night then!" Jess stormed out of the dining room and headed to the front door, stopping only to realize that the maid had taken his jacket off his chair when he had sat down to dinner and he had no idea how to reclaim it. Before he had time to consider just cutting his losses and leaving without it, the maid appeared as if on cue by the front door, proffering the garment. He took it with a quick thank you and wondered if the maid could tell how early to have the jacket ready by the look of the guest. A scowling teenage boy with a shiner, oh he won't last long, have the jacket ready by the door in half hour tops. He felt some relief just stepping out of that house, and heading to his car, but his desire to get back to Stars Hollow surprised him. When he was enduring the dinner, he had fantasized about getting in his car and driving as far as he could on the gas in his tank, just getting away from everything and everyone. But, now that he was free, the only thing he wanted to do was get back to Stars Hollow, help Luke close up the diner, get himself a sandwich since he hadn't had dinner, and maybe spend the rest of the evening hanging around with Luke, talking or watching television. Definitely a surreal night all around.

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The next night, Luke was closing up the diner by himself. It had been slow for a Saturday so he had let Caesar go home early. And Jess was still out with Rory. Luke hoped that was going well. The kid had been so anxious about seeing her today after the dinner debacle last night.

Luke carried two trash bags over to the dumpster behind Doose's Market since the diner's trash cans were already full. Jess was right about him needing to get more trash cans, this was annoying. He hefted the bags into the dumpster and as he turned around to head home, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye in the gazebo. It was unusual to say the least for anyone to be lingering in the town square on a night as cold as this one, but it looked like someone was lying on one of the benches. Someone with a death wish in this weather. Luke instinctively knew it was Jess. The date must not have gone well. Maybe Rory had even ended things. The boy had probably needed some time to himself to decompress before coming home. Luke's heart went out to his nephew. That kid had been smitten with Rory from the first time he'd met her and for him to lose her like this, after finally getting together after all this time, just seemed so unfair. No matter how sad Jess was, Luke couldn't let him stay outside in this weather. He'd get sick. Luke sighed as he made his way through the square to retrieve his boy.

Luke approached the gazebo tentatively, not wanting to startle its occupant. It was dark and he wasn't able to see the boy clearly until he had actually stepped inside the gazebo. He took in the backpack and the large brown paper Doose's shopping bag sitting on the floor, the Care Bear sleeping bag spread along the bench, and its resident's face sticking out from the top, barely visible under a knit cap pulled down as far as it would go. For the second time this month, Luke was completely shocked. "Kirk?"


	3. Chapter 3 - Kirk Finds a Place to Stay

**Chapter 3 Notes:** A bit more Kirk in this chapter as Luke offers him a hand. Thank you to everyone who read the first two chapters and took the time to leave me a review. Your feedback is always helpful and keeps me inspired and writing. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are warmly welcomed.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Luke watched as the boy lifted his head, twisting from side to side trying to find the person who had said his name, "Luke, is that you? Where are you?"

"Kirk, push the hat off your eyes."

"Oh!" Kirk brought a hand out from the warmth of his sleeping back and pushed the front of his knit hat up onto his forehead. "That's much better, thanks. What are you doing out here, Luke?"

"Funny, I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I'm sleeping. Or I will be shortly, I hope."

"Kirk, you can't sleep out here! It's February in New England. It's freezing out here and it's only going to get colder overnight!"

"I don't have anywhere else to sleep. My father sold our house. 'Our' meaning my mom and me, not me and my father. He never lived there. But, I guess it was never really our house since he owned it. It was really his house the whole time."

"Someone closed on your house in less than a month? Are you serious?"

"I'm afraid so, Luke. My father sold it to another partner at his law firm who wanted it for his in-laws who were moving to the area. He stipulated that I needed to be out by this past Wednesday."

"Kirk, have you been sleeping outside for three days?" Luke was floored that Kirk hadn't asked for help or stayed with someone he knew, but as he thought about it, he couldn't think of who Kirk could ask. He didn't really have any close friends. Or any real friends at all, that Luke was aware of.

Kirk shook his head. "I worked the closing shift at the Black, White, and Red theater the last few nights. I slept on the couch there after I closed up. I worked the matinee shift today though." Kirk started to look nervous. "But, please don't tell Mel. I get the distinct impression that he would not approve of his staff spending the night in his business establishment. He doesn't even like us to go number two in the theater bathroom. And I really need that job, Luke."

"He won't hear it from me." Luke thought for a minute, knowing what he was about to do was the right thing, but still hesitant. "Kirk, get up. Grab your stuff. You can't stay out here all night. You're going to come stay at my place."

"Really, Luke? Are you sure?" Luke picked up the subtle hope in Kirk's voice. "I don't want to put you out."

"I'm sure, Kirk. We can figure things out tomorrow, but I'm not leaving you outside in this weather. It's not safe. You'll get frostbite overnight. Or pneumonia. Or worse." When Luke started to pick up the brown paper bag, the contents shifted like he was carrying a bucket of sand. "What the…..." Luke set the bag back down and peered in to see small particles of something that he couldn't make out in the dark. "What is this, Kirk?"

"That's Cat Kirk's travelling litter box."

"Cat what? You have a cat…"Luke trailed off as he looked back at Kirk to see the boy sitting up on the bench, trying to pull his sleeping bag off his feet with one hand, while he held a small light colored cat to his chest with the other. The cat's eyes glowed in the dark. "Oh, uh…I didn't realize you had a cat…"

"Luke meet Cat Kirk. Cat Kirk meet Luke. He's going to let us stay at his place tonight so we don't freeze."

"Uh, Kirk, do you think Cat Kirk would mind staying outside tonight? I mean, it's got a fur coat and everything. So, it'll be warm, right? And cat's shed. And you have to walk through the diner to get to my place and there are health codes and stuff…"

Luke couldn't see Kirk's face in the dark, but the kid's voice was even flatter than usual when he spoke. "It's ok, Luke. I understand. We'll stay out here. Thanks, anyway."

"Are you sure it can't just stay outside for one night while you come inside? Then we can figure something out for tomorrow."

"Cat Kirk is a she, not an it. And, no, she can't stay outside for one night. She's not an outdoor cat. She wouldn't know how to get by on her own outside, or be able to take care of herself. She's never spent the night without me before and she'd be scared all by herself. I'm not going to turn my back on someone I promised to take care of. I'm all she has, Luke. And, she's all I have. So, thank you anyway." Luke could hear the sadness and despair in Kirk's voice, more emotion than he'd ever heard coming from Kirk. He felt like an ass. What kind of person tries to get someone who just lost their only real family to leave their pet behind?

Luke sighed and relented. "I'm sorry, Kirk. You're right. She needs you. You two are both welcome to stay at my place."

He heard a sniffle. "Really? Are you serious, Luke?"

"Yes, I'm serious."

"Thanks, Luke. You're a really good friend." Kirk went back to work extricating himself from his sleeping bag.

Luke smiled. "Now, let's go. I don't know about you two, but I'm freezing my ass off out here!"

"If you're cold, it might be because you're not prepared for the elements like I am."

Luke shouldered the boy's backpack and picked up the shopping bag slash litter box again and made his way down the steps from the gazebo. "Yeah, I can tell you did your research. That Care Bear sleeping bag you got there looks like some serious survival gear." As he watched Kirk exiting the gazebo, his cat cradled to his chest like a teddy bear, his sleeping bag bundled in his other arm, the end trailing on the ground behind him, Luke was struck by how heartbreakingly young he looked.

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Jess let himself into the dimly lit diner and startled at the sight of his uncle watching him from one of the tables with a newspaper open in front of him. "Jeez, Luke, you scared the crap out of me!"

"Sorry." Luke folded up his paper and set it off to the side. "Can you come sit down for a minute please? I want to talk to you."

"What now? It's not past my curfew."

"I know that. I didn't say it was."

"And I've had a really long day."

"Yeah? How did it go with Rory?"

"It went fine. Is my love life seriously what you waited down here to talk to me about? Because you might want to consider getting out more, and, you know, getting a life of your own."

Luke smiled. "It's not why I waited up, but I do want to hear how it went. How is she handling everything?"

Jess sighed, resigning himself to a conversation with his uncle, and took a seat at the table opposite Luke. "She's handling it ok, I guess. Today was weird, though. We were kind of off. Like, this changed everything."

"Hmm, well, I'm sure it did."

"We talked and she says she's ok with everything. But, well, it happened before we were together, right, so it's not like I cheated or anything. But, I can tell she's kind of angry anyway, but she won't really admit it and she's acting like everything's ok, but I can tell it's not…I don't know. It definitely wasn't our best date."

"Maybe she just needs time to get used to the idea. Think about how you would feel if she told you that she was pregnant with Dean's baby."

"Thank you for that horrifying mental image before bed. Are you trying to give me nightmares?"

"I'm just saying, try to see things from her perspective and give her some time to adjust."

"Wow, you go on a couple of dates this century and now you're qualified to give relationship advice, huh? May I please go upstairs now and process all this wisdom you've bestowed on me?"

"Hey, Nicole and I have been seeing each other for over three months now. That's more than a couple of dates. And, I'll have you know things are going really well so far."

"So, your love life is what you waited down here to talk to me about?"

Luke sighed. "I waited down here because I didn't want you to be surprised when you saw Kirk on the couch. He's spending the night."

"No way! You really are trying to give me nightmares. Why?"

"His dad sold his house. He's been sleeping at the theater where he works, but he couldn't stay there tonight."

"Huh, I guess that explains why he had changed into Batman pajamas by the time the last movie was over the other night."

"You saw him wearing pajamas while he was working at the theater and didn't think it was strange or ask him what was going on?"

"Oh, I definitely thought it was strange! It was an odd choice of work attire, but no, I didn't ask about it. I was a little preoccupied with my own stuff that night as you may recall. Plus, that guy is just odd. He's always doing something strange. If I stopped to question him every time I witnessed his strangeness, I would never get anything else done!"

"Keep your voice down, Jess!" Luke scolded in a whisper. "He doesn't need to hear you saying things like that right now."

"Sorry." Luke recognized Jess' knee jerk response to being scolded. The boy looked more put out than sorry.

"Anyway." Luke continued. "He didn't have anywhere to stay. I found him going to sleep in the gazebo when I took out the trash. What was I supposed to do?"

"Uh, I don't know. Put the trash in the dumpster and come home."

"Jess, don't be like that. He needed help. It's freezing out there. I had to do something."

Jess sighed. "Ugh, Luke. I'm already stressed enough with everything that's going on without having Kirk in my face at home, with all his weird questions and his…...Kirkness."

"I know this isn't a good time for you, for us, to have a guest, but I couldn't just leave him to sleep outside, Jess. Not in this weather."

"I'm not sure you know what the word 'could' means…..."

"It won't be for very long. I'll help him get set up in an apartment somewhere. He'll be gone before you know it."

"The guy's an adult. He's out of high school. He has a job. Why can't he figure this stuff out and get a place on his own?"

"I don't know, Jess. Because he's Kirk? I think his mom did a lot of stuff for him and kind of babied him, and I think he's pretty lost without her right now. He came into the diner with his dad the day of the funeral and the guy told me he was going to get Kirk set up living somewhere after he sold the house, but I guess he didn't. The guy seemed like a real.….."

"Dick?"

Luke laughed. "That sounds about right."

"I only saw him at the funeral, but he looked like a dick. Is that why Kirk didn't go back to New York with him?"

"I don't know if he was invited. I don't know much about Kirk's dad, but I know he hasn't been in Kirk's life much. I don't think they have a very good relationship."

"So, that makes him your problem? Luke Danes and his home for wayward, fatherless boys. The Father Flanagan of Stars Hollow."

"Knock it off, Jess." Luke recognized his nephew's sarcasm for the defense mechanism it was, employed when the boy wanted to keep emotional distance from a situation, but sometimes he got tired of dealing with it, and wished his nephew would behave like more of an adult. He knew Jess wouldn't be happy about their houseguest, but he had expected some level of empathy from his nephew. "You have a home and people in this world who love you. Those are two things that Kirk doesn't have right now. I want to be able to tell him that he can stay until we find him a place to live. I don't think it should take more than a couple of weeks, tops. But, I wanted to talk to you first. I don't want to do it if it's going to be too much for you right now. I know you're going through a lot. And you come first, before anything else. You know that, right, Jess?"

Jess looked away. He knew his uncle cared about him, it was obvious from how the man treated him, but he wasn't used to such a direct admission of his importance to Luke, and it left him feeling a little awkward. "Fine. I guess it's ok if he stays for a while. I'm sure it will be all kinds of annoying, but you're right, we can't just leave him on the street."

Jess reestablished eye contact in time to see Luke giving him the warm, pleased smile that he had come to think of as his uncle's 'good boy' smile. The one Jess always got when he surprised his uncle with good behavior when Luke had been expecting him to be difficult or uncooperative.

"And you'll be nice to him while he's here, right? He's going through a hard time right now. We're going to have to be sensitive to that."

Jess scowled, offended at the question. "Do you really think you need to tell me that, Luke? Like I'm some little kid who needs to be told to respect other people's feelings? Yes, I'll be nice to him. I'll share my toys and everything. You really need to stop expecting the worst from me all the time. It's annoying."

"I don't expect the worst from you. I think you're a really great kid, Jess. And Kirk's a nice kid, too. Maybe you two will become friends if you give him a chance."

"I'm warning you, if you start playing matchmaker, I'm going to be the one sleeping in the gazebo!"

Luke laughed as he rose from the table. "Oh, one more thing, you're not allergic to cats, are you, Jess?"

"Jeez! This just keeps getting better…"

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Jess wasn't sure what woke him in the middle of the night, but the waking, itself, was always the same. For a brief moment, when he first opened his eyes, everything was normal again. Jess felt safe and comfortable, the only thing on his mind was not wanting to get out of bed to face another day at school. Then, a few beats into wakefulness, recent events came crashing over him like a wave that nearly drowned him and left him panicked, chest tight and struggling for breath in its wake. It was then that the seed of anxiety about his impending fatherhood planted itself in his mind, never to be far from his thoughts for the rest of the day. He was at that point of waking and feeling overwhelmed with anxiety, when he heard a sniffle, then a quiet, choked off sob. Kirk. Jess listened to Kirk quietly crying in the living room. He wasn't sure what the protocol was when another guy was crying in your apartment. Should he pretend he didn't hear him? Should he go out there and…do what exactly? He felt for Kirk, losing someone you loved so much to suicide had to be more painful than anything Jess could imagine. But, he was never good in situations like this, never knew what to do or say to someone who was suffering. He didn't have very many close relationships in his life, and he knew he was far from adept at dealing with his own emotions, never mind being able to provide actual comfort to someone else who was going through something this terrible. He hoped he would get better at stuff like this when his own kid was born. He had appreciated Luke being there for him when he had cried himself out the night he found out about the baby. But, that was different. Luke was like a parent. He would rather have cried himself to sleep alone than have had anyone else see him like that. He had just convinced himself that ignoring the crying was for Kirk's sake as well as his own, and that he should just go back to sleep, when he heard soft footsteps, and Luke's voice, tired and lowered to what he knew his uncle thought was a whisper. "Hey Kirk, you ok, buddy?" Jess heard a sniffle as Kirk stopped his crying, but his reply, an actual whisper, was too low for Jess to make out. The next thing he heard was the sound of Luke stepping on the creaky floorboard as he crossed the room to his armchair and sat down. "Don't worry about it. I was having trouble sleeping, anyway. Do you mind if I stay out here and keep you company for a while?" More unintelligible words from Kirk followed, along with shifting around noises, probably Kirk sitting up on the couch. "Hey there, little guy." Luke's tone was different now, like he was talking to a small child. "You finally going to say hi to me, huh? You done being shy?" Jess was thrown for a minute until he remembered Luke saying something about Kirk having a cat. He listened to a few more minutes of his uncle making friends with Kirk's cat, interspersed with questions about the cat directed at Kirk. Even though Jess couldn't make out Kirk's answers, he could tell by the tone of his voice that Kirk had pulled himself together a little. Relieved that Luke was there for Kirk and that the crying had stopped, Jess let his guilt over his own lack of response be assuaged as he drifted back to sleep.

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The next morning, Luke was surprised to see Kirk come downstairs and take his regular seat at the counter at his normal six-thirty breakfast time. Luke had assumed the boy would sleep in after the rough night he had. Luke himself would have slept in today if he had the option. "Hi Kirk." Luke greeted from where he was starting up the coffee makers behind the counter. "How are you doing this morning?"

"I'm all right, Luke." Kirk responded in his normal, neutral tone. "I'm really sorry about waking you up last night."

"It's ok, Kirk." Luke gave the kid a smile. "Honestly, I didn't mind." Luke realized as he said it, that it was the truth. He would rather have been up in the middle of the night, even if it meant being exhausted this morning, if his company eased even a little of Kirk's pain, than have gotten a good night's sleep if it meant Kirk was suffering alone. When Luke thought back to the time after his father's death, the thing he remembered most, was the hopeless and panic-inducing feeling of suddenly being all alone in the world. It hadn't been unusual in the weeks following his father's death, for Luke to go days at a time without exchanging words with anyone other than a handful of customers at the hardware store. He had spent many of those nights holed up in what was now his apartment, but had then still been an office, with only a small couch to accommodate his six-foot frame when he slept. He hadn't been able to sleep much during that time, anyway, and he had gladly traded the physical comfort of his own bed for the chance to avoid the oppressive loneliness that had waited for him back at the quiet, empty house that he had grown up in. He knew how much he would have appreciated having someone to talk to or even to just be around during some of those awful nights.

"You're very kind to me, Luke. You've always been nice to me, even when I was a little kid and you didn't know me very well. You never treated me like I was weird. People aren't usually as nice to me as you are. Thank you for that. And for letting me stay over last night."

"It's no problem, Kirk."

"Is it ok if I leave Cat Kirk upstairs while I go out looking for apartments? I was hoping I could leave my bag, too, so that I wouldn't have to lug it around all day. I could come back and get my stuff this evening before I head to my shift at the theater if that's ok. I have the late shift tonight, so I should be able to sleep there without anyone noticing."

"Kirk, you don't need to do that. I talked it over with Jess and we want you to stay with us until you find a place to live. We realize it could take a few days or a couple of weeks, and we're fine with that. Neither of us want you to end up sleeping in the gazebo again, ok?"

Kirk looked surprised. "Really, Luke? Thank you. I mean it. That's very generous of you." Kirk paused. "I want you to know how much I appreciate this, and that I'm not going to take advantage of your generosity. I'm heading over to Bootsy's news stand to buy a copy of the Gazette right now so I can start looking at ads for apartments. And for jobs, too. I'm only part-time at the theater and at the beauty supply store, and I'm thinking maybe I should try to get a third job, too, so that it will look better on applications when I try to rent an apartment. Do you know of any job openings in town, Luke? I can do much more than sell popcorn and movie tickets and provide advice on skin care products."

"I'm sure you can, Kirk. I don't know about any openings right now, but I'll be sure to let you know if I hear something. Why don't you bring the paper back here? I'll make you breakfast while you search the want ads."

Kirk looked uncomfortable, his eyes darting down toward the counter for a beat, before settling back on Luke's. "Now that I'm on my own, Luke, I'm afraid I'm going to have to tighten my purse strings. I can't afford to eat my meals out every day anymore. I'm going to buy some peanut butter and bread when Doose's opens and make myself a sandwich for breakfast. By my calculations, I should be able to feed myself for a week on one jar of peanut butter, two loaves of wonder bread, and one package of teddy grahams for just under ten dollars. The peanut butter and bread will provide necessary nourishment, and the teddy grahams will provide entertainment as well as a sugar boost in the afternoon. I value your friendship, Luke, and I sincerely hope that my no longer frequenting your business establishment doesn't cause awkwardness between us."

Luke sighed. "Kirk, you can't live on peanut butter sandwiches and teddy grahams. You need to eat vegetables. And whole grains. You need to get the proper vitamins and minerals. Like B12 and Calcium and Iron. Have you ever heard of a little thing called the food pyramid?" Kirk just stared blankly in response. Did they not teach the food pyramid in school anymore? Is that why even a bright kid like Rory thought it was ok to live on coffee and Pop-tarts? "Listen, Kirk, while you're staying with me, you can help yourself to anything in the fridge upstairs. And you can order what you like at the diner on the house, ok? I'll let Caesar and Jess know, too, in case I'm not around."

"Oh, I couldn't do that, Luke. You're already doing so much for me by giving me a place to sleep. I couldn't eat at your restaurant without paying, too…" Kirk was shaking his head so emphatically that Luke was worried he would give himself a headache.

"Look, Kirk. If I didn't own a diner, I'd probably be home every night making dinner for me and Jess. I wouldn't charge a guest in my home to eat dinner with us. Just think of the diner as an extension of my home. I'm not going to charge you to eat here while you're staying with us."

Kirk remained silent, but his brow was furrowed slightly.

"Just go buy your paper, Kirk. I'll make you some bacon and eggs and blueberry pancakes when you get back."

Luke watched Kirk's eyes widen for a split second and he knew the boy was holding himself back from asking for something. "Yes, Kirk, I'll even make smiley faces on the pancakes with whip cream and blueberries."

The corners of Kirk's mouth were tugged up in a tiny smile as he hurriedly got up from the stool. "Thanks, Luke. You're the best. I'll be right back with the paper."

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Luke walked into his apartment after closing the diner on Sunday evening balancing three takeout containers of food. He set the containers down on the kitchen table and looked over to his nephew, smiling as he took in the sight. Jess was sitting sideways on the couch his ankles crossed in front of him and flicking a long, dark string back and forth as Cat Kirk lunged for it. "Hey Jess. I'm glad to see you two are getting along. She's a good cat, huh?"

Jess glanced over toward his uncle while he continued playing with the cat and smiled. "Yeah, she's pretty cool. It took me a few hours to get her to warm up to me, but now we're good. Right, Cat?"

Luke put one takeout container in the fridge for when Kirk got home from his shift at the theater and got out napkins and utensils. "Yeah? Did you get any homework done after work?" Luke had recently removed Jess from the Sunday schedule at the diner, so that he could spend the evening doing his homework. The boy already worked an early shift at Walmart that got him back home around four o'clock, and Luke didn't want his entire day to be tied up working when he should be spending some of it studying. Jess had been resistant to losing the hours at the diner at first, but had since fallen into the routine of actually using his Sunday evenings to do schoolwork.

"Uh, yeah, some. See?" Still focused on the cat, the boy tilted his head toward the coffee table, where his European History textbook lay open. Luke didn't need to know how long it had sat there untouched.

"You know that you're supposed to be doing your homework on Sundays after you get home from work." It had been a couple of months since Luke had received a call from the school about Jess' performance, but he was under no illusions that Jess did anything beyond the bare minimum of school work that he needed to do to graduate. And Luke was always worried that Jess would misjudge what he could get away with and slip through a crack somewhere, and end up without a diploma in May.

"Relax, Luke. I was just entertaining our guest. She was bored. Didn't you tell me I needed to be extra sensitive to our guests' feelings? This little fuzzball lost someone she loved, too, you know."

"Yeah, well, if you can't prioritize studying on Sunday nights, maybe you need to start spending the whole day at home in your room to make sure you get everything done. How does that sound, nephew?"

"It sounds totally unnecessary and overreactive, just like most things you say." Jess dangled the string above the cat's head, watching it stand up on its back legs to bat at it.

"Yeah? You know what's not going to make this situation any better? Giving your baby a high school drop out for a father." Cat Kirk froze mid-play at Luke's annoyed tone, then jumped down from the couch and darted off in the direction of Jess' bedroom.

"Will you look at that! Your passive-aggressiveness even offended the cat! Way to scare a helpless little animal who misses its mother, Luke. Good job, there. Remind me not to let you anywhere near my baby until it's old enough to fend for itself."

Luke sighed. "Come eat dinner, Jess." Luke watched Jess put the string down on the coffee table and stand up. "What is that string from anyway?" It looked like a shoelace, but it was dark blue.

"It's the drawstring from your Red Sox hoodie."

"Of course, it is." Luke muttered. "That one's yours. It's turkey." Luke pointed to the container that held a turkey sandwich, broccoli and sweet potato fries, while he filled two glasses with water. Jess sat down in front of the indicated meal.

"So, what's got you wound so tight this evening?" Jess asked, eyeing his sandwich, but waiting for Luke to join him at the table.

Luke looked at his nephew as he set the water glasses down and took a seat at the table opposite Jess. "What do you mean?"

"This is old Luke behavior. You snapping at me all out of proportion to what I've done. This is what you used to do when I first moved in, and you used to lose it on me all the time. You never act like this anymore. What's with you?"

"I didn't lose it on you. You're being dramatic."

"You didn't?" Jess feigned confusion. "I could have sworn that you just threatened to lock me in my room all day on Sundays and basically told me I was going to flunk out of high school and be a horrible father all because I spent a few hours playing with an orphaned cat. But, maybe I misunderstood you." Jess shrugged nonchalantly. "I have been told I'm not a very good listener."

"I'm sorry, Jess. Ok? Yes, I lost it for a second and snapped at you. It was wrong. I apologize."

"Ok.…now are you going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"I think I'm just feeling a little stressed. Kirk looked at ads for apartments today, and he found two in his price range. Which I took as a good sign, because his price range is very low. He was nervous, so he asked me to go with him to check them out. One was being shown by the actual owner and one by a realtor, and he just made both of them really uncomfortable. I could tell by the looks on their faces five minutes into each showing that he wasn't going to get those places, even if he had been the most qualified applicant. I mean, I know he was nervous and he's never done anything like this before, but there were times when they asked him questions about what he was looking for, and he just stared back at them with that blank look he has. Then when he did speak, he would ask the strangest stuff, and I think he kind of freaked them out. Like what the zoning laws are for businesses in case he decided to run a mail order whimsical mailbox business out of the apartment. Or if there are rules about having girls sleep over. Or what the quickest escape route is if there's a tsunami. You get the picture. It just went so badly, Jess. I'm worried that I got myself in over my head with Kirk. I'm so used to how he is that I forget the impression he makes on people who don't know him. I feel like getting Kirk on his feet might be a lot harder than I thought. And then, that makes me feel guilty because I feel like I should be focusing on being here for you and for what you're going through."

Jess finished chewing a piece of broccoli with a thoughtful look on his face. "Luke, you are here for me. If you weren't, I'd be a wreck right now. This situation with Shane and the baby would all seem a million times scarier. And don't get me wrong, I'm already scared out of my mind every time I think about it. But, if I was alone in this, I can't even tell you how much more terrified I'd be. I mean, I'm talking terrified to the point that it would be hard to think straight! And, I bet you felt like you were in over your head when you first took me in, right? When I was stealing and getting in trouble at school and giving you attitude all the time. And things with us turned out good. You helped me. You gave me what I needed. And I know you'll be able to do the same for Kirk. And just like with me, you took him in because you didn't see an alternative. You're not the kind of guy who could just sit by and watch someone you know sleep on a park bench in February any more than you could watch Liz kick me out and not do anything to help. I think you just need to relax, and not be so hard on yourself. It might take longer than you expected to get Kirk an apartment, but it'll all end up ok." Jess popped a fry in his mouth.

"Wow, when did you get so zen?"

Jess smirked. "Being on the verge of parenthood has mellowed me. But, I'm right, aren't I? It'll all be ok. You'll help Kirk find a place. Things will work out because you won't stop working at them until they do."

"Yeah, you're right, thanks, Jess. I'm sorry for getting upset and taking it out on you. So, how are things going with you?"

"Things are ok. I actually want to talk to you about something."

"Ok." Luke waited for Jess to go on.

"So, I think I'm going to go see Shane after school tomorrow. Is it ok if I'm like half an hour late for my shift?"

"Yeah, of course, Jess, don't worry about that."

"Thanks. And I also wanted to talk to you about what's going to happen after I graduate…"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I mean, I guess I always figured after I graduated I'd head back to New York, get a job and a room there and live in the city. But, now things have changed with the baby coming, so I'm thinking I need to stay around here, at least for a while. And I guess I wanted to see if you had a certain time frame in mind for when you wanted me out of the apartment. I'm already eighteen, and I'll be done with school by May and the baby is due around late July…" Jess trailed off and let his gaze wander away from Luke.

"Jess, look at me." Luke waited for Jess to make eye contact. "You're welcome to live here for as long as you need to. This is your home until you want some place else to be your home. I know babies are expensive and this might set you back on getting out on your own. If you need to stay here for another year, or two, or longer, it's fine with me. And not just because of the baby. Even before I knew that Shane was pregnant, I wasn't exactly counting down the days until you graduate so that I could rush you out the door. I love having you here. I hope you know that."

Jess nodded. "Thanks, Luke. And I do know that you don't exactly hate having me around. And I'm grateful for that. But, I'm worried about cramping your style with Nicole. You can't even have your girlfriend sleep over with me here. That's not fair to you. How much longer can you possibly be ok with that?"

"Don't worry about that. I can live with staying over at her place instead. And it's more convenient for her that way, closer to her work and everything, so I don't think she's going to complain about it."

"So, I just want to be clear on this before I talk to Shane. If I still live here when the baby's born, you're ok with the baby spending time here, like a couple nights a week or something? I mean, I have no idea if that's something that's even possible at the beginning, if Shane's breastfeeding or whatever, but I wanted to make sure it was ok with you before I put it out there to her."

Luke smiled. "Of course, I'm fine with the baby spending time here, Jess. I love this baby already because it's yours, and I definitely want to spend time with my little great-niece or nephew, and get to know them. I'll help you out any way I can with this. With a place to live. With buying baby stuff. Whatever you need. I mean that. And I couldn't be prouder of you for the way you're handling all of this, Jess."

Jess looked back at his uncle, feeling an edge of discomfort even as he soaked up Luke's compliment and warm smile. He knew logically that what someone felt deep down didn't matter if that person still made the right choices and did the right things. And from the instant he learned about the pregnancy, he knew he would do the right thing, by Shane, and by this baby. He would be supportive. He would contribute. His kid would know its father. He would make sure of it. Jess hated his own father for taking off without looking back when he had only been a few days old. He would never be like Jimmy. Not ever. But he would feel better about everything if he could silence the small voice that constantly lurked on the periphery of his conscious thought, the one based on pure self-preservation instinct that had arisen, unbidden, the moment Shane had told him about the baby, the one urging him to run, just run.


	4. Chapter 4 - Another Sleepless Night

**Chapter 4 Notes:** Jess and Kirk bond. Not much Luke in this one, but he will have more to do in the next. Thank you to everyone who read the first three chapters and took the time to leave me a review. Your feedback is always helpful and keeps me inspired and writing. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are warmly welcomed.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

 **Trigger Warning:** Mentions of depression, suicide, coping with loss from suicide and childhood trauma.

"So, I'm sorry for taking so long to come talk to you." Jess had been relieved to see that Shane hadn't looked angry when he'd approached her to talk as they were leaving school. She had agreed readily and they had made their way over to the bench they were sitting on in the square. "I kind of had a meltdown after our last conversation and it took me a while to get my shit together about everything."

"It's ok, Jess. I get it." Jess noted that Shane was looking at him with more compassion than judgement as she spoke. "I had a head start on dealing with this. It took me a few weeks to adjust. I understand the need to melt down over this, trust me."

"But, now. Uh, now, I'm ready. Well, um, no, not ready, uh, exactly. But, trying to be ready, I guess. I want to be…" Jess paused, frustrated at the apparent breakdown of his usually sharp verbal skills. "What I'm trying to say is…...I'm in this for real. I want to be involved. I can't say I fully understand what exactly it means to be involved with taking care of a baby, but whatever it is, I want to help do it. I want to contribute. I want to be a dad to this kid. A good one. The best I can, at least."

Shane grinned at him. "That's really good to hear, Jess." She turned her head to the side for a moment and when she faced Jess again, he could see that her eyes were damp, even as she tried to blink the wetness away. She wiped away the lone tear that escaped with the back of her hand. "Sorry for crying like a loser." She laughed uncomfortably. "You have no idea how much this has been weighing on me. I know logically that, like, with or without a dad, this baby will be ok. I have my mom, and she's a labor and delivery nurse who raised two kids by herself after my dad left. I know that this baby would be ok even if you weren't around. But, the idea that the baby could have already lost its dad before it was even born, and knowing I couldn't do anything about it, was killing me. More than anything, I really, really don't want my kid to go through what I did when my dad left. I spent years of my life wondering why me and Reagan weren't enough to make him stay. And now, with the baby…I'm thinking about it again, all the time, how he could just leave us, you know?"

Jess nodded slowly, deciding how much of his own story he wanted to tell. "I do know." He looked out at the square, away from Shane, wanting to share this connection with her, but needing the illusion of space to do it. "My father left when I was a few days old, and I've never heard from him since. It sucks. I know logically that he left because he was worthless, not me, but it's hard to always really believe that. I'm guessing that was your dad's reason, too, because I don't think there can be any other reason to walk out on your kid." He turned back to face her. "I want you to know I would never do that to this baby. I know how much it sucks."

She wiped away a few more tears, smudging the mascara that was running down her face. "I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't know about that. You never talked about your family when we were dating. Up until I talked to Luke the day I told you about the baby, I'd always assumed he was your dad."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "I wish he had been my dad. I'd be a lot better person than I am now."

"You're not so terrible." Shane smiled softly.

Jess looked back at Shane and took a deep breath, knowing he owed her this, even if it was hard. "I treated you like crap when we were together. No, I know I did." He reaffirmed when the girl began to shake her head. "I was a shitty boyfriend, a shitty person in your life. Another guy who treated you like you weren't good enough. I couldn't have made you feel very good about yourself, and I'm sorry for that. Very sorry."

"It's ok, Jess. I know it wasn't a good relationship. And, yeah, most of the time I felt like you didn't really care about me, and that you were basically just with me to hook up. You definitely had your moments of making me feel bad about myself. You can't just blame yourself, though. I didn't have to put up with it, like I did." She shrugged. "But, I get it. I wasn't exactly in love with you either. Granted….I was still always nice to you anyway….." She smirked. "Let's just start fresh. Let's forget we ever dated and just focus on being parents, together. Because that's the most important thing. That's all I want from you now. For you to be a real dad to this baby. And you want to be a dad. So, that's the only thing that matters now. And, that makes me so happy." A few more tears ran down her face. "Ugh, stupid pregnancy hormones! I can't stop crying. I look like a crazy person."

Jess just watched her cry, unable to help feeling a tiny point of pride in himself. He didn't get too many opportunities to be the good guy and illicit happy tears, or at least tears of relief, like this. "No, you don't." Jess reassured her. "Just, do this." He rubbed the back of his hand across his right cheekbone to show her where to wipe her smudged makeup. "If you sit there much longer with all that mascara on your face, some nosy townie is going to start a rumor that I gave you a black eye."

"Stop, that's so not funny!" Shane copied Jess' movement and tried to wipe the mascara off her face. She didn't get all of it, and Jess felt awkward when he pointedly didn't touch her, but instead pointed out a few more spots on his own face. She finally dug a tissue out of her purse and wiped away the rest of her makeup. It was weird for Jess to think that he had been regularly making out and having sex with this girl only a few months ago, and now it felt taboo to even touch her face in a public place. He felt a sudden stabbing in his chest to think that this baby may cause him to be in a similar situation with Rory a few months from now, after she decides she can do better for herself than coming home from Yale to spend her weekends with her loser boyfriend and another woman's baby.

"And, Jess, don't worry about not knowing what's involved. I don't really know either. I was only eight when Reagan was born and she was the only baby I've ever even held. Between my mom and reading baby books, we'll figure everything out. What about Luke?"

"What about him?"

"Does he have any experience with babies?"

Jess huffed out a laugh as he tried to picture Luke interacting with a baby. "I doubt it. I'm guessing I was the last baby he held. And even then, he and my mom were kind of estranged for a while after I was born, so I don't think he did much babysitting or diaper changing or anything. I don't think he's going to be much help in the baby knowledge department. But, we've talked about it, and he wants to help with anything he can. He wants to be involved, too."

Shane was still smiling. "That's great, Jess. So, he took the news ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, he's been pretty great. I think he was more shocked than angry. He didn't kick my ass or throw me out or anything, so…" Jess would never admit to anyone that Luke had held him while he cried, or stayed with him, comforting him like he was a small child, until he fell asleep that first night, but he did want to give his uncle credit for the emotional support he had provided, especially with Shane, the only other person he knew who would truly understand how crucial that support was in this situation. "I did have kind of a breakdown. I ended up a crying mess the first night I found out. He was really there for me. I'm pretty sure that softened him up a lot."

"Ah, you took my advice?"

Jess smiled. "Not intentionally." He shrugged. "I didn't think I had it in me to cry as much as I did. But, I guess some kind of meltdown is inevitable when something like this happens. Something this…unexpected and life altering."

"Well, I'm glad you have someone to support you in this, too. I guess we're both pretty lucky that way." They both sat quietly for a moment reflecting on feeling 'lucky' despite the situation. "Oh, I almost forgot. My mom wants to have you and Luke over for dinner one night this week."

"She does?"

"Yeah. She wants to get to know you better and she wants to meet Luke. She says she wants to meet the other adult that she'll be 'co-grandparenting' with. Does that sound ok?"

"Uh, yeah, I guess."

"It won't be weird or anything. She just wants to make sure we all start talking about stuff now so we'll be on the same page when the baby's born."

Jess nodded. "Makes sense."

"She's super organized. She's got this master list of everything we need to do and buy before the baby arrives. I still haven't got through the whole thing. It's like a ton of pages and I usually get myself all stressed and freaked out and end up stopping before I can get to the end. But, it's good to know she's on top of stuff, you know. That someone knows what we need to do." Shane smirked. "I'm sure you'll get a copy at dinner."

"Can't wait."

"So, talk to your uncle and let me know which night is good for you guys, ok?"

"Yeah, ok. I'm heading over to the diner for my shift now. I'll talk to him."

"Ok, well, I should probably head to work, too." As Shane stood up, Jess observed her body. There was a slight swell to her belly that he didn't remember from when they dated, not yet pronounced enough to call attention to her condition. His baby was in there. His baby. A new little person that would be dependent on them to have all its needs met, physically, financially and emotionally. He lost himself in a sudden moment of panic, feeling short of breath, with a tightening in his chest and rush of light headedness. Jess could barely even take care of himself. He still relied on Luke for so much, the roof over his head, the food he ate, the constant supply of clean laundry, his uncle's common-sense perspective to his problems, and his approval and 'good boy' smile when he had done something right. And now he would be responsible for meeting all these needs for his own child. He couldn't help feeling like the wrong man for the job. How could he be expected to imbue his child with a healthy self-esteem when he barely had any of his own?

"Jess, are you ok?" Jess looked up to see Shane hovering over him with a concerned look on her face.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm good." He started to rise from the bench.

"All right. Well, I was just saying thank you. For letting me know that you want to be the baby's dad. It means so much, Jess."

"Yeah, sure. No problem." Jess noted that Shane was still looking at him strangely.

"Ok…see you soon then."

"Yeah, soon. See you soon." He watched her walk off in the direction of the beauty supply store.

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Jess waited to bring up dinner with the McMurphy's until the diner was closed for the night, empty except for Kirk, who was sitting at the counter nursing a hot chocolate. Jess had watched his uncle with fond amusement when Kirk had requested the beverage. Luke had been hesitant, not wanting to give his teenage houseguest, who was still having problems sleeping, that much sugar before bed. Kirk had wheedled like a little kid trying to get his way. Luke had stayed firm, telling Kirk he was saying no for the boy's own good, not caving until Kirk insisted that he was used to always having hot chocolate with his mom before bed, and that the recent drought of pre-bedtime hot chocolate he had been suffering may in fact be what's causing his insomnia. Jess reflected on his uncle. Once Luke cared about someone, he took it upon himself to worry about that person's best interest, and to look out for them and try to take care of them as much as he could. Jess knew it was obvious in how Luke had treated him since the day he arrived in Stars Hollow, but it was also evident in how the man treated Lorelai and Rory, Liz, even when she didn't deserve it, and now Kirk, when he needed a friend and a place to stay. And if you were young and lacking suitable parents, like himself and Kirk, Luke was downright parental. Jess really hoped he had inherited some of that gene, or that if he hadn't come by it genetically, if he instead had inherited Liz and Jimmy's complete lack of good parent genes, he hoped some of Luke's parenting instincts had rubbed off on him over the past couple of years. How Luke was, was a good way to be, and it was how he hoped to be with his own son or daughter.

"So, Luke." Jess began as he worked refilling ketchup bottles behind the counter while Luke totaled up the guest checks and counted out the register.

"Yes, nephew?" Luke responded absently while he kept counting.

"Shane and her mom want to have us over for dinner one night this week. To talk about…stuff." Jess became uncomfortable with Kirk's presence and wasn't sure how much he should say. He had forgotten to ask Shane whether she was telling people yet, or whether she was ok with him telling people. "Is there a night that's good for you?"

"Shane McMurphy?" Kirk asked.

"That's the one. Why, do you know her?"

"We work at the beauty emporium together. I work days and she works afterschool, but our shifts overlap for a couple of hours when she gets there. You guys used to date."

"Yes, yes, we did, Kirk." Jess was getting annoyed at Kirk for derailing his conversation, and he tried to bring it back on track. "So, Luke, what night is good for you? I need to let Shane know."

"Uh, let me think a second." Luke responded.

"Aren't you dating Rory now?" Kirk questioned.

"Yes, Kirk, I am. Do you have any other questions about my love life that are really none of your business?" Jess snapped, none too nicely, hoping to get the boy to butt out of the conversation.

"Watch yourself, Jess." Luke shot him a warning look.

Jess was about to mutter a 'sorry' more to Luke than Kirk, when Kirk spoke up again as if he hadn't recognized Jess' sarcasm. "Yes, how come you're going to dinner with Shane's family when you're dating Rory? I admit I don't have a lot of experience with the ladies, but isn't that weird, to still have family dinners with your ex-girlfriend's family? Did you stay friends with Shane? Does Rory not mind? Are Rory and Shane friends, too?"

Jess sighed, knowing it wouldn't go over well with Luke if he gave Kirk more attitude, and he didn't want to piss off his uncle when he still hadn't agreed to the dinner. "You're not wrong. It is weird. But, our situation is…complicated."

Kirk gasped as realization hit, his eyebrows shooting up and his face overall looking more animated with surprise than Jess had ever seen it. "Oh, my God! You're the father of Shane's baby!"

Luke looked up, startled from his cash drawer, in time to see Jess shoot him a betrayed look. "Don't give me that look. I haven't told anyone, Jess. I wouldn't do that. How did you know about the baby, Kirk?"

"Shane told me."

"Shane told you? What the hell, Kirk. When did Shane tell you?" Jess asked, his voice rising with annoyance at the idea that Kirk may have known about his baby before he did.

"Yes, she told me. But I don't think she meant to." He added, seeing how upset his response to Luke's question had made Jess. "It was a few weeks ago. Shane showed up for work, and she locked herself in the bathroom right away and cried for a long time. When she came out, I asked if she was ok. She said no and started crying again and told me she was pregnant. And since my mom had told me about the birds and the bees on my sixteenth birthday, I immediately knew what she meant. I don't think she intended to tell me. People don't usually tell me personal things like that. Then she made me promise not to tell anyone. Which I haven't. Until now. But, I think now is ok since you're the father, so of course you already knew about the baby. I like Shane. She's always been nice to me. She brought me a homemade banana bread after my mom…after the funeral."

Jess felt his irritation with Kirk ebbing away. There was nothing like being reminded that Kirk's mom and only family had just committed suicide to help put his own life crisis in perspective. He was aware that in the simplest of terms, he was being given a new person to love while Kirk had just lost his only loved one. Luke was right. He did need to be sensitive to that, and be nice.

"I'm, uh, sorry for snapping at you, Kirk."

Kirk nodded, expression neutral. "It's ok, Jess. I get that reaction from a lot of people. I just have one more question. How can you still be dating Rory? Aren't you going to marry Shane?"

Jess rolled his eyes, but tried to tamp down the aggravation that came flooding back at Kirk's question before he spoke. "No, I'm not marrying Shane. We weren't good together. We're going to work out joint custody or something once the baby's born."

Jess cut in quickly as he saw Kirk open his mouth to speak again. "So, Luke, what night do you want to go?"

Luke had given up counting to watch Jess and Kirk, in case he needed to step in on either's behalf, to protect Kirk from Jess' hostility or Jess from Kirk's inappropriate questioning. "Uh, how about Thursday night? Does that work for you?"

"Beautiful. I'll tell Shane. May I please go take a walk before I go upstairs? We're pretty much done with everything here, and I really need some air."

"Yeah, you go ahead, Jess. After I'm done here, I'm going to head over to Nicole's for the night. I'll see you tomorrow."

"See ya." Jess grabbed his jacket from where he'd stowed it on the hook outside the storage room and headed for the door, calling back to his uncle with a smirk. "Remember to wear a condom! We've already got all the excitement we can handle around here!"

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Jess woke up to the quiet sobbing he had grown accustomed to since Kirk had been staying with them. He hadn't heard it every night of the little over a week that Kirk had been sleeping on the couch, but it happened more often than not. This was the first time he had heard it when Luke was sleeping at Nicole's. Jess laid in bed listening to Kirk vent his pain, and debating whether he should take any sort of action. He wished Luke was there. He was so much better at this kind of thing, comforting someone. But, Luke wasn't there, and Jess knew he should do something. He knew this was an opportunity to prove he was capable of acting like an adult and putting aside his own shit to be there for someone else who was hurting worse. He wanted so badly to be someone who could do that, and this was a chance to test his mettle. He tried to think about what he'd heard Luke say on previous nights when Kirk had been crying. Luke usually asked if he was ok when he first went into the living room. Sometimes that sparked an actual conversation about Kirk's loss and how much he missed his mom, sometimes with Luke just listening, and sometimes, on nights when Kirk was quiet, with Luke commiserating and telling him stories about losing his own parents so young, and sometimes the ensuing conversation was completely unrelated, and they talked about Cat Kirk, or Kirk's jobs or people they both knew from the diner. He figured it was key to let Kirk lead about whether he wanted to talk about his mom, or just have someone around for company. Jess sat up and slowly got out of bed. He knew he was doing the right thing, but there was no need to rush. Maybe Kirk would stop crying on his own and spare them both the impending awkwardness. Jess made his way into the living room, listening to Kirk quieting his sobbing as Jess' footsteps approached. Jess stopped in the middle of the living room, where Kirk could see him from the couch. The guy looked miserable and hopeless, and a little embarrassed, as he stared up at Jess, who was instantly at a loss in the face of so much suffering. He couldn't remember why he had thought he had anything to offer someone in so much pain. He should have at least planned out his opening line. Just as the silence was starting to get uncomfortable, Kirk spoke up. "Do you want to play Gin Rummy?"

Jess nodded, relieved. "I'll go find cards."

They played the first three hands in relative silence, speaking only to comment on the quality of the cards they were dealt or when someone put down a particularly good run. Cat Kirk sat on the table looking back and forth between them as they each moved to pick up and discard, watching the card game like a tennis match. During the fourth hand, Kirk started to talk.

"I'm sorry for waking you up, Jess."

"It's ok Kirk. I have trouble sleeping a lot, too."

"That's what Luke always says when he gets up, too. But, I'm not sure I believe that you guys spent this much time awake in the middle of the night before I started staying here. I try to be quiet at night, so I won't wake you, but it's so hard. Everything feels the worst at night. It's dark and there are no distractions, and I can't get my brain to think about anything else."

Jess nodded, but stayed quiet, not sure what he should contribute.

Kirk was looking down at his cards, choosing one to discard. "I miss my mom so much." His voice cracked. "I love her so much. And she loved me, too. She did. I know it looks like she didn't because of…what happened. But, she did. I was her favorite person in the world. She loved me more than anything. She used to tell me all the time."

Jess struggled for something safe to say. "I'm sure she did. She was your mom."

"And she was a really good mom."

Jess nodded. "I believe you, Kirk."

"What happened wasn't her fault. She was really depressed. She had been most of my life. She would get into moods where she couldn't think straight, and she would cry all the time. That's the way she was when it happened."

Jess couldn't imagine something worse than losing the person who was supposed to take care of you and love you the most to suicide. He tried to imagine how he would feel if Liz killed herself. But, he didn't think the comparison held since he couldn't remember far enough back to a time when he trusted Liz to love him and put him first. Jess wondered about Kirk's dad. If his mom had lived with this level of depression for most of Kirk's life, how could his father not get her help, especially when she had sole custody of their son? If Shane was suffering from mental health issues, he couldn't imagine ignoring the problem and letting her struggle with it herself at the expense of their child.

"What about your dad? Did he ever try to get your mom help for her depression?"

"He wasn't very involved with us for most of my life. But, once, when I was nine, he paid for her to go to a treatment program at a hospital for a month. My mom still had a job then and something had happened at her work. I'm not sure what, but it was something bad. One of her co-workers reported her to social services and they came and got me. They told my mom she had to get help for her depression if she wanted to get me back. She called my dad and he paid to have her go to a really good hospital in New York for treatment. And I went to live with his family in New York while she was away."

"Did you know him at all before you were sent to stay with him?"

"I didn't know him very well. I'd only met him a few times. He used to come out to visit once in a while when I was little. Before my mom got depressed. She was really happy when I was little. I remember that."

"What was your dad like when you lived with him?" Jess picked up a card he couldn't use and immediately placed it on the discard pile.

"He wasn't as nice as my mom. He got frustrated with me very easily. He thought everything I did and said was strange. It was hard being there. I knew he didn't want me there. He only agreed to take me so that I wouldn't end up in foster care. He had two kids a few years older than me, and they didn't like me very much. His wife was nice. I could tell she was a good mom to her own kids, but I think I always made her uncomfortable. She tried to be nice to me, though, which is more than I can say for my dad or my half-brother and half-sister. I appreciated her for that."

"It sounds like a stressful situation."

Kirk nodded. "It was. I missed my mom. I'd never been separated from her before and I didn't know when I would see her again. It was so stressful that I developed night terrors."

Jess looked up from his cards. "What do you mean, like bad dreams?"

"Worse. It would start with a bad dream. Usually someone was trying to hurt me or my mom. It would feel so real, and it would always be up to me to protect us and get us away from the person who wanted to hurt us. I would get out of bed and take off all my clothes, because I always thought someone had set them on fire in the dream, and I would run around the house screaming and wake everyone up. The first time it happened, I remember waking up in the kitchen, naked. My dad was holding me by the arms, shaking me and slapping me across the face. I was crying because I was scared and he was hurting me. His kids were standing in the doorway watching us. I remember that so clearly. My half-brother looked like he thought it was funny, and my half-sister had this disgusted look on her face. My dad's wife finally came in and she got in between us and made my dad stop hitting me. I was naked the whole time and it was very embarrassing. The took me to a psychiatrist who said the night terrors were caused by stress and gave me a sleeping pill. The pills helped, but I still had a few more night terrors during the month I stayed with my dad's family. That was the last time I saw him until he came to Stars Hollow after my mom…...after everything happened."

"I'm sorry, Kirk. That really sucks."

"Yeah." Kirk shrugged. "But, I had my mom and I got to go back to live with her so everything ended up ok. Until now, I guess."

Jess didn't know how to acknowledge that.

"When my dad sold the house, he sent movers to take most of our stuff to a storage unit in Woodbury. I just kept the stuff I could carry in my backpack because I wasn't sure when I would have a place to live again, and I didn't want to have to carry too much around with me until then. I know that staying here is only temporary, and I go out looking for apartments every time a new listing shows up in the gazette. Honestly, I do." Kirk looked up at Jess, a worried expression on his face, as if he thought Jess wouldn't believe him.

"I know you do, Kirk. I know you're doing your best to find a place."

Kirk looked relieved. "I was just wondering if until I find a place…if I could bring some stuff from the storage unit here. Just a few things. Mostly the real litter box for Cat Kirk. And her scratching post and some of her toys. I think she misses her things. And maybe some of my clothes so I don't have to do my laundry every three days. And a picture of me and my mom from when I was little. We had gone to the shore for the day and we had so much fun. It was a really good day. She looks so happy in that picture. I sent it to storage so it would be safe, but now I miss having it to look at. Do you think Luke would mind if I brought some of that here for now?"

Jess was grateful to have a tangible problem that he could help fix. "I know Luke wouldn't mind. He'd want you and Cat Kirk to have what you need."

A small, pleased smile formed on Kirk's face briefly before disappearing.

"And, if you can wait until Friday, we have a half-day at school for some teachers' conference, so I could drive you over to get your stuff, if you want." Jess offered.

Kirk's face lit up with surprise. "Really? You would do that for me, Jess?"

"I would do that for you, Kirk."

"That would be great. Thanks. I can definitely wait until Friday, then."

Jess just nodded.

"Thank you for being so nice to me since everything happened with my mom. And for letting me stay here. I know Luke asked if it was ok with you before he said I could. All the times we talked to each other in the diner, I was never sure if you actually liked me. I could tell Luke liked me, but some people are just nice to me because they're polite, but they don't really like me or want me around. Sometimes it's hard to tell. And it was with you."

Jess looked up from the card he had just picked up and looked at Kirk. He took a minute to collect his thoughts. "Luke is good, better than most, at letting people know he cares about them. It's harder for some of us." "But, I do like you, Kirk." Jess knew he would have said it anyway, since he couldn't see any other option that wouldn't have left him feeling like a jerk, but it felt right in a way Jess hadn't expected when he spoke the words and realized he meant them. "And, I'm sorry if I made you feel like I didn't. Ok?"

Kirk nodded, a small smile on his face. "Ok. I like you, too, Jess."

"Glad to hear it." Jess smiled back, feeling good that he had gotten out of bed in the middle of the night.

"And Cat Kirk likes you, too. And cats are a better judge of character than most people, so that's something that should make you feel very good about yourself."


	5. Chapter 5 - Dinner and Storage Units

**Chapter 5 Notes:** Luke and Jess go to dinner at Shane's house, where Luke bonds with Shane's mom and Jess becomes overwhelmed. Jess drives Kirk to his storage unit. Bonding ensues. Big thanks to everyone who has read my story or given me the generous gift of a review. I welcome all your feedback and appreciate each and every review I receive. You guys help keep me inspired and writing! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

 **Trigger Warning:** Brief mention of depression, coping with loss from suicide

Luke had insisted on helping Shane's mother, Fiona, clean up after dinner, and he stood at the sink washing dishes while Fiona put the leftovers from the meal into plastic storage containers. Jess and Shane were playing scrabble in the living room with Shane's ten-year-old sister, Reagan. Luke had been uncomfortable at the prospect of having dinner at a stranger's house, but he had to admit it had gone well. After some getting to know each other small talk, Fiona had brought up the reason for the dinner, that everyone at the table was going to be connected through Shane and Jess' baby. She said they might as well all start getting to know each other now to make for less awkward birthday parties and holidays down the road. Luke liked the idea of his and Jess' little family of two growing. The warm domestic vibe he felt in Fiona's kitchen, working in companionable silence with her while their kids played board games in the other room, made Luke wish, not for the first time since hearing the news of Jess' impending fatherhood, that he was the one who was about to become a father instead of his teenage nephew. It felt odd to feel jealous of something that was causing Jess so much stress and anxiety, but every time he thought about jess being too young for this, he felt a pang as he realized that having a child too young was better than never having one at all, which seemed to be the road he was headed down. Jess might be doing things out of the normal order, but it occurred to Luke that the boy was actually getting one of the most important things in life checked off the list right out of the gate. Luke knew he would have felt too young to be a father at eighteen, too, but looking back at his life and how way had led on to way, he definitely wished he had taken a different, less solitary road.

Fiona had also wanted to make sure everyone was on the same page in terms of preparing for the baby. She had opened the conversation to what needed to be done to get ready for the new arrival. She even had a typed checklist that her family was using to make sure they had their ducks in a row before the baby came along. She thought the list might be useful to Jess and Luke, as well, to guide them through preparing for their newest family member. Luke had skimmed the multi-page list and it seemed to cover everything from baby proofing the house and what baby supplies to buy to instructions on how to swaddle a baby and change a diaper. She had recommended, as both a mother and a medical professional, that the baby live with the McMurphy's at first, so that it would have access to Shane for breastfeeding at all hours. She suggested that Shane and Jess work out their expectations for joint custody beforehand, so that everyone would know what they could expect, but she didn't think the baby should start going back and forth between their two homes until it had become completely comfortable drinking from a bottle. At that point, Shane could pump and deliver the bottles to Jess when the baby was staying with him. In the meantime, she assured them that no one wanted to keep Jess, or Luke, from getting sufficient bonding time with the baby, especially since the first few weeks are so important for parent-baby bonding. She told Jess that he was welcome to spend as much time as he wanted at their house to see his baby. That it was important for both he and Shane to hold their baby and talk to it and play with as much as they could during the first few months of life. She hadn't been bossy, exactly, but she was clearly used to being in charge in her home. Luke appreciated that she had constantly checked in with Jess, and even Shane, although Luke could tell from Shane's reactions that she had been through all of this with her mother already, during the discussion to get their thoughts on everything she was telling them. Jess had asked some questions and confirmed his desire for joint custody when the topic had come up, but by the end of the conversation, Luke had noticed his nephew had become quiet, mostly responding with nods of his head, his eyes wide. He could tell the boy was shutting down in response to how overwhelmed he felt. Luke had wondered if he wore a matching expression himself. He didn't want to panic. He wanted to be a source of stability and support for Jess in case his nephew panicked. But, there was so much to do and so much to learn, that Luke couldn't help but feel a little relieved to see that someone who knew what she was doing would be driving the bus on this.

Fiona approached the counter next to the sink and tilted her head in the direction of the last remaining dirty dishes in the sink. "I can take care of the rest of those later. How about I make us some tea?"

Luke smiled. "Sounds good. You put the water on, and I guarantee I'll have these done before the kettle whistles."

A few minutes later, they were sitting at the kitchen table with cups of herbal tea. "So, Luke, how are you doing with everything?"

"Me? Oh, I'm ok. I'm fine. I mean, just trying to be there for Jess and everything. And trying to learn as much as I can, so that I'm ready to help him once the baby's born. I'm definitely going to pick up all the books on the suggested reading list you gave us. That was really great of you. To put together that list of everything we need to do. Because he and I, I mean he's a smart kid, so maybe he would have picked up a book on his own anyway, but we wouldn't have known that we even needed to do most of the stuff on that list, or that some of it even existed, like the infant CPR class. I would never have thought of that on my own…...but it makes sense. It's smart." Luke was hit with the reminder that this right here, the socially awkward rambling that occurred whenever he went beyond the borders of his narrow comfort zone, was a big part of why the whole domestic scene he longed for, wife, kids, love, all of it, would possibly always be out of his reach. He picked up his mug and sipped his tea to stop himself.

Fiona nodded. "It's definitely a comprehensive list. I got it from one of the OB-GYN's I work with at the hospital. She gives it out to her patients when they first find out they're pregnant. I added a few of my own things to it, things that I found helpful when Shane and Reagan were babies, but I have to give Dr. Shah most of the credit. I hope it didn't overwhelm either of you too much. Jess looked a little like a deer in the headlights when I was going over some of it."

"Oh, no…no, don't worry about that. I mean, it's definitely overwhelming. All of it. But the list is helpful. It's great. It's a great list. Really…..." Luke watched the hint of smile form on Fiona's face. He sighed. "Ok, I need you to tell me something. How are you so calm about everything?" Luke looked past Fiona's shoulder into the empty dining room.

Fiona smiled. "Don't worry, they can't hear us from the living room."

Luke lowered his voice anyway, just in case. "I just mean, I try to be as encouraging and supportive as I can for Jess' sake. But, deep down, I'm kind of a mess. I worry about everything. All the time. I was barely keeping him in school before this. He came very close to flunking out last year because he skipped so many classes and just didn't care about his education, or about anything really. And now he's going to be a father in a few months. And I'm worried that he's not going to know what to do, or how to handle things. And, I'm worried that I won't be any help because I'm not going to know what to do or how to handle things either. I just-. I don't know. I'm just worried."

Fiona nodded slowly. "I think worry is natural in a situation like this. You love Jess and you want him to have the best life he can. Of course, you worry when something unexpected comes along to throw that life off track. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't think I'm as calm as you think I am. I'm very calm about the actual baby stuff. But, I'm guessing I have an unfair advantage over you in that area. I've been a labor and delivery nurse for almost twenty years. Babies are what I do. I'm very comfortable around them. I like them much more than I do most full-grown people. Plus, I've had two of my own, one basically as a single mom since my ex-husband left a month after Reagan was born."

"Jeez, I'm sorry to hear that. Jess' dad, too. Took off when he was three days old. I was driving my sister home from the hospital, and he was going to stop off and buy diapers and meet us at their apartment. Eighteen years later and no one's heard from the bum. And, now I have this other kid staying at my place. His dad is a real prize, too. Never really in his life when he was a kid, and seems to treat him like crap when he is around. I really don't get how some guys can just not care about their kids at all like that. I don't know what some of these ungrateful assholes are thinking…...oh, sorry, excuse my language."

Fiona's face registered surprise. "You have another child living with you?"

"Well, he's not really a child. Kirk is nineteen. But, he still seems like a kid to me. His mom just passed, and his dad sold their house and he had no place to stay…."

"Kirk Gleason? The boy who works with Shane at the beauty supply store?"

"That's the one. He really makes an impression."

"Shane told me that his mom committed suicide. I was so sorry to hear that. He's such a sweet boy. If I'd know he was living with you, I would have invited him along tonight, too. I didn't mean to exclude him."

"Oh, that's really nice of you, but he's actually working tonight anyway. At the theater, not the beauty shop."

"How did he end up at your place? Is he friends with Jess?"

"Uh, I think they're getting to be friends. I'm trying to encourage it. I think they could both use another friend. But, I know Kirk from the diner. He's been coming in by himself and talking to me since he was a little kid. And, I don't know how well you know him, but he kind of grows on you after a while. And I found him and his cat sleeping in the gazebo a few weeks ago, and it was freezing out, so I brought them to my place. The idea was to help him get his own apartment. And, he's trying. He's out there looking. We both are. But, it's not going as well as I pictured. And he's still really grieving. And Jess is ok with having him stay there for the time being. So, I'm not pushing him right now. My dad died when I was his age and my mom was already gone so I kind of get what he's going through, you know…and I think maybe being around people might help, instead of being all by himself, with no one to talk to or to look out for him…" Luke realized he had been talking a lot, again, and he wanted to shift the focus back to Fiona and the baby. "But, hey…you were about to tell me your secret for staying so calm about everything."

Fiona laughed lightly. "If you had seen me the day I found out, you would not have called me calm. When I think about that day, what I remember most is how my first reaction was hurt and betrayal. Which feels so stupid and narcissistic in retrospect. As though Shane getting pregnant was about me. But, I felt like I had raised a daughter who knew she could talk to me about this stuff. And I just felt so personally slighted that I didn't know she was having sex. That she hadn't come to me for birth control. That she didn't even tell me she was pregnant. I had to figure it out for myself when I noticed her tampon supply in the bathroom wasn't dwindling the way it should have been. What killed me the most, was that I used to see them together, and I heard the way she talked about Jess, and I knew she wasn't in love. I knew they hadn't been serious, or all that into each other even when they were dating. And I remember feeling that like a slap in the face. That she had been having sex with a boy she didn't care that much about, and who didn't care that much about her. It just hurt me deep down. More than the idea that she was too young to be a mom, or that she might never get to go to college now. It just really tore my heart out."

Luke wasn't sure what to say to that. It made him reflect on not being Jess' real parent. He had felt compassion for Jess and fear for the boy's future and the need to comfort Jess as best he could, but he wondered if his reaction, and pain, would have been as visceral as Fiona's if Jess was his own son that he has raised since birth. His nephew was the most important person in his life. He would do anything for Jess, to help him or protect him. And he knew Jess cared about him, too. Their relationship was mostly good, but on occasions like this Luke was reminded of the absence of a true parent child bond.

"I confronted Shane when she came home from school one day right after I noticed the tampons. It wasn't one of our best conversations. We didn't have an actual argument. There was no screaming or anything. But I didn't do a very good job of hiding how hurt and angry I was. Then I left to cover a three to eleven shift at the hospital. I realize it wasn't the best timing, but I couldn't make myself wait to bring it up, even though I knew I should have. When I got home from work that night, Shane was still up, lying on her bed, crying like I hadn't seen her cry since right after her dad left. Just bawling her eyes out. And she had been since I'd left for work eight hours earlier. And I just melted for her. My baby was heartbroken and nothing else mattered. I just wanted to help make everything better for her."

"I know what you mean." Luke was relieved to find something he could relate to. "Jess cried for hours the night Shane told him. I'd never seen him like that. He was already seventeen when he came to live with me last year, and I'd never seen him look so young. He actually let me hold him and comfort him. He was just this sad, vulnerable little boy. I just wanted to buy him a puppy or something." Luke paused, realization of what he just said dawning. "Oh, god, please don't tell him I told you about that! He would not be very happy with me."

"You're secret's safe with me."

"I appreciate that. And you having us over and wanting us to all be in this together. I appreciate that too. All of it."

"It's my pleasure. Really. Once, I had some time to digest, I started thinking that this could go one of two ways. It could be treated as something unwanted, a disappointment that would be a source of tension, and hurt my relationship with my daughter, or it could be treated as something good that could bring us closer together. I want Shane to look back on this pregnancy and the birth of her first child when she's older and remember me as being supportive and loving and there for her. I want this to be something good. Something that makes our relationship better and stronger instead of driving us apart. I think it can be something like that for you and Jess, too. At the end of the day, this is something good. Shane and Reagan are my babies, the best things in my life. And now, my baby is a few months away from having the best thing in her life. That has to be a good thing."

"Wow, that's a really positive outlook."

Fiona shrugged her shoulders slightly, both hands cupping her tea. "I realize the situation isn't ideal. I know if it was up to us, neither of them would have a baby until they were out of school, about a decade older, with college degrees and good jobs and married to people they love. This isn't our dream for them, I get that. But, it's not that unusual anymore, either. Families are changing. I see this all the time at the hospital. We see more new mothers who are unmarried now than married. Sometimes dad is an actual boyfriend, sometimes he's a one-night stand who stuck around to help raise his baby, sometimes he's not in the picture at all, and sometimes dad is already the ex, out in the waiting room with his new girlfriend while mom's new boyfriend holds her hand through the delivery. The families I always feel the most hopeful about are the ones where both parents are considerate and respectful of each other no matter what their relationship is. And if there is a supportive grandparent or two, or an aunt or uncle in the mix, all the better. And we have all that here. We have good kids. And they have us. This baby will have everything it needs."

Luke nodded, slowly, really wanting to believe her.

"And, Luke, don't think for a minute that Jess doesn't have everything he needs, too. He's very lucky that he has you. And I'm willing to bet he thinks so, too. I know we don't know each other very well yet, but if I had met you at work, I'd have a good feeling about you. I would think that whichever baby you were there for had someone good in its corner."

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"So, what are you thinking?" Luke asked his nephew as he put the truck in gear and pulled away from the curb in front of the McMurphy's house. "I think dinner went really well. Don't you?"

Luke glanced over at Jess in time to see the boy nodding in the passenger seat, gaze locked on the windshield in front of him. Luke maneuvered the truck out of the McMurphy's neighborhood and onto the dirt road that would lead them back toward the center of town.

"They seem like a nice family. Fiona is really something, huh? She's so organized. All that information she gave us is going to be very helpful. You have your copy, right, Jess?"

Jess nodded again without looking at his uncle, and patted his jacket pocket absently to indicate the whereabouts of the papers Fiona had given him.

"Hey, you all right, Jess?"

Another nod. Then, with urgency. "Pull over!"

"What?"

"Pull the truck over! Now, Luke! I'm going to throw up!"

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"This is a really nice car, Jess." Kirk was sitting in the passenger seat, as Jess drove him to his storage unit in Woodbury.

"Thanks, Kirk. I like it." Jess had learned that Kirk was always being sincere, and that made him able to accept things from Kirk that he would take as sarcasm from anyone else, like a compliment about his piece of crap car.

"You're so lucky that you know how to drive. Did Luke teach you or did you already know how when you moved here?"

"I learned back in New York. Liz didn't have a car, but me and a friend kind of taught ourselves how on his mom's car. Do you not know how to drive, Kirk?"

Kirk shook his head. "No, my mom never wanted me to learn."

"Why not?" Jess was never sure what he should say when Kirk's mom come up in conversation. He knew it was a sensitive topic and he usually went with saying as little as possible and just listening.

"One time she told me it was so I couldn't leave her, but she was really depressed when she said that, so I'm not sure if she really meant it."

"Huh…uh, I could teach you if you want to learn."

Kirk shot a nervous look at Jess. "I don't know. I might not be any good at it. I don't want to hurt…I'm sorry, I just realized I don't know your car's name."

Jess sighed. "It doesn't have a name. It's just my car. And, don't worry about not being good at it. No one is at first. But, you can totally learn how to do it, Kirk. It isn't hard."

"I don't know. Sometimes I get nervous when I try new things in front of other people. It usually ends with bad results, and often embarrassment or injury. Like the time I was picked to represent my group at the school science fair in sixth grade, and I ended up with my arm crazy glued to the volcano at the next table, and then I panicked and when Mrs. Bradshaw tried to help me, I accidentally head-butted her and made her nose bleed. A lot. And everyone was mad at me for wrecking everything and I felt really bad."

Jess smiled, but held in a laugh. "That was a long time ago, Kirk. You're an adult now. Do you really want to miss out on something you want just because you're nervous about trying something new?"

"I don't know…."

"And I promise not to get too close if you accidentally crazy glue yourself to the car." Jess smirked.

Kirk was quiet a moment. "Was that friendly teasing or were you really making fun of me and being mean?"

Jess barked out a surprised laugh. "Wait, are you serious?"

"Yes. My junior high guidance counselor always told me that that was an important distinction. And that if I wasn't sure, I should ask before I just assumed someone was being mean to me again."

The smile faded from Jess' face. That sounded like the worst advice to give a kid who was being picked on. He wondered how much additional ridicule that question had provoked when Kirk had used it on his junior high classmates. He felt a stab of sympathy for Kirk as a child, growing up with a severely depressed mom and not fitting in with kids his own age. Jess had suffered through having an unstable mother himself, due to drugs and alcohol rather than depression, and it's not like he had had a ton of friends growing up, but he had always been relatively normal enough to have at least one or two, and he hadn't been the bullied kid, like he assumed Kirk had been. Jess pictured Kirk's childhood being very lonely. "It was just friendly teasing, Kirk. I'm sorry if it came across as mean."

"It didn't really. I just wasn't sure. You're hard to read sometimes."

Jess nodded like he was thinking this over. "Noted. I'll try to be easier to read in the future. So, you think about whether you want to learn to drive. I don't want to pressure you. We could go find an empty parking lot and start there, so that you couldn't really cause any damage. There's a big office park near the Walmart I work at. I bet it would be pretty deserted on a Sunday if you ever wanted to go check it out."

"Maybe. I think I would like to learn. I do dream of someday owning a car of my own. It's the next goal on my list after I secure an apartment. I believe having my own wheels would get me one step closer to getting a date with a young lady. Don't you think so?"

"Hmm…...I think having a car is definitely a plus for dating. It's always nice to be able to pick the girl up for a date. And if things go well, you always have a place to end the date, and you know, take your time saying goodnight before you drop her off. But it's not a pre-requisite for getting a date or having a girlfriend. You could definitely ask a girl out without having a car."

"Maybe." Kirk looked away from Jess and out the front windshield. "I've just never done it before. I haven't even had that many one on one conversations with girls my own age before, unless you count cashiers and sales girls. But, they're paid to be nice to customers, so that probably doesn't count. When I actually do it, I'll be nervous, but I want to know that I've at least taken all the precautions possible to set myself up for success."

Jess nodded. "That makes sense. And, I get it. It's a scary thing the first time you ask a girl out. But, it gets easier the more you do it. Just don't overthink it." Jess made a point of putting an exaggerated smile in his voice as he delivered the next sentence, testing their communication. "You'll get yourself too worked up and anxious, and that's what could lead to bad results like nervous head-butting, which is clearly to be avoided at all costs, because what kind of girl is going to agree to go out with you after you've head-butted her, right?"

Kirk looked at Jess with narrowed eyes and a tiny smile. "You're teasing me in a friendly way again, aren't you?"

Jess grinned. "Yes, Kirk. Yes, I am."

"Does that mean that we're friends?"

Jess made a show of considering the question, his expression one of exaggerated deliberation. "Yes, Kirk. I suppose it does."

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Jess and Kirk stood at the entrance of the open storage unit surveying its contents, which covered less than half of the floor space. The unit held some small pieces of furniture, end tables, a coffee table, a few straight-backed dining room chairs, along with a couple of lamps, a microwave, a pedestal fan, an area rug rolled up and standing on end in the corner and several brown cardboard boxes, stacked four or five high, each with a label written on the front facing side in neat magic marker.

"Is this everything?" When Kirk had told him about the storage unit, Jess figured Kirk would be set for furniture when he finally got his own apartment. But, looking at it now, Jess didn't see a mattress and box spring, a bed frame, a couch or anything to sit on other than the hard dining room chairs.

"Yes, this is it. My dad said that the upholstered furniture wouldn't hold up well in storage, so he held a yard sale for that stuff after the house sold. Or a house sale, because we didn't really move anything out to the yard. People had to come inside to look at the furniture and carry it out themselves when they bought it."

Jess nodded. "Ok, so, where do we start?"

"The top priority is a box labeled 'Cat Kirk.' That should have her litter box and scratching post and toys. It will be nice to have her real litter box back. The makeshift one I put together in the shopping bag lined with a plastic garbage bag works ok, but I think she misses the privacy of the dome over her old litter box. Other than that, I'd like to find my clothes and my personal effects. I don't know what that one would have been labeled."

Jess nodded and walked over to the opposite end of boxes from Kirk and started reading labels, 'Kitchen 2 of 3,' 'Bathroom,' 'Kirk – Clothing 1 of 2,' 'Kirk – Mementos.' He started pulling boxes from the top of the stack to get to the two labeled with Kirk's name.

"I found Cat Kirk's box!" Kirk had started moving boxes from the stack he was looking at, too. "What did you find, Jess?"

"I found some of your clothes and something labeled mementos. I thought it might have the picture you wanted."

After a quick peak through the 'Cat Kirk' box to confirm it had all the cat supplies he was looking for, Kirk placed the box by the entrance and came over to where Jess stood, the two boxes he had found on the floor in front of him. Kirk knelt and opened the box with the clothing first. He started fishing through the contents, pulling a couple of things out and setting them aside. He held up two shirts side by side and then put one back in the box.

"Kirk, you can bring the whole box if you want."

"Are you sure? I don't really have anywhere to keep it at Luke's, and I don't want to take up too much space and crowd you guys. I'm thinking I should only bring what can fit in my backpack, and that can serve as my dresser until I get a place of my own."

Jess had spotted a box called 'Kirk – Clothing 2 of 2' and was moving around boxes to get to it. "I think we should bring all your clothes, Kirk. This box, too. It's fine. Don't worry about crowding us. I can make space for some of this stuff in my room. I don't use that much of my closet, so you can hang some of this stuff up in there. Maybe I can even move stuff around to give you a dresser drawer. If everything doesn't fit, you can leave some stuff in one of the boxes and store it in my room so it's out of the way. You should have all your clothes with you in case you need stuff. Luke won't mind. Trust me on that. When I first moved in, and Liz shipped my stuff, I unpacked and threw my things all over the place just to piss him off and see what he'd do. I mean, I covered every inch of surface area in that apartment with my clothes and books and CD's. I even strung up a clothes line for my socks and underwear just for the comedic effect! The place looked like it belonged on an episode of Hoarders! And, what does Luke do? He buys the building next door so that he can give me my own room. Granted, I didn't get my own door, but still, my point is, Luke's kind of a soft-touch, so I wouldn't worry-"

Jess stopped mid-sentence as he turned back toward Kirk with the second box of clothing in his arms. Kirk was sitting on the floor, cross-legged, in front of the open mementos box, his head down staring at a picture frame in his hands. Jess wasn't sure what to do. He felt like he was intruding on a private moment, but walking out and leaving Kirk alone didn't feel right either. He knew he needed to say something, but he wasn't sure what.

"Kirk? Are you ok?"

Kirk nodded, but didn't look up. Tears were running down his face, but he made no move to wipe them away. Jess stood awkwardly for a few minutes, unsure what to do. He thought about Luke and tried to imagine what he would do in this situation, but he couldn't come up with anything more specific than just 'being there' for Kirk, which felt so frustratingly vague. Jess wasn't entirely sure how to act that sentiment out. He finally decided he couldn't just stand there staring, so he walked over to Kirk and sat down about a foot away from him. He made himself comfortable, leaning against the wall behind him, and resolved to wait patiently until Kirk was ready, to talk or to keep packing, or whatever. Jess kind of wished he had brought a book.

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In the end, they loaded Jess' car with both boxes of clothes, the cat accessories, the mementos box, and a box labeled 'Books and CD's' that Kirk said had mostly been his mom's, but that he would like to take with him to look through. Kirk hadn't looked through the rest of the mementos box and had been fine with just taking the picture of him and his mom that he had come for, but Jess had pushed him to bring the whole box, insisting he didn't need to look through it all now if he didn't want to, but that it was important stuff and he should have it with him in case he decided he wanted it. The drive back to Luke's was quiet. Jess wasn't sure what to say and Kirk was staring out the passenger window in silence.

Jess tried to focus on something positive as he drove. He had a date with Rory that night. That was always something to look forward to. They were planning on going to Al's for Chinese food and then watching 'The Big Sleep' at the Black, White and Read Theater. His mind went back to the list Fiona had given him the previous night of all the things he needed to buy for the baby. He knew he needed to start saving his money for that, and he wondered if he should just bring Rory to the diner for dinner instead. He ate free there and he was pretty sure Rory would, too, if she was there with him. The movie was only a dollar each, so it would be a cheap night that way. They had never been to the diner together since Jess was more comfortable taking his dates to restaurants where his uncle couldn't spy on him. He thought back to a night a couple of weeks after learning Shane was pregnant. He had been getting ready to leave to meet Rory, and Luke had offered to pack them a couple of sandwiches. Jess had scoffed at the idea of brown bagging it on a date, but now that he was thinking about all the money he would need to put toward baby stuff, the idea seemed more practical than ridiculous. He would definitely need to cut back on what he spent on himself, until he was sure he had provided his baby with everything it would need. He supposed Luke had been ahead of him in reaching that conclusion when he had offered the sandwiches. He glanced at Kirk in the passenger seat and sighed. He knew Kirk wasn't working that night, and he wondered if Rory would mind if Kirk joined them for dinner and the movie, so the guy wouldn't have to spend the evening alone after the rough day he'd had. He decided to call and ask her when they got home.


	6. Chapter 6 - Freakouts and Tater Tots

**Chapter 6 Notes:** Jess freaks out a bit, Luke worries and Kirk is Kirk. There's a little bit of Jess and Rory is this chapter, which I'm a little nervous about as I always find Rory and Lorelai to be the most difficult characters to capture. As always, I'm grateful for any reviews or feedback and thankful to all the folks who have been generous enough to leave me comments already. I appreciate everyone who has taken the time to drop me a note and let me know what they think. Thank you. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

After closing the diner, Luke sat at his kitchen table with a beer. He was looking over his copy of the information he had received from Fiona. Both boys were working, Kirk at the movie theater and Jess at Walmart, where he was supposed to be pricing some of the baby items on the list so that they could come up with some sort of budget to plan out the baby shopping. Luke had flipped the page on his calendar to April a few days ago. The baby was due in less than four months. Luke knew they needed to get serious and start preparing. The baby would be here before they knew it, and they weren't nearly ready. Luke had been sitting back, waiting for Jess to take the lead, but he was starting to feel like he should step in and offer some motivation. He knew Jess had picked up more hours at both the diner and Walmart with the goal of making more money to get ready for the baby, but he had yet to see a single baby item enter the apartment. He suspected it was easier for Jess to throw himself into working extra hours for money for 'baby stuff' in the abstract, than it was for him to pick out actual baby items that would paint a more tangible and harder to ignore picture of how much his life was about to change. Luke wanted to help Jess out with some of the more expensive things on the list, maybe the car seat and the stroller. He wanted to go top of the line for the car seat, since it was a safety issue. He had toyed with the idea of surprising Jess with a new car, since he viewed that entire piece of crap that Jess drove as a safety issue for transporting his future great-niece or nephew, but he wasn't sure it would go over well. He knew Jess was planning on giving Kirk driving lessons, and Luke thought maybe once Kirk got his license, he could talk Jess into giving his old car to Kirk and letting Luke help him buy something safer and more dependable. He knew he would need to approach that conversation carefully, though. Jess had been very touchy about money, and paying his own way, lately.

Luke wanted to help his nephew financially, but he also wanted to do something special for Jess and the baby. He was thinking about building the crib himself, something along the lines of what he had done with the chuppah he had made for Lorelai's wedding, but simpler, with cleaner lines, since he didn't think his nephew would appreciate the cherubs and goats he had carved for Lorelai. He liked the idea of Jess' baby snuggled up to sleep, feeling safe and loved, in something he had made with his own two hands. He would need to call Bud and Maisy to see if he could use Bud's garage woodshop again like he had for the chuppah, since he would have nowhere to work on a thing like that on his own property. Lately, he had been thinking about how nice it would be to have a house, with a garage of his own where he could work on carpentry projects and maybe finish his dad's boat one day. He liked the convenience of living above the diner, and the lack of hassle that having outside space entailed with grass to cut in the summer and walkways to shovel in the winter, but now that the baby was on the way, he sometimes caught himself picturing a house with a backyard. He could see himself sitting in deck chairs with Jess watching his little great-niece or nephew playing in the grass. Maybe having Jess and Kirk over to barbeque in the summer. The apartment over the diner had been perfectly suited to his needs for all the years he had lived alone, with guests few and far between. He would have felt lost and foolish living by himself in a house a few years ago. Back before Jess. Back when he had given up expecting to ever have a family, or any people in his life at all really. Lately the idea didn't seem so absurd. Jess would likely be staying in Stars Hollow for the near future to be near his child, and even if the boy didn't live with him much longer, Luke would at least have family in the area. He liked the idea of having an actual room for Jess if he ever stayed over or needed a roof over his head again for any reason after he moved out, or for the baby if he was ever babysitting overnight. If Jess ever did leave Stars Hollow, down the road when his child was grown, Luke wanted to have a place for him to stay when he visited, and at this point, Luke felt confident that Jess would visit. It struck Luke that Nicole never featured in these day dreams. They hadn't spoken to each other in a few days, and he knew it was likely his turn to call her. He had never been very good at multi-tasking, and he was currently focusing all his emotional energy onto Jess and Kirk. After getting Jess' ok, he had told Nicole about the baby, and she understood that Jess needed to be Luke's priority right now, but she was a good person and he knew deep down she deserved to be with a man who could manage his own life without shutting her out when things got complicated. Part of him felt like it was time to end things, but another part knew this was closer than he had come to having a real relationship since Rachel and he didn't want to squander this opportunity, even if his heart wasn't as in it as he thought it should be. There was nothing wrong with Nicole. She was kind and fun and classy and he found her very attractive. She had gotten along well with Jess the few times they had all had dinner together. She was even nice to Kirk. Luke knew this decision would be easier for him if she had a glaring fault, if she was selfish, or inconsiderate or judgmental. But, she was none of those, so he let the relationship linger on, and felt like a coward for it. Cat Kirk jumped onto the table, pulling Luke from his thoughts. The cat nuzzled against Luke's arm asking to be pet, and he complied, scratching her in her favorite spot under her chin. He had originally tried to keep the cat off the table, but the first time he'd told the cat to get down he had been met with such strong reactions from both boys, Kirk apologizing and explaining that Cat Kirk wasn't trying to be bad she just didn't know there were different rules here and Jess calling Luke a bully for picking on an innocent little furball, that Luke had given up and ceded free reign to Cat Kirk.

Luke worried about his nephew. For the most part, Jess seemed to be adjusting well. He was working hard to be able to provide his baby with everything it would need. He was being supportive to Shane. He was reading a book about what to expect during the first year of the baby's life. He was being more responsible with his money, more responsible in general, really, and showing Kirk a lot of empathy. Luke was proud of how maturely Jess was handling everything. But, Jess didn't open up about his feelings very often and the incident on the side of the road after the dinner with Shane's family was still gnawing at Luke. It's not like he couldn't understand his nephew's apprehension. Like he had told Fiona, he felt it himself. It had to be much more acute from Jess' perspective. But, he had thought Jess was doing ok. The sudden panic induced vomiting had caught him off guard. Luke had gotten out of the truck and crouched down next to Jess' already kneeling form, rubbing the kid's back while he heaved up his dinner. When Luke had gotten past his shock, he spoke to Jess soothingly, telling him that he was ok, that everything was going to be ok. That he knew it seemed scary now, but everything was going to work out, just wait and see. All his comforting had done was start tears streaming down the boy's face, as he knelt, bent over the mess he had made, panting like he had just run a mile. Once he was sure he was finished, Jess had sat back on his heels and scrubbed the back of his sleeve across his mouth. The flash of raw fear Luke had seen in the boy's eyes before Jess had composed himself had unnerved him to the point of speechlessness.

The boy had apologized then. "I'm really sorry about this, Luke."

Luke had pulled himself together and tried to lighten the moment. "It's ok. It's not like you got it in the truck. Then you'd really be sorry, kid."

Jess had let out a soft huff of air that was almost a laugh then, before his face had gone serious, and he appeared on the verge of crying again. "I'm sorry you have to deal with this. Any of it. Me crying and puking. A baby on the way. Dinner with another family. I know how much you hate stuff like that."

Luke had smiled at that. "Jess, dinner was fine. And I would go through a lot worse than dinner with strangers for you. Or holding your hair while you throw up. You know that, right?"

Jess had shaken his head slowly at Luke's response. "It's not fair. It was generous enough for you to take me in last year when Liz kicked me out. I was a complete shit to you back then. But, I was seventeen, and you thought I'd be here two years tops, until I finished school. You didn't sign up to deal with me hanging around past graduation, or to deal with a baby. It's not your problem, and I'm so sorry I keep dumping this shit on you." Jess had looked away then as he wiped at a fresh tear. "I'm scared. I'm so scared…but, I'm not a little kid anymore, and it's not like I'm even your kid to begin with …so this isn't something you should have to deal with."

Luke had thought about how Fiona talked about her relationship with Shane, about how this baby could bring them closer together or drive them apart. He had recognized the truth in what she said and he was so eager for this experience to strengthen his relationship with Jess. To solidify them as their own little family of two, then three. Luke had understood where Jess was coming from, but he needed the boy to know that he wasn't something Luke felt burdened with, that he was the best thing he had.

"Jess, listen to me. You don't need to apologize for the baby. I'm serious. This baby is something good, not something you need to feel guilty about. Ever. And you're right, you're not my kid. And as much as I feel badly that you had to go through what you did with your mother and her boyfriends before you got here, I consider myself lucky, blessed even, every single day that I got to help raise you these last couple of years. Even if I only got to put the finishing touches on an almost grown kid. Having you here was stressful at the beginning. Because you're right, you were a little shit when you first got here, and dealing with you was frustrating as hell." Luke had paused to see if Jess would laugh or contradict him, but the boy had just stared at him wordlessly. "But, having you here has also made my life better in more ways than I can count. These last two years, getting to know you and take care of you like this, has been one of the greatest pleasures of my life. And I won't be this baby's grandfather, either, I get that. But, I don't see Jimmy or Shane's dad lining up for the job, so I'm happy to help fill that role any way I can, too. No one means more to me than you, Jess. You're not a burden on me. Your baby isn't going to be a burden either. Having you here has let me come closer to being a parent, and now a grandparent, than I'd probably ever get otherwise. And, I'm grateful for that. I'll probably never have kids of my own. You're it for me. You and my great-niece or nephew. Nothing matters more to me than this. I'm all in for you and this baby, Jess. All in. Whatever I can do. Whatever you need."

Jess' eyes had been wet again by the time Luke was finished. The boy hadn't responded. Had just nodded slowly and lowered his gaze to the ground. Luke had pulled him in for a quick one-armed hug, dropping a kiss on his head. "All right, let's get you home so you can get cleaned up and brush your teeth. You reek."

Luke hoped he had done a decent job reassuring Jess during his freak out, but he wished he had more insight into what the boy was thinking about on a day to day basis. He wouldn't let himself be so blindsided the next time. He resolved himself to the idea that Jess was probably going to be a frightened little boy, on a deep-down level, at least until after the baby was born and he realized that his own life wasn't over. Luke would need to do better about supporting and reassuring that inner little boy even when his nephew was behaving like a mature adult on the surface. Jess had looked so terrified right after he'd thrown up. Luke knew he needed to do everything in his power to help his nephew keep that fear at bay. He knew Jess was a good kid and a decent human being, but he also knew that decent people were capable of terrible, irrevocable things when they let that fear overtake them. Dread pooled in the pit of his stomach as he remembered having seen that same terrified look on a very similar face, eighteen years earlier.

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After wolfing down a quick sandwich in the staff room, Jess was spending his half hour break in the baby section of Walmart. As instructed by Luke, he had his list out and was diligently making his way down the aisles checking out the items on his list and indicating a price range in pencil next to each one. Even with his fifteen percent employee discount, the cost was adding up fast. The crib, the stroller, the high chair, the baby bath tub, the car seat, something called a diaper genie that he really didn't understand. And that was just the big stuff. And where were they going to put all this stuff? Luke's one room apartment was already packed as it was with three people and one cat. He would need to get his own place sooner rather than later. He wanted his kid to see him standing on his own two feet by the time it was old enough to know what was going on. Then there was the everyday stuff, like clothes, pacifiers, baby food, baby wipes, diapers. Diapers alone were going to be insane. He had taken to getting to work early and reading through some of the parenting magazines Walmart stocked before he started his shift, and he had read that the average baby used somewhere between twenty-five hundred to three thousand diapers in the first year. After doing some ballpark math on the prices and quantities of diapers they sold, he had realized that would run him almost a thousand dollars for diapers alone. He knew the baby would be with Shane half the time, and even more before it became proficient at using a bottle, so the entire expense wouldn't be his, but he wondered what his job was supposed to be in terms of supporting the baby. As the guy was he supposed to pay for more than half of stuff? Was that a thing? He wanted to do what he was supposed to, provide his fair share, and right now he felt like he was already running a deficit to Shane due to biology. He had pressured her into sex without a condom, but she was the one who had to carry the baby for nine months. She was the one who bore the physical representation of their situation, and had to deal with all the whispers behind her back at school and judgmental looks from strangers that accompanied it. She would be the primary caretaker for the first few months so that she could breast feed. Jess felt like he was already in arrears as a parent. The least he could do was provide more financially. He had never felt this desperate a need in his life to do more than the bare minimum. To provide what was needed and then some. To not only be a good dad, but a good co-parent to Shane. To prove that he was one of the good guys, to everyone, to Shane, to Luke, to himself. That he wasn't a deadbeat, that he was worth everything Luke had done for him and given him. That he wasn't as worthless as his own father. Jess sighed, knowing his time was up and started back toward the staff room to clock back in from his break.

"Oh, hey, Jess! I was just looking for you!" Jess put his time card back in its slot and stepped back from the time clock to see the assistant to the warehouse manager standing behind him, clipboard in hand, her signature pink hardhat on her head and her usual chipper smile on her face.

"Hey, just got back from my break. What's up?"

"Bill wants to get the schedule pinned down for the next couple of weeks, and I have a couple of open shifts that I wanted to see if you were interested in."

"Uh, yeah, I'm interested. When are there?"

"They're this Friday and next, but they're both daytime shifts, seven to three. I know you don't usually work those hours on weekdays, but I'm desperate so I thought I'd ask. Are you okay with those hours?"

"Yeah, absolutely. That sounds great." Jess debated with himself a second before going on. "And if you ever need coverage for any other shifts, I'm interested in those, too. Whatever the hours. I'll be here."

Jess watched the girl's face light up, her smile infectious, tugging the corners of his own mouth upward in response. "Well, aren't you a team player! That's a great attitude, Jess. I wish more of the guys in the warehouse felt that way. It would sure make my job a lot easier! Thanks for taking these shifts, and I'll definitely keep you in mind if anything else comes up."

Jess nodded. A few extra shifts seemed like a good start.

"See you later, Jess! Have a good rest of your shift!"

"Uh, you, too. Thanks, Lulu."

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It was the mid-afternoon lull at Luke's. Jess had just started his shift and was bussing a dirty table, and Luke was wiping down the counter in the otherwise empty diner while he watched his nephew. "So, Jess, did you get a chance to look up the prices for all the baby stuff last night?"

Jess nodded, a little annoyed that Luke was checking up on him. "Yes, Luke. I was a very good boy and did exactly what you told me to."

Luke frowned. "What's with you?"

"Nothing. Sorry. I'm just…I don't know, tense today. Yes, I got all the prices marked down on my list."

"Can I see it after we close up tonight?"

Jess shook his head and he carried the tray of dirty dishes past Luke and into the kitchen. "Nope."

Luke sighed. Jess had only walked in from school a few minutes ago. Luke hadn't realized the boy was in a mood, or he wouldn't have tried to engage him. But, he felt like it was too late to turn back now. He waited for Jess to walk back out of the kitchen. "What do you mean, 'nope,'?"

Jess grabbed a package of napkins from behind the counter, walked over to the nearest table and started refilling the dispenser. He shot a look at his uncle. "I mean, you don't need to know the prices, because it's all stuff that I have to buy, not you. So, don't worry about it."

Luke sighed. This again. Ever since finding out he was going to be a father, Jess seemed to vacillate between being a scared little kid who needed a hug and an ill-tempered young adult who resented the idea of help from anyone. Jess had always been moody, but the complete one-eighty in personality he seemed to be experiencing on a near daily basis in recent weeks was starting to wear on Luke. "Jess, I want to help you with some of the stuff you need. We've talked about this."

"You mean in addition to the free bed I sleep in, or the free food I eat, under the free roof you put over my head every night? You're already giving me enough stuff I need."

"I was thinking I could take care of the crib, the stroller and the car seat. So, there'd be a couple less things for you to worry-"

"No way! You're not doing that!" Jess was shaking his head emphatically. "Those are the most expensive things the baby needs."

"Actually, the most expensive thing the baby needs is a college fund. How about you work on that and let me take care of these things?"

"Luke, you're already doing enough. Seriously. I can handle the baby stuff on my own."

"I just want to help you, Jess."

"I know. And you are. You're already doing plenty. I don't want to take money from you on top of everything."

"You do know it's customary to buy baby presents for expectant parents, don't you?"

Jess sighed. "Fine, you can get one thing. But, only one! I'm not going to take advantage of you, Luke. I can handle the baby stuff myself." Jess slammed a napkin dispenser back down on the table with a jarring metallic clang.

"You're not taking advantage of me if I'm offering, but I get it, you want to handle things on your own. I respect that. If I'm only allowed to get one thing, I'll get the crib, ok?"

"Fine! Thank you."

"So, we're agreed. The crib will be my only large purchase for the baby." Luke paused, then decided he couldn't resist poking the very grumpy bear. "I can't promise I won't pick up some smaller things, though, like baby clothes or toys, if I happen to see something cute somewhere. Like maybe a little onesie with an arrow pointing to the side that says 'I'm with Doofus' so that when you hold the baby, it points to, well, you get the picture, or one that says 'My dad spends forty-five minutes on his hair'. You know, something too perfect to leave at the store." Luke saw the irritated look Jess aimed at him from across the diner, but he could tell it was put on, that Jess' mood had softened and his real annoyance was gone. Luke laughed. "Hey, that's my right as a great-uncle! This kid is going to be my family, too, you know. And that comes with spoiling privileges. I can buy this kid whatever I want to."

Jess scowled, making Luke laugh again. "I'll buy this kid a damn pony if I feel like it, nephew."

Jess gave in and laughed softly at that, shaking his head. "Well, any kid of mine will probably appreciate a pony more than a college fund, anyway."

Luke smiled. "Oh, no, my friend, your kid is definitely going to college. I'm going to start talking to this kid about it as soon as it's old enough to listen. The first college graduate in our family. I can already see it." Luke had also started a separate savings account for his great-niece or nephew's college education, but he didn't need to bring that up now. That would be something he would surprise Jess with when his son or daughter started looking at colleges.

Jess frowned. "You know Shane was planning to go to college?"

The smile faded from Luke's face. "Yeah, Fiona mentioned something about that the other night."

"I didn't know until recently. She was telling me about it when we were playing Scrabble after dinner at her house that time. She got into Sacred Heart, Quinnipiac and Central Connecticut. She didn't find out until after she already knew she was pregnant. And, I messed that up for her. Not going to college is going to impact her whole life, and it's my fault."

"It wasn't just you, Jess. Shane is just as much to blame as you are in all this." Luke paused. "I'm sorry, blame isn't the right word, that's not what I mean. There shouldn't be any blame like it's a bad thing…I just mean she's as responsible for this situation as you are."

"I was never even that into her. Right from the start, I was using her to make myself feel better after Rory kissed me and then blew me off for the summer while she was in D.C. Shane was easy to be with. She didn't expect much from me. And then when Rory got back, I kept using Shane to make her jealous."

Luke wasn't sure what to say. The word 'using' hit him hard. He thought about the similarities to his relationship with Nicole. Luke knew he treated Nicole with significantly more respect and care than Jess ever did Shane. Jess had been a jackass to that girl. Luke had seen that from day one. But, he could also admit that he wasn't as invested in his relationship as he should be, and that perhaps he was exploiting the situation to soothe himself over another, unattainable woman for whom he harbored stronger feelings. He had never seen himself as the kind of man who would do that, and the thought that he might be didn't make him feel good.

"I don't want her to look back on me as this big regret, you know. I feel like I've had this major wrecking ball impact on her life already, and it doesn't seem fair. If she had never met me, she'd be getting ready for college right now. I want her to be able to go. I don't want to be someone who wrecked that for her. I don't want her to look back on this and hate me, the way Liz does with Jimmy."

Luke was quiet a moment. "Jess, your mother's feelings toward Jimmy have more to do with him abandoning you as a baby than they do with anything else. And Shane will never have the same reason to hate you, because you'll never do anything like that. Jimmy was…" Luke chose his next words carefully. "A weak person, Jess. He was young, and he got scared, so he took off rather than face his responsibility. He didn't care that your mother was also young, and also scared. He didn't give a damn about anyone but himself. And as much as I think you and your mother were better off without him anyway, your mother has every right to be pissed as hell at him for leaving you guys the way he did. Never calling. Never sending money to take care of his kid. You're not like him, Jess. You and Shane got into this situation together. And, you're going to live up to your responsibilities, and be a dad to your kid. Shane isn't going to hate you for causing this situation any more than you'd hate her."

Jess kept his eyes down as he fiddled with the napkin dispenser in his hands. "You really think that we were better off without Jimmy?"

Luke felt something in his stomach drop at the combination of the question and the earnestness in Jess' voice.

"I mean, do you think that if a person is weak enough and has enough significant character flaws…that their own child would be better off without them?"

Luke had given up all pretense of cleaning the counter and was staring hard at his nephew, wishing he could see what the boy was thinking. He tried to collect his thoughts. "Jess, Jimmy didn't leave to save his child from his significant character flaws. Leaving his child was his significant character flaw."

Jess nodded, still focused on the napkin dispenser. "I know, but do you think he thought he was doing the best thing for me? I mean, if Liz had met a good guy, if she had focused on her baby instead of drinking and smoking so much, we could have ended up with a better life than we would have had with Jimmy. Don't you think? Maybe if Liz had come to you and your dad for support, and made some different decisions, things might have turned out pretty good for us. Then Jimmy might have been right to leave."

Luke could feel an uptick in his heartbeat. He tried to convince himself that these were innocent questions that any child would ask about a parent who abandoned them, but the conversation was leaving him with a bad feeling in his gut. "Jess, Jimmy's job as your father wasn't to walk away and hope for the best for you. To hope Liz met some nice guy who would do his job for him. His job was to stay and do the best he could for you. To provide for his child and be there for you and set the best example he could. And if that didn't come easy to him, then his job was to work harder at it. There's no way to justify him leaving you like he did."

Jess nodded and looked at his uncle. "I know. You're right. I just wonder what he was thinking about when he left. Liz never talked about him except to run him down. But, that can't be all there was to him…I don't know. I'm just curious about him, I guess."

"Of course, you are. I understand." Luke felt another twinge in his gut. He really needed to change the subject. "So, speaking of Liz, have you told her yet?"

Jess rolled his eyes at his uncle as he moved on to the next table. "Nope, haven't spoken to her lately." Then, with fake enthusiasm. "Gee, I guess I must have missed her weekly call to check in on how her only child is doing."

Luke thought a minute. "It has been a while since she's called. But, I thought for something this big, you might call her."

"Well, you can't think right all the time, Luke. Don't let it get you down."

"Are you going to let her know?" Luke asked hesitantly, knowing that talking about Liz was always dangerous territory with Jess. Luke didn't doubt that the boy had good reason to be so hostile when it came to his mother, but he felt he owed it to his sister to get Jess to tell her about something this important. She should know she's going to be a grandmother.

"I can honestly say I have no immediate plans to do so. But, if it means that much to you, Luke, by all means. Go ahead. Don't let me stand in your way."

Luke sighed. "I really think she should hear this from her son, Jess. Don't you?"

"Luke, when I lived with my mother…" Jess paused to collect himself and tone down his irritation. As always, he was annoyed at the mention of his mother, but deep down he did know that Luke cared about him, and was trying to help him. "When I lived with Liz, and I started staying out late, I was maybe fourteen or fifteen, and I wasn't doing drugs or crazy partying or anything, just hanging out with friends because I didn't want to go home and deal with her or whatever guy she was with at the time. When I'd get home, if she was between boyfriends and depressed, sometimes she'd be drunk and angry and accuse me of sleeping around with multiple girls, telling me that it was just a matter of time until I knocked up some little tramp and then ran out on her and the baby, because she knew deep down that I was no good, just like Jimmy. Or sometimes she'd just be stoned and try to lay some philosophical bullshit on me about how I shouldn't mess around with girls that I don't really care about, because it's different for girls, they get emotionally attached, and then they get hurt, just like she had in every relationship she'd been in starting with Jimmy. And she'd warn me that karma's a bitch and that I'd get mine. So, she is the absolute last person I want to talk to about this. I'd rather go back over to the Gilmore's for another round with Rory's grandmother."

Jess took in the wounded look on Luke's face, fascinated once again by their conflicting perspectives on Liz. Luke was clearly having trouble digesting the level of maliciousness that the sister he had grown up with was capable of inflicting on her son, whereas Jess knew this story was only mild representation of Liz's brand of parenting. A moment earlier Jess had felt riled up enough to throw his worst childhood stories in Luke's face to shut him up about Liz, but he knew the right thing to do was to show mercy to the one person who had always shown him the same, and when he spoke, his voice was calmer. "Please don't take this the wrong way, but the Liz you grew up with was probably very different from the Liz I grew up with. You don't understand our relationship and I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't hassle me about it. Having a conversation with her is just about the last thing I need at this point. I'm already at my limit. I can't handle any more shit right now. Ok?"

"Ok." Luke nodded a few times to reinforce that he understood. "I'm sorry I brought it up. I won't ask about it again." Luke was remembering Jess' eyes, stricken with fear and panic after vomiting by the side of the road. He wanted to kick himself for pushing the kid, and giving him grief about his mother. "I'm sorry, Jess, really."

"It's ok, Luke." Jess turned away from his uncle as he worked on the last napkin dispenser, turning his head to the side to speak over his shoulder to Luke. "I know you just want what's best for me. We just don't agree on whether Liz fits into that concept. Who I am with her is very different than who I am with you. You've been really good to me. And, I hope you see me as a reasonably decent person. An ok nephew, and everything. But, I'm not that kind of son to her." Jess shrugged. "I can't be. I guess people just get what they deserve." Jess huffed out a small laugh. "I guess Liz was right about that. Karma is a bitch."

Luke was racking his mind for a response, but was saved by the ding of the bell above the door as a customer entered the diner.

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Jess and Rory walked into the diner late one Sunday afternoon to grab a bite before heading upstairs. It was early for dinner, but Jess was starving. He had forgotten to bring the lunch Luke had packed for him to Walmart that day and had made the decision to skip lunch and save his money instead of buying himself something there. He was trying to be more disciplined about his spending, about his life in general really, and he figured that going hungry all day might make him less likely to forget his lunch in the future.

There were a few customers scattered at tables throughout the half empty diner, Luke was taking an order at one and nodded to Jess as the couple walked in. Rory headed for a free table, but Jess had spotted Kirk sitting alone at the counter, concentrating on the needles and yarn he was working with in his hands, a small frown on his face. Jess caught Rory's eye and smiled, silently angled his head toward Kirk and tugged gently on his girlfriend's hand. Rory had smiled back and nodded as she let herself be led over to the counter. Jess sat two stools down from Kirk, leaving the spot in the middle for Rory, so she wouldn't feel excluded in any way. He was doing his best to be extra attentive and considerate to her lately. He couldn't kid himself into believing a breakup wasn't eminent, probably likely to happen either right before, or right after, she left for Yale, but he wasn't going to help her make that decision. He wanted to show her his best self to try to delay her decision for as long as he could.

"Hey Kirk, what are you knitting?" Rory asked as she sat down. Jess kept hold of Rory's hand between the stools, and used this time when her focus was on Kirk to just stare at her, taking in how beautiful she was, thinking about how intelligent and good a person she was. As usual when he thought about their relationship, Jess was in awe of his girlfriend, of the fact that she liked him and had chosen to be with him. Had thought he was special enough and worthy enough to choose him over another guy that she had already loved. But, now it felt bittersweet knowing that she wouldn't be his for much longer.

Kirk looked up from his project, clearly startled to see that he had company. "Oh, hi Rory, hi Jess."

"Hey, Kirk." Jess said.

"I'm making a baby blanket for Jess' baby." He held up his needles to show them the attached piece of knitted pale green yarn around five inches across and three inches from needle to end.

Jess grinned broadly as he spoke to indicate that he was teasing. "Kirk, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but I'm pretty sure the baby's going to be a little bigger than that."

Kirk smiled back. "I'm aware that your baby will be wider and longer than this, Jess. I'm working on making five-inch squares in different shades of greens and yellows. When I have enough done, I'll sew them together to make the blanket." Kirk looked at Rory, his expression serious. "Jess likes to tease me because we're friends. Possibly best friends, but that hasn't been officially established yet."

Rory nodded with a smile. "I get it. He likes to tease me, too." She shot a look at Jess, sharing a moment before turning her attention back to Kirk, and Jess soaked up all the affection she sent his way, through the light in her eyes and her warm smile, wishing he could tuck the image away in his pocket for safekeeping. "I didn't know you knew how to knit, Kirk. Did your mom teach you?" Jess thought about how much braver Rory was than him. He himself would still never bring up Kirk's mom in a conversation.

Kirk just shook his head wordlessly at first, looking down at his knitting. The lack of verbal response was unlike him, and Jess started to worry that maybe the guy couldn't handle the unexpected mention of his mother. He was concerned that it might set Kirk off. And crying at home, upstairs in front of him or Luke was one thing, but he didn't want Kirk to go through that in front of Rory in a public place like this. Before he could jump in to save him, Kirk spoke. "No, actually Shane taught me. She had been telling me about it at work. Her mom taught her when she was little after her dad left them. She said it was relaxing and helped her cope with the stress of her loss. She's started doing it again now that she's stressed about the baby." Jess looked at Rory to see how she was reacting to Kirk talking about Shane and the baby. Jess tried not to bring up either around Rory, unless she asked about the situation, then he did his best to respond honestly before moving on from the topic as quickly as he could. Rory's smile hadn't exactly faltered, but Jess could see it had dimmed a little. She clearly hadn't expected the knitting to lead back to Shane. "She thought it might help me to learn how to do it, to cope with what happened with my mom…so, she came by today to teach me."

Rory nodded. "My mom taught me when I was little, too, but I haven't done it in years. I'm not sure I'd even remember how to cast on. I bet your baby blanket will be really nice, Kirk. That's such a thoughtful gift."

Jess wanted to move the conversation away from his baby. "Yeah, I've heard of that before, knitting as a coping mechanism. One of Liz's boyfriends when I was maybe twelve used to knit when he was stressed. He was a Vietnam veteran and a therapist he'd had when he first got home from the war had got him started on it as a way to deal with post-traumatic stress. He was the first guy I'd ever seen knit. And he was this real badass guy, you know, a cop and everything. Wouldn't take shit from anybody. But then he'd sit on the couch at night when he'd had a bad day and knit hats and scarves that he used to donate to homeless shelters. He knitted a lot, now that I think about it, but I guess living with Liz was pretty damn stressful." Jess smirked.

"I can see how it could be helpful in that situation." Kirk returned his attention to his project and started knitting again as he spoke. "I'm finding it very soothing so far. Except when I make a mistake, then it can be very frustrating. But, Shane showed me how to take off a row or two when I've dropped a stitch and how to put the yarn back on the needle. I'm getting better at it."

"Good for you, Kirk." Rory said. "I think it's really cool that you're learning to knit."

"Thanks, Rory."

"Hey Luke, I'm starving." Jess directed at his uncle as the man walked past them to put in an order with Caesar in the kitchen. "What's a guy got to do to get some service around here?"

Luke responded as he walked back over from the kitchen. "Sorry for the wait, nephew. I read somewhere that it was good business practice to prioritize your paying customers. Hi, Rory."

"Hi, Luke." Rory smiled at Luke.

"What can I get you?" Luke asked.

"If I may," Kirk cut in. "I would recommend the tater tots. They're excellent today."

"Tater tots? Luke, have you been changing up the menu on me?" Rory asked with a smile.

"Not officially." Luke said. "Shane was in here earlier with Kirk, and she asked if we had any. She had a craving for them, so, I sent Kirk over to Doose's to pick up a bag so I could make her some. Then a couple people saw Shane and Kirk eating them and wanted to order them, so I sent Kirk back for a few more bags. People seem to like them, so I'm thinking of maybe adding them to the menu. At the very least, I'll keep a few bags around for when Shane's here. I figure anyone carrying Jess' baby should get whatever she wants, right?"

Jess was trying to give Luke a look to tell him to shut up about Shane, but his uncle was oblivious, his focus on Rory. Jess turned toward Rory, and tried to bring the conversation back to her. "What do you think, Rory? Is that something you and your mom would ever order? Luke, you should really consult your most loyal VIP customers before you start switching up your menu all willy-nilly." Jess mock-scolded.

Luke smiled. "I didn't really picture Lorelai having a problem with tater tots, Jess. That sounds like something that would be right up her alley."

Rory nodded, the small smile on her lips looking less natural and more forced to Jess. "I believe my mom has been known to indulge in a tater tot or two in her time. I can definitely picture us ordering those when we feel the need to mix it up with our starchy potato side dishes."

"Putting them on the menu sounds like a plan then." Luke said. "Oh, Jess, Shane wanted me to tell you that the appointment for the ultrasound got rescheduled from Tuesday to Thursday at four o'clock. So, if you still want to be there to find out the baby's gender, you better figure out your work schedule and give Shane a call to let her know you're still going."

Jess gave his uncle a hard look. "Ok, Luke, thanks for the message. I'll call her later. After my date." He bit out the word 'date' with extra emphasis, and Luke seemed to get the message, looking a bit embarrassed when he'd realized what he'd done.

"Sure, Jess. Sorry. Ok, so, uh, what are you having, Rory?"

"I'll have my usual burger and fries, please. With a coke. Thanks, Luke."

"Ok, coming right up."

"I'll have the same, but can you make mine chili fries please?" Jess added.

"You're getting the turkey sandwich with avocado, my friend. You've been eating way too much red meat lately." Luke was already walking away from the counter, scribbling notes onto an order form to give to Caesar.

Jess sighed and muttered under his breath. "Despot."

"It's sweet, Jess. Luke worries about you." Rory turned a smile on him and rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. Jess felt himself melting under her gaze.

"So." Kirk started. "What do you want it to be, Jess?"

"Um." Jess was caught off guard by the question and kept eye contact with Rory while he answered. "Well, I wanted it to be a burger, Kirk. But, I'll live with the turkey sandwich."

"I meant the baby's gender. What do you want it to be? A boy or a girl?"

"Oh!" Jess pulled his gaze from his girlfriend to look at Kirk. "I don't know, I guess I haven't really given it much thought."

"I think a boy would be really cute!" Rory said, a warm smile blooming on her face. "I can just picture a teeny tiny little Jess Mariano running around. Reading his teeny tiny little books. His hair all gelled and a punk smirk on his teeny tiny little face."

Jess grimaced. "Yeah, just what the world needs."

"Shane said she'll be happy either way, but that she would prefer a girl." Kirk said. "Just because she is one herself and feels like she would know more about girls and have more to teach a little girl. She said the idea of a boy feels weird to her since it's just been her and her mom and her sister for so long. But, she also said a boy could be fun, too. She mostly just wants it to be healthy."

Jess knew giving Kirk the hard look he had used on Luke would be wasted. Or Kirk would see it and get upset thinking that Jess was actually angry with him, which he didn't want either. Instead Jess just sighed. "Yeah, I just want it to be healthy, too. I don't think I have a preference when it comes to gender." Jess knew even as he spoke the words, that they were a lie, but he didn't feel comfortable agreeing with Shane in front of Rory. His reasoning for preferring a girl was the exact opposite of Shane's. He believed that every kid deserved both parents, but even without having had a father growing up, he instinctively felt that fathers were more important for sons and mothers were more important for daughters. He felt a certain amount of relief at the idea of the baby being a girl, that with a girl the onus would somehow be more on Shane to set an example and to teach their daughter how to be a woman. He wasn't convinced he was even remotely qualified to teach anyone how to be a man.


	7. Chapter 7 - Taylor, Europe & Ultrasounds

**Chapter 7 Notes:** Some Jess and Kirk, Jess and Luke, and a little more Jess and Rory here. For the lovely reviewer who was concerned about Shane's education after Chapter 6, thank you for your perspective, and please bear with me and know that all is not lost for Shane's education, though it may take a few chapters to get that story line wrapped up satisfactorily. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are warmly welcomed. Thanks to all my lovely reviewers. I appreciate every review that each of you has left me. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

"All right, turn left at that lamppost…...now give it a little gas. It doesn't have to be too much, Kirk, but the car does need to actually be moving when you make the turn. That's it." Jess had been giving directions and encouragement from the passenger seat of his car for about an hour now, as he watched Kirk maneuver the car around the empty office complex parking lot. By now, Jess realized that Kirk, despite being one of the funniest people he had ever met, never played anything for a laugh. His stiff posture and exaggerated hold on the steering wheel, hands never leaving ten and two o'clock, weren't put on for effect, as Jess would have believed had he seen this caricature of a nervous driver on anyone else he knew. Kirk was just that tense. Despite Jess' urging, he didn't think the car had gone over ten miles an hour so far. "All right, Kirk. How about we do one more lap around the parking lot then you park the car in that last spot there at the end and we call it a day?"

"Ok, Jess."

"To make it a little more interesting this time, let's drive around the perimeter of the parking lot, close to the curb so that you can practice keeping the car straight along the curb. And maybe try to pick up the speed a little bit." Jess saw Kirk's shoulders tense up even more at that. "Just a little. Let's just go a little bit faster than we've been going, maybe bring it up to twenty. What do you think?"

Kirk depressed the break very slowly, bringing the car from its previous slow crawl to a complete stop so that he could look at Jess. "I don't know if I'm ready to go faster, Jess. Or to be near the curb. I'm feeling very comfortable here in the middle of the parking lot where the only obstacles I need to navigate around are the lampposts. Maybe we should wait until next time to approach the curb or increase the speed."

"Kirk, I'm not going to force you to do anything you're not comfortable with, but I think you should try it. I really think you can do it. Remember the last time we were here and we talked about going outside your comfort zone and adding one new skill every time we practice?"

Kirk nodded, his expression serious.

"I think adding a little speed should be your new skill for today. You can't keep driving at ten miles an hour forever. How about if you stay maybe ten feet from the curb, and just try to maintain that distance the whole way around the parking lot? That way you'll still be working on keeping the car straight, but you won't have to worry about getting too close to anything."

Kirk didn't look convinced, and Jess was starting to wonder if he was pressuring the guy too much.

"Ok, Jess. I'll try it."

Jess smiled his most encouraging smile. He didn't usually see himself as a very tolerant person, but for some reason he didn't understand, he found himself having unlimited patience when it came to Kirk. "That's all I ask, Kirk. All right, so start off slow along this side." Kirk put the car back in drive and started moving it forward. "Ok, great, now let's get a little closer to the curb. Good! That's perfect, Kirk! Now let's keep this distance between the car and the curb, ok? How does that feel? That's not so terrible, right?"

"It's not so terrible, no."

"Ok, now I want you to slowly put your foot down on the gas a little. Just a little at first." Jess waited for Kirk to follow his instruction. "Ok, good. So, we're at…" Jess looked at the odometer. "Fifteen now. Why don't we stay at that while we take the next two lefts and then when we get to the other long side of the parking lot, we'll bring it up to twenty. What do you say?"

Kirk nodded, eyes locked on the road in front of him. Jess watched as Kirk made his way around the parking lot, keeping the car about the same distance from the curb even when he turned. "Ok, Kirk, want to try giving it a little more gas now?" Kirk complied and the car slowly accelerated until the odometer hit twenty. Then crept past. Then approached twenty-five.

"Oh my god, Jess! I'm really driving! Look how fast I'm going!" For the first time since they had started the lessons, Kirk didn't look painfully tense. He was actually smiling, and looked more joyful than Jess had ever seen him.

"I see you, Kirk. You're doing great."

"Could we maybe do one more lap around? I feel like I'm really driving for the first time right now. And nothing bad is happening! This is one of the greatest moments of my life!"

Jess grinned. "Sure, we can do another lap, Kirk." Jess wasn't about to stand in the way of one of the greatest moments of someone's life.

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About half an hour later, Jess was greeted by his uncle as he walked into the diner where the first couple of tables had started to fill up with dinner customers. "Hey, Jess. How did lesson number three go?"

Jess smiled and walked up to the counter. "It went really well. I think Kirk had a breakthrough in confidence today. He got the car going up to twenty-five miles per hour and told me it was one of the greatest moments of his life."

Luke laughed. "That's great, Jess! Good for him." Luke looked at his nephew, his proud smile making Jess feel comfortingly warm inside. "That's a really nice thing you're doing. Teaching Kirk to drive, and being such a good friend to him. I think he really needed a friend right now."

Jess shrugged. "I guess. Maybe I needed one, too."

Luke's smile grew. "You're a good boy, Jess. I'm proud of you."

"I'm eighteen, Luke. I graduate high school next month. I'll be a father in three months. When am I going to be too old to be a 'good boy'?"

Luke laughed. "Not sure, nephew. But, I'll let you know. So, where's Kirk? He didn't come back with you?"

"He's outside. Taylor stopped us as we were walking over and wanted to talk to Kirk."

"Taylor? You left him alone with Taylor?" Luke looked toward the windows, but couldn't see Kirk outside. "Should I go out there?"

"I think he's ok. I tried to stay in case Taylor was going to give him shit about something, but Kirk told me I didn't have to wait. He seemed to know what it was about. He actually seemed excited to see Taylor, like he'd been waiting for him to talk to him or something."

"Yeah? That's so…odd that he'd be looking forward to talking to Taylor."

"Well, the guy is pretty odd."

"Jess." Luke scolded.

"Hey, I can say that now that we're friends. It just falls under teasing in a friendly way now. Ask Kirk."

"What do you think it's about?"

"I have no idea." Jess turned at the ringing of the bell above the door. "Looks like we're about to find out."

Kirk was beaming as he approached the counter. "Guess what just happened!"

"What, Kirk?" Luke was relieved to see that Kirk was happy and that he wouldn't need to get into a confrontation with Taylor about him upsetting Kirk. There was a time when he got into confrontations with the man on a regular basis, but he felt like he had mellowed a lot lately and he no longer relished the idea of an argument with Taylor like he once did.

"Taylor just notified me that I have been selected for a very important and prestigious job!"

"Are you going to be working at Doose's, Kirk?"

"No, Luke. It's even more prestigious than that! I'm going to be the assistant to the Town Selectman of Stars Hollow!"

"The Town Selectman is Taylor." Luke said. "You do realize that, right, Kirk? That that means you'll be Taylor's assistant?"

"No way! That guy sucks. There have to be other jobs out there." Jess instantly found himself on the receiving end of a 'watch yourself' look from Luke. He sighed. "I just mean, why do you want this job?"

"Are you kidding? This is finally my chance to get involved with the inner workings of Stars Hollow. I get to help organize and set up town festivals and events, assist at town meetings and fundraisers and learn about the workings of the town government. And who better to learn from than Taylor? That man really has his finger on the pulse of Stars Hollow. I've admired him from afar for years. And now, I'll get to work side by side with him as his right-hand man. I'll finally get to be a part of something big."

Luke smiled at the boy. "That sounds great, Kirk. Congratulations. We're really happy for you." He shot his nephew a stern look. "Right, Jess?"

"Yeah, of course, congratulations, Kirk. I'm sure you'll be the best assistant Taylor's ever had."

"Oh, I definitely will. It's a new position. The Town Selectman has never had an assistant before. I still can't believe I was chosen. Taylor told me that he almost decided not to pick me when he saw me with Jess just now, but that the essay I wrote for my application was strong enough to outweigh my unfortunate taste in friends. No offense, Jess."

"None taken, Kirk."

Luke laughed. "That must have been some essay."

"It was just the required five thousand words on why I want the job, what I love about Stars Hollow and where I see myself in twenty to thirty years."

"Of course, it was. Well, congratulations, again, Kirk. I'm proud of you."

"Thanks, Luke. Did Jess tell you how well I did driving his car today? I drove at very high speeds and nothing bad happened."

Luke smiled. "He told me. It sounds like it's been a pretty good day for you, Kirk."

"It has, Luke. It might be one of the best days I've ever had. Definitely, the best day since…well…..." Kirk smiled softly to himself. "Everything's coming up Kirk…that's what my mom used to say when I was having a really good day…I should go upstairs and tell Cat Kirk the good news. She knows I applied and she's been waiting to hear about the position. Thanks again for the driving lesson, Jess."

"No problem, Kirk. We on for the same time next Sunday?"

Kirk nodded and headed for the stairs.

Luke turned to his nephew. "Shouldn't you be heading up, too. You know, to study and do your homework?"

Jess shrugged. "I don't have much homework these days, it being so close to the end of the year and all. I could work tonight if you wanted the help."

"I don't. You still have finals coming up. Are you telling me that you're already prepared for all your finals?"

Jess sighed.

"We agreed, Jess. You spend Sunday nights studying. You're too close to finishing to cop out now. Go, upstairs and study. There's leftover rice and stir-fry in the fridge." Luke waited for the boy to move.

"It's April, Luke. I'm not going to flunk out at this point. I don't even think it's possible to flunk out at this point."

"Your senior year's not over until you have your diploma in your hand. You understand me? I'm serious, Jess. Go upstairs and study. Now!"

"Jeez, fine, Luke, I'm going! And to think, I was a 'good boy' just a few minutes ago. It's amazing how quickly things change!"

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Jess led Rory into the apartment where they were going to have their study date. Rory headed to the kitchen table and put down her backpack. "Oh, hey, I thought we could study on the couch instead. What do you think?" Jess asked as he walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her.

Rory maneuvered out of his hold and turned to face him. "Jess, I'm here for a study date. Emphasis on the study. I have a ton of reading and studying to do tonight."

"C'mon, Rory. Luke won't interrupt us with his subtle ten-minute checks anymore. He assured me that he thinks I've learned my lesson in that department. And Kirk is at work until late. We have an obligation to take advantage of all this rare privacy. Plus, finals aren't for another month. You have time."

"Finals! Are you kidding me? Jess, I have so much more work to do, tests to take, papers to finish, articles to write and things to get done before I can even begin to think about studying for finals!"

Jess moved closer, pushed her hair behind her ear and kissed her neck. Rory pulled away again. "Jess if you weren't really serious about studying, maybe I should just go home, and we should get together this weekend when I don't have so much to do. Though I can't imagine you don't have anything that you need to read or work on for your classes. I used to go to your school, and from what I remember they give homework there, too."

"Do you seriously not want to make out with me? I thought we were past this. You do know I can't get you pregnant with my mouth, right? They do have sex ed at that fancy school of yours, don't they?" Rory had been reluctant to be intimate with Jess for a few weeks after finding out about Shane's pregnancy, but Jess had been relieved when it seemed things had gotten back to normal in that area recently.

"I don't have time for your smart-mouth comments, mister. This is not about what I want to do, it's about what I need to do. You invited me here for a study date, and I need to study, so that's what I intend to do right now. I am going to sit right here on this side of the table with my books and you can sit on the other side of the table with yours, and studying is going to happen. Not touching, not making out, studying. If you can't do that, this study date will come to an abrupt end right now, and I will take my books and go study at my house. Got it?"

"Wow. Now just threaten to give me something to cry about and I'll be on a date with Luke."

Rory's stern expression softened into a smile. "Stop. He does not say that to you, and you know it."

"Bet he wants to sometimes."

"If he does, it's only because you don't know when to quit pushing buttons." Rory leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on Jess' lips. "Thank you for being an understanding boyfriend. Now go get your books."

Two hours later, Jess was bored. He had pet Cat Kirk as she sat on the table next to his open math book. He had doodled in the margins of his textbook, and he had even worked through a few math problems when he ran out of ways to entertain himself. He ended up watching his beautiful girlfriend as she concentrated on her reading. He was going to miss this so much, just getting to look at her and be around her like this. No one had ever made him feel as good about himself as Rory had these past few months. She made him feel worthy, and deserving of other good things in his life. He wanted her to love him like he loved her. He knew they were headed toward an end, but he wanted to get to a place where they exchanged I love you's before that end came. He knew it was probably self-indulgent to want to tell Rory he loved her. Anything that made it harder for her to leave him behind when she went to Yale would only serve his own selfish interests. It wouldn't be fair to her. But, he was desperate to hear her say it back. He wanted to have that for the rest of his life. If he had to give her up, and he knew he did, he at least wanted to know that for a brief moment in time she had loved him, too. He wanted to have that to hold onto, to store it away safely, and bring it out to soothe himself when he was feeling lonely and worthless.

Rory lifted her eyes from her open textbook and caught Jess staring. "Hey, eyes on your own book, mister."

"Sometimes watching you can't be helped. If you don't like it, you should really consider wearing a bag over your head during future study dates."

Rory smiled as she started rummaging through her bookbag. "That might make reading a little tough." She pulled out a few books and set them on the table as she searched for what she wanted.

"We'll cut eye holes. It'll be fine." Jess' eye landed on the book on top of the stack, Europe on a Budget. He felt his stomach drop. "What's that?" He reached over and nudged the book with the end of his pencil.

Rory looked at what he was pointing at. "Oh, it's just a book for the trip my mom and I are taking this summer. I told you about that, didn't I?"

"You mentioned it a while back, around the holidays, I think. You made it sound like it was up in the air for financial reasons."

"Oh, well it was back then, I guess. Mom was talking about saving for her own inn, and I don't know, it felt kind of up in the air. I didn't want her to feel like she had to pay for a trip like this for me. But, then, things changed…and, so, now we're going."

"Oh. You just hadn't said."

"I know. I just.…you've been busy with stuff and it's just a vacation. It just didn't come up, I guess."

"How long are you going for?"

"Not that long. Not the whole summer or anything. But, we have a lot of places we want to see, so, uh, a few weeks. We leave a couple of weeks after I graduate, and we get back two weeks before I need to be at Yale."

"Oh." Not the whole summer, just most of it. It made Jess sad to realize this wasn't how this conversation would have gone if he wasn't expecting a baby, with Rory withholding information about her trip and not expressing any genuine enthusiasm for it or telling him that she'd miss him and send him postcards. He wanted to ask what she saw happening with them once she went away to college. How she saw things working out when she was a full-time ivy-league student and he was stuck in Stars Hollow working his ass off at crappy jobs to support his baby from another woman. She would only be 22.8 miles away, he had looked it up, but the baby was going to make the distance between them feel insurmountable. It was already starting to feel that way and the baby hadn't even been born yet. He knew he should bring up the idea of ending things now, but he couldn't make the words come out, and he hated himself for his weakness. "That sounds like an amazing trip. Maybe you can tell me about it later. I know you need to study now."

Rory smiled. "Yes, later, definitely. Right now, I really need to get this done." She held up the book she had been looking for and started flipping through the pages, searching for something.

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"Hey Jess." Luke greeted his nephew as he walked into the apartment after closing the diner. The boy was sprawled out on the couch, with a book lying open facedown next to him and Cat Kirk laying on his chest. "What are you up to?"

Jess craned his neck to look toward his uncle without disturbing the cat he was petting. "Nothing much. Just thinking and hanging out with this little fuzzball."

"How was your study date with Rory? You guys do any actual studying?"

"Oh, yeah. Tons of it. All we did was study. On separate sides of the table, even. There was no date aspect to this study date at all. You would have been proud."

"Well, I'm glad to hear you got some studying done. But, I'm sorry if you didn't have a good time. I know you were looking forward to seeing her tonight. I thought you said things were getting better with you guys."

"I thought they were. I really couldn't tell at first if she just really needed to study, or if she was avoiding me. But, then she told me that she's going to Europe for most of the summer with her mom. She'll be gone until right before she leaves for Yale."

Luke walked into the living room area and perched on the edge of the armchair across from the couch to better talk to his nephew. "Yeah, Lorelai mentioned something about that a while back. I didn't realize it was going to be the whole summer, though. I'm sorry. I know it's going to be tough having her gone for so long."

"It's not even that. It's that after she told me…and I should point out that she only told me because I accidentally saw a travel book she had with her and asked about it. I'm not sure when it would have come up otherwise. She said she'd been meaning to tell me, but I'd been so busy with other stuff lately that it just never came up. Anyway, after she told me, I realized that she was already pulling away and getting ready for the end. She used to tell me everything, about her life and her mom. Jeez, I used to hear way more about Lorelai than I ever wanted to. And, now she doesn't even mention that she's spending almost the whole summer in Europe. It's going to be an amazing trip. I'm sure she's excited and making plans and lists and everything else she does, and she doesn't even bring it up to me. She's distancing herself from me so that it won't be as hard on her when she dumps my ass."

"You don't know that, Jess. Maybe it really just didn't come up. With all the hours you're working, you guys don't spend as much time together as you used to. I don't know, maybe she…" Luke trailed off as Jess leveled a hard look in his direction.

"You don't honestly believe that we're going to stay together past this summer, do you? That our relationship is going to survive me having a baby and her going away to Yale?"

Luke was silent, staring at the purring cat still resting comfortably on Jess' chest.

When Luke didn't answer, Jess continued. "I mean, I knew it was a stretch, anyway. Even without the baby. The idea that she was going to go to Yale and still date a guy in her hometown who barely finished high school. How was that going to work? She would have been embarrassed to introduce me to her Yale friends. Hey Rich Asshole, meet my boyfriend, Jess, he drives a forklift at Walmart, Jess, meet Rich Asshole, heir to the Asshole publishing fortune. And I would have hated it, too. All her new ivy-league friends judging me and being spoiled jerks. It would be too awkward. It wouldn't have worked anyway. I do realize that. I'm not completely clueless."

"Jess, you can still go to college, you know. You're such a smart kid. I'll help you anyway I can. With tuition, daycare, whatever you need."

Jess laughed. "Thanks, but really not the point here, Luke. Really not what I'm talking about at all."

"I know that, I'm just saying…the offer's there."

"My point is, this relationship had an expiration date to begin with. And, now you throw in me having a baby with another girl…well, it's just making everything worse. It's making it clearer that we should just end things. Without the baby, we could have had a good last summer together, even with her going to Europe. She would have wanted to be with me as much as she could before she left for Europe and for Yale. She would have been sad about leaving me in September. But, now, it's so obvious that she needs to dump her deadweight boyfriend that she's already distancing herself from me before the school year is even over. And, it's smart, she's protecting herself, I get it. Rory's nothing if not smart, right? Why spend the next few months getting more attached when the end's in sight? I just don't feel like this is the way it was supposed to go. It's definitely not the way I wanted it to go."

"Jess, you're not deadweight. Don't talk about yourself like that."

"Really? You think the Gilmores see it that way? Even if Rory decides tomorrow that she's madly in love with me and can't live without me, do you honestly think Lorelai, never mind her grandparents, would ever let her be with me now? An eighteen-year-old forklift driver with a baby from another girl? You care about Rory. You cared about Rory before you even really knew me. Can you honestly say that that's what you'd want for her? To be starting college tied down to a guy who already has a baby with another girl?"

Luke looked pained at the question. "Jess…"

"It's ok Luke. You don't really have to answer that. I know that's not what you want for Rory. I also know you love me too much to tell me the truth, and you're a terrible liar, so just spare us both and forget I asked."

"Jess, I wish I could do something for you here. I wish I could help you."

Jess was staring at Cat Kirk as he ran one hand down the cat's back. "You do help me, Luke. All the time. But, there's nothing you can do about this specific situation. I got myself into this mess…Worst of all is that this baby isn't even born yet and I already resent it for wrecking my ending with Rory. What a great father I'm going to be, huh?"

"You are going to be a great father, Jess. I'm sorry you don't believe that yet. But, it's true. I know it. I can feel it. And I'm a lot older and wiser than you are, so you're just going to have to trust me on this."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "I really wish I liked myself half as much as you like me."

"I do, too, nephew."

"I can't think about this anymore. Enough about me and my Rory-drama. How was your day?"

"My day was a little sad, too. Oh, wait, I have something for you." Luke stood to retrieve a small wrapped box and card from the kitchen table and sat back down before handing the package to Jess. "It's from Nicole. She was in Stars Hollow to meet with Taylor and she came by to say hi. It's for the baby." Luke clarified at Jess' puzzled look.  
"Go on, open it."

"I figured that, but why is she giving it to me so early?" Jess opened and read the card before picking up the gift card and pulling it out of its mini-envelope. "Oh, wow, it's a hundred-dollar gift card to Babies R Us. That's really generous of her." He slowly ripped the paper off the box and looked inside to find a pair of light green baby booties and a little matching hat. He was speechless for a moment taking in the tiny size of the delicate booties and hat. Something fluttered in his chest. He knew that in three months, a person small enough to fit into these things would be here, alive and dependent upon him for its every need. What hadn't really occurred to him before was how cute this new little person would be. How capable of winning his heart by being small and cute and defenseless. Maybe Luke was right that everything would change for the better once the baby was born. It would no longer feel like this huge responsibility looming over him with the potential to destroy his life. It would be someone that he would love instantly and be happy to sacrifice for. Jess felt choked up, and then he felt embarrassed for feeling choked up.

"She made those herself, you know. She crochets. They're really cute, aren't they?"

"Yeah, they're great. This was so nice of her."

"Oh, and I'm going to give you Nicole's address so you can send her a thank you note. Ok, Jess?"

"Sure. I'll thank in her person next time I see her, too. But, why didn't she wait until closer to when the baby is due to give this to me?"

Luke sighed. "You might not see Nicole again, Jess. When she came by today…well, she, uh, broke up with me. And she had already made the booties and the hat for you, and bought the gift card, and she still wanted you to have them, so…"

Jess placed his card and present on the coffee table, scooped Cat Kirk into his arms and sat up, depositing the cat on the couch next to him. "Luke, I'm sorry. What happened?"

"Nothing that I wasn't expecting. She said that she felt like we were just drifting apart. We hadn't really been seeing each other or talking to each other as much lately. And she thought that would only get worse once the baby was born and I was pre-occupied with that. And she's right, you know. Nothing she said wasn't true."

"Luke, I'm really sorry. I feel terrible that my shit affected your relationship, too. And, jeez, I'm so sorry for going on about my crap with Rory when you just got dumped. And you sat there and listened to me. Jeez, I'm such a selfish asshole!"

"You're not, Jess, really. This isn't your fault. Nicole was right. I was pre-occupied with what you have going on. And, Nicole understood that you and your baby are my top priority. She said she understood that that's how it is when you date someone with a kid, not that you're my actual kid, but you know, close enough. But, she felt that if my feelings for her were stronger and I was more invested in my relationship with her, that I would have been better able to still include her in my life. I think I've known everything she said was true for a while…She's great. She is. And she deserves someone who'll be better at being with her than I was." Luke was silent for a moment, reflecting on his failed relationship. "With my last real relationship. With Rachel. I felt like I honestly gave it my best shot. I tried as hard as I could to make her happy and understand what she needed. Maybe even too hard, sometimes, putting up with things that I wasn't really ok with…But, I was fully invested in that relationship, and when she left me the last time, I was ok with it. I felt like I took a chance. I swung and I missed. These things happen. But, I was ok knowing I'd given it my all. I never really felt like that with Nicole. It's nothing against her. She's an amazing woman. She didn't do anything wrong. It just wasn't right, but I was too much of a coward to do anything about it. So, I coasted along. I wasted her time. I wasted my time. I was never all in, you know. I feel like an ass that I was never man enough to tell her that or do something about it. This past week, she called a couple of times, and I hadn't bothered getting back to her yet. Not on purpose, just busy, something else would always come up. Today, she kept apologizing for breaking up with me at work. Saying that wasn't how she wanted to do it. But, she'd come to a decision and she hadn't been able to get ahold of me and she wanted to do it before she talked herself out of it. That's what made me feel the worst. Her apologizing like that."

Jess was staring at Luke with an uncomfortable expression on his face. "Uh, should I hug you now or something? I kind of feel like I'm supposed to. I can't guarantee it won't be all kinds of awkward…But, I'll do it if you need one."

Luke laughed. "Thanks for the offer. But, I'm ok, really."

Jess nodded. He picked up Cat Kirk and carried her the few steps to Luke, setting her down gently on his uncle's lap. "Cuddle the cat, at least. She's pretty good at cheering me up. Or commiserating with my pain, whichever I need her for, really." Jess clapped a hand on Luke's shoulder as he walked past on his way to the kitchen area. "How about I make us dinner tonight while you just relax with the cat, huh? Watch some TV or something. I can make eggs, and…eggs? What would you prefer?"

Luke stayed seated so as not to disturb the cat, as he called to his nephew. "Jess, you really don't have to do that. I'm still fully functional. I can cook. I'm really ok."

Jess ignored his uncle's protests as he opened the fridge. "Oh, look, we have eggs! You're in luck!"

"I'm supposed to be taking care of you, you know, not the other way around."

Jess smiled as he started cracking eggs into a bowl. "I'm pretty sure it's supposed to go both ways at this point, Luke, now that I'm an adult and everything. You want a beer?"

"Yeah, thanks, nephew. A beer would be great. You're not too terrible a kid sometimes, Jess. I hope you know that."

Jess used a bottle opener to get the cap off a beer and walked the bottle over to his uncle. "The whole 'now that I'm an adult and everything' line just went right over your head, didn't it?"

Luke smiled. "Sorry, Jess. Old habits and all."

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Jess sat in his car, parked around the corner from the diner. He needed a minute before he went in, knowing that Luke, and Kirk if he was around, would jump on him for the results of the ultrasound as soon as he walked in. He got it. They were excited to know what the baby was going to be. Kirk wanted to add squares of either pinks or blues into the currently green and yellow baby blanket he was knitting. And even though Luke had promised to just get the crib and not go overboard with other stuff, Jess knew his uncle was waiting to buy a bunch of clothes and toys tailored to the baby's gender. And now that they knew Shane was having a boy, he fully expected Luke's first purchase to be a toy toolkit. He knew Luke would love this child either way, but he suspected from things the man had said that he was hoping for a boy, for the same reason that Shane had wanted a girl, and he wondered not for the first time how he ended up so self-loathing that he wanted the baby to be as different from him as possible, starting with its gender, when it appeared the reverse was the norm. A cute little blond girl that looked more like a McMurphy than a Mariano would have been fine by him. The knowing was a relief, though, he supposed, even if thinking about the baby as a him instead of an it made everything that much more real. As had seeing the images on the ultrasound. His real, live little baby, his son, growing and wiggling around inside Shane. He had made it through the ultrasound as best he could. Smiling appropriately and joking with Shane that she'd done good work when they were told it was a boy, as if that's what he had wanted all along. Watching the monitor in awe as the different parts of the baby's growing body were pointed out. Holding Shane's hand and rubbing her arm, when she started crying hormone fueled tears at the news that the baby was healthy. He hoped he had come across as appropriately excited and supportive. But, he needed a few minutes to himself before he shared the news with anyone. He felt light-headed. His stomach was curdling. He felt like he could easily vomit if he let himself give in to the urge. His breathing was faster than normal and his heart was racing. He wondered if this was what his father had felt like eighteen years ago. If this feeling right here, this potent cocktail of panic, terror and impending catastrophe, was what had caused Jimmy to bolt when Jess was born. He could no longer deny that he understood where Jimmy had been coming from, and that scared him more than anything.


	8. Chapter 8- Baby Names & Children's Games

**Chapter 8 Notes:** I played with the timeline a little in this chapter and included a Stars Hollow event that didn't occur until later on in the show. As always, reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone who is still reading my little story.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess knocked on the door, and waited for it to open, fidgeting with the small Luke's Diner take out bag he was carrying. He had told Luke it wasn't necessary when the man has thrust the bag of tater tots at him on his way out the door, but he had to admit he felt better not having empty hands now that he'd arrived. The door opened to Shane, who gave him a small smile when she saw him. "Hey Jess, c'mon in."

Jess walked past Shane into the house. "This is for you." Jess handed her the paper bag. "Tater tots courtesy of Luke."

"Aww, that was so sweet of him to remember." Shane opened the bag and smiled as she breathed in the fried potato smell.

Jess followed Shane into the kitchen. "Oh, he definitely remembered. He even added them to the menu for you and everything. Or, not technically the menu, since he was too cheap to have new ones printed, but he keeps them in stock now and advertises them on the chalkboard behind the counter."

"That's so thoughtful. He's a good guy, huh?"

Jess shrugged. "I suppose he has his moments."

"Have a seat. Do you want anything to drink?"

"Uh, just water, I guess. Thanks. I think there's like two or three orders in there, in case your sister or your mom was home, too. But, hey, if you want to down 'em all yourself, I promise I won't judge."

Shane set two glasses of water on the table and turned to get the ketchup from the fridge. "Haha, sure make fun of the fat, pregnant girl. Real nice, Jess! Reagan's home. I bet she'd love some. My mom never buys stuff like this." Shane walked over to the doorway and called her sister's name. Jess heard small feet moving fast down the stairs, before the girl appeared in the kitchen, where she stopped short at the unexpected sight of Jess. "Hey Reagan, look what Jess brought us!" She took one of the cardboard boats of tots out of the bag and held it out to her sister with an encouraging smile. "You want some?" The girl nodded wordlessly, eyes locked on Shane, and took hold of the tater tots. Jess watched as Shane held the container steady with one hand under Reagan's while she poured ketchup into one corner. He watched her pour her sister a glass of lemonade, give her a napkin and prompt the girl to thank Jess before taking her snack back to her bedroom where she had been watching a movie. With startling clarity, it dawned on him that Shane was going to be good at this, at being a parent. Possibly very good. Probably much better than he was going to be. Shane turned back to Jess. "She's kind of going through a shy phase right now, especially around guys. She's a really great kid, but I worry that people will think she's rude when she's so quiet like that."

Jess shook his head lightly. "She didn't seem rude. I hated making small talk with people I didn't know when I was her age, too. Still do, really." It hit Jess that as the adult, he should have said hi to Reagan and tried to initiate a conversation or engage her in some way. Maybe it would have made her more comfortable. He had always seen himself as being superior to Shane when they had dated. Because he thought he was smarter. Because he read constantly. Because he was above it all in Stars Hollow, and had witty put-downs for everyone around him. It hit him that Shane might actually be the one who was better equipped to have a happy life.

Shane sat at the table and started digging in to the remaining tater tots. "So, did you come up with your list?" After learning that she was carrying a boy at the last ultrasound, Shane had suggested that they each narrow down their name choices to their top five boy's names, and then meet to go over them and pick out which names to use.

"Uh, kind of." Jess leaned forward to dig a scrap of paper out of the back pocket of his jeans.

"What do you mean 'kind of'? I know you always hated homework assignments, but picking the name is supposed to be one of the fun parts of the whole having a baby thing. You couldn't come up with five?"

"Uh, I actually came up with seven, but I did the opposite of what you asked me to." He watched Shane's brow furrow slightly but couldn't tell if she was annoyed or just confused. "When I tried to pick names, I realized that I didn't have a strong preference toward any specific boys' names. I couldn't come up with one that had any real meaning or a particularly positive connotation for me. I think it matters more to me that our son isn't named something that has a really negative connotation for me. So, I'm fine with anything you want to name the baby as long as it's not something on this list." He passed the scrap of paper across the table to Shane. She unfolded it and read through the list.

"James or Jimmy, Derek, Earl, Bobby, Jamal, Wyatt, and Scratcher." Shane looked up. "Are you serious with that one? Were you really concerned that I might want to name our son Scratcher?"

"I'm pretty sure that one was a nickname, but I wanted to cover all the bases."

"Who are all these guys, Jess? Why are you so against these names?"

"Jimmy was…is, I guess, my dad who left when I was born. The rest were all guys my mom dated or married who…just weren't that nice to me, or to her. None of her guys were that great, but these guys were the worst of the bunch. I just…I have shitty memories associated with each of these names that I don't want to be reminded of every time I talk to my son." Jess could read the compassion in Shane's eyes, and knew she wouldn't fight him even if she did like any of these names.

"Ok, I'm fine with not using any of these names. None of them are on my list anyway." Shane paused. "Before we get to my list, I wanted to talk to you about the last name. I don't know what you've been thinking, but I want to share a last name with my child. I need to. I can't not have that. It's too important to me. So, I'm thinking we can hyphenate, McMurphy-Mariano. What do you think?"

Jess started to verbally resist even as he pondered the question. "Wow, uh, McMurphy-Mariano, huh? That's a real mouthful. Seven syllables. Aren't you afraid he won't be able to spell his own last name until he's like ten with a name like that?"

Shane's expression firmed. "Jess, this is really important to me."

"And try fitting that on the back of a jersey."

"I don't think I can compromise on this. If that makes you want to reconsider having more say for the first name, I get it. But this matters too much to me."

"I get it. I get why it's important to you. But, I don't like the hyphenated idea. It's too long."

"Jess, I-."

"Why don't we just go with McMurphy?"

"Seriously? You're ok with that? With your son not having your last name at all?"

Jess nodded slowly. "I think I am. I get it. You have a family of McMurphy's. The name means something to you. You want your son to share that with you."

Shane spoke hesitantly. "Don't you want that, too, Jess? Not giving him your name at all wasn't what I was suggesting."

"I know. But, I really do hate the idea of the hyphenated name. Maybe if our last names were shorter it would work. Or had less alliteration. I don't want to brand our kid with such an awkward sounding name. So, if we're only going to use one, it should be yours. I've never even met another Mariano. Not my dad, not really. And no other relatives. My parents weren't married, so my mom didn't take Jimmy's name, so growing up I didn't even share a name with her."

"Jess, it doesn't matter if it doesn't have a family connection for you. It's still your name. That will be the family connection for our son. He'll know another Mariano."

"I'm ok with this, Shane. Really. I always felt like my own little island. Mariano, party of one. I'm really liking the idea of our son getting a name that comes with a whole family of relatives. Did you guys stay in contact with your dad's family after he left?"

"What? Uh, yeah, of course. My McMurphy grandparents are still in Stars Hollow, and I have one aunt and three cousins in Hartford."

Jess looked at Shane, who looked like she was ready to tear up, and it didn't look like happy tears. "What's wrong?"

"I wasn't trying to take something from you, Jess. I just didn't want to give up something that I wanted. I really thought the hyphenated name was fair."

"You're not taking something from me. I'm fine with our son having your last name. He'll still be my son. I'll still be his dad. Forever. There is one thing I would like to have. For the middle name."

Shane sniffled back a tear. "Jess you've already given me the first and last name, so unless you're about to suggest something like Scratcher, I'm pretty sure I'm going to say yes."

Jess smiled. "I want his middle name to be Lucas. If you don't totally hate it."

Shane smiled with wet eyes. "After your uncle?"

Jess nodded.

"Of course, Jess. Of course, we can do that. I think that's really sweet. And Lucas is a great name."

"Thank you. Can you please not mention it to him? I want it to be a surprise when the baby's born."

"I won't say a word. And, Jess if you change your mind about the hyphenated last name…just know it's never too late, ok? Even after the baby's born. I need you to know that. If you change your mind, we can change the name. OK?"

"Ok, thanks. So, do I get to see your list now?"

"Sure, here you go." Shane slid an open notebook over to Jess and he looked through the five names on the list.

"Seamus. Wow, Seamus McMurphy." Jess smirked. "Aren't you worried people will think he's a leprechaun with a name like that?"

"Hey, watch it, pal! My grandpa is a Seamus McMurphy! But, I do think that one might not work anymore. Seamus and Lucas may be too similar, too much 'us' sound at the end, right? I don't know if they sound good together."

"I see what you're saying, but I'm not opposed to it, if this is your top choice."

"I'm not sure it is, but I do like it. What do you think about the rest?"

"Hmmm…Malachy kind of makes me think of that little creep from Children of the Corn. Another Irish relative or were you just in an Angela's Ashes kind of mood when you wrote this?"

"Never read it. Malachy is my grandpa on my mom's side. I'm not as attached to that one. I mean, I love my grandpa. He's a great guy and all, but I'm not that crazy about the name. But, I've been talking about this a lot with my mom and I didn't want to not put her dad's name on it when I already had Seamus for my other grandpa."

Jess nodded, relieved that there seemed to be wiggle room on that one.

Jess finished reading the list and handed the notebook back. "Like I said, I'm good with whatever you want to go with for the first name. These all sound fine to me."

Shane sighed, looking down at the names in the notebook. "It's so weird to think we're choosing someone's name. It's such a big decision. Our son is going to have to live with our choice for the rest of his life. I want to pick something he won't hate. Like, I don't mind Shane now, but it was sucky as a little kid, being a girl with a name that's usually a boy's name. Teachers were always confused on the first day of school and thought I was responding to the wrong name when they did roll call."

Jess chuckled. "But, look how handy that name is now that we're having a boy. If you can't make a decision, you can always go with Shane Jr."

"Yeah?" Shane smiled. "If we were having a girl, I'd say the same to you."

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"Are you sure you're ok, Kirk? You seem extra tense today." Jess had expected the confidence Kirk had gained the previous week to carry over to their current driving lesson, but they had been at it for almost twenty minutes, and so far, Kirk was more anxious than Jess had seen him since the first lesson. He also seemed distracted, which wasn't like Kirk at all. He was usually one hundred percent focused on his slow and careful driving.

"What? Oh, sorry, Jess. Yes, I'm ok." Kirk continued to very slowly circle the parking lot going about ten miles an hour. Jess had suggested he increase the speed a few times since the lesson started and each time, Kirk had said he would, but only lasted a few seconds at the new speed before slowing back down again.

"Ok, because if you're not into this, we can always stop and just pick up again next week. You just don't seem like you're enjoying this at all today."

Kirk slowed the car to a stop, put it in park and turned to Jess with a stressed expression on his face. "I'm sorry, Jess. You're right. I'm not ok. I'm not ok at all. I did something very terrible this morning. And then I lied about it to someone I hold in very high esteem. I've ruined everything. Any chance I had for professional respect or advancement in this town is gone. I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Kirk, what the hell are you talking about?"

Kirk sighed. "Remember how I told you that my first important task as Assistant to the Town Selectman was to help with the Easter egg hunt this morning?"

Jess nodded. Easter didn't mean much to him, but he remembered Kirk telling him how much it meant to him to finally get to be involved with the Stars Hollow Easter egg hunt. How he used to walk into town on Easter morning as a small child. His mother never came with him, leaving him without a parent to sign him up to participate. And he had been too nervous and scared to approach Taylor on his own to get himself signed up. Instead, Kirk had always found a spot alone on the periphery of the crowd that gathered for the event and watched from a distance while the other kids searched for Easter eggs and celebrated their finds with their friends. Jess knew that Kirk didn't attempt to garner sympathy any more than he purposely tried to be funny. But, he did both effortlessly. The story had made Jess wish he had met Kirk earlier in their lives. He liked to think it would have spared them both a lot of loneliness over the course of their childhoods. But, he also had to wonder if he would have been secure enough to befriend Kirk when he was a kid. He liked to think so, but he was realistic enough to know that he couldn't really be sure. "I remember, Kirk. You were looking forward to it. What happened? Did Taylor do something?"

"No, Taylor didn't do anything. I'm the one who messed everything up. My job was to hide three hundred Easter eggs in or around the town square. The kids at the grammar school had been painting them all week to get ready for the hunt. And I got up at dawn to get all the eggs hidden so that the hunt could begin right after church let out. And I did. I hid all three hundred eggs. In hiding spots of varying degrees of difficulty, just like Taylor told me to."

Jess nodded. He knew all this already. He had honked and waved at Kirk when he had driven past the square early this morning as he headed to his shift at Walmart. He couldn't see how this was going to go bad.

"Then Taylor had me check in each kid at the actual hunt. And every time they found an egg, they were supposed to report it to me so that I could account for each egg. During the hunt, I asked Taylor if there were ever any eggs that didn't get found. He said there were, but that's why the person who hides them needs to make a map of where they hid each egg, so that we could find any missing eggs later. I told him that I didn't know I was supposed to make a map, and he got upset with me. He told me that one Easter thirty years ago, when he had first been elected as Town Selectman, he had had an assistant who he doesn't like to talk about, his first and last until me, who also didn't make a map. Fifteen eggs weren't found that year and it was an unseasonably warm April. A week later, the whole square started to smell terribly. Everyone in town complained and Taylor was told by the town elders to stop holding the Easter egg hunt if he couldn't manage the event correctly. He said that having the egg hunt go that badly had been one of the most humiliating moments of his career. He felt like he had let Stars Hollow down. That was when he stopped working with an assistant because he realized he needed to do everything himself if he wanted it done correctly. He told me that everything would be all right as long as all the eggs were found, but that I needed to be more careful in the future. But, if all the eggs weren't found, he would need to reconsider his choice to finally take on another assistant after three decades of working alone. At the end of the hunt, only two hundred and seventy-nine eggs had been found…but when Taylor asked me for the count, I told him that all three hundred eggs had been found and accounted for. I lied, Jess! Right to his face! I can't believe I did that. I panicked, but that's no excuse to lie to someone. Have you ever lied to someone, Jess? It feels so bad."

"Uh, yeah, Kirk. I've told some lies. And, I agree that it sucks. Lying to someone you respect never makes you feel good about yourself." Jess was hit with a sudden flash of himself telling Luke that he was leaving for school and then veering off to his car to head to Walmart for a shift. He felt a swirl of guilt streak through his gut, but he quickly squashed it to focus on Kirk.

"I haven't lied very much. Not since I was very young. I'm finding it hard to cope with. Never mind the whole egg situation. If fifteen missing eggs smelled bad enough to cause a town commotion, I can only imagine how much worse twenty-one missing eggs will smell. What should I do, Jess? Should I tell Taylor the truth?"

Jess did believe that lying was usually wrong, but he wasn't a big fan of coming clean in a situation where you couldn't predict the outcome. He would hate to see Kirk lose the job that he was so excited about because of an honest mistake. "What do you think Taylor will do to rectify the egg situation if you tell him about it? I don't mean whether or not he'd fire you, just what would he do about the eggs?"

Kirk thought for a moment. "I guess he would try to find the missing eggs. He would probably get people together to help him look. But, only close friends, people that he could trust, to avoid the shame of a second egg scandal."

Jess nodded. "Huh. That makes sense. So, what about if instead of telling Taylor, we just do that ourselves?"

Kirk looked at Jess with something close to relief on his face. "Really, Jess? Are you serious? You'll help me with this?"

"Yeah, how about you and me head out after dark with flashlights and see what we can find?"

"That would be amazing. You're a really good friend to me, Jess."

Jess smiled. "Luke might help us, too. Probably depends on whether he has early deliveries tomorrow or not."

Kirk looked away, embarrassed.

"What's the matter, Kirk?"

"Nothing. I don't know. I just don't want Luke to know I lied. He took me in when I had no one else, Jess. I don't want him to think I lie to him, too. What if he thinks I'm lying about not being able to find a place? I don't want him to think badly of me. Luke's a really good person. He probably doesn't lie."

"I don't think Luke lies regularly or anything, but I'm sure he's told his share of lies in his life. I think he'll be able to understand the situation and the pressure you were under from Taylor. Plus, Luke can't stand Taylor, so I really don't think he'll judge you too harshly for this. He's not going to kick you out over this or anything, Kirk, if that's what you're worried about."

Kirk nodded, but didn't look entirely convinced. "Ok, Jess, if you say so." Kirk looked at Jess with a somber expression. "Also, I'm very sorry for lying to you the first few times you asked if I was ok. And I'm sorry for getting behind the wheel of your car in the state of mind I was in. I was in no condition to drive and I should have told you that. I want our friendship to be based on honesty and authenticity. My junior high guidance counselor used to tell me that when you lie to people who are trying to be your friends, you keep them from knowing the real you and it delays any progress that could be made toward real emotional intimacy. I don't want that to happen with us. I'm very sorry for lying to you and I won't do it again."

"It's ok, Kirk. Really."

"Does that mean you forgive me?"

Jess nodded. "Yes, Kirk. I forgive you. We're good. What do you say we switch spots and head home? We can pick up the driving lessons next week once we've got the egg crisis taken care of."

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Luke had just finished carving another spindle for the crib and was sanding down the rough edges. The project was moving along faster than he had expected, now that he had the correct dimensions worked into his design. He had found a design in one of his dad's old woodworking books. The crib was simple, but pretty, and looked very similar to the one he had seen in pictures from when he and Liz were babies. His dad had built that crib, and Luke liked the idea that he could be building the exact same crib for Jess' baby, from the exact same design. Fortunately, he had shown the design to Bud and Maisy before he had gotten started. Bud had nodded at the design and given him free reign to his workshop in the garage, but Maisy had shaken her head. She remembered the crib that Luke and Liz had used as babies and what a beautiful job his dad had done crafting it, but she explained that baby safety had changed a lot over the past forty years. She told him that the vertical bars, or spindles, on the sides of the crib needed to be closer together nowadays. She didn't know the specific distance between spindles that was allowable, but she knew there were rules about it now, and that cribs with the bars too far apart were now thought to be dangerous because a baby could get its arm or leg stuck between the bars. She had sent Luke off to research the safety rules for cribs before he started his project. After a short freakout about the dangers he unwittingly almost exposed the baby to, a longer freakout about what his lack of baby safety knowledge in general would mean for the health and welfare of the baby that would soon be living in his home at least part time, and a quick call to Fiona, who was able to provide him with the recommended specifications, Luke had been able to adjust the design according to the current crib safety standards. He was confident that he could maintain the integrity of the same design built by his dad. He just had a lot of extra spindles to carve out. Which was fine with him. He loved working on projects like this one. Putting something together with his own two hands. Creating something from nothing. Something that would become part of his legacy to his nephew and great-nephew. He wanted to be able to store this for Jess after his baby had outgrown it. To save it for him, in case Jess got married and had more babies someday. He thought about how, since Jess started so young, it wasn't outside the realm of possibility that he would live to see Jess' child use this crib for his own baby one day.

Overall, Luke was having a good day. He had worked through the after church, Easter morning crowd at the diner, ducking out around one o'clock, leaving Caesar in charge, but letting him know it was ok to close up early if business was slow. Bud and Maisy had gone to their daughter's house in Boston for the holiday, but they had left a key under the rock near the garage and told Luke he was welcome to come by and use the workshop. Jess and Kirk were keeping themselves busy, working at Walmart and for Taylor, respectively, and then heading out for another driving lesson. Their absence had been a relief to Luke. He didn't want to have to do anything for the holiday. He knew Jess wouldn't have expected anything special, but he wasn't sure what Kirk was used to. He knew this was the boy's first holiday without his mother and he wasn't sure if it would be triggering for him. Luke had to admit that he usually avoided holidays himself because they were still triggering for him. Not just in relation to the loss of his parents, but also to his lack of ever having had a family of his own. He made sure to do something on the big ones for Jess. They had eaten their Thanksgiving dinner with Lorelai and Rory in the diner last year, and Luke had cooked a traditional holiday meal for just the two of them at Christmas and had bought Jess presents. He hadn't bought a tree, or gone overboard, but it had been a nice day. And this was a nice Easter. Spending time alone like this. Doing something he enjoyed. Something that felt productive and creative at the same time. With Jess, and now Kirk, living in his small apartment, he didn't get much peace and quiet anymore. All three of them worked long hours, but it seemed like during the times Luke did spend at home, after closing the diner for the night, someone always had the television on, or the radio was playing, or someone was talking. He didn't even get complete peace at night. He wasn't being woken up by Kirk's crying as frequently as he had been when Kirk first moved in, but it wasn't uncommon to hear the clicking of knitting needles until late in the night. Knowing that Jess and Kirk had become friends and had each other for entertainment and companionship was a relief to Luke, and helped him justify sneaking off on his own like this. So, all in all, Luke was having a pretty good day.

The only thing getting in the way of his total enjoyment of the day was the letter weighing on his mind. It had arrived on Friday. It had just been sitting there in Luke's mailbox when he had checked the mail, lying between the electric bill and the flyer for the book fair at the library, as if it was just another mundane piece of mail, with every right to be there. Getting mail with a handwritten address was unusual for Luke, and he had paused to take a closer look. It was addressed to Jess. The Venice, California return address in the top left corner of the envelope jumped out at Luke, but it was the name accompanying it that gave him a sudden sense of foreboding, 'Jimmy Mariano.' Luke had placed the letter back in the mailbox while he had taken the rest of the mail upstairs. An easy mistake to explain if caught. He could have just grabbed the top two letters and missed the bottom one. Plus, it wasn't like he had actually hidden it. If Jess was looking for mail, he was free to check the mailbox himself. No one was stopping him. Then Luke had done the same thing when he picked up the mail on Saturday.

It was Jess' letter. From his father, who was finally reaching out. The kid had a right to know it came and to see what Jimmy had to say for himself. He knew he should have given the letter to Jess right away. He could tell himself that he wasn't a hundred percent clear on why he hadn't. Sure, Luke believed Jess was on a good path here in Stars Hollow, about to graduate high school, working hard, behaving responsibly about his impending fatherhood. And he didn't want any contact from a loser like Jimmy to upset that balance and throw Jess off when he had so much going on. And, Luke definitely hated the guy on general principle for walking out on his sister and nephew like he did. And sure, Luke resented the idea that Jimmy thought he could run out on Jess, miss the kid's whole childhood and then waltz back in and conveniently reinsert himself back in Jess' life now that the boy was eighteen and about to graduate high school and the heavy lifting of raising him was done. But, deep down, Luke knew his real fear stemmed from knowing that Jimmy's plan might actually work. Luke knew Jess had become more interested in Jimmy since he had learned he was about to become a father himself. The one conversation they had had about Jimmy's motivation for walking out on Jess had been the most Luke had ever heard Jess talk about his father. Luke thought that if there was ever a time since Jess had been in Stars Hollow when the boy would be open to getting to know Jimmy and susceptible to believing his bullshit and buying his excuses for abandoning him, it would be now when Jess was scared stupid about having a baby of his own. That was clear to Luke. And he didn't know if he could withstand the father son reunion. All he could think about was what he could lose. He didn't feel good about being jealous. He had gotten so accustomed to thinking of Jess as 'his'. To finally having someone in his life that he wasn't afraid to love unconditionally because they were family and he couldn't lose them. To parenting Jess and looking forward to helping him raise his own son. But, at the end of the day, Luke was just the uncle. A pretty good uncle, he knew, who'd housed and fed and taken care of the kid for the past two years, but still just an uncle. Luke knew that wouldn't carry as much weight if his father came back into the picture and wanted a real relationship with Jess. Luke felt guilt curdling in his stomach, just like he had every time he had thought about the letter in the past two days. He knew this was a test. He was always claiming to love Jess and now it was time to put up or shut up. He could give in to his own fear and selfishness and destroy the letter without showing it to Jess, putting his own emotional needs before Jess' and being the opposite of a good parent. Or he could put Jess' feelings first and give him the letter. He could support Jess if the boy wanted contact with Jimmy, without badmouthing the man or secretly rooting for the reunion to fail. He knew there was only one way to go. He resolved to bring the letter in and give it to his nephew when he picked up Monday's mail. He knew he needed to treat Jess with the same honesty and respect that he would want shown to him. Jess deserved that much from him. Luke felt lighter in spirit now that his mind was made up. He picked up the next spindle and began sanding it.

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Luke pulled his truck into a spot in front of the diner, keeping his eye on the two figures slowly moving through the town square. They appeared deep in concentration, their attention focused on the areas being lit by the flashlight beams that were tracking back and forth across the ground in front of them. They wore dark clothes and were careful to stay away from the glow from the streetlights, but Luke would recognize those two anywhere. He wondered what were they up to. He grabbed the emergency flashlight he kept in the truck, climbed out and headed toward the square. He was still in a good mood, and just for fun, he snuck up quietly behind his nephew, reached out a hand and lightly rapped the boy on the side of the head.

Jess let out a high-pitched yelp and instinctively jumped away from the contact. His fright gave way to an annoyed scowl when he recognized his uncle in the dark. "Jeez, Luke! What the hell!" Jess hissed, voice barely above a whisper. "Are you trying to give me a heart attack! Sneaking up on me like that! What's wrong with you?"

Luke couldn't help laughing at his nephew's response. "I'm sorry, nephew. I couldn't help myself." Luke responded in what Jess knew his uncle thought was a whisper. "I just wanted to get your attention."

"Jeez, can you be any louder, Luke? Get a clue! Can't you see we're trying to be inconspicuous here!"

"I did pick up on that, yes." Luke lowered his voice to match Jess' volume. "What's with all the cloak and dagger?"

Luke winced against the sudden blinding light in his eyes. "Luke? Is that you?" Kirk whispered as he approached from where he had been searching on the far side of the square.

Luke held an arm up to protect his eyes from the glare. "Kirk, lower your light! You're blinding me over here!"

"Oh, sorry, Luke." Kirk aimed his flashlight back at the ground in front of him. "Are you here to help us?"

"That depends on what exactly you two are up to. And whether it's legal." Luke knew he would likely end up helping with whatever they were doing, but he couldn't resist giving them a hard time.

"Well, gee, never mind, then. Sorry, Kirk, it doesn't look like Luke is on board with the Harry's House of Twinkle Lights heist we're planning."

Kirk frowned and turned to Luke. "Jess is just teasing you, Luke."

"Thanks, Kirk. I figured that much."

"We're not really planning to steal twinkle lights."

Luke nodded. "That's good to know. So, what are you doing?"

"We're just looking for the last of the eggs from the Easter egg hunt today." Kirk explained. "There were a few eggs that weren't accounted for during the hunt, and we're trying to find them before they rot and start to smell bad."

"That makes sense. But, wouldn't this be easier in the daylight?"

Kirk nodded. "You're right. It would, but…...well, um." Kirk's expression turned embarrassed, and he looked to Jess for help.

"Kirk doesn't want Taylor to know that some of the eggs weren't found. That jackass was pissed at Kirk for not making a map of where he hid them all, even though he didn't tell him to make one before he hid the eggs, which obviously would have been the logical and helpful thing for him to do, so at the end of the hunt, Kirk told him that all the eggs were accounted for even though they weren't so that Taylor wouldn't lose his shit on him." Jess shot a glance at Kirk, who had his eyes trained on the ground at his feet. "Get it? We're trying to fix the situation without Taylor knowing so that Kirk doesn't get in trouble or lose his job."

"Oh, ok. So, what are we talking here? How many eggs weren't found?"

"Twenty-one." Kirk said. "But, we've found nine so far, so we only need to find twelve more."

Luke was tired from his early shift at the diner and from spending the rest of the day in Bud's workshop, but he had had a really good day and he was in too good a mood to walk away from this ridiculous scenario. It sounded kind of fun. He switched his flashlight on. "All right, then, let's find some Easter eggs."

They headed off in separate directions, flashlights and eyes aimed at the ground as they covered the square, searching under rocks, inside shrubs, in the flower beds around the gazebo, anywhere a stray Easter egg could possibly be hiding. At one point, Kirk remembered having hidden an egg in a tree, and Luke had given Jess, who was nominated because he was the smallest and most likely lightest, a boost into the tree. Jess had nervously crawled around in the branches for a few minutes, almost falling out of the tree when he startled himself by getting the belt loop of his jeans caught on a protruding twig, before righting himself and finding two more eggs. Luke hadn't stopped laughing a hushed whispered giggle for several minutes afterwards.

Eventually they had rounded up the last of the eggs. Wanting to be positive they had gotten all of them, Kirk counted and recounted the eggs in the plastic bag they had brought with them. "Could someone else please count them, too, to make sure our totals match? I'm really worried about missing one."

Jess crouched down in front of the plastic bag and counted out loud as he picked up each egg from the bag and placed it on the grass. He repeated the process as he placed each egg back in the bag. "Twenty-one. Looks like we got them all. I think we're good, Kirk."

Kirk grinned, the relief evident on his face. "We did it! Thank you both so much for your help. I really appreciate this. This is one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me. I want you to know that."

Jess shrugged. "It was no problem, Kirk."

Luke was more than ready for bed. It was almost three hours past his usual ten o'clock bedtime. But, knowing he had helped eliminate Kirk's stress made it feel worthwhile. "Yeah, it was a weird way to spend the night, but it was actually kind of fun."

"Wow, Luke, you really need to get out more."

"Really, nephew? Are you saying you didn't have fun?"

"I think we might have different definitions of 'fun'."

"Trust me, if you could have seen yourself scampering through the tree branches like a really uncoordinated squirrel looking for acorns, you would have had as much fun as I did." Luke laughed as quietly as he could. "And the look on your face when you got your pants stuck and almost fell out of the tree was priceless. I'll be laughing about that for weeks to come."

"Real nice, Luke. Finding joy in your nephew almost falling to his death. That's great."

Luke smiled fondly at Jess. "Don't be so sensitive. It's the 'almost' that makes it funny. It would have ruined the comedic aspect if you'd actually fallen to your death."

Kirk watched Luke and Jess' whispered banter with a small smile on his face. "Well, I had fun. And not just because Jess almost fell, although, Luke's right Jess, that was very entertaining. I feel like I finally got to experience what I missed out on every year as a child. I finally got to be a part of the Stars Hollow Easter Egg Hunt and search for eggs with my friends. My mom and I never really did anything to celebrate Easter, so I can honestly say, this has been the greatest Easter of my life. This is going to be a happy memory that I'll never forget. Thank you both very much for that."

Luke clapped Kirk on the shoulder. "Don't mention it, Kirk."

"And, Luke please know that I only lied to Taylor about the eggs because I was scared and stressed and had a weak moment. I would hate for you to think that I lie all the time. Because I don't. Really. And I've never lied to you. And I never will. I lied to Jess earlier when he asked me if I was ok, but I apologized, and he forgave me. And I won't do it again."

"It's ok, Kirk. I don't think you're a liar. Trust me, I've had my fair share of run-ins with Taylor when he's brought out the worst in me, too." Jess watched as Luke gave Kirk his patented 'good boy' smile. "You're a good kid, Kirk. I know that." Luke looked over to Jess to include him in the conversation. "What do you guys say we head up to bed? I'm beat."

Kirk fell into step beside Luke as they headed toward the diner. Jess smiled as he trailed behind them in the dark, still carrying the bag of eggs. He would put it in the dumpster next to the diner to hide the evidence. He had never expected to feel this way when Kirk had come to stay with them, but he was actually glad the guy had moved in. He was a good friend, and he had become a part of Jess and Luke's own special family dynamic. Jess reflected on how they would soon have a fourth member of their little family. And in that moment, heading home in the dark with Luke and Kirk after their clandestine search for rogue Easter eggs, Jess had a warm, peaceful feeling that the idea of him being a dad might not be that crazy. Tonight, it felt very possible. It felt like things could work out ok after all. There was good stuff here. His little family might have something worthwhile to offer his son. And, maybe he did, too.


	9. Chapter 9 - Daddy Issues & Puppy Love

**Chapter 9 Notes:** As always, reviews and constructive criticism are very much appreciated. Thank you to everyone who is still reading my story, and to those who have taken the time to drop me a note. You guys keep me going! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Luke kept his promise to himself and on Monday afternoon, he brought the letter from Jimmy in from the mailbox along with the other mail. He sorted through the rest of it after the lunch rush and set Jimmy's letter aside, on the counter, and waited for Jess to come in for his after-school shift. As much as Luke feared for himself in this situation, and what he could lose, he was also worried about Jess. He really hoped there was nothing in that letter that was going to hurt or upset his nephew. He hoped he never had a reason to look back on this one day and wish he had never given it to him. Luke checked the clock in the almost empty diner. A few minutes to three. Jess should arrive any time now. As a last-minute thought, Luke ripped a page off his order pad and turned it over. On the blank side, he quickly copied down Jimmy's return address from the envelope, folded the page in half twice and stuck it in the back pocket of his jeans. He would copy it into his address book later for safe-keeping. He figured the information may come in handy someday.

Luke had barely hidden away the address when Jess entered the diner. Luke knew he must have a strange look on his face because his nephew furrowed his brow at the first sight of him. Jess walked behind the counter and approached his uncle. "What?"

Luke did his best to act normal. "Hello to you, too, nephew."

"What's going on, Luke? Why do you look weird?" Luke looked guilty and Jess had a bad feeling that the reason why was going to involve Liz, that maybe Luke had told Liz about the baby and now she was coming to Stars Hollow for a visit.

"Do I look weird? I guess I'm just a weird looking guy. Thanks for letting me know."

"Not what I meant and you know it. Something's up. What is it?"

Luke sighed. He knew there was no point in stalling. He needed to get this over with. "There is something." Luke picked up the letter and held it out to Jess. "This, uh, this came for you."

Jess took the letter and looked down at it suspiciously. Luke could tell the moment when recognition hit Jess because his eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oh, um…ok. Thanks."

"Are you ok, Jess?"

Jess nodded. He was surprised to say the least, maybe even in shock. He couldn't tell how he felt. He needed some time to process that fact that his father had finally reached out to him after eighteen years of nothing. He also knew that whatever was in the letter wouldn't just affect him alone. Luke had to be freaking out about this, too. "I think so. What about you?"

Luke smiled warmly at his nephew, but couldn't fully mask the apprehension in his eyes. "I'm ok. Surprised. A little worried. But, ok. Do you want to take some time to go read that now? Maybe take an hour, and try to be back by four, when things start picking up?"

Jess nodded again. "Yeah, uh, yeah, thanks, Luke. I'll be back by four." Jess tucked the letter into the pocket of his jeans and started to turn to walk out from behind the counter. He felt an unexpected swell of emotion for the man who had taken him in almost two years ago, when his mother hadn't wanted him and the author of this letter had been nowhere to be found. He paused, then faced Luke again, took three quick steps to close the gap between them and threw one arm around Luke's neck for a split second long, half hug. Before Luke could respond or even return the hug, Jess quickly turned away and hurried out of the diner. Embarrassed by his uncharacteristic display of emotion, he kept his head down and purposely avoided looking at the older couple sitting at the table by the door on his way out. Luke had a small, sad smile on his face as he watched Jess go. He appreciated Jess' efforts to reassure him, but the intensity of the boy's emotion worried him. He couldn't remember another instance when Jess had initiated a hug on his own. He did not have a good feeling about this.

When Jess returned a few minutes before four o'clock, his eyes were red and puffy and Luke could tell he had been crying. Jess grabbed his apron and started putting it on. Luke delivered the plates he was carrying to a table of customers and then walked behind the counter toward his nephew. "Jess, are you ok?" He asked in a low voice, not wanting to call attention to Jess' state.

Jess nodded, head down as he focused on tying his apron, his fingers working furiously at knotting the string. He started shaking his head. "No, I'm not ok. But, I'll live."

"Thanks for coming back, Jess, but you don't need to work tonight, if you don't want to. You can head upstairs, and I can take care of the dinner shift. Caesar is already here, so I'll be fine. Kirk's working at the theater tonight, so you'll have the apartment to yourself. Why don't you go read a book or watch TV? Play with the cat, relax a little?"

Jess looked up at Luke then, and all Luke saw was a very sad little boy. "No, I'm ok, really. The letter didn't say anything unexpected, or anything all that interesting, really. It just brought back so much stuff from when I was a kid. I'm all right. But, maybe you can take orders and I'll bus tables and deliver food? I don't feel like talking to anyone tonight."

"You got it. But, know that if you need to leave, you can. Ok?"

Jess nodded and grabbed the bus tray, heading over to clear a couple of dirty tables.

A few hours later, the last customer of the night walked out of the diner, and Luke locked the door and flipped the sign to 'closed.' He looked at his nephew, who was focused on refilling ketchup bottles at the counter. He was debating whether to bring up the letter now that they were alone or to let it go until Jess broached the topic, when the boy spoke. "So, you want to hear about Jimmy's letter?"

"I do, but only if you want to talk about it."

"Well, it was a load of fucking bullshit, I can tell you that much! He's in AA and one of his twelve steps is to apologize to everyone he's screwed over. So, that made me feel good right off the bat, right? Knowing it wasn't even his fucking idea to write to me to begin with. That the letter was really for him, not me." Jess kept his eyes trained on his task with the ketchup bottles and avoided eye contact with Luke, knowing it would be easier to get it out this way. "He apologized for leaving me when I was three days old with my alcoholic, nut job of a mother. He apologized for me having to grow up without a father, and for any 'crisis of identity' it may have caused me to not know who I came from. He actually wrote 'crisis of identity' so I guess he's in therapy along with AA. He apologized for never sending child support or birthday presents or anything. He said that he would like for us to have contact now if I wanted it, but that he would understand if I didn't. He didn't give me his phone number, because I guess an actual fucking conversation with the son he walked out on would be too much for him, so I guess he expects me to be his fucking pen pal like we're characters in a fucking Jane Austen novel. He told me that I was welcome at his place anytime I found myself in California, but it was clearly a fake offer because how desperate would I need to be to show up on the doorstep of some asshole who's too pathetic and scared to even have a conversation with me on the phone! And then, get this, Luke, get this! It's the best fucking part! He goes on to say that he was in touch with Liz briefly when I was around eight, so he knows that she got married to a really nice guy who was like a real dad to me and that everything turned out ok for us anyway, but he's still sorry because that doesn't make what he did right. So, apparently, he spoke to Liz when I was eight and she never in my whole life mentioned that to me! As far as I knew, she hadn't seen or heard from him since the day he left. So, either she's been lying to me about that forever, or she was too fucking drunk to remember talking to him, but either way it really fucking sucks! I don't even remember which step-father I had when I was eight, but none of them was 'a really nice guy who was like a real dad to me,' Luke, I promise you that! For Christ's sake, I don't need this shit right now!" Jess let out a frustrated scream and hurled the glass ketchup bottle in his hand across the room at the front window. Luke jumped and quickly turned away as the bottle shattered on impact, glass flying everywhere and ketchup splattering across the windows, floor and the closest tables and chairs. Jess stared in shock at what he had done. He listened to the crackling sound as the point of contact on the window broke. As if in slow motion, several chunks of glass fell from the window as fracture lines formed, spider webbing out in all directions from the center. Jess froze. He couldn't take his eyes off the window and he couldn't bring himself to look at Luke, who had moved away from the door and had been standing only a few feet from where the bottle had connected with the window. He heard quick footsteps coming around the counter toward him. His heart rate picked up and all he could hear in his mind was the scared mantra of his childhood, the one he had never had reason to think about in relation to Luke before. That he'd really done it now and oh shit was he going to get it. He felt a hand on his bicep and he instinctively flinched away from the contact. But, this was Luke, and even through his shock, he knew Luke's intention wasn't to hurt him. An arm reached across his body to gingerly land a hand on his opposite shoulder and he found himself being gently turned toward his uncle. Tears of frustration at Jimmy, at himself, at everything, were blurring his vision and he couldn't bring himself to look Luke in the eye. His uncle cupped a hand under his chin and guided his face up until he was forced to make eye contact. "Are you ok, Jess?" Luke was looking Jess over everywhere, inspecting his face, looking at his eyes, turning his head to each side to check for damage, even running a hand gently through the boy's hair to make sure no glass shards had ricocheted back and landed on him. "It didn't get you anywhere, did it?"

Jess shook his head shakily. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I can't believe I did that. I'll pay for the window. I'm so sorry. Are you ok? You were standing right over there. Oh, shit, I can't believe I did that!" Tears were escaping Jess' eyes and running down his face without his consent. He already felt stupid and ridiculous for what he had done, and not being able to stop crying just added to that feeling.

"It's ok, Jess. C'mere, kid." Luke put his hands on Jess' shoulders and pulled the boy into a hug, rubbing his back with one hand and making shushing sounds. "Hey, it's ok, Jess. Everything's going to be ok."

Jess grasped onto the sides of Luke's flannel shirt, rested his forehead on his uncle's shoulder and let himself be held for a moment. He had waited his whole life for contact from Jimmy, for proof that his own father gave a damn about him, but he hadn't expected that contact to hurt so much. Jess knew realistically that there was nothing Jimmy could have put in his letter to satisfy him about why he had run out on his child or to take away the lifetime of pain and insecurity that his father's leaving had caused him, but he hadn't expected Jimmy's words to feel as heartbreakingly inadequate as they had. He did his best to compose himself and stop his tears, before he pulled back from the hug, embarrassment clear on his face, both for breaking the window to begin with and for needing to be comforted like a small child over the consequences of his destructive behavior. He wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "I'm such an idiot. I could have really hurt you. And, I broke your window. I can't believe I just did that. I am so sorry, Luke."

"It's all right, Jess. No one got hurt. It's ok."

"It's ok? Seriously, Luke? You can't honestly think that. There's nothing ok about what I just did."

"I don't mean it's ok, as in, I don't know, let's do it again next Tuesday or anything." Luke scratched at the side of his head. "I just mean, it happened. We're not hurt." Luke shrugged. "Everything really is ok."

"I'm such an idiot."

"Jess, stop. You're not an idiot. I knew you weren't good when you came back after you read the letter. I should have sent you upstairs then."

"I'm eighteen years old, Luke. It's not your job to manage my moods and make sure I don't have a tantrum and break shit when I'm having a bad day.…Ugh, I'm going to be the worst father."

"No, you won't, Jess. You won't do anything like this around your son."

"You can't know that. I just broke a window because I was pissed. That doesn't sound like good daddy material to me."

"You're right. I can't be sure. But, I do know that I would never do something this reckless around you, because I would be scared to death of hurting you or freaking you out, or having you lose respect for me. And you're going to feel the same about your kid. Your son will motivate you to be your best self in a way that nothing ever has before. Believe me. Wait and see."

Jess didn't respond.

"Jess, why don't you go on up? You've had a rough day. Go read a book, or go to bed early or something. I can finish closing up and take care of this mess. I can't open tomorrow until I can get the window fixed, so I'll get to sleep in a little, at least."

Jess shook his head fiercely. "No way, Luke! I did this! I'll clean it up. You go upstairs and read a book."

"I have to go read a book?" Luke smiled. "If you made the mess, why am I the one being punished?"

Jess huffed out a laugh, expelling some of the pent-up tension from his body. "Then go watch TV or something. I'm serious. I'll take care of everything down here. And I'm going to pay you back for the window. Seriously. It might take me a while, but I'll do it. And, you can even punish me if you want, like ground me or starve me or smack me around or something. I deserve it. I mean, I did just break the window with a ketchup bottle. Kids in normal families would get punished for that kind of thing, right? It seems to fall under the whole no playing ball in the house, you'll break a window rule."

"Hey, are you saying we're not a normal family?"

"You know what I mean."

"Hmmm…...maybe you're right." Luke pretended to consider his decision. "I guess I'll go with the starving you option. Just bread and water for a month? That sound fair to you?"

"I'm serious, Luke. You're too nice to me sometimes. You forgive me too easily, even when I don't deserve it. I did something stupid and now you're not going to be able to open tomorrow. Oh, god, you're going to lose money because of me! I'll pay you back for that, too. Just let me know how much."

"Jess, there's no need for that. You don't need to pay me back. If you didn't have the baby coming, maybe we could work something out for the window, but your money should be going toward the baby, not this. And I don't want to punish you. I know you didn't mean to do it and you feel bad about it. I don't think you need extra incentive to remember not to do it again."

"Luke, I'm an adult. I need to take responsibility for what I did. Having a baby on the way shouldn't get me out of paying for the window. The two are completely unrelated."

Luke nodded his head. "You're not wrong, Jess. I just don't want you wasting your money on this when you have so much baby stuff to pay for. And, you've been so stubborn about letting me help with that because you think the baby is your responsibility, and that you have to take care of everything for the baby by yourself. And I get it, because I still see you as mine to take care of. So, let me just deal with the window and everything. Let me take care of my boy and you focus on taking care of yours."

Jess sighed, and looked his uncle in the eye. "I'm just…I am really sorry, Luke. I mean it."

Luke put a hand on each of Jess' shoulders to make sure he had the boy's attention. "I know you are, Jess. But, it's ok. No one was hurt. We'll get the window fixed and we'll move on. This wasn't your proudest moment, but it was just one moment, ok? It was a mistake, but you'll learn from it. I still love you. I still think you're a good person. And I still know you're going to be a great dad." Luke smiled warmly at his nephew, and dropped his arms to his side. "Now, if you won't go upstairs, and I'm not going upstairs, I guess we're cleaning this up together. Here's what I'm thinking for a game plan. We start on the mess by the window to keep the glass contained, so it doesn't get tracked all over the diner. I'll start by sweeping up the glass and you start on cleaning up the ketchup. Once we have that whole area cleaned up, and all the glass is in the trash, we can do the regular diner cleanup and then head upstairs. Sound good?"

"It makes sense logistically, but it doesn't really seem fair to you."

"It's fine, Jess. Really. I'm not leaving you to deal with this by yourself. It'll go faster with two people."

Jess nodded slowly. "Ok, if you insist. Thanks. I guess I'll just have to owe you one for this."

Luke smiled. "Jess, you owe me so many already that keeping track just seems cruel at this point."

Jess laughed. Just then a key turned in the locked door and Kirk walked in. "Hey guys…." He trailed off and his eyes got big as he took in the mess of ketchup and broken glass.

Luke smiled. "Hey, Kirk, perfect timing."

It went even faster with three people.

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"Seriously, you really can't go out tonight after your shift?" Rory asked. She was sitting on a stool in the diner talking to Jess who was still resting with his forearms on the counter from when he had leaned over to kiss her hello.

"Nope. Not for two weeks. I'm grounded." Luke had been able to get a glazier in early that morning to repair the window, and they had opened the diner by mid-afternoon. Luke had refused to tell Jess how much the new window cost, still insisting Jess had more important baby-related things to spend his money on, but the boy knew it couldn't have been cheap to get someone out to do the work at the last minute on a Saturday morning.

"I don't believe you." Rory smiled at her boyfriend. "Since when does Luke ground you?"

Jess shrugged. "Since now, I guess."

"He's let you get away with so much the entire time you've lived here and now that you're eighteen and about to graduate high school, he finally decides to start disciplining you? I call bull."

"Hey, there's a first time for everything." He gave Rory what he considered his most charming smile. "And, you can't really blame the guy." Jess tilted his head toward the newly repaired window. "I mean, I was pretty naughty, after all."

Just then Luke walked up and set down a plate in front of the customer two seats down from Rory. "Hey, Luke!"

Luke smiled at Rory and walked toward the couple. "Hey, Rory. What's up? Is this guy bothering you?" He playfully knocked the back of his hand against Jess' arm, and looked over at the boy, who was currently studying the countertop between his forearms.

Rory smiled. "Not at the moment, but I'll let you know if that changes. I have a question for you. Is Jess really grounded?"

Luke was caught off guard for a moment. "He told you he's grounded?"

Rory nodded. "But, is he really?"

"Uh, yup, he sure is." Luke looked down at his nephew. "Speaking of which, five more minutes, Jess, then back to work. Got it? I don't pay you to talk to Rory all night." Not being able to pass up on an opportunity to make the boy squirm, Luke landed a sharp backhand smack across the seat of Jess' jeans as he passed behind the boy on his way to the kitchen. Jess let out a surprised yelp and stood upright, flushing with embarrassment as Rory laughed at him, and a couple of customers looked up curiously from their meals at his outburst.

"You believe me now?"

"I do. I'm sorry for doubting you." The smile on her face looked more amused than sorry. "You're still allowed to go to the prom, aren't you? It's not for three weeks, so you should be done serving your sentence by then, right?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I can still go to the prom. Luke wouldn't make me miss that, even if I was still grounded. He knows how much it means to you." Even though Rory went to Chilton, Jess knew how much she still wanted to have the Stars Hollow prom experience with Lane, and he had promised to get tickets and take her.

"Good, I'm really looking forward to it. So, what happened anyway?" Rory asked. "I heard a few different rumors this morning about why the diner window was being repaired."

"Oh, yeah, what do the good people of Stars Hollow say happened?"

"Well, a small minority think there was a break in. But, that doesn't make sense now, because that wouldn't get you in trouble. Plus, stuff like that doesn't really happen in Stars Hollow. Our crime is pretty much limited to the occasional fake murder scene or grand theft gnome." Rory smirked, then paused for a moment, before going on hesitantly. "The prevailing rumor is that you came home drunk last night and when Luke confronted you, you threw a beer bottle at him, but missed and hit the window. Babette swears she saw you throw the bottle when she and Morey were driving by the diner on their way home from dinner in Woodbury last night."

Jess felt a rush of embarrassment at both the mention of his past transgressions and the knowledge that there had been a witness to his bad behavior, and that his actions had been so out of control that Babette had assumed he was drunk in order to make sense of what she had seen. "Yeah, well what do you believe?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm asking you. I've always known Babette to be a reliable source, but I want to hear your story. Trust but verify, right? My first thought was that Babette had her story wrong, and must have been confused about what she thinks she saw because I don't believe you would try to hurt Luke like that. I also have doubts about whether she would be able to determine that you were drunk from a quick glimpse while she was driving by. But, the fact that you're grounded lends some credence to her story, so I'm really not sure what to believe…"

Jess looked away from Rory for a moment, ashamed of himself, then forced himself to make eye contact again before he spoke. "Babette isn't that far off. But, I wasn't drunk. It was a ketchup bottle, not a beer bottle, and I didn't throw it at Luke. I would never do that. I just kind of threw it in general."

"Oh." Rory's face became serious, concern written all over it. "Is everything all right, Jess?"

Jess nodded. "I was just having a really bad day and kind of lost it for a minute. Everything is ok now, though."

"Do you want to talk about what made it such a bad day?"

Jess' eyes sought out Luke who was taking a customer's order across the room. The diner was filing up for the dinner rush. "Maybe some other time. I should really get back to work." He leaned over for a quick goodbye kiss.

"Ok." Rory got up from the stool. "I guess I'll get going then. If you want to talk later, you can call me. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, thanks. I'll see you later, Rory."

Rory gave him one last smile, this one tinged with sadness and worry, before she turned and headed out of the diner.

He was still staring after Rory, when Luke walked up behind him balancing several dirty plates in his hands. "Sorry to hear that you're grounded. Your uncle sounds like a real hard-ass."

Jess turned to face Luke. "Actually, he's way too easy on me most of the time. If you won't tell me how much the window costs and let me pay you back, then yeah, I'm grounded."

"Jess, I told you, I don't want your money-"

"I know, but I did something shitty and I need to feel like I paid for it somehow. So, I'm grounded. Ok?"

"Ok, nephew, be grounded if that's what you want."

"I'm still taking Kirk driving tomorrow, though, since I already told him I would."

"You're telling me that like I'm the one that grounded you."

Jess shrugged. "Just letting you know. And, hey, thanks for not blowing my cover with Rory."

"You're welcome."

"Just so you know, I'm pretty sure she would have bought it even without the whole spanking me in public thing."

Luke laughed, then trailed off into a contented sigh. "Yeah, but why risk it?" Jess scowled as he listened to Luke laughing to himself all the way into the kitchen.

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"You did really well today, Kirk. I definitely think you're ready to try out your skills on the road next time. What do you think?" Jess was driving them out of the office park after another Sunday afternoon driving lesson. He needed to swing by Walmart before they headed home to pick up his paycheck.

"I don't know, Jess. You really think I'm ready for that?"

"I do, Kirk. Definitely. You've gotten a lot more comfortable behind the wheel. You're more confident with speed now, and you can turn and back up. That's pretty much all there is to driving. I think you're ready."

"Maybe…I don't know."

"Well, you think about it and let me know. I really think you can do it. I think you're a much better driver than you give yourself credit for, Kirk. You have the skills, just not the confidence." Jess pulled the car into a parking spot in the Walmart parking lot, and started to get out. Kirk didn't move. Jess turned back toward him. "You coming in?"

"Really?" Kirk looked confused.

"Yeah, Kirk, really. What's going on?"

"Nothing. I just wasn't sure if you wanted your co-workers to see you with me."

"What are you talking about? Why would you think that?"

"Sometimes people are nice to me when it's just them and me, but that doesn't always mean that they want me to meet their friends, or that they want to be seen with me in public. But, if you're sure, I'd like to come in. I've never been in a Walmart before. I did all the shopping when I lived with my mom, but since we didn't have a car I had to do it all in town."

Jess sighed. "I'm sure, Kirk. Let's go."

Kirk nodded and got out of the car. They crossed the parking lot in silence as Jess thought about what Kirk had just said. He was disturbed both that Kirk had expected Jess to be embarrassed to be seen with him, and that he had been so willing to except that kind of treatment from someone he considered his friend. Jess didn't want to walk on eggshells with Kirk. If they were really friends, and he thought they were, then he wanted them to be able to be honest with each other. He knew he needed to say something. "Hey Kirk, I just want you to know that I consider you a really good friend, and I would never be embarrassed to be seen with you, anywhere, or to introduce you to anyone I know. I need you to know that, OK? I don't like you thinking that I'm some two-faced asshole who's going to treat you differently when there are other people around."

Jess kept his eyes forward, but from the corner of his eye, he could see Kirk turning his head toward him as they walked. "Ok, Jess. Thank you. I didn't mean to offend you, and I certainly don't think you're an asshole. You and Luke have been better to me than anyone other than my mom has ever been. I just know how other people have felt about me in the past and I didn't want to presume or make you uncomfortable."

Jess nodded, still not making eye contact. "I'm not other people. I'm your real friend. Remember that, OK?"

Kirk nodded seriously. "Ok. I will. I'm sorry, Jess. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's ok, Kirk. I'm not upset." Jess turned then and gave Kirk a small smile as they passed through the automatic doors into Walmart. "We're good."

"Thanks, Jess-" Kirk stopped short a few feet past the door and stared. "Wow! It's huge in here! I mean, I knew Walmart was big, but this is incredible!"

Jess smiled. "Let's go grab my check first, then we can walk around the store if you want."

"I would really like that, Jess. I think Walmart might be the most amazing thing I've ever seen!"

Jess led Kirk through the women's apparel, sporting goods and automotive sections as they made their way to the warehouse entrance. Once inside, Kirk followed Jess to the small warehouse office, really just three partitions surrounding a small desk and a file cabinet, where the assistant warehouse manager was currently doing paperwork in her blue vest and signature pink hardhat. "Hey, Jess!" Lulu greeted with her usual cheerfulness, as they approached.

"Hi, Lulu. I wanted to see if I could pick up my paycheck."

"Of course, Jess!" Lulu tucked the pencil she had been using behind her ear as she stood up and walked around the small desk to introduce herself to Kirk. "Hi, I'm Lulu." She extended her hand to Kirk.

Kirk glanced nervously from her outstretched hand to Jess, who nodded his head slightly and did his best to school his features into an encouraging expression. Kirk shook her hand. "It's very nice to meet you, Lulu. I'm Kirk."

"Are you Jess' brother?"

"Oh, no. No, I'm not his brother. But, Jess and I are friends. Good friends. I'm staying at his place right now. His uncle's place, really. But, only for a while. Then I'll get my own place. I have plans to do that. And a car. I won't be sleeping on Jess' uncle's couch forever." Jess observed the interaction, noting that Kirk seemed much more anxious than usual. He remembered Kirk telling him that he didn't have very much experience talking to girls his own age, and he assumed Lulu's age and gender were responsible for Kirk's nervous babbling.

Lulu's smile never wavered. "That's great, Kirk! It's good to have plans. I'm going to college to become an elementary school teacher. That's my plan. But, I'm staying with my cousin's family right now to save money on housing. So, I understand what you're talking about. I want to get a place of my own one day, too."

"You're very pretty and you have a very cheerful and likeable demeanor." Jess thought about cutting into the conversation to rescue Lulu, but it didn't seem right after just telling Kirk that he wasn't embarrassed to introduce him to his co-workers. Plus, he wasn't sure if Lulu wanted saving.

"Aw, you're so sweet! Thank you, Kirk. I like how direct you are. You're very likeable, too."

"I admit I don't know much about large scale retail, but it seems like an odd choice to keep someone with a smile as bright as yours in the warehouse. I would think your sunny disposition and natural charisma would be very useful in a sales position."

"Aren't you the sweet talker!" Lulu's smile lit up even brighter at the compliment.

"I mean, I understand why they keep Jess back here. Not that he's not a good looking guy, because he certainly is, but he has a scowl on his face most of the time, which can be very off putting to people who don't know him well, and he tends to snap at people when he's frustrated-"

Jess decided to cut in before Kirk dissected all his customer service flaws. "All right, I think she gets the idea, Kirk. So, uh, my check."

Lulu turned to Jess. "Oh, sure, Jess! Coming right up!" She pulled open a drawer of the file cabinet and searched through the files. "Labelle, Mack…Mariano! Here we are!" She pulled the check from the file folder and handed it to Jess.

"Thanks, Lulu."

"No problem, Jess. Thanks again for all the overtime you've been working the last few weeks. Bill really appreciates what a team player you are." Lulu turned back to Kirk with a grin. "It was very nice to meet you, Kirk."

"The pleasure was all mine, Lulu."

Jess watched dumbfounded as Kirk and Lulu stared at each other, with matching dopey grins on their faces. Just as he was concluding that Kirk might actually have game, in his own weird Kirk-like way, Lulu adjusted her hardhat and accidentally dislodged the pencil from behind her ear. It fell to the floor, and Lulu bent to retrieve it at the same time that Kirk hurried forward to pick it up for her. Jess grimaced as he watched them knock their heads together above the fallen pencil. Lulu, with her pink hardhat, had the advantage. She stood back up no worse for wear as Kirk stumbled back a couple of steps, in a daze, his right hand cupping the front of his head.

"Oh my gosh, Kirk! I'm so sorry! Are you ok?" Lulu took a few steps toward Kirk, stopping just shy of entering his personal space, her face filled with concern.

Kirk righted himself and lowered his hand. "I'm ok. Thank you for your concern. I've actually hit my head harder than that several times in my life without any damage. I have a very thick skull."

"Oh!" Lulu's grin lit up her face again. "That makes me feel better, then. I'm pretty clumsy. It's not that unusual for me to knock heads with someone like that. But, usually, if I'm at work, we're both wearing hardhats, and if I'm not at work, then neither of us are, so the results are less one-sided. I'm glad you're ok."

Jess decided to speak up. "Well, we better get going. Thanks again, Lulu."

"Sure, see you, Jess. Bye, Kirk."

Kirk nodded. "Bye, Lulu."

Jess and Kirk exited the warehouse and walked back through the store. "So, did you still want to look around and check out Walmart, Kirk?" When he didn't get an answer, Jess turned to look at Kirk, who was walking beside him with a far-away look in his eye and a happy little smile on his face. "Kirk?"

"Huh? Oh, uh, no I don't need to look around. I'm good with just heading home if that's ok."

"Ok, let's head home then." Jess smiled to himself. He had a feeling that Walmart was no longer the most amazing thing Kirk had ever seen.


	10. Chapter 10 - Cars and Apartments

**Chapter 10 Notes:** As always, reviews and feedback are very welcome. Thank you to everyone who is still reading my story, and to those who have taken the time to leave me a review

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

"You're doing great, Kirk. How about we take a left at this stop sign? This one's a four-way stop, so what would you need to do if there were other cars around?" Kirk was driving, on an actual road outside the confines of the office park, for the first time. Luke had agreed to let Jess come in late for his Saturday morning shift at the diner so that he could take Kirk out early enough that he wouldn't have to contend with much traffic. For the past half hour, Jess had been directing Kirk around the mostly deserted dirt roads on the outskirts of Stars Hollow, offering encouragement and quizzing him on the rules of the road to get him ready for the driving test he would need to pass to get his license.

Kirk came to a stop at the stop sign and looked around the empty intersection before driving through it. "When multiple vehicles approach an intersection with a four-way stop, the vehicles should proceed through the intersection in the same order that they arrived at the stop. If two vehicles reach the intersection simultaneously, the vehicle on the left must yield the right-of-way to the vehicle on the right. For example, in the illustration below Vehicle B should yield to Vehicle A."

Jess smirked. They had gone to the DMV last week, at Luke's insistence, to get Kirk an official driver's permit before Kirk took Jess' car on the road. They had also picked up a copy of the driver's education manual and Kirk had been diligently studying it every night, and had most of it memorized. "That's good, Kirk. But, you're referencing the illustrations again. Remember how we talked about that being unnecessary and how it makes you sound a little too rain man?"

"Oh, sorry, was I doing that again? I just want to make sure I know all the rules and get the answers right." Kirk didn't even glance at Jess while he spoke, his eyes carefully focused on the dirt road in front of him. Jess looked out the passenger window and let his mind wander. This wooded area on the edge of town was his favorite part of Stars Hollow to drive through. He often took this route home from Walmart, even though it was the long way, because it made for such a peaceful drive. He rarely ever ran into other cars here, and he enjoyed the feeling of solitude that gave him. It was a good atmosphere for thinking, and on Jess' mind, at that moment, was his relationship with Rory. He thought about the way they had been going along lately, their relationship running smoothly on the surface, while they avoided any serious conversations, with him not talking about the baby and her not talking about leaving for Yale unless a third party brought up either topic in front of them. On his own, Jess did nothing but think about the upcoming change in his life, and he assumed that Rory was equally as focused on leaving for Yale. But, when they were together, it sometimes felt like they were in collective denial about what was coming. When they were together, he just wanted to be with Rory. He wanted to discuss whatever books they were reading, cuddle through movies, and spend time making out with his girlfriend. It was a very welcome respite from having to think about the future that awaited him. He wanted to let himself believe it could last forever, and that the only change heading their way was graduation, and escape from Stars Hollow, maybe running off to live in the city and start their lives together. But, he knew it wasn't real, and he found himself torn between wanting to hang on to his relationship with Rory for as long as he could, and thinking he should just stop the pretense and end things now. He thought about how Rory would be in Europe when his baby was born. He worried that he was going to be pining for her while she was gone, and wondered if it might be better to end it before she left so that he would have started to heal from the hurt of losing her before his son arrived. He thought about all the times in his childhood that he'd watched Liz recover from various breakups. He could still picture her moping and crying, or self-medicating with alcohol or drugs to deal with the hurt. He knew he wouldn't get to the point that Liz had routinely sunk to after getting dumped, for one thing he knew that Luke wouldn't let him and that he could trust him to pull him back if he ever got anywhere near the ledge that Liz had pretty much lived on, but he still worried about what kind of effect it would have on his son if his energy wasn't one hundred focused on him. He had been making his way through the books Fiona had recommended and he had been interested, and a little intimidated, to learn that babies picked up on more than he had expected, that they could feel their parents' energy, both positive and negative, and took their cues from it. He wanted his energy to be solid and good when the little guy came along. He wanted his son's first impression of his father to be a happy and peaceful one. He hadn't had a lot of stability growing up, and more than anything, he wanted to be someone who could make his son feel safe and calm and loved. He knew that by late July when the baby was due, his energy would either be tainted by stress about his upcoming breakup, or it would be tinged with sadness at having already lost Rory. He couldn't decide what would be better, or which option would be easier to live with. Jess had no practical reasons to keep holding onto Rory. Their relationship would be doomed two weeks into summer when Rory left for Europe, or in late August when she left for college. There were no two ways about that. But, he loved her. He knew he did. And, that made the logical choice feel so impossible.

Jess was yanked out of his thoughts by the car's abrupt swerve to the right and the sound of squealing tires. Before he could react, the low hanging tree branches he had been staring at were rushing toward his window and he was thrust forward, out of his seat, the shoulder strap of his seat belt digging into the side of his neck as it kept him from hitting the dash. He was thrown back against his seat and looked up to see a large oak tree directly in front of him, too close to the windshield to have left sufficient room in between the two for the front of his car. Jess lowered his gaze to see the hood of his car crumpled like an accordion. The dashboard felt closer than it had a few minutes ago, but his legs and the rest of his body seemed unharmed. He felt a sharp spike of adrenaline at his close call, and for a moment he felt like his heart was pounding in his ears. He looked over to Kirk, who sat motionless, staring straight ahead in the driver's seat, hands still on the wheel, no expression on his face. Jess took off his seatbelt and reached out a hand to Kirk's shoulder to get his attention. "Kirk!" Kirk recoiled violently at the touch, slamming his shoulder into the driver's side door, hard. He kept as much distance between them as possible, his eyes trained on his lap to avoid making eye contact, and when he spoke, his voice was shaky and small. "I'm sorry. Please don't…I'm so sorry."

Jess sighed, not wanting to deal with this, too, on top of the crash. He had spent too much of his childhood in the mental state that Kirk was now in, scared and cowering from someone he thought was going to beat the living shit out of him over a stupid accident or mistake, to not feel any empathy. But, he would be lying if he said it didn't hurt that Kirk was expecting it from him. It made him remember how Luke had felt the need to admonish him to be nice to Kirk when he had first come to stay with them. He wondered what the point in trying was when the people he was closest to kept expecting the worst from him anyway. He slowly held up his hands, palms facing Kirk. "Kirk, it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't do that. I just wanted to get your attention and see if you were all right. I wasn't going to hit you. Ok? I swear. I'm not even mad at you."

Kirk slowly looked up and over toward Jess, tears welling in his eyes. "I am so sorry. A cat ran in front of the car. I didn't want to run it over and I panicked. Are you ok, Jess?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm good, Kirk. Are you all right?"

Kirk nodded. A tear ran down his face and he wiped it away with the back of his hand.

"All right, I think we should get out of the car." Jess tried the handle of his door, but he couldn't get the door to budge. "I think my door is jammed. Can you open yours?"

Kirk was still staring at him, probably in shock. Jess tried to focus him. "Kirk, can you try to open your door?"

Kirk nodded and tried the handle, and the door popped open. Kirk tried to step out of the car, but got caught on the seatbelt he had forgotten he was wearing, and froze. Jess scooted across the bench seat, pushed the release button on Kirk's seatbelt and guided the strap from around Kirk's shoulder. Jess waited for Kirk to step out and then followed him through the driver's door.

They stood by the car, Jess inspecting its crumpled front end and Kirk watching Jess wearily. Jess sighed after he finished surveying the damage. He didn't know very much about cars, but he was pretty sure that this one, which had been a piece of crap to begin with, was now totaled. "Fuck." Jess noticed Kirk take a couple of steps away from him and sighed. "I'm not mad at you, Kirk. I know it was an accident. I'm just frustrated with…...the situation." Jess knew it was true. He genuinely wasn't angry at Kirk. He thought about how mad he would have been if this had happened a year or two ago. He would have lost his shit back then for sure. He wondered if he could attribute his current calmness to an increase in maturity due to his impending fatherhood. Maybe small things like crashed cars didn't seem so dire now that he had a bigger issue on the way in a couple of months. Or maybe he owed it to being in a good place for the first time that he could remember. He knew having family support had changed him a lot. He felt less alone and angry at the world knowing that he finally had someone on his side no matter what and that he could depend on Luke if he really needed help. He also couldn't discount the very humbling experience he had just had when he broke the diner window. It had been such a stupid thing to do, but Luke had hugged him and comforted him with kind words and immediate forgiveness. He knew he'd have to be a complete ass to not treat Kirk the way he had been so grateful to be treated by Luke. The last thought that ran through his mind was more depressing. That maybe he wasn't angry because things didn't seem all that real anymore. He was about to have a baby. He was about to lose the only person he'd ever been in love with. Everything seemed so difficult and surreal. It almost seemed right that his car would get totaled, too.

"I'm very sorry, Jess."

"I know you are. It's all right, Kirk." Jess sighed. "So, I guess we need to call someone to tow the car. I think Benton's gas station is the closest place to go for a pay phone. We passed it a little bit ago. Do you want to come with me or do you want to wait here with the car?"

Kirk looked nervous at the idea of waiting by himself. "I'll come with you, if that's ok."

"All right, let's get moving then." They started walking down the road side by side.

"Jess, I want you to know that I'll buy you another car. Every penny I make at all three of my jobs is going to go to you until I've given you enough to replace your car. I promise, Jess, I will make this up to you. I know you need a car for work and for getting to Shane's once the baby's born. I'm very, very sorry."

The reality of being carless hit Jess. He had saved for months to buy that car. And now he was about to have a baby without a way to even drive his son home from the hospital. Or to get himself to Shane's to see the baby, or to pick him up and drop him off when his joint custody kicked in. He was now officially the proud owner of a car-seat without a car to put it in. And, most of his savings had dwindled as he had purchased the necessary items on the list Fiona had given him. Even with all the extra shifts he was working, he didn't have a lot of extra money lying around. A car wasn't much in the way of independence when he was eighteen and still living under Luke's roof and following his rules, but it had felt like something, a little piece of freedom to come and go as he wanted. Now, he would be dependent on Luke to go anywhere beyond walking distance. And, he would need to learn to drive a standard if he wanted to be able to borrow Luke's truck. And, he would be back on the bus to get to Walmart, which would tack another half hour onto his commute each way.

He knew the accident wasn't Kirk's fault, if anything he knew he should have been paying more attention instead of daydreaming about Rory, but he could still feel his annoyance building as he inventoried all the ways his life would be harder without a car. It's not like Kirk would be able to afford to replace it anytime soon. He had a sudden flash of memory of his crash with Rory the year before, followed by the unsettling realization that he had never offered to replace Rory's totaled car, or even given her any money toward a new one. He had skipped town under the guise of not wanting to hurt her or mess up her life any more than he already had instead of staying and helping her deal with the problems he had caused, and then he had gone on to buy himself a car when he returned to Stars Hollow while Rory still went without. Jeez, he was an asshole! It amazed him that she was still with him. She knew it had been an accident and she had never blamed him or held him accountable, but still, he should have tried to make it up to her. The least he could do was not be a dick to Kirk now that the shoe was on the other foot. "I know you are, Kirk. But, it's all right. Accidents happen."

"This might be the worst thing I've ever done to anyone I care about."

Jess laughed. "Then I'd say you've lived a pretty nice life so far. Don't be so hard on yourself. It could have happened to anyone. Did you know that I wrecked Rory's car last year?"

Kirk nodded slowly. "I heard people talking about it."

Jess should have known the accident would have been fodder for gossip in a town where pretty much nothing ever happened. "It was a pretty similar accident. We were driving through town and some little animal, an opossum I think, ran across the road in front of me. I swerved and the car ended up on the sidewalk and hit a cement bench. Rory broke her wrist. I felt horrible about hurting her, but I know it could have been a lot worse. I had bad dreams about the crash for weeks afterward, but in the dreams, there was always a person on the sidewalk and the car hit them before it hit the bench. And I wasn't even being as careful as you were. I was eating an ice cream cone while I drove and flirting with Rory like crazy. It was before we were together. So, I get how bad you feel right now, but you don't need to. I don't want you to. I'm not mad at you."

"Will Luke be?"

"Be what, mad at you?" Kirk nodded. "No, Kirk, he won't be. I promise. He never liked my car anyway, always thought it was a piece of crap. He'll freak out when we tell him about the accident, but he'll just be glad that we're ok."

"If you say so."

Jess looked at Kirk and saw that the boy didn't believe him. "What are you worried about?"

Kirk looked uncomfortable, and spoke hesitantly. "After you crashed Rory's car, I heard Miss Patty and Babette talking about how Luke was so mad that he sent you back to New York. And if that's how mad he was at you for wrecking Rory's car, I can only imagine how mad he'll be at me for wrecking yours."

Jess nodded as he thought back to that night. He remembered Luke approaching him as he sat smoking at Larson's dock, not knowing what to expect. He had already come to trust Luke to be fair with him, but he had never done something so bad and so worthy of rough treatment as he had that night. His crash had been an accident, too, but he would have understood if Luke had wanted to make him pay for injuring Rory. He could remember Luke sitting next to him and comforting him while he tried not to cry as he asked to be sent back to Liz. If he was going to hurt people and mess everything up, he needed to get away from the only two people he really cared about, because hurting them and letting them down had felt like more than he could take. "Luke didn't send me away because he was mad. I felt so guilty about what I'd done that I asked to go back to New York. He tried to talk me into staying, but I felt like I needed to get out of here. He sent me back to New York because it was what I wanted, not because he was punishing me. He wasn't mad at me, and he won't be mad at you either. Seriously."

"Oh."

"So, no one's going to be mad at you. It was an accident and you don't need to feel guilty about it."

"Thanks, Jess. But, I'm not sure if I can stop feeling guilty."

Jess nodded. "I get it. But, you aren't replacing my car."

"But, Jess, I-"

"No, Kirk. I'm serious. I didn't get Rory a new car, and Luke wouldn't let me pay for the diner window I just broke. So, this is fair. It's the universe evening things out for all the stuff I've done. I'll buy myself another car. It might take a while, but I can deal in the meantime."

"Are you sure? That doesn't seem right. This was my fault."

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'll be fine. Everything will work out."

"And, we're still friends, right?"

Jess pretended to mull over the question with a serious look on his face. "Hmmm…...I don't know…let me think a minute…yeah, we're still friends." Jess grinned at Kirk to let him know he was kidding.

A small smile formed on Kirk's face. "I'm glad you came back from New York, Jess."

"Me, too."

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Jess and Kirk were walking back to the diner from Gypsy's. Jess had called her from the gas station to see if she would be interested in buying some of the still usable parts before he turned the car over to the junkyard. He had had a friend in New York whose brother had done work at a chop shop, and he knew there was usually something salvageable from even the worst wrecks. She had agreed to take a look at what was left of his car to see if there was anything worth buying, with the stipulation that she would deduct the cost of having the expendable parts hauled off to the dump from whatever she would pay him. Jess had agreed and called for a tow, and the driver had been willing to give them a lift back to Stars Hollow along with the car.

They entered the diner around nine o'clock, just as the early morning breakfast rush was winding down but before the weekend brunch crowd arrived. Luke was refilling coffee cups at one end of the counter and looked up with a smile as they entered. Jess nodded to Luke as they walked over, taking empty seats at the opposite end of the counter. Luke walked over. "Hey guys, how did it go? How did it feel to finally drive on a real road, Kirk?"

Luke's smile faded as he took in the serious look on his nephew's face and watched Kirk turn to look at Jess instead of answering his question. "What's up? Did something happen?"

Since Kirk was looking at him like a scared puppy, Jess figured he should be the one to tell Luke. "Something did happen, Luke, but no one was hurt, so it's nothing to freak out about, ok?"

"No one's going to freak out, Jess. Just tell me what happened. Did something happen to your car? Oh my god, you got into an accident, didn't you? Are you guys ok?"

"Yeah, we're good. We got into a little fender bender with a tree. And my car didn't make it out as unscathed as Kirk and I did. I had it towed to Gypsy's and she confirmed that it's a goner." Jess spoke the next sentence slowly and with extra emphasis. "But, the important thing is that we're both ok." From Jess' tone of voice, it was clear to Luke that he was downplaying the accident because Kirk had been driving and he wanted Luke to do the same.

"Oh, uh, ok. Well, I'm glad you're both ok. Accidents happen. And it's no great loss. That car was on its last legs anyway."

Jess nodded in agreement as he watched Kirk stare wordlessly at the countertop in front of him, a nervous expression on his face. "That is true."

"I wasn't really excited about the idea of you driving my great-nephew around in that thing anyway. It never seemed safe to me. And it broke down on you on the way home from Walmart that time last year. Remember that?"

"I do. That was very inconvenient."

"You're telling me. I had to go out and pick you up in the middle of the night."

"Uh, it was like eleven-thirty. You know that's not the middle of the night to most people over the age of eight, right?"

"My point is that car wasn't reliable. It was only a matter of time until you had to get a new one anyway."

Jess nodded, keeping an eye on Kirk, who still hadn't looked up and joined the conversation. "I can't argue with you there."

"And it was such an ugly piece of junk. It probably would have scared the baby anyway."

"All right!" Jess scowled at his uncle for going overboard. "We get it."

"You guys sure you're ok? Nothing hurts? You didn't hit your heads, or anything did you? You could have a concussion, you know, and not even realize it?"

"I'm ok. I'm a little sore from where the seat belt bit into my neck, but I'm ok. And I didn't hit my head, so a concussion seems very unlikely."

"You sure you're good, Jess?" Luke reached out the hand that wasn't holding the coffee pot and laid the back of it against Jess' forehead.

Jess jerked his head away. "Stop! What are you doing?"

"Just making sure you're all right."

"You don't get a fever from a car accident. I'm fine. Seriously. Keep your hands to yourself."

Luke frowned at Jess and turned to the other boy. "What about you, Kirk? Are you sure you're ok?"

Kirk looked up at Luke, his expression serious and determined, despite the fear lingering in his eyes. "I am physically ok, Luke. Thank you for asking." He took a deep breath in and let it back out. "I need to tell you that I'm the one who was driving when we crashed. A cat ran across the road and I swerved to avoid it and hit a tree. It's my fault that Jess' car is wrecked and that Jess himself was in danger. I'm so very sorry. You took me and Cat Kirk in when we had no one else in the world and I'm so grateful for that, and I'm so sorry to have let you down like this."

Jess felt nothing but love for his uncle as he watched Luke offer the anxious boy next to him a warm smile and comforting words. "Kirk, hey, it's ok. Sometimes these things happen. You can't always control everything and sometimes an accident is just an accident. They happen to the best of us. It's not like you were doing anything wrong. You really shouldn't feel guilty about it." Jess felt a warmness in his chest at Luke's kindness. Jess hadn't been on the receiving end of a lot of compassion from the men in his life before Luke, and he was determined to treat his own kid better than he was treated as a kid. He was going to be all about patience and empathy with his son. He was grateful that he got to have Luke as an example before he became a father, and he was thankful that his son would have Luke as a grandpa-type person in his own life.

Kirk nodded. "Thank you for saying that, Luke. Jess has been very nice about everything, too. But, I do still feel guilty. It's really hard not to."

Luke turned to Jess. "Hey Jess, why don't you go punch in and wash up and start refilling water glasses and clearing tables?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Jess was thrown by the abruptness of his dismissal. He got up and clapped a hand on Kirk's shoulder. "You really were doing a great job driving before the whole crashing into a tree thing. You should know that. Don't let this make you doubt your skills. Ok?"

Kirk gave Jess a small smile. "Ok, Jess. Thanks. I appreciate that."

Jess nodded and headed into the back to punch in. Once he was gone, Luke turned to Kirk and lowered his voice. "Can I let you in on a little secret?"

Kirk nodded solemnly.

"I was planning on buying Jess a new car before the baby's born anyway. I really do think he needs something more reliable to drive his kid around in, you know. I have Gypsy keeping an eye out for used cars for me and there have been a few I've been interested in so far. I kept holding off buying one because I wasn't sure how Jess would take it. You know how stubborn he can be. But, now I think he'll fight me a lot less on accepting a car from me."

"Oh."

Luke looked at Kirk closely, and saw the apprehension in his eyes. "Kirk, I don't want you to beat yourself up over this. I know it's hard when you feel bad about something. But just know that we both still care about you very much. And we're happy that you're staying with us and that we've gotten to know you so much better over the past few months. You're practically family now. You and Cat Kirk both. A totaled car isn't going to change any of that. You know that, right?"

Luke saw Kirk's eyes get damp before the boy had time to lower his gaze. Kirk nodded slowly, staring down at the counter for a moment, before composing himself enough to make eye contact. "Thank you, Luke. I appreciate you saying that. I really don't know what I would have done without you and Jess after what happened with my mom…" Kirk paused. "I just know I'm really grateful I didn't have to find out."

Luke smiled. "I am, too, Kirk. Hey, you want breakfast? It sounds like you could use some smiley-face blueberry pancakes this morning. What do you say?"

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A week later, Luke found himself looking around the smallest studio apartment he had ever been in. Kirk had recently widened his apartment search beyond Stars Hollow, and had found this listing right away. He had already submitted a rental application, but the owner had requested that he get a co-signer since he was so young and had no real credit history. Luke had been willing to co-sign, but he had wanted to check out the place first to make sure it was decent enough and that Kirk wasn't getting taken advantage of. So far, he wasn't impressed. The area wasn't great. Luke knew it wasn't fair to compare other places to Stars Hollow, but he just didn't get a good feeling from this neighborhood. And, Kirk would have to walk about half a mile to get to the bus that would take him to Stars Hollow for work every day, which would be fine most of the year, but not much fun during the long winter months. And the apartment itself felt claustrophobic even to a man who currently shared a one room apartment with two teenage boys. The space would pretty much just fit a single bed, maybe a small nightstand and Cat Kirk's litter box. And a few steps from the bed was the kitchen area of the room, which featured a hot plate on the counter in lieu of an oven or stove, and could only accommodate the smallest of mini-fridges. Luke knew that people sometimes had to live like this, especially when they were young and just starting out, even though he himself had gone from his parents' house to the apartment over the diner without ever needing to live in a rental, but he found this apartment extremely depressing. He remembered what the price range had been for some of the nicer apartments that he had looked at when Jess had first moved in with him, so he understood that this apartment was all Kirk could afford. But, he didn't like it. The idea of Kirk alone in this little closet of a room heating up his dinner on a hot plate in a town where no one knew him upset Luke more than he expected. His original plan had been to help Kirk get an apartment, and he still wanted to, eventually. Kirk certainly couldn't live with him forever. The apartment was already starting to feel crowded with all the baby stuff Jess had been buying and Luke hadn't even brought the crib home from Bud and Maisy's yet. He knew they couldn't go on like they were. But, he didn't like this for Kirk. Not one bit. It wasn't the right place for him.

The worst part was that he didn't think Kirk really wanted to live in this apartment either. Up until the boy had crashed Jess' car, he had only been looking at ads for apartments in the Stars Hollow Gazette, and with Stars Hollow being such a small town, there were only a few postings for apartments a month, and Kirk usually found himself priced out or rejected due to lack of credit or because he said something strange to put the realtor off. In the week since the crash, Kirk had been making himself scarce around the apartment. And when he was there, he seemed quieter and more subdued. He had come to Luke yesterday asking if he would co-sign on his lease, and when Luke questioned the location of the apartment, Kirk had surprised him by telling him that he had broadened his search all the way to Hartford. Luke looked over at Kirk, who was looking out the one tiny window with his arms hanging by his sides and a glum look on his face.

The realtor walked back into the apartment from retrieving the lease that she had forgotten in her car, and the room felt instantly more oppressive to Luke with a third person in it. "Well, gentlemen, have we made a decision? What do you think, Dad, are you ready to co-sign the lease?"

Luke saw Kirk open his mouth, probably to correct the realtor on her assumption regarding their relationship, but Luke cut him off before he could get anything out. "No."

The realtor's smile faltered momentarily. "No? As in you have more questions that I can answer for you before you sign? If you're worried about the kitchen situation, I'm pretty sure I can get the owner to throw in a microwave. It would have to be a small one, but-."

"No, I'm not co-signing. Kirk isn't living here. I'm sorry we wasted your time." Luke turned to Kirk. "Let's go, Kirk."

"But, this place is fine, Luke. It's in my price range and it has everything I need-"

"No, Kirk, it's not fine. I said let's go. Now. We can talk about this in the truck." Luke nodded at the realtor and thanked her as he walked out of the apartment, Kirk hurrying to catch up like a confused puppy.

They drove in silence for a while. It wasn't until they were a couple of miles from the apartment that it occurred to Luke that he may have overstepped, and possibly even embarrassed the boy. It wasn't the right apartment for Kirk. He was sure of that. The kid shouldn't be alone in a dreary place like that when he was already depressed about his mother's death. Luke was surprised to feel something in his heart clench when he thought about Kirk crying in the middle of the night alone in that apartment. But, it was possible that he hadn't handled things as well as he could have. He knew he needed to talk to Kirk about it, and the car was as good a place as any for an awkward conversation since he would have a reason not to make eye contact, but he wasn't sure how to start. If he had just treated Jess like that, he knew he'd already be getting an earful of attitude from the boy about it. But, Kirk wasn't Jess.

"Hey, Kirk. Uh, I'm sorry if I was kind of a dick at that apartment just now. I didn't mean to be. I just didn't think that place was good enough for you. It was depressing, and I hated the idea of you living there. I'm not in any rush for you to move out, neither is Jess, so it's not like you have to take the first place that will accept you. You can wait and be a little picky. Or at least a little pickier than that place. Ok?"

Kirk looked toward Luke with an expressionless face. "Luke, I know that it wasn't the greatest place and it probably wasn't what you pictured. It isn't really what I pictured either. But, it's what I can afford. I may never be able to get a nice apartment in Stars Hollow. And, I know you're too kind to say anything, but I also know that I should move out before the baby is born. There won't be room for me, then. I understand that. I would be overstaying my welcome at that point, and I don't want to do that. Not after everything you've done for me. I already feel badly about what I did to Jess' car. Very badly. You two are the best friends I've ever had. And, I want to be a good friend to you, too. And I think the most helpful thing I can do is to give you both more space for the baby."

"Kirk, don't worry about the car. No one blames you for the accident. And, yeah, it will definitely be tight quarters when Jess has the baby. But, we'll make it work. That doesn't mean you need to go."

Kirk nodded. "That's exactly what it means, Luke. When you first took me in, it was supposed to be for a few nights or a couple of weeks. That was in February. Now it's May and you're no closer to getting rid of me than you were then. And in a couple of months you'll need the extra space for the baby. It's time for me to go."

"Kirk, don't say it like that. I don't want to get rid of you."

"Maybe not, but you do need to."

"I don't want you moving into a place like the one we just saw. I won't be ok with that. That room felt like a sad little jail cell. And I really think you'll be more comfortable if you stay in Stars Hollow. I know it's more expensive, but what if I helped with your rent at first, so you could get a better place?"

"I would never let you do that, Luke. You've done more than enough for me already. I'm an adult and I need to start taking care of myself."

"Well, maybe you could get roommates or something and split the cost? I bet you could afford something in Stars Hollow that way. And you wouldn't be by yourself. I just…I don't want you to be away from us, and lonely."

"I have thought about getting roommates. But, I don't think it would go well. I'm not that good at being around people. Experience has taught me that I usually make people uncomfortable and that makes them not like me and not want me around. And most people aren't as subtle about not wanting me around as they think they are, even the ones that try to be nice, and I usually just end up feeling bad. So, I think I would feel less lonely in a tiny apartment by myself than I would sharing a better apartment with roommates."

"Kirk, it's not true that people don't like you! I've always liked you, from the time you were a little kid. And, so does Jess. And that guy hardly likes anyone. And we like having you around. A lot. And Shane likes you, and so does Rory. And Shane's mom. She even told me what a sweet kid she thinks you are."

"Thanks, Luke. That's nice of you to say. But, you guys are the exception. Especially you and Jess. No one else has ever liked me as much as you guys do except for my mom. Even after I crashed Jess' car, you were both willing to forgive me and still be my friends. That's why I need to move out, before I ruin that by doing something else stupid or by being in the way."

"Kirk, you're not…"

"Luke, it's ok. Really. You've done so much for me. But, I think it's time for me to go. Can we please stop talking about it now? It's making me sad." Kirk looked away from Luke and focused his gaze out the passenger window.

Luke sighed. He wished he could solve the space problem the same way he had for Jess. But there was no way to expand his current apartment any further. And Kirk was right. They were running out of space. And Kirk should have a real bed of his own. Luke knew sleeping on that old couch night after night couldn't be comfortable. He could only think of one thing that he could do to solve the space problem. But, as much as he had thought about it in the past few months, as much as he liked the idea in theory, he still couldn't picture himself actually doing it. He was so bad at change.

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That night, Luke woke up to the sound of Kirk quietly crying and sniffling for the first time since the night of the crash. He got out of bed slowly and headed for the bathroom first. When he came back out, Jess and Kirk were sitting at the kitchen table and Jess was dealing out hands for gin rummy. "You in, Luke? I dealt you a hand."

Luke smiled and sat down at the table. He watched Jess and Kirk pick up their cards and move them around to organize their hands. Cat Kirk leapt up on the table and curled up next to Luke's arm. He reached over and pet her under her chin. He'd long ago given up trying to keep her off the table. He looked around at his little makeshift family of two teenage boys and one cat, and smiled.

"So, I think I'm gonna buy a house."

All three heads turned in his direction.


	11. Chapter 11 - Special Guest Appearance

**Chapter 11 Notes:** As always, reviews and feedback are very welcome. Thank you to everyone who is still reading my story, and to those who have taken the time to leave me a review. I really appreciate you guys! This chapter picks up directly from the last one, with the guys up playing gin rummy in the middle of the night. I don't usually carry a scene over to the next chapter, so I just wanted to clarify that.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess wasn't sure how to respond. He knew they needed more space. And he would certainly appreciate having his own room with a door and some semblance of privacy, and space for the baby and all the baby stuff that was currently crammed against one wall in his area of the apartment. But, he felt a sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach. This would be another thing that Luke would be doing for him, because of the baby. He already owed Luke so much. And this was big. Houses were expensive. Luke shouldn't do something like this for him.

Jess picked up a card from the deck and started the game. "Seriously? You're going to buy a house?"

Luke nodded. "I think I am. I think it's time."

Jess laid down a run of diamonds and then discarded. "Do you actually want to buy a house? If you're just doing this because of the baby, you don't have to. We'll be fine here, even if it's a little crowded. I'm hoping to be able to get my own place in a few months, anyway. I don't want you to make a big change like this just for me. I can deal with how things are now. So can the baby." He knew how much his uncle was afraid of change. A sad picture flashed through Jess' mind. He saw Luke going through the trouble of buying a house, fixing it up, setting up a room for the baby and then being crushed when Jess and the baby move out soon after. He didn't want Luke to have unreal expectations about how long he was planning to live with him. He didn't want to stay with Luke for longer than he absolutely had to, but he didn't want to hurt Luke's feelings after everything the man had done for him either.

Kirk had looked up from his cards at Luke's announcement, but now he was focused on Cat Kirk, who has crossed the table to rub against his forearm. She could always tell when he was stressed or sad. He picked up a card and pretended to analyze his hand. This seemed like a family conversation between Luke and Jess, that he shouldn't be a part of. He was worried about what Luke buying a house would mean for him, though. He didn't want to assume there would be a room for him in the new house, but maybe Luke would let him stay in the apartment by himself. He could pay rent, like a real tenant, but he would miss living with Luke and Jess. He would miss having an almost-family.

"It's partly because of the baby." Luke said. "But that's not the only reason. I think we all need more space. We're living on top of each other here. I know that neither of you will be staying here forever." Kirk could feel that Luke's gaze was on him, but he couldn't make himself look up from his cards to meet it. "You guys want to get out on your own. I get that. And you should. But, until that happens, I think we'll be more comfortable in a bigger place. And, I want to have enough space so that if either of you ever needs a place to stay again for any reason, I'll have the room. Like, if you ever move out of Stars Hollow, I want you to have a place to stay when you come to visit. Or if you're ever between apartments for any reason, or if you're living with your girlfriend and she throws you out and you need somewhere to go in the middle of the night."

"My girlfriend is going to throw me out in the middle of the night?" Jess asked. "What did I do to bring that on in this little scenario of yours? I'm seriously concerned that you might be watching too many Lifetime movies, Luke." Jess wondered if Liz would have ever considered bringing him back to stay with Luke in Stars Hollow after any of her particularly bad breakups if Luke had had the space to offer them during Jess' childhood. He also wondered if Luke ever questioned the same thing.

Luke laughed. "Ok, maybe that wasn't the best example. I want to have a room for my great-nephew, too, so that he can spend the night sometimes if I'm babysitting or something. And, I've always wanted a garage that I can use as a workshop, so that I don't have to go over to Bud and Maisy's every time I want to work on something. I want a work space that's mine. I'm already thinking I want to make a red wagon for your little guy, like the one my dad made me when I was little, and there'll probably be lots of other stuff I want to make him. And I want room for that. And, who knows, maybe he'll be interested in learning woodworking, too, and I've have some place to teach him. And lately, I've been thinking it would be nice to have a yard. To sit outside with a beer in the evening. Maybe get a grill and have you guys over to barbeque in the summer. This place was fine when it was just me. I guess I just want more space now that I have more people in my life."

Jess nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense."

Luke looked thoughtful as he picked up and discarded the same card. "And, I just keep thinking about this one conversation I had with Lorelai when we were looking at apartments when you first came to live with me, Jess."

"Luke, please don't make a decision this big based on anything that crazy woman said." Jess said.

Luke laughed. "She actually made a lot of sense that day. Unusual for her, I know! But, she called me out on being too scared to rent an apartment because I didn't know how long you were going to stay and I was afraid to rent something and then end up feeling stupid for doing it if you hated living with me and wanted to go back to New York right away. And she was right. I didn't want to get my hopes up in case you didn't like me and didn't want to stay. She pointed out that my life would always stay a certain size, pretty small, if I kept sleeping on a single bed in a crammed apartment. And, I don't know. It might sound stupid, but I think I'm ready to try to have a bigger life, with more people in it. Maybe even a Mrs. Backwards Baseball Cap one day."

"A what?" Jess asked.

"Huh, oh, nothing. It was just something Lorelai said. About me dating."

"Oh. Well, if buying a house is going to make you happy, and you're not doing it just for the baby, then I think it sounds like a good idea. It would definitely be nice to have my own room, and more space for the baby stuff. We haven't even got the crib yet, and I already feel like I'm drowning in baby crap in my room."

Luke turned to Kirk. "What do you think, Kirk? You've been sleeping on that couch for months. That can't be that comfortable. You can have an actual room and a real bed at the new place."

Kirk looked up at Luke, his expression hesitant. "Really? You mean, I could come, too? And stay in your house? That would be ok with you?"

"Yeah, of course you can come, Kirk. Did you really think you weren't going to be welcome?"

"I wasn't sure. I thought maybe you'd want me to stay here while you and Jess and the baby live in the house as a family."

Luke paused. "Well, I was picturing all of us in the house as kind of a family, or at least as people who generally like each other enough to live together, but if you wanted to stay here instead, I guess you could. Is that what you want, Kirk? To stay in the apartment?"

Kirk thought a moment. "I think that's probably what I should want, to be more on my own, but I don't think I do. It wouldn't be the same with just me and Cat Kirk here. I think I would miss you guys too much. And, I would have to play solitaire when I can't sleep. And I'm not very good at solitaire."

Luke smiled. "Ok, then it's settled. I'll look for a house with four bedrooms."

"But, I want to pay you rent, Luke. It would only be fair." Kirk said.

Jess nodded. "Yeah, Kirk's right. We should both pay you rent."

"That's not necessary. I don't know if I'd feel comfortable taking money from you guys. Maybe you guys could just mow the lawn and shovel snow, that kind of thing." Luke waved off the offer.

Jess rolled his eyes and scowled. "We're not twelve, Luke. We should be contributing financially, not just doing chores to earn our keep. I'm serious about this. I know that the baby is a big part of why you're doing this and I won't feel ok about it if you don't let me at least pay rent."

"All right, fine, nephew. I guess we can work something out if you guys really want to." Luke figured he could always just contribute any rent Jess paid him to a college fund for his great-nephew. He smiled, pleased with himself for coming up with that idea.

Jess narrowed his eyes at his uncle, suspicious at how quickly Luke had given in about letting him pay rent. It made Jess think that the man had an ulterior motive and was really going to sock away the rent money and try to make him take it back later for his son's college expenses or something annoying like that. Jess recognized Luke's self-satisfied smile. It always meant Luke thought he was being slick about something when he was really being completely obvious.

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Jess was moving around the diner, bussing tables, and cleaning up after the Saturday lunch rush. A few tables still had customers lingering over coffee or dessert, but the diner was mostly empty. He looked over to Kirk and Shane, who had been sitting at a table by the window for the past couple of hours. Kirk looked to be deep in concentration as he listened to Shane, who seemed to be explaining something regarding the knitted square she held in her hand. Kirk had finished knitting the last square for the baby blanket he was working on and Shane had come by to teach him how to sew the squares together to make the blanket. Jess thought that the two of them tying up a four top and cutting into his lunch tips should have annoyed him, but like so many things that Kirk did that should have annoyed him, it somehow didn't. It made him think of the Oscar Wilde quote about how if you don't like a person, how they hold their spoon can drive you to lose your shit on them, or something like that, but if you really like someone, you don't mind if they dump their whole plate in your lap. Jess thought about the truth in that, like how he didn't harbor any hard feelings over Kirk totaling his car, even though he had walked away from other friendships in the past over significantly smaller slights. He wondered if this is what having a sibling would have been like, this strong but unexplainable bond with someone he had nothing in common with other than shared proximity and experience. As for Shane, Jess wanted them to become real friends, too. He figured it would make the whole co-parenting thing that much easier. And he genuinely liked her, now much more than he had when they had dated. She was a good person. He knew they weren't there yet, but they had time, and they were off to a decent start. For now, she was still his baby's mother, and whatever she wanted to do was fine by him. They could hog that four top all week and he would keep his mouth shut about it and keep bringing them as many free orders of tater tots as they wanted. Shane rose from her chair and smiled as she walked by him on another trip to the bathroom. Jess smiled back. They were doing all right.

Despite being newly carless, despite the pressures of his impending fatherhood and his not too far off breakup with Rory, Jess was feeling good. He was feeling…grateful. For all the support he got from Luke, both financial and emotional. For Luke caring about him enough that he and the baby had figured in to the man's decision to buy a house. For Kirk, the first real friend he had made in Stars Hollow. And if he was going to stay in this town to be near his son, life would be much better with a friend. For Shane being so cool and forgiving about what a lousy boyfriend he had been, when she could easily have held it over his head and made him pay for it now that they were forced into each other's company again. And for Rory, even though their relationship was ending, he was grateful for having had the experience of being with her to begin with. As far as being a teenage almost-father went, Jess didn't feel like he had that much to complain about. He had been thinking a lot lately about how differently this whole situation would have played out if he had stayed in New York and gotten someone pregnant there instead, and on top of everything else he had had to deal with- "Liz!" Jess exclaimed in surprise as he turned from the table he had just finished bussing and almost ran into his mother who stood a few feet inside the diner door staring at him. He had been so lost in thought that he hadn't even noticed the bell ringing to signify someone was entering.

She smiled widely at him. "Jess, look at you! Look at my kid!" She walked up to him and tried to hug him, but he was still holding the full bus tray in front of him and after some awkward attempts she ended up settling for laying her hands on the sides of his face. "You're holding a job, you're going to school! You look like you're doing great! Stars Hollow really agrees with you, doesn't it, Jess?" He stood still for a moment in shock before jerking his face out of her hold and taking a step back. Customers were looking up at the spectacle and Jess was growing increasingly uncomfortable. And angry.

"Jeez, can you keep it down? We have customers!" Jess hissed. "Why are you even here?"

"Jess, c'mon, don't be like that. I'm here to see my kid. Why else would I have come out here?"

"No clue." Jess set the bus tray down on the nearest table before it ended up following the example recently set by the ketchup bottle. "I've been out here for almost two years and this is your first visit, so I have no idea why you decided to come out now. I'm pretty sure I didn't invite you. The five-minute call I get every two to three months has been more than enough mother son bonding time for me."

"Jess, it hurts me to see that you're still so angry. You need to let all that go. This right here." Liz waved a hand around in a vague circle in the direction of Jess' scowling face. "It's not doing you any good. All this anger and negative energy. It's no way to go through life, Jess." Jess looked away from Liz for a moment to compose himself and briefly locked eyes with Kirk, who was watching the interaction with concern. He knew enough about Jess' past to know this wasn't a welcome visit.

Jess heard the bathroom door open and Shane's footsteps approaching across the silent diner. "Hey Jess-." She noticed Liz standing with Jess and stopped short as she felt the tension between them. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt."

Jess turned to Shane, glad to have someone else to talk to. His mother had only been in the diner for a minute and already he could feel himself approaching his boiling point. "It's ok, Shane, you're not. What were you going to say?"

"Uh, nothing important, just that I used the last paper towel in the bathroom. And I thought you might want to refill the dispenser…"

"Hi Shane, I'm Jess' mom, Liz." She offered her hand to Shane, who looked uneasy as she shook it.

"Hi, uh, it's nice to meet you."

"You, too! Oh, my god, you're pregnant! Congratulations, Sweetie! Isn't being pregnant such a great experience? I loved being pregnant with Jess. How far along are you?"

Shane shot an unsure look at Jess before responding to Liz. "Thanks. Um, I'm about seven months along, and, uh, yeah, it's good. I could do without having to pee every ten minutes, but otherwise it's not too bad." Shane laughed nervously, and shot another look Jess' way.

"Not too bad? C'mon, you're creating a life! It's so exciting! And you get to eat whatever you want and blame it on the baby! I ate chocolate covered pretzels every day for my entire third trimester. That's all this kid wanted. And, my boobs were amazing! They've never looked as good as they did when I was pregnant. Except for when I was breastfeeding. Oh, wait until you breastfeed! They really get huge then! And people treat you better when you're pregnant. They look at you differently, like you matter more. They offer you their seat on the bus, or start conversations about how far along you are. Like I just did!" Liz laughed. "I miss all that. You know, I think I would really like to be pregnant again. What do you think Jess, you want a little baby brother or sister?"

"No."

Liz frowned at her son, but before she could respond, Luke appeared from behind the curtain at the bottom of the stairs and walked towards them. "Liz, hey! I thought I heard someone making a ruckus down here. It's so good to see you. What are you doing here?"

"Hey, big brother! Oh, my god, Luke! You look great!" Liz wrapped Luke in a hug. "You look so happy, are you seeing someone new?"

Luke laughed and pulled back from the hug. "No, I'm not dating anyone. I have occasionally been known to be happy even without a romantic relationship."

Liz shrugged. "It's been my experience that a relationship usually helps, though. Sex helps. It's cliché, but true."

"Liz." Luke used the scolding told that he usually reserved for Jess, not wanting to discuss his sex life with his sister, or in front of his nephew.

"What? Come on, Luke! No one's a virgin here." She looked around the diner. "Well, except maybe that one kid over there who keeps staring at us." She tilted her head in Kirk's direction, and Jess saw Kirk's face flush with embarrassment before he lowered his head as if to focus on his knitting.

"Liz!" Luke scolded again, at the same time that Jess spoke up in Kirk's defense, "Leave him alone."

"And, Shane knows what I'm talking about, right?" Liz said with a smile. "I mean, just look at her!"

"Liz, for Christ's sake!" Luke was getting frustrated with his sister's inappropriateness.

"And I'd be shocked if Jess hasn't fooled around with anyone by now. I mean, look at that handsome face!" She reached out to grab Jess' chin, but he dodged her hand before she could make contact. She continued, undeterred. "I bet he's fighting the girls off with a stick! Didn't you tell me he has a girlfriend? Cory something?"

Luke was looking at Jess, trying to figure out what was going on and what was safe to say, and Jess was shooting Luke a murderous look for telling Liz about Rory to begin with.

Shane spoke to break the tense silence. "Uh, it's Rory. Jess' girlfriend. Her name is Rory."

"Rory, oh, that's so cute! Isn't that cute, Luke? And are you friends with Rory, Shane? Is that how you know Jess?"

"Um…I, uh, I know Rory. But, we aren't really friends…"

Jess knew he needed to get this over with. "Shane and I used to go out. We stopped dating around seven months ago."

Liz's froze, her smile slowly faded and was replaced by a nasty expression that instantly brought Jess back to his childhood. "Are you telling me that that's your baby?" She asked in a raised voice as she jerked a thumb in Shane's direction. "Is that what you're saying, Jess?" She turned to Shane, her tone less harsh. "Is that my kid's baby?"

Jess wasn't sure if it was due to her volume or the content of her questions, but he noticed the last few customers hastily leaving the diner, as he instinctively took a half-step in front of Shane. He called over to Kirk. "Hey, Kirk. Maybe you could walk Shane to her car now?"

Kirk nodded. "Sure, Jess." He started packing all his knitted squares into his backpack and then got up to wait for Shane, who was heading over to grab her things before they headed for the door.

Liz watched them go and called after Shane. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie! I'm so sorry my son did this to you! I thought I raised him better than this! I never wanted him to be like his loser of a father!"

Shane looked back at Liz, caught a few feet from the door, discomfort written all over her face. "It's ok. It's not Jess' fault. Really. We got ourselves into this situation together. And, you should know that Jess has been great about everything to do with the baby so far. Really great." Shane gave Jess a small, sad smile, and even though he was fuming at his mother, it made him feel hopeful. His baby's mother thought he was worth sticking up for. He wasn't like his loser father at all.

"Oh, honey, you don't even realize what he's done to you yet." Liz shook her head sadly. "But, you will. Trust me. I know what it's like to be in your shoes."

"Um, I should really go." Shane turned and walked out through the door that Kirk was holding open for her.

Once they were alone, Liz turned on Jess. "Are you fucking kidding me? I send you here to get your shit together and keep you out of trouble, and what do you do? You knock up some poor girl! I knew you would do this eventually! Didn't I always tell you that you'd end up just like your father? See how right I was now!"

"Liz, calm down! This isn't how to handle this." Luke wasn't used to seeing this side of his sister, and he found her level of anger unsettling.

Liz glared at Luke. "Don't tell me how to handle this, Luke! Jess might be living with you, but he's my fucking kid! I'm his parent! Not you!"

Luke sighed. "I know that, Liz."

"Really? Do you? Then why didn't you tell me that this Shane girl was carrying his baby? She's seven months along! I'm his mother! I had a right to know that something like this was going on with my kid! I trusted you to take care of him, Luke!"

"I know, and I have taken care of him. I am taking care of him. But Jess is eighteen, Liz. He's an adult. I didn't think it was my place to tell you. I understand that you're hurt, but getting mad like this isn't going to help anything."

"No? Really? You know what would have helped, Luke? If you had done what I asked you and straightened him out instead of sitting back and letting him run around and date one girl and knock up another one! I can't believe you let him throw away his life like this! I can't believe you let him turn out like his father!"

"This isn't Luke's fault! It's mine. But, Shane and I are dealing with it, and everything is going to be fine. And, you know what? It's none of your fucking business anyway! You've barely been in my life the past two years, and that's really been working for me, Liz!" Jess' voice was full of venom as he put extra emphasis on the last word, knowing that she always hated it when he called her by her name instead of saying 'mom'.

"Oh, everything's going to be fine, is it?" Liz laughed humorlessly. "Seriously? Are you really that naïve? Didn't you learn anything from the all the shit I went through when you were a kid? Nothing's going to be fine! You've ruined that girl's life, Jess! What is she, eighteen? And saddled with a baby from some guy who's already moved on to another girl! I know what that feels like, and, trust me, it doesn't feel 'fine'!"

"Liz, it's not like that." Luke tried to placate his sister. "No one's life is ruined here. Shane's a smart girl. She has her head on straight about the baby and her mom has been really supportive of everything. She's going to be ok. Jess is too. Shane won't be doing this on her own. They're going to work out joint custody once the baby is old enough to be away from his mother."

"What Shane and I do with the baby is none of her business, Luke!" Jess spat at his uncle.

"Jesus, Luke, I don't believe this!" Liz rolled her eyes at her brother, and turned back to her son. "And what about this Rory girl? Your girlfriend? Does she even know about Shane and the baby? Does she have any idea what kind of guy she's dating?"

"Of course, she does! Do you think I'd lie to her about the baby?" Jess' volume was raised to match Liz's. He could feel his anger spinning out of control the way it always did around Liz. He was glad he had put down the bus tray because he really wanted to break something.

"I'm just trying to figure out how closely you're following in your asshole father's footsteps!"

"Liz, c'mon, stop this! Let's all just take a breather here and calm down." Luke couldn't believe how out of control this conversation had gotten. He could barely recognize his sister or his nephew.

"Stay out of this, Luke!" Liz was near yelling. "I really can't believe you let this happen! I should have just kept him with me if he was going to waste this chance anyway. If I thought he was getting in trouble then, it had nothing on this! Nothing! He could have stayed at home and hung out with his loser friends. New York is as good a place as any to sleep around and do drugs!"

"Oh, jeez, this again! I don't do drugs! That's you, not me! And I haven't ruined Shane's life! She already loves the baby, and she's going to have a good life with our son and be a much better mother than you ever were because she's not going to drink her life away like you did! You blame everything on Jimmy getting you pregnant, but you ruined your own life! You spent night after night drunk or high! You dated loser after loser! You put up with the worst shit from some of those guys! You made me put up with it, too! Those were all your choices. Yours! And that's what ruined your life! Not having me!" Jess roughly pulled his apron off and threw it on the floor as he stormed out of the diner. He could hear Liz yelling after him, calling him a judgmental little shit, and Luke yelling at Liz to stop, before the door shut behind him.

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Jess was sitting at Larson's dock reflecting on how quickly his day had changed. A short while ago, he had been feeling grateful for what was going right in his life, hopeful about his future, and as close to happy as he ever really got. Then he had one conversation with Liz and he was back to feeling worthless and hating himself. He hadn't felt like that in a long time, and he had forgotten how much it sucked. Luke had made him quit smoking when he first got to Stars Hollow, and he hardly ever thought about his former habit any more, but he couldn't help thinking how good a cigarette would feel right now.

He heard footsteps approaching on the bridge. He kept his gaze forward, as he heard the footsteps come to a stop next to him. They were too light to be Luke's. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Kirk sitting down next to him.

"Hey, Jess."

"Hey, Kirk. Did Shane go home?"

"Yeah. She said I could go with her and we could finish the blanket at her house, but I wanted to stay here and make sure you were ok."

Jess smiled slightly, his eyes still locked on the water in front of him. "Thanks, Kirk. I'm ok. I'm sorry Liz wrecked your afternoon with Shane."

"It's ok. We'll finish the blanket another time."

"Did Shane say anything when you walked out with her? Is she freaked out that the baby might inherit crazy genes from his grandmother? I wouldn't blame her if she was."

Kirk shook his head. "She didn't say anything like that. She just said that she felt bad that you had to deal with your mother being so angry about the baby. And that she could understand why you came to live with Luke."

"She stuck up for me to Liz. That was really cool of her. She's been so much better to me during all this than she had to be. I was pretty shitty to her when we dated. Has she ever said anything to you about that?"

"No, but I don't think she would. She knows that we're best friends and that I wouldn't gossip about you behind your back."

Jess smiled, amused at the idea that he and Kirk were apparently official best friends. He hadn't had one of those since sixth grade.

Kirk fidgeted uncomfortably when Jess didn't say anything. He spoke hesitantly. "Is it ok that I said we're best friends?"

Jess nodded, his eyes still vacantly staring at the lake. "Yeah, I'd say that's an accurate assessment."

"Have you ever had a best friend before, Jess? I haven't. You're my first."

Jess chuckled lightly at how weird Kirk tended to make things sound. "I went through a few best friends when I was a kid. But, you're the first one I've had in a long time. And I'm pretty sure I'll be friends with you for much longer than I was with any of those other guys."

Kirk smiled, and pulled his backpack onto his lap. "I have cards in my backpack if you want to play gin rummy."

"Maybe later. I'm good just sitting here with you for now."

"Ok, Jess." Kirk had a small smile on his face as he wrapped his arms around his backpack in a loose hug, and joined Jess in watching the lake.

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Later that afternoon, Jess found himself knocking on Shane's door. She lived farther from the center of town than he would usually consider to be walking distance, but once he got it in his head that he needed to talk to her, he wasn't going to let the long walk dissuade him. He was sweaty by the time he arrived at her house.

Shane was surprised to see him as she opened the door. "Hey, Jess."

"Hey. Uh, can I talk to you?"

"Sure, you want to come in?" Shane opened the door wider.

"Actually, would you mind coming outside instead?"

"I really can't be too far from the bathroom right now. I think I drank too much water at the diner and I've been peeing like crazy this afternoon. No one else is home, though. My mom took Reagan to the mall."

"Oh, ok, sorry, I forgot about the whole peeing every two minutes thing. Inside is fine then." Jess followed Shane into the living room and sat down on the opposite end of the couch from her. They positioned themselves sideways so that they were facing each other.

"So, what's up?"

"I just wanted to apologize for Liz this afternoon. She shouldn't have treated you like she did. Your mom has been so nice to me about everything. You shouldn't have to deal with mine being such a jerk to you."

Shane smiled. "Thanks, Jess. But, it's ok. I only had to spend a few minutes with her. I'm sorry you have to deal with her right now. She seemed...like a difficult person to deal with. Especially about this."

"She is. She's always been a difficult person to deal with." Jess huffed out a laugh. "And that's putting it very diplomatically." Jess paused to collect his thoughts. "She never really got past my father leaving us when I was born. She thinks that being a single mother ruined her life, and she never tried to hide how bitter she was about it. She blamed everything that ever went wrong in my childhood on Jimmy's leaving. Her drinking. Her drug use. All the abusive losers she dated and married. She sees it all as his fault for leaving her."

"I'm sorry, Jess. That sounds like a tough way to grow up."

Jess shrugged. "It was what it was. I was a kid and there was nothing I could do to change it." He paused again, unsure how to word the next part. "But, I want to change what happens now. And, I want to make sure you never hate me the way she hates Jimmy. I don't want to be someone you resent later for messing up your life."

"I don't hate you, Jess. I won't ever hate you. None of this is any more your fault than it is mine. I meant it when I told your mom that we got ourselves into this together."

Jess nodded. "I know you don't blame me for the baby, but already it's cost you more than it has me. You're the one who has to carry it for nine months, and go to all these doctor's appointments and pee every two minutes. And, I don't even like to think about what you're going to have to go through in labor. And, all I've had to do is pick up a few more shifts at Walmart. It hasn't been fair so far at all. And most importantly, you're giving up going to college. I was never planning on going, so it's not a big deal to me, but I don't want you to give that up and regret it later. I want you to be able to go."

The annoyed look Shane was giving him was not what Jess had been expecting. "What?" He asked hesitantly.

"Jess, I've already had this fight with my mom. I don't want to have it with you, too."

"What do you mean? Your mom still thinks you should go to college, too?"

"Yeah, she does." Shane sounded irritated. "She thinks I'm being dramatic and short-sighted for not going. She keeps telling me that I won't be the first woman with a baby to go to college, and that we can work something out. I got into Central Connecticut, which is only like half an hour away, and she offered to switch her day shift at work to the three to eleven shift so she could watch the baby during the day while I go to classes."

Jess spoke slowly, pretty sure he was walking into a trap. "That sounds good, right? That's really nice of her. What's wrong with that idea?"

"What's wrong with that idea, Jess, is that I have a ten-year-old sister who actually likes seeing her mom on more than just the weekends. If Reagan gets out of school at three and is in bed before eleven, the only time she'll see my mom Monday through Friday is for a few minutes before school every morning. That's not fair to her. I get that my mom would sacrifice for me and the baby, but Reagan shouldn't have to. I'd rather sacrifice college than ask Reagan to sacrifice seeing her mom every day."

"Oh. I hadn't thought about that." Jess paused. "But, Raegan would have you, and I've seen you guys together and you're really good with her."

Shane was already shaking her head before Jess finished speaking. "It's not the same, Jess. I'm a good sister, but it's not the same as her having her mom. When I was her age, my mom picked me up at school every day. She came to my tennis matches. She took me to dance practice. We had dinner together and after dinner, she helped me with my homework and played board games with me or we watched a movie together. We're close now, because we did all that stuff then. I don't want Reagan to miss out on that because of me. I don't want that to be my fault. And, I wouldn't be able to do all of that myself. I'm going to have a new baby that I don't know the first thing about how to take care of. I wouldn't be able to give Reagan enough attention. It would be me stressing out and trying to cook dinner and take care of the baby and pay attention to Reagan and get her to softball practice and study for my own classes all at once, and I would end up doing a shitty job at everything! I don't want to do that!" Shane was starting to tear up, and wiped at one eye. "And, my mom suggested daycare, even offered to help me pay for it, but I hate the idea of leaving my defenseless little baby, our defenseless little baby, with strangers. I don't want to do that. At least not for a few years anyway."

Jess nodded. He didn't like the idea of daycare either. "Ok, I get that. But, what if I helped?"

"What do you mean? Helped how?"

"Like, so right now, my normal shift at Walmart is part time, after school, from four to ten a few nights a week. And then an early shift on Sunday. I had been planning on working full-time after I graduate and switching to the day shift instead. But, I don't really need to. What if I work the second shift full-time, four to midnight, and I watch the baby while you go to classes, and you watch the baby while I go to work?"

Shane was looking more interested now, but still skeptical. "You'd be willing to work the four to midnight shift for the next four years while I went to college? I can't ask you to do that, Jess. That sounds terrible. It's too much."

Jess shrugged. "Maybe it's too much. Maybe it isn't. We won't know if we don't try. I know we were talking about joint custody where we handed off the baby every week or every two weeks or something, but maybe what we need to do is hand off the baby every day instead. Like, you could drop him off to me in the mornings on your way to class, I'd have him all day and drop him off to you on my way to work, and you'd have him all evening." Jess paused, remembering his current lack of wheels. He would need to get that situation taken care of by September, but he still had the whole summer to save up for it. "And, maybe your mom could watch him for a little bit when you need to study. I bet Luke and Kirk would be willing to help sometimes, too, when your mom isn't available, and watch the baby for a couple of hours while you studied." Jess thought about the scene he pictured the most when his mind went to the baby. The image of himself reading a bedtime story as his son fell asleep, soft and warm, on his chest. He knew he would be giving that up if he worked until midnight every night. But, he knew Shane was right. They were the ones who should be making sacrifices here. Not her mother, and not her little sister. "Maybe I could have him on weekends sometimes, too, so that I could have him in the evenings and get to put him to bed and keep him overnight."

Shane was leaning forward on the couch now, clearly getting excited. "Yeah, you definitely could, Jess! I want you to get to have overnights with him, too. And even if go to school, I still want to keep my job at the beauty store on weekends, or maybe get something that pays better, so that would be perfect if you had him on weekends. I've looked at the freshman classes at Central Connecticut and I know I could set up a schedule, for the first semester at least, where I could fit all my classes into four days instead of five. They even let you take one class a semester online as a freshman. So, if you have any flexibility at Walmart, maybe you could work an earlier shift on the day that I don't have classes and I could watch the baby during the day while you worked and then you could have him in the evening. That way I could do daytime stuff with him like take him to the zoo and you could get to keep him overnight and put him to bed."

Jess smiled. "I think we have a plan. Two parents raising a baby together sounds just crazy enough to work."

Shane was glowing. "Thanks, Jess! I was really scared about trying to juggle college and a baby by myself, and just failing miserably at both, but I really think this sounds doable now. I really, really want to go to college, but only if it doesn't hurt someone else, like Reagan, or the baby, or you. I want to make sure you get enough quality time with our son, too. That will always be important to me, Jess." She smirked. "Second in importance only to how much quality time I get with our son."

Jess laughed. "Fair enough."

"But, I'm serious. I need to know that if this situation doesn't work for you, if you don't feel like you're getting enough time with the baby, or if you feel like you're doing too much and have too much time with the baby, that you'll say something. You'll let me know and we can adjust stuff until it works, right? This is only going to work for me if I know it's working for you, too."

Jess nodded, seriously. "I promise. I have faith that we can make this work. I've hated the idea of you giving up college from the beginning. And, between your mom and your sister, and my uncle and my, well, Kirk, we'll have a lot of backup babysitters to help out."

Shane's eyes were wet even as a huge grin spread across her face. "I'm going to college! I'm really going to college!" She bounced in her seat and lunged across the couch at Jess wrapping him in a tight hug.

"Ooph! Jeez, warn a guy!"

"Hey, no fat girl jokes, pal!" Shane pulled back from Jess and smacked his on the arm. "Oh, I shouldn't have done that, now I really have to pee! Be right back."

Jess watched Shane leave the room. He tried to squash the lingering picture in his head of cozy evenings and bedtime stories with his baby. He knew the sacrifice would be worth it in the long run. He thought about Liz, and about Kirk's mom, and he knew the best thing he could do for his son was to do everything he possibly could to keep him from having an unhappy mother.

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Luke knocked on the wall near the threshold to Jess' area of the apartment. He had just closed up the diner for the night and he wanted to check on his nephew before he went to bed. Jess had come home during the dinner rush and Luke had been too busy to really talk to him as he passed through the diner to the apartment.

"Hey, Jess. Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Jess looked up from the book he was reading. "Sure." He put the open book face down on the bed next to him and sat up with his legs crossed in front of him.

Luke took a few steps into the room and sat down on the side of Jess' bed, a few feet from his nephew. "I just wanted to talk about what happened with your mom earlier. I want you to know that I didn't invite her here and she didn't tell me she was coming, or I would have told you."

Jess nodded. "I know."

"I'm really sorry that she reacted the way she did about the baby and everything. That she got so angry. I've never seen her like that before, and I'm sorry that you had to go through that today."

"It's ok, Luke. I've seen her like that lots of times. This wasn't anywhere near her worst. It's not a big deal."

"It's not? Are you sure? Because seeing her attack you like that was pretty terrible for me, so it's hard for me to believe that it wasn't bad for you, too."

Jess shrugged. "I'm more used to it than you are. I've had more practice taking her shit. I mean, seeing Liz was definitely hard. It brought up all these bad memories from when I was a kid, and it made me feel shitty about myself for a while. But, I'm all right. Really." Jess gave his uncle a small smile to prove he really was ok. "Thanks for being worried about me, but you don't need to be. Honestly. I'm ok."

"All right…But, if you weren't ok, or if you wanted to talk about stuff, about your mom, or anything else, you'd come to me, right, Jess?" Luke looked at Jess with concern written all over his face.

Jess nodded thoughtfully. "You would definitely be my second choice if Cat Kirk wasn't available. No offense, but she's a better listener. And also better looking, but I suppose that fact isn't really relevant here."

Luke smiled. "Ok, smart guy."

"I think I would, Luke. You've never really let me down when I've talked to you about stuff before."

Luke smiled. "You're a good boy, Jess."

"So, I've been told. Repeatedly."

"Hmm, must be true then."

"So, did Liz go back to New York?"

Luke shook his head. "She didn't want to drive back today, so she's staying with her friend Carrie tonight and heading back to the city in the morning."

Jess nodded.

"She felt bad about how out of control she got. She said she could stop by to see you again before she headed out if you wanted her to. I told her that you leave early for work on Sundays and wouldn't be home until mid-afternoon. She said she needed to get on the road before then because she has some emergency appointment with some guy who's supposed to adjust her chakra or something and help her figure out what she should do next. I guess she just got dumped by some guy named Trent. You know him?"

"Nope. Never heard of the guy. He must be new."

"Well, apparently she thought he was the one, but I guess he didn't agree, and he broke up with her last night. I guess that's why she came out here to see you today to begin with. I think she took the breakup really hard, and she's kind of a mess right now."

"She's been a mess for eighteen years, Luke."

Luke nodded. "I know. You're right. It's just hard for me to think of her like that sometimes. I know that there's still a good, stable person in there somewhere. I can still picture her holding you at the hospital in New York the day you were born. She was so in love with you, Jess. The way she looked at you. And she kept telling you how perfect you were and how much she loved you and how she was going to take care of you. It just makes me sad, you know. Knowing that she meant it at the time, but she just wasn't capable of following through on that promise." Luke sighed. "I guess some people just aren't meant to be parents."

Jess nodded his head slowly in agreement, a thoughtful expression on his face.


	12. Chapter 12 - Kyle's Party

**Chapter 12 Notes:** This is my longest chapter yet. I got cut off with the title for this chapter due to space restrictions. I really wanted to call it 'Kyle's Party a.k.a The Downward Spiral Begins.' I think I'm only a few chapters away from the end as this point. As always, thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story, and especially to those who've been generous enough to leave me reviews.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

It was Friday afternoon and Jess had taken a long walk after school before doubling back and ending up at his usual thinking spot on the bridge. He had needed the walk to clear his head and burn off his initial anger, at that smug dick of a principal, at that whole stupid school, at this whole ridiculous town, but mostly at himself for making the wrong choice and fucking up his life yet again. Jess' anger had simmered into a heavy depression as he sat on the bridge, staring at the lake and hating himself. He had felt blindsided at school today when he had tried to buy prom tickets and ended up learning that he wasn't graduating instead. He had never been a diligent student to begin with and he was aware that he had pretty much mentally checked out of his senior year once he had found out about the baby, but he still thought he had been doing enough, even if it was the bare minimum. Once he knew he had a kid on the way, working and earning as much as he could to support his child had taken priority over the last few months of his schooling. But he had still believed he was doing ok. Enough to still graduate. His mistake had been missing too many days to pick up extra shifts at Walmart. He hadn't even known that was something that could happen, that he could get held back for too many absences even when he was still technically passing all his classes. It seemed like a bullshit rule, and if they were going to enforce it, they should at least do a better job of warning students about it. Jess sighed. Merton had said he had given Jess nine warning slips about the issue. He could remember receiving a few official notifications from the office. He remembered reading the first one before crumpling the paper and throwing it in the trash, but the subsequent slips had been tossed sight unseen. He knew he should have been mature enough to do something about them, like set up the meetings that the principal had asked for. He knew it was pathetic, but he really wished that Merton had just called Luke when he had been closing in on the threshold of unacceptable absences. Like he had last year when Jess had first started at Stars Hollow High and had been skipping classes and slacking off in school. Wasn't that what a school was supposed to do when a kid was messing up this badly, call their parents or guardian and rat them out so that they could help fix the problem? He technically wasn't a kid anymore. Did schools stop making calls to parents once a student was eighteen? He had no idea. But, that seemed like a shitty policy. He knew it was childish thinking, and it shouldn't be Luke's responsibility to make him accountable for his actions, but he couldn't help thinking that Luke would have made sure it didn't come to this if he'd known Jess was in danger of not graduating. His uncle would have read him the riot act about how unacceptable his behavior was. He would have told him how stupid it was to mess with his education like this when he was almost done for good. He would have made him think about his future and how much he would be fucking himself over by not getting his diploma. How his employment options would be more limited. How he would someday need to admit to his child that he had failed to graduate high school. He would have made Jess cut back on his work schedule, even if it had meant Luke going without help at the diner. Luke would have made sure Jess sat his ass through every class he had, every day. Luke would have sat him at the counter with his books every afternoon, so that he could have watched him do his homework while he worked and made sure it got done. He would have kept Jess safe from his own bad decisions and made sure everything turned out ok. Because Jess and his education were that important to Luke. And, he was going to be so disappointed. Jess was dreading going home and facing him. He wasn't sure how to tell him.

He was also dreading going to this stupid party tonight. It was important to Rory because Lane's band was going to be playing there, important enough that she had been able to get out of her Friday night dinner at her grandparents' house, but he really wished he hadn't agreed to go with her. A Stars Hollow High party was just about the last place he wanted to be, surrounded by people he knew he was smarter than, who would be graduating high school when he wasn't. Rory had invited Kirk, too. It was his first party and Jess knew he was excited about going. He didn't want to back out on either of them, but he didn't want to be around Rory any more than he wanted to be around Luke. Part of him wished he could jump on a bus back to New York like he had after his last big failure when he had crashed Rory's car and broke her wrist. His fuckups always seemed much more magnified in Stars Hollow than they had in New York, where Liz likely wouldn't have noticed him getting kicked out of school, or if she had, she would have screamed herself hoarse telling him he was a loser like his father and then forgotten the issue entirely by the next day. He didn't have anyone there whose opinion of him mattered enough that they could crush him with their disappointment. It wasn't like here. He could picture Rory's face upon learning that he not only couldn't take her to the prom like he promised, but that she was also dating a real loser who had failed at the basic life skill of graduating high school. She would be disappointed that he let her down about the prom, but she wouldn't call him out on that. Instead, she'd tell him that he had let himself down by not finishing school. And, she'd be right. And, Luke. Luke had put so much time and effort and love into taking care of him these past two years. He had been so kind and supportive about everything with the baby. He thought about all the things Luke had done for him over the past few months. His mind conjured up images of Luke comforting him when he cried in bed or threw up on the side of the road, helping him clean up ketchup and broken glass, defending him to Liz, and making plans to buy a house to make room for the baby. Luke deserved better than this from him in return. He could picture it going one of two ways with Luke. He could see his uncle shutting down, being heartbroken and uncommunicative at the news, and things not being the same after, as Luke quietly let go of his expectations for Jess. But, he could also see this being the last straw, with Luke finally losing it on him and kicking him out. If he were in Luke's shoes, that's what he would do, throw his stupid, ungrateful ass out on the street. It would be only fair. Jess had known that finishing school had been a condition of him staying with Luke from the beginning. He wondered if the baby would sway Luke's decision at all. He knew he could get an apartment and manage on his own if he had to, maybe he could even talk Kirk into renting a place together, but he really wanted things to be good with Luke when the baby was born. He hoped that Luke would let him stay in his life even if he did kick him out of his home. He was terrified at the idea of facing fatherhood without Luke being there for him. He didn't think he could do it by himself.

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"You about ready to go, Kirk?" Jess was studying his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he put the finishing touches on his hair.

"Maybe. I can't decide between this one and the last one. What do you think?" Kirk was buttoning up the fourth shirt he had tried on when Jess looked over at him in the open doorway.

"I think that one. I like it. I think it's the best color on you."

Kirk sighed. "Ok, if you say so."

"I do." Jess washed the gel off his hands and dried them on a towel. "We should leave in five minutes. I told Rory we'd meet her at her place at eight." Jess wanted to be on time meeting his girlfriend, but he was also in a rush to leave for the party before Luke decided to come up to the apartment for any reason. He had timed his arrival home during the dinner rush so that he could pass through the diner without getting stopped by Luke and asked about his day. He wanted to avoid him for as long as he could, at least until after the night was over. The only thing he wanted to do less than go to this party was to have to tell Rory that he couldn't go because he was busy getting screamed at by Luke or because he had been kicked out for not graduating and needed to find a place to stay and deal with his life that was quickly spiraling out of control.

"Maybe I shouldn't go." Kirk had walked a few feet away from the bathroom and had his back to Jess.

"What are you talking about, Kirk?" Jess snapped at Kirk as he walked out of the bathroom. He didn't have time for Kirk's insecurity right now. "You're just nervous because it's your first party. You'll be fine. Let's just go." Jess grabbed his keys and headed for the door. He turned back when he realized Kirk wasn't following him. The other boy was still standing in front of the bathroom looking at Jess with a hurt expression on his face. Jess sighed. This night sucked already. He was tense and angry and felt like he was on the verge of exploding, but none of it was Kirk's fault and he didn't deserve to get treated like shit just because Jess had been too stupid to know he had to actually go to school to graduate. "I'm sorry, Kirk. I didn't mean to snap at you. Why do you think you shouldn't go to the party?"

"I won't know very many people. And I'm not good at talking to people. I'm afraid I'm going to do or say something stupid and embarrass myself."

Jess walked over to Kirk and put a hand on his shoulder. "I'll be there, and Rory will be there. You know us, don't you?"

Kirk nodded solemnly.

"What if I promise not to leave you by yourself or with anyone you're not comfortable with?"

"But, what if I don't meet anyone that I'm comfortable with?"

"Then me and you will hang out all night."

"But, I don't want to be in your way. I know you want to be with Rory. And you see me all the time, so I get that you'll want to talk to other people, like your friends from school and stuff…"

"You won't be in my way. I honestly don't give a shit about anyone at this thing other than you and Rory. You'll be fine, I promise. I got your back, Kirk." Jess smiled at Kirk, as he took his hand off his shoulder, and lightly clapped him on the arm. "Now, let's go, ok? We don't want to keep Rory waiting."

Kirk smiled. "Ok, Jess. Thanks."

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Rory had wanted to get there early so that she could be there for a very jittery Lane before her first performance. Jess, Kirk and Rory were watching the band set up in Kyle's living room. Jess listened to the banter between Lane's boyfriend Dave and the singer with the long hair. Dave seemed like a cool guy. Like someone he could possibly have been friends with if given the chance. Jess wondered if Dave was going away to college. Probably. He seemed like the type. Jess was starting to regret not having put in the effort to make a single friend in the two years that he had been in Stars Hollow. He had never expected anything he did here to matter for his future. His plan had always been to put this town and everyone in it, other than Luke, in his rear view mirror the minute he graduated. But, now, not only was he was he not going to graduate, he didn't even have a rear view mirror. He may be stuck here for the next eighteen years. With only one friend, no high school diploma, and a well-deserved reputation for being an asshole. He started to feel panic coming on and did his best to squash it before it overwhelmed him. He really didn't want to have a panic attack here.

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The party had filled up and the band had already played a few songs and was currently taking a break. Kirk was standing next to Jess and Rory, watching them have an awkward conversation with Dean and Lindsey, when he heard someone calling his name behind him. He turned around and found himself looking at Jess' co-worker from Walmart, Lulu.

"Hey Kirk! It's so nice to see you again!" Lulu grinned broadly at Kirk.

Kirk stared for a second in happy surprise before realizing that he needed to respond. "Hi Lulu." Kirk smiled. "It's good to see you, too. I'm surprised to see you here, but it's definitely a nice surprise."

"Aw, you're sweet, Kirk! It's a nice surprise for me, too! I'm here with my cousin, Jen Kuschner. She's a senior at Stars Hollow High, like Jess. Her family is the one I'm staying with while I go to college. Do you know her?"

"I do know her." Kirk's eyes were wide with amazement. "Or at least, I know of her. She was a year behind me all the way through school, but I know who she is because she was my junior high guidance counselor's daughter. Mrs. Kuschner is your aunt?"

"She sure is! She's who inspired me to want to work in education. Isn't she just the nicest lady?"

"She is! She really is!" Kirk agreed enthusiastically. "I liked having her for a guidance counselor very much. She was always so nice to me and made me feel good about myself. She had a very positive impact on my life during some of my most difficult years. I remain grateful to this day for some of the guidance and advice she gave me. If you are anything like Mrs. Kuschner, and you definitely seem like you are to me, I'm sure you will be a very inspiring educator. Your students will be lucky to have you."

"Thanks so much, Kirk! That's the nicest compliment for me and for my Aunt Sara! I really appreciate that! She's been a big role model for me, especially these past few years." Lulu paused. "My mom passed when I was fifteen and it was just me and my dad and my little brothers. And, Aunt Sara has really been there for me for all the girl stuff that my dad wasn't always very good at. She's been so great to me."

Kirk's expression grew serious. "I'm so sorry to hear that you lost your mother, too. My mother passed away this year, so I can understand your loss somewhat, but I know it must have been even harder for you to have been so much younger."

"Thanks, Kirk. I'm sorry about your mom, too." Lulu smiled warmly at Kirk. "I have the feeling that we met for a reason. I think losing a parent is one of those things that can only be understood by someone who's experienced it. When it happened, my friends were sympathetic. Of course, they were, I mean, they're nice people. But they could never really get how miserable I felt, or how drastically it affected my life in every way. Or how much it continues to affect my life. People don't get that if they haven't gone through it. That there's no getting over it. There's only living with it."

Kirk nodded. "I know what you mean. I didn't have any other family when my mom died. My father lives in New York and came to town for the funeral and to sell the house, but that was it. I don't know him very well. I was very lucky that Jess and his uncle took me in and helped me. Luke, that's Jess' uncle, lost his father when he was my age and his mother when he was even younger, so he understood what I was going through, and was really there for me. He helped me a lot. I don't know how Luke dealt with his loss by himself when he was our age. I don't think I could have coped with everything without him and Jess."

"I'm sorry that your dad wasn't there for you, but I'm glad to hear that you had support from your friends, Kirk. I would hate to think of you having to go through that by yourself." Lulu looked thoughtful for a moment. "My mom was such a good person, always happy and grateful for what she had and just kind and considerate and polite to everyone. And I try to live my life like that as much as I can, too, so that the people I meet in my life will get to meet my mom through me. She set a good example for me to follow. I'm always reminding myself that I still have that, even though she's not with me anymore. It helps."

"That's a very positive outlook, Lulu. And, from what I know about you, you seem to be successfully following that example. My first impression of you at Walmart was of how happy you were and how considerate and friendly you were to me even though you didn't even know me. You were much kinder than you had to be. I appreciated that about you right away." Kirk paused, then spoke hesitantly. "I liked you right away."

"Thank you, Kirk! That means a lot to me! I liked you right away when I met you at Walmart, too. I could tell you were special! I'm really glad Jess brought you in with him that day." The band started up again, making conversation impossible. Lulu leaned close to Kirk, speaking into his ear. "Would you maybe want to go sit outside and talk for a little while? I'd really like to get to know you better, Kirk."

Kirk nodded with a smile on his face. He started to follow Lulu through the crowd and toward the front door of the house. He caught Jess' eye as he passed by him standing against the wall with his arm wrapped around Rory as they watched the band play. Jess nodded at Kirk and smirked. Kirk responded with a shy but happy smile.

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Jess slipped away from Rory when she was talking to Lane during another of the band's breaks. He needed to get away from the crowd. He could feel that his coping skills were at an all-time low, and he didn't think he could deal with people any more. Even their brief encounter with Dean had left Jess more agitated than usual. He had felt his pulse beating out of control and had wanted more than anything to put his fist through Dean's stupid, smirking face. He needed to check on Kirk before he disappeared. Jess went into the living room and moved the curtain aside slightly and peeked out the front window. He had given Kirk his word and he wanted to make sure the guy was ok, and he seemed to be, sitting next to Lulu on the front steps, his face turned toward her, watching her with rapt attention as she spoke. Jess smiled. His own life might be falling apart, but it made him genuinely happy to see something going right for Kirk. And Lulu was a good person. If there was anyone he knew that was kind enough and patient enough to be with Kirk, it was her. Jess turned away from the window and started to wander upstairs, looking for privacy. He ended up in what he guessed was a guest room, from the lack of personal items in the room, or possibly Kyle's parents' bedroom if they were neat freaks. He sat down on the bed and put his head in his hands. He needed to calm the fuck down. This felt like the day he had found out about the baby all over again. The same shock at his own stupidity and arrogance, the same fear and sense of impending doom at having to tell Luke. The same feeling of being a completely worthless fuck up who couldn't do anything right. The same feeling of futility for even trying, since he failed at everything. He felt hopeless and alone, scared and angry.

He heard the door open slowly and looked up as Rory walked into the room. "Here you are. I've been looking all over for you."

"Sorry." The apology didn't sound sincere even to Jess. It sounded annoyed. And he had no right to be annoyed with Rory. He needed to calm down, but he didn't know if he could.

"It's ok. What are you doing up here by yourself?"

"I just needed to get away for a few minutes." He stood up and walked over to Rory. He reached one hand up to the side of her face and moved in for a kiss. This was what he needed, right here. No thinking. No talking. Just Rory. Just this.

Rory broke the kiss after a moment and pulled back. "Jess, I think we should talk."

Jess felt the wall he had built up for this night to hold back the flood of his anger start to crack. He couldn't deal with this tonight. He couldn't lose Rory tonight, too. "C'mon, Rory. We're at a party. Do we need to talk right now?" He moved forward to kiss her again, but she put her hands on his chest and blocked his approach. "What are you doing, Rory?"

"I don't want to make out right now."

"Fine, then let's go downstairs and get a drink. Maybe that will help."

"Help with what? What's going on? You haven't been yourself lately, Jess. I figured it was the stress from the baby and everything, but you've been extra off tonight, hostile to everyone who talks to you, hiding up here by yourself. Something is clearly wrong, and I don't know why you won't talk to me, but not talking about it isn't working. You never even told me why you threw a bottle at Luke. And now you want to drink? That's not you. What's with you tonight?"

Jess could feel his anger bubbling up to the surface, pushing to get through his defenses. "I told you, I didn't throw it at him-"

"At him, not at him. Whatever! You were still angry enough to throw a bottle through a window and all you'd tell me is that you were having a bad day."

"I was having a bad day! I feel like I've been having a series of bad days for as long as I can remember and they just keep getting worse!"

"What are you talking about, Jess? Tell me."

"I can't deal with this, Rory. Not tonight."

"Jess, I just want you to talk to me, so I can help you. I'm your girlfriend-"

Jess cut her off. "Yeah, for how much longer?"

Rory stared at Jess wordlessly.

"I'm getting the distinct impression here that it's better if I deal with my issues on my own because this." He waved his hand back and forth in between them. "This right here, isn't going to last much longer, is it?"

"Jess, we've talked about this. I'll only be 22.8 miles away at Yale. That's nothing. I'm not sure it even qualifies as a long-distance relationship."

"Does what we have even qualify as a relationship anymore? We don't tell each other anything anymore. We're going through the motions of dating, but I don't dump any of my shit on you because I'm afraid to scare you away. And you don't talk to me about college or your future plans. I know you have to be excited about Yale and going to Europe, but you never bring those things up. You didn't even tell me that you were going to spend the summer in Europe until I saw your guidebook and asked about it."

"I would have told you that, Jess. I just hadn't had a chance yet."

"Rory, you're smarter than this, and so am I, so please stop treating me like I'm not."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, we both know this isn't going anywhere. It can't. Not anymore. Maybe it never could have."

"What are you saying?"

"Just the truth. Look at the facts. You're leaving for Europe in three weeks. And then for Yale two weeks after you get back from Europe. Then you'll be away, busy at an Ivy league college, hanging out with other Ivy league college kids. I'll be here, working as many hours as I can at Walmart and taking care of a baby I had with another girl."

"So? That doesn't have to change what we have."

"Rory, the baby changes everything! I know you know that. And here's a new fact for you. I found out today that I missed too many classes to graduate. So, I can't take you to the prom. I won't be getting a high school diploma. And there is a very real possibility that Luke is going to kick me out when he finds out, so I may be able to add homeless to my list of attractive qualities sometime real soon."

"Oh, Jess, no!"

Jess nodded. "And, I get what you're doing, Rory. It's normal. I get that it's scary going off to Yale, where you won't know any one and you won't be the smartest person in class anymore, and I get that it might seem easier, and safer, to keep me as your boyfriend when you leave, until you get comfortable enough there to meet someone new and replace me. But, we both know that's what will happen. You'll dump me by the time you come home for Thanksgiving break. We both know that. And I love you, Rory. I really do. So much more than I ever thought I could love anyone. And if it wasn't for the baby, I'd be fine with letting you drag it out like that, because I would think that having any of you would be better than losing you completely. But, I can't do that now. I can't be half in this. I need to be all about the baby right now. I need to be focused on him."

"Him?"

Jess looked at Rory, not sure what she was asking.

"You never even told me it was a boy."

"Oh. No?"

Rory shook her head with a sad smile. "No." She paused. "But, I guess I knew you were going to the ultrasound to find out. I must not have asked."

"We never talk about him."

Rory had started to cry, and lowered her head to wipe away her tears. "So, this is it? You're breaking up with me?"

Jess knew he needed to finish this before he chickened out. "I think we should end things, yeah."

When Rory looked back up, Jess saw relief flash across her face for a brief moment, before her face shifted into an expression of sad acceptance. That moment imprinted itself in Jess' mind. He knew right away that he would never forget it, and that when he pulled out this memory years later, that quick flash of relief would always be what hurt the most. Until Rory spoke again. "I get it, Jess. I really do. And I think you're right, that ending things makes sense. It's the logical thing to do. I understand that, really, but I liked you so much, and it just still hurts so bad anyway. I'll miss you so much."

Jess couldn't hear anything past 'I really liked you a lot.' 'Liked' you. Not 'loved.' Not 'like', but the past tense version. Jess felt his anger rising to the surface again. He needed to get the fuck away from this room, from Rory, before he said something too awful to take back.

"I need to go, Rory."

"Jess, wait! I didn't mean to upset you."

"I have to get out of here."

"I was just agreeing with you. I don't want you to leave angry." She put her hand on his arm to stop his exit, and he shook it off roughly.

"I'm not leaving angry. I'm just leaving." Jess stormed out of the bedroom. He needed to find Kirk and get the hell out of there. He headed down the stairs and out the front door. Kirk was no longer on the steps. As he made his way through the house looking for Kirk, he passed Rory again, still crying, but now being comforted by Dean at the bottom of the stairs. Jess rolled his eyes and walked past them, the scene igniting his anger even further. Rory being comforted by the only boyfriend she had ever told that she loved. He felt like he was going to explode. And just when he thought he couldn't take it anymore, he was given an outlet. He felt a rough grip on his shoulder and turned in time for Dean's fist to connect with his face just under his eye. The wall of self-control holding back his anger disintegrated like it had been hit with a wrecking ball. And, he lost it.

The next few minutes were a blur, as Jess let out all his pent-up rage as he fought with Dean. He had never wanted to hurt someone in his whole life as much as he wanted to hurt Dean. They traded punch after punch, Jess barely registering the pain. Every hit he took felt well worth the opportunity to get his own chance to hurt Dean as much as he could. He was aware of moving through the house from room to room, getting pushed against the kitchen counter and knocking cups and bags of chips to the floor, crashing through a glass coffee table with Dean on top of him. He felt sets of hands on him trying unsuccessfully to separate them. He registered Lindsey's voice screaming for them to stop. To please, Dean, just stop, that this was stupid, that this was how people got seriously hurt or killed. He didn't know where Rory was. The struggle spilled out into the back yard. Jess lost his footing on the wet grass and ending up on the ground with Dean on top of him, landing another shot to Jess' face. And another. And another. His head started to spin. He needed to get up, but was no longer sure which direction up was. He heard a high-pitched shrieking noise getting louder, and then Dean grunted and lurched forward and landed face down on the grass next to him. Jess tried to clear his head as he watched Dean awkwardly struggle to his knees. That was when Jess saw Kirk latched onto Dean's back like a baby koala, with his arms wrapped around Dean's chest, pinning his arms to his sides, and his legs wrapped around his waist. Lulu appeared, and Jess watched as she and Lindsey struggled to pry Kirk off Dean's back. Once Kirk and Dean were separated, Kirk and Lulu stood in front of Jess, who was still on the ground, sitting up now, one hand on the grass behind him for balance. All three watched as Lindsey herded Dean back into the house. She sounded angry as she berated him, but the only words Jess could make out were 'ex-girlfriend' and 'how would you feel.' The whole scene felt surreal and if Jess had had any alcohol at all that night, he wouldn't have trusted his own memory, and he would have sworn that the fight couldn't possibly have ended the way he thought it did. Jess got to his feet. An older guy, Kyle's cousin, he thought, came up to him and told him that he needed to leave, now. He nodded. That was fine by him. He was done there, anyway. He saw Lulu a few feet away, telling something to a girl he recognized from school, Jen something, who was nodding wide-eyed back at her. He got a brief glimpse of Rory standing in front of the back door. They made a second's worth of eye-contact, her expression shocked and helpless, his hurt and angry, before she turned and headed back into the house. Lulu reappeared next to Kirk, her face the picture of concern. She was going to walk home with them. She had taken some first aid classes as part of her training to work with kids and she wanted to help with the cut over Jess' cheek bone since it looked so bad. He couldn't feel it, but he nodded at her anyway, and the three of them left Kyle's yard and headed toward the diner.

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The short walk home was relatively quiet, considering Kirk and Lulu were usually two of the most talkative people Jess knew. Jess' head had cleared by the time they got to the diner and the reality of Kirk having saved his ass sank in. He had never had anyone jump into a physical altercation to protect him before. Ever. Not even his own mother, when the person attacking him had been one of her boyfriends. And, he had needed help. He could admit that. If he hadn't slipped, the fight could have gone on being relatively evenly matched for who knows how long, but once he'd gone down and had Dean on top of him like that, the size difference had been too much to overcome, and Dean would have maintained the clear upper hand until he had finished Jess off or been pulled away by a third party.

Jess dug his key out of his pocket in front of the diner door. "Hey, Kirk. Thanks for what you did back there, with Dean, I mean. You really saved my ass, and I want you to know I appreciate it."

Kirk looked surprised for a second at Jess' admission before a small, pleased smile formed on his face. "That's what best friends are for. You always have my back, Jess. And it goes both ways. I have yours, too. I could never just sit by and watch someone pound you into a bloody pulp without at least trying to intervene on your behalf."

Jess snorted and smiled as he opened the door to the diner.

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Lulu had Jess sit on a stool at the counter, while Kirk had gone to fetch the first aid kit from the kitchen. She had wet a few paper towels with warm water and had carefully cleaned the blood from Jess' cheek while she held his face in place with a gentle hand cupping his chin. Once she had wiped away the excess blood, she held some clean, dry paper towels firmly against the wound to staunch the bleeding. Kirk had opened the first aid kit on the counter and was watching nervously and awaiting further instruction. Something about the care and kindness being given to him by a girl he barely knew was making Jess feel emotional. He didn't know if it was just the stress of the night in general, or the maternal feeling of Lulu's comforting touch, but he was starting to feel sorry for himself that he had never rated this level of care from his own mother for his childhood cuts and scrapes. He felt himself start to tear up and did his best to tamp down the emotion. He'd already made himself look foolish enough for one night.

Once she got the cut cleaned up, Lulu looked at it closely. "It looks like the bleeding is slowing on its own, so that's good. It's probably not that deep. But, it's a pretty decent size cut, and it's on your face, so you might want to consider going to the hospital to get a few stitches."

Jess shook his head slowly. "I'm not going to the hospital. I'll be fine. Can you just do whatever you can here?"

"Well, we could use steri strips if you've got those. Kirk could you please check the first aid kit for something called steri strips or butterfly stitches?"

"Sure thing, Lulu." Kirk started digging through the contents of the first aid kit.

Luke walked through the curtain at the bottom of the stairs and into the diner. "Who needs stitches? What's going on down here?" Luke was dressed for bed in sweat pants and a tee-shirt, and looked rumpled and very concerned.

"No one needs stitches, Luke. I just got a little cut on my face. It's not a big deal. I'm sorry we woke you."

"What happened, Jess? You get into a fight at the party?"

Jess nodded. "A small one. It's really not a big deal. I'm ok."

"Was it with Dean?"

Jess nodded again.

Luke sighed. "Of course, it was."

"Dean started it. I was just defending myself."

Luke couldn't remember the last time Jess had gotten in a fight, or in any trouble at all really. He had thought they were past this kind of thing. Luke registered Lulu's presence then. "Hi, I'm Luke. Jess' uncle."

"Hi Luke! It's nice to meet you! I've heard such good things about you! I'm Lulu. I know Jess from Walmart. We work together, and Kirk and I just became friends tonight."

Luke saw Kirk beam at the reference behind Lulu. Huh. Well, good for Kirk.

"You should know that Kirk was quite the hero tonight! He tackled Dean to the ground to stop the fight and save Jess." Lulu glanced over at Kirk. "He was very brave!"

"Is that so?" Luke shot a quick glance at his nephew for confirmation and Jess just half shrugged. "Thanks for looking out for Jess like that, Kirk. He's lucky to have such a good friend."

"It was nothing, Luke. Jess is my best friend. I just did what he would have done for me."

"Thanks for fixing my nephew up, Lulu, but I can take it from here. Kirk, it's pretty late. Maybe you should walk Lulu home now."

"Ok, Luke." Kirk said.

Lulu handed Luke the steri strips that Kirk had dug out of the first aid kit. "Here you go. Jess said he doesn't want to go to the hospital for stitches, so I was going to use these to close up the cut."

"Sounds like a good plan. Thanks."

"Bye, Jess! Take care of yourself."

"Bye, Lulu. Thanks for all your help. See you later, Kirk."

"See you, Jess."

Luke watched Kirk and Lulu leave the diner together before turning back to Jess. "Let me go wash my hands before we take care of this." He set the package of bandages down on the counter and disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Jess to contemplate how to break the news about school to Luke. He knew he needed to get it over with tonight. If he didn't, he knew that Luke would hold that against him later, too. That he had lied by omission at the first chance he had had to come clean to Luke. Even if Luke ended up telling him to get out, he didn't think his uncle would make him leave this late at night with nowhere to go.

Luke walked back in with a smile on his face, and a handful of paper towels in his hand. "So." He said as he approached Jess and started to wipe off the little bit of fresh blood that had trickled from Jess' cut. "Kirk met a girl, huh?"

"Looks like." Jess agreed. "Lulu's really nice. She's kind. And patient. I could see them getting along."

"Good for Kirk." Luke grinned as he plucked the tube of Neosporin from the first aid kit, and removed the cap. "This is going to sting a bit."

Jess nodded. Luke carefully applied the antiseptic to the cut, and Jess winced slightly. "Sorry, kid." Luke rested his palm against the uninjured side of the boy's face for a moment. He noticed with concern that Jess leaned slightly into his touch, and he wondered how badly the boy had been shaken up by the fight. "So, you want to tell me what happened with Dean? I have to say, I thought we were past this whole stage in our relationship. You know, the part where you misbehave and I have to scold you for it?"

"You don't have to scold me if you don't want to." Jess said quietly, eyes downcast.

Luke frowned with worry at his nephew's lack of defensiveness or attitude about the fight. The kid didn't seem like himself. "You haven't gotten into a fight in a long time. What brought this one on?"

Jess sighed. "Rory and I got in a fight at the party."

"Yeah, she punch you, too?" Luke chuckled at his own joke. "You've got to hold still for this next part." Luke opened the steri strip and started working on closing the wound.

Jess huffed out a breath. "Not that kind of fight. We broke up."

"Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry. Really. I thought she would at least have waited until the end of the summer when she left for Yale."

"She would have. I couldn't. I ended things tonight."

Luke finished securing the wound closed and took a step back from Jess, looking at the heartbroken boy. "Oh. I'm sorry, Jess. I know that must have been a hard thing for you to do. I know how you feel about her."

Jess tried to shrug off the observation. "Anyway, she starts to cry. Dean sees her and figures I did something. And I was minding my own business, I swear. At that point, I just wanted to find Kirk and get out of there. But, Dean grabs me and sucker punches me, and then…we just go at it. It got pretty ugly. Seemed like it went on forever. We broke a glass table. Maybe some other stuff, too."

"Oh, Jess."

"Then we end up outside and I slip on the grass and go down, and Dean's on top of me just whaling on me, and then….the next thing I know, Kirk is coming to my rescue."

"Yeah? Kirk really tackled Dean like Lulu said?" Luke asked, his tone somewhere between skeptical and proud.

"Not so much tackled as jumped on his back and clung onto him like a spider monkey. It knocked Dean off balance and got him off me, though. It was pretty great. No one's ever done anything like that for me before."

"Well, Kirk had one a hell of a night. I'm sorry you didn't have a better one, though. Are you ok, about what happened with Rory?"

"Yeah, I think so. I knew it had to end, and I figured I should just do it now so I could start getting over it instead of waiting all summer for her to drop it on me. That's no way to live. And I have other stuff I need to be focusing on this summer."

"That makes sense. But, you didn't think you could wait another week so that you could take her to your prom? She really wanted to go, you know."

Jess opened his mouth to respond and started to tear up. He lowered his head as a couple of tears started to roll down his face. Luke handed Jess a balled up paper towel. "Hey, try to keep your bandage dry."

Jess obediently brought the paper towel to his face, and held it just under his left eye to block the path of any tears that tried to get to his bandage.

"I know it feels like the end of the world right now, Jess. Breakups always do when you're going through them. But, you'll get over this. You're going to be ok." Luke squeezed Jess' shoulder, and then cupped the back of the boy's neck.

Jess shook his head, as a few more tears ran down his face.

"You will, Jess. Trust me on this."

"It's not that." Jess said, his voice hoarse from crying.

"Then what is it? Are you hurt somewhere else? Do you think something's broken? Do you need a hospital?"

Jess just kept shaking his head as more tears spilled from his eyes, running down his face and soaking the paper towel he was still holding to his cheek.

"Jess, tell me what's going on. You're scaring me here."

"I couldn't…" Jess kept his gaze on the ground as he spoke. "I couldn't take Rory to the prom, even if I'd wanted to. I couldn't get tickets."

"What are you talking about, Jess?" Luke wasn't sure where this was going, but he had a bad feeling in his gut. "The prom can't be sold out. It doesn't work like that. They have to let all the graduating seniors go to the prom, don't they?" Luke's stomach clenched with dread as he caught on. "Jess, no. Tell me you're not saying what I think you are."

Jess looked up at Luke then, red eyed and miserable looking. He nodded slightly. "I'm not graduating. I just found out today. I'm sorry, Luke. So sorry-"

"Dammit, Jess!" Luke yelled, and Jess flinched. "What the hell is wrong with you?" Luke felt his system flood with anger and adrenaline. "How could you let this happen? Do you not care about your future at all?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I wasn't even failing. They said I missed too many days of school to graduate."

"What the hell does that mean, Jess?" Luke could feel himself losing control of his temper. "When did you miss so much school? I let you stay home the day after you found out about the baby. You had the flu right after Christmas and missed a few days then. What else did you miss, Jess? Huh? As far as I knew, you were at school the rest of the time! Were you leaving this house in the morning and lying to me about going to school?" Luke slammed his hand down on the counter next to Jess. "Answer me, dammit!"

Jess cowered from his uncle. He had never seen Luke quite this angry before. He wasn't sure how he should proceed, so he decided to go with the truth and throw himself on Luke's mercy. Jess nodded, his gaze on the floor in front of his stool. "Just a few times. I'm sorry."

"Just a few times? It doesn't seem like they'd hold you back for just a few times. How many days did you have to miss to not graduate? Answer me, Jess!"

"Uh, I don't know how many I missed, exactly, but they don't let you graduate if you miss more than twenty days, so I guess I missed more than that."

"You missed over twenty days of school, Jess? What is wrong with you? What the hell were you doing that was so important that you needed to skip twenty days of school?"

"I, uh, picked up a few extra shifts at Walmart." It sounded stupid to Jess even as he explained it. "Daytime shifts. After I learned about the baby and was worried about paying for everything. I skipped some days of school to work at Walmart. I never thought I wouldn't graduate. I'm really sorry."

Luke took a few steps away from Jess. He couldn't trust himself to be in close proximity to the boy right now. He had never wanted to actually smack Jess before, to just raise his hand and strike out with a satisfying slap that would hurt Jess as much as what he had done had hurt Luke. The urge terrified him. "You skipped school to work at Walmart? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound right now? Jesus Christ, Jess, that was so unnecessary! Just so completely unnecessary! What the hell were you thinking? It's not like you're on your own and struggling to keep a roof over your head, or you were worried that you and the baby would have starved without a few extra shifts! For Christ's sake, Jess, don't you think I would have been willing to give you whatever you needed in order to avoid the exact situation you're in right now?"

Jess nodded. "I know you would have. I guess I felt like I needed to do it on my own. It was stupid. I never meant for this to happen. I thought I could skip a few days and still pass. I'm so sorry."

"Jesus Christ!" Luke flicked his arm across the table in front of him and sent the metal napkin dispenser and plastic salt and pepper shakers flying. He saw Jess jump out of the corner of his eye, and in truth he was scaring himself as well. He knew he needed to calm down. This wasn't good. His reaction, what he was doing, and feeling. It wasn't helping. He took a couple of deep breaths and turned back to his nephew. "Ok, Jess, here's what's going to happen. You're going to retake your senior year and get your diploma next year."

Jess' voice shook as he responded. "I can't go back there. It's too humiliating."

"I don't care if you're embarrassed, Jess! You got yourself into this mess, and now you need to deal with it! You're going to graduate high school and that's all there is to it!"

"I can't. I promised Shane I would watch the baby during the day while she goes to college. I can't go back on that."

"For Christ's sake, Jess, listen to yourself! I want Shane to be able to go to college, too. Hell, I want both of you to be able to go! But, she shouldn't get to go to college at the expense of you not graduating high school! You don't get to pull this bullshit martyr act because you don't want to put in another year of high school! I won't let you!"

Jess just stared wordlessly at Luke, knowing he wasn't going to go back on his word to Shane, but unsure of how to respond in a way that wouldn't make his uncle even angrier.

"I trusted you, Jess! I trusted you to go to school and handle your responsibilities like the adult that you're supposed to be! And instead, instead you skip school and lie right to my face about it! I can't believe this! You have just set yourself back for life with this shit, Jess! No high school diploma. What kind of future is that? And you knew, you knew, that going to school and graduating was part of the deal of you staying here with me. You knew that! And you did this anyway! How the hell am I supposed to take that, Jess? Huh? You tell me! What would you do if you were me?" Luke was so angry he couldn't think straight. Part of him wanted to send Jess upstairs to pack his bags. Just tell him to get the hell out. Wash his hands of him. But, he knew he couldn't act rashly. He couldn't just throw his teenage nephew out in the middle of the night, no matter what he had done. Plus, there was more to consider in this equation now than just what Jess had done and how much it had hurt Luke. But, letting Jess get away with this kind of blatant disregard for their deal and Luke's rules just because he had a baby on the way didn't seem right either. Luke took a deep breath. He was too angry to figure this out now. "Jess, I need you to get out of my sight before I do or say something that we're both going to regret. Get your ass upstairs. You have ten-minutes to brush your teeth and use the bathroom and get your ass in bed. When I get upstairs, I don't want to see or hear you. I want you in bed with the lights out. Do you understand me?"

Jess nodded, getting up from his stool with relief that he was being sent to bed instead of being kicked out.

"Answer me, Jess!"

"Yes, sorry, I understand."

"And we're not done here, kid. We're going to talk about this again tomorrow when I've calmed down. Don't think this is going to go away overnight."

Jess nodded.

"Now, go!" Jess hurried toward the stairs. "And remember to keep that bandage dry while you wash up!"

Jess nodded without turning around, still holding the wet and crumpled paper towel in his hand as he passed through the curtain that separated diner from apartment.

Luke sighed. He retrieved the displaced napkin dispenser and salt and pepper shakers and set them back on the table. He still couldn't process that Jess had basically dropped out of school right under his nose without him knowing. This was so much bigger than the fight with Dean. This was huge. And he didn't know how to handle it. And, he was scared of making the wrong move here and having Jess pay for it for the rest of his life. For his great-nephew's sake, he certainly hoped Jess was going to be a more competent parent than he was.

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Jess moved through the diner, taking orders, bussing tables, and keeping a wary eye on his uncle. Luke had yet to mention anything about their conversation from the night before, or about Jess not graduating. He hadn't said very much to Jess at all really. The Saturday morning breakfast rush was busy as usual, so they hadn't had a lot of downtime for small talk, but Jess had expected Luke to acknowledge the issue in some way when he had first joined Luke downstairs for his shift, even if it was just to tell Jess that he expected them to talk later. Luke seemed more reserved with Jess than he usually was, but even though he hadn't said anything openly hostile and he responded appropriately whenever Jess spoke to him, Jess couldn't shake the feeling that something was very off. And it was making him even more nervous.

The breakfast crowd gave way to the weekend brunch crowd which was in turn replaced by the lunch crowd. It wasn't until after two thirty, when the last customer walked out after a late lunch, that the diner was empty for the first time all day. Jess was bussing the recently vacated table and Luke was wiping down the counter. Jess' shift was up in less than half an hour. He braced himself for Luke to bring up his not graduating. He shot a furtive glance at his uncle, but Luke seemed content to clean the counter in peace. Normally, Luke would use this time to talk to Jess about something, anything, asking about how his week had been at school or Walmart, or how Shane was doing, or about baby stuff. Jess found Luke's silence more disturbing than being yelled at. He decided he needed to take matters into his own hands. He had to get this over with. He walked over toward his uncle and rested the bus tray on a stool at the counter. "Luke, I just want to tell you again that I'm really sorry about everything." Jess struggled to read Luke as he spoke to him, but his uncle was doing a good job of keeping his expression neutral. "And, I'm really grateful that you didn't throw me out last night. That was my biggest fear, and I'm just really, really grateful. You have no idea."

Luke nodded. "I'm not going to throw you out, Jess. You don't need to worry about that. I wouldn't do that to you in the situation you're in, with a baby on the way. It wouldn't be right."

All Jess could hear was that he would have been out on his ass if it wasn't for the baby. He couldn't say it was unfair, but it still hurt. "Ok, uh, thanks. I really appreciate that." Jess paused. "I want you to know that I'm aware of how badly I messed up, though. And I get that you're still…" Jess trailed off. He had expected more anger from his uncle, and he wasn't sure how to proceed in the face of the indifference that was radiating off Luke instead.

Luke just stared at his nephew, waiting for him to finish. "I'm still what, Jess?" Luke's tone wasn't exactly cold, but it felt purposely neutral enough to be hurtful to Jess, and it was throwing him off.

"Mad at me."

"I'm not mad, Jess. I was last night, but I'm not anymore. Not really."

"Are you sure? You've barely looked at me or talked to me all day, except to tell me to clean a table or refill someone's coffee cup."

"Well, we have been working all day."

"I know. But you usually still like me when we're working." Jess was instantly embarrassed by the childish whine in his voice, and the neediness of his statement.

"I do like you, Jess. I love you. And I'm looking at you and talking to you now, aren't I?"

Jess nodded, and glanced away for a moment, not sure how to continue.

"Look, Jess. I'm not mad. I barely slept last night thinking about the situation we have here. I was angry last night. Very angry. Thinking about you lying to me and skipping school behind my back. And just basically shitting on all the trust I had in you, to tell me the truth and go to school and graduate like you were supposed to. Like you promised me you would. And I was upset. I felt betrayed. And hurt. And I felt like I let you down, too. Knowing that you dropped out of school on my watch, when you were my responsibility. And I was so oblivious that I didn't even notice. That hurt, too. That felt like a punch in the gut."

Jess could feel his eyes getting damp. "I'm sorry."

"I know you are. I'm just not sure how much that matters."

Jess nodded, trying to force back his tears and keep them from falling. He owed it to Luke to hear him out without getting emotional and dumping more of his crap on him.

Luke sighed. "I appreciate that you're sorry you lied to me, Jess. I would still rather you hadn't, but I get that you can't change that now. And that all you can do is apologize. So, thank you for that. But, the bigger issue, to me at least, seems to be how you live your life. The decisions you make. I'm not even sure you realize how little you think of yourself. You don't see yourself as being deserving of a high school diploma. Or worth the effort to give yourself a chance at a decent future. Not the way you see Shane as being worth a chance at a college education, or the way you see your son as being worth having what he needs. I've seen this in you for a while, Jess, about smaller things than this. And I just don't know if it's something I can help you with. I want you to care about yourself more than you do. Enough to not keep sabotaging your life like this. But, if you don't, I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it. I thought just loving you and taking care of you, and treating you like you mattered the past couple of years would make a difference. But, it doesn't seem like it has. This was big, Jess. I'm not sure you even realize how much you're screwing yourself over by not finishing school. And I've accepted the fact that I can't change how you treat yourself. Only you can. And if you don't want to…" "Anyway, no, I'm not mad, Jess. I'm just really disappointed in you…and kind of sad about the whole thing, I guess."

Jess stared back at Luke with tears brimming in his eyes, knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold them back if he tried to speak, or so much as blinked. He nodded slowly at his uncle.

Luke started to regret his words as he took in Jess' misery. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you feel worse than you already do. I was just trying to treat you like an adult and be honest with you. I still love you. Very much. You know that, right?"

Jess nodded again, staring at the counter, the bus tray, anywhere but at Luke.

"Your shift is up in a few minutes anyway. You might as well take off, Jess."

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Luke headed up the stairs around ten o'clock after closing up the diner. Business had been slow that evening due to the pouring rain outside, and Luke probably could have closed up earlier, but he hadn't been in a rush to go upstairs. Kirk was still working a late shift at the theater, but Jess had returned home from wherever he'd gone after his shift at around eight. Luke knew he needed to talk to his nephew again, but he wasn't sure as to how to go about it. He was worried that he had been too blunt with Jess earlier. He didn't think anything he had said was untrue, and he had considered it tough love at the time, but he hadn't been able to shake how Jess had looked, all teary eyed and miserable and sorry. And so very young. Luke had been running the conversation through his head all evening, and questioning how he had handled things. He knew he had been hard on Jess. And not nearly sympathetic enough. He regretted not hugging his nephew. He had this bad feeling in his gut, that he had kicked Jess when the kid had already been down, and that it would end up doing more harm than good.

Luke let himself into the apartment. His nephew wasn't in his usual spot, sprawled across the couch. Instead, Cat Kirk was curled up by herself. He made his way over to Jess' area of the apartment. He could see light spilling out from the lamp by Jess' bed, and figured the boy was lying in bed with a book. He debated chickening out and just going to bed himself and putting off their chat until the morning. But, Jess was working at Walmart on Sunday and that would give Luke another full day to ruminate on their earlier conversation before they got a chance to speak again.

Luke was surprised to find Jess' bed empty. There was a ripped out piece of notebook paper labeled 'Luke' lying in the center. He grabbed it and flipped it over, reading the words on the other side with a sinking heart: 'Luke, I can't do this. I'm so sorry. Thank you for everything. Please don't hate me. Jess.'


	13. Chapter 13 - Jackass Decision Making

**Chapter 13 Notes:** I'm hoping this mends the broken hearts from the last chapter. :) As always, thank you so much to everyone who is reading this story, and especially to those who've been generous enough to leave me reviews. I appreciate every word you give me.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Luke sat in his truck in front of the diner in the pouring rain, not ready to give up his search yet, but not sure what else to do. After reading Jess' note, he had driven all over Stars Hollow looking for the boy. He had gone to the bus stop first, the logical place for his currently carless nephew to make his escape from Stars Hollow. Luke had tried not to lose hope as he had pulled up in front of the empty bus stop. He'd run out of his truck and stood in the pouring rain barely registering it beating down on him as he looked at the bus schedules posted on the information board. According to the timetable, there had been a bus headed to New York City that would have passed through Stars Hollow at nine-thirty. Luke was over half an hour too late. His gut told him that Jess was headed to California, to Jimmy. To the one person who might be able to understand abandoning his baby before it was even born. Jess wouldn't have been able to get a straight shot to Los Angeles from Stars Hollow, but connecting in New York seemed like a reasonable start. To cover all the bases, Luke had driven through Stars Hollow, hoping Jess had had misgivings about leaving and hadn't gotten on the bus. He drove past the bookstore, which had already closed. He stopped by the theater to check in with Kirk, but he hadn't seen or heard from Jess. He checked Al's Pancake World, the arcade, the gazebo, in case Jess had been caught in the rain and needed a place to stay dry. He even parked and ran through the rain to Jess' favorite spot on the bridge. No Jess. He briefly debated calling Rory and Shane to see if they'd heard from him, but he wasn't sure if it would be ok to ask Rory about Jess' whereabouts when the boy had just ended things with her, and he didn't want to raise any red flags with Shane, that the father of her baby was missing less than two months prior to the birth. When he had run out of destinations, he had spent time driving slowly and aimlessly through town, keeping an eye out for his nephew and trying to keep hope that everything would work out and Jess would come to his senses and come home.

Luke had finally given up after hours of searching had yielded nothing, and the rain had worsened to the point of making driving unsafe. He watched the rain landing on his windshield in such a heavy sheet that it cut off his view to the outside. He kept replaying his earlier conversation with Jess in his head. Kept hearing himself tear into the kid, with how disappointed he was in him, how he'd let him down, betrayed his trust. How Jess had screwed himself over by not graduating. How the boy had no self-worth and Luke wasn't sure that was fixable. Luke tried to picture his own father laying into him like that when he had been a teenager, cutting him down and making him feel so bad about himself and so hopeless about his life and then ending the conversation there, not leaving him with any comfort or advice on how to solve his problem. He couldn't. His dad never would have done what Luke had done. Because his dad hadn't been a jackass. His dad wouldn't necessarily have spared him from the truth over something this big, but he would have ended the conversation by telling Luke that they would figure it out together and that everything was going to be ok. And probably hugging him. Luke wished he had a second chance at that conversation with Jess. To undo all the damage he had done. To tell Jess that he was on his side, no matter how stupid dropping out of school had been. That he would help him. That no one decision, no matter how poorly conceived, could define his life if he didn't let it. That they would get through it together. That everything would be ok.

Luke couldn't sit out in his truck all night. It wouldn't bring Jess home any faster and he was drenched. He needed to get inside and dry off. Luke got out of the truck and jogged up to the diner and let himself in. He didn't bother turning on any lights and found his way to the stairs by the glow of the streetlight outside. Once upstairs, Luke felt a surge of hope that the light in the apartment was on. He hurriedly opened the door. "Jess?" He ran over to his nephew's area of the apartment, his heart beating fast. The boy's room was just as empty as it had been a couple of hours ago. Luke stood, dripping water on the floor as he stared at the empty room. He heard the bathroom door creak open and turned quickly toward the bathroom in time to see Kirk looking at him from the doorway, tooth brush in hand, concerned expression on his face. Luke's heart sank. Jess hadn't come home. His last hope for the night was gone.

"Luke, is everything ok? Did you find Jess?"

Luke shook his head. "No, Kirk. I, uh, I couldn't find him." The admission sounded pathetic to Luke as he spoke the words. Some guardian he was. Under his care, Jess had gotten a girl pregnant and dropped out of high school. And now, Luke had lost him. Jess was somewhere out there in the rain, in the middle of the night, alone and scared and there was nothing Luke could do about it. He felt helpless. And ashamed that he couldn't have helped the boy more. That he hadn't been able to hold everything together better as the adult in Jess' life.

"Is there anything I can do? Do you want help looking?"

Luke could barely look at Kirk. "I already checked everywhere I could think of in town. There was a bus headed to New York earlier tonight. I think he was probably on it. There's nothing else we can do tonight, Kirk. It's on Jess now to come home if he wants to. I think he got overwhelmed. But, he'll come to his senses and come back. I know he will. Jess is a good person. He's not going to run out on his son like this. He'll do the right thing." Luke was trying to convince himself as much as Kirk. He remembered saying pretty much the same thing to Liz, one night eighteen years ago, when Jimmy had failed to come home after stopping to buy diapers on the way home from the hospital. He had been wrong then…He couldn't bear to think about being wrong again now. Jess was better than Jimmy. He wouldn't follow in his father's footsteps. Luke really wanted to feel sure of that.

Kirk looked like a hurt, scared kid as he nodded. "I think you're right, Luke. Jess knows how bad it feels to have your dad leave you. I can't believe he would do that to his own son. He probably just freaked out for a minute."

Luke nodded his agreement. "Yeah, yeah, this is definitely just a temporary freak out. He'll be back. He'll do the right thing here. I know it."

"Are you ok, Luke? Is there anything I can do for you?"

"What? No, uh, I'm ok, Kirk. It's late. Why don't you finish getting ready for bed?"

"Ok. I was about to take a shower. I got pretty soaked on the walk home from work. But, do you want the shower first? You look pretty drenched, too."

"No, no, thanks, Kirk. You go ahead. I'm just going to change out of these wet clothes. I'm fine."

"Ok. I'm really sorry this happened, Luke."

"Yeah, me too. But, it will be ok. Everything will be ok." Luke nodded to himself as if agreeing with his own assertion.

Kirk nodded slowly, and pulled the bathroom door closed. A couple of minutes later Luke heard the shower turn on.

Luke wandered into his area of the apartment. He pulled off his shoes and stripped off his wet clothes, and dressed himself in dry sweat pants and a long sleeve tee shirt. He sat down on his bed and opened the drawer of his nightstand, pulling out his address book. He flipped to 'M' and pulled out the page torn from his order pad, where he had written Jimmy's address back when Jess had received the letter from his father. Luke stared at the address, needing to reassure himself that Jess wasn't lost in the great unknown. Luke had a way of tracking him down. His nephew wouldn't be able to stay missing for long. Luke wouldn't let him. He sighed. He figured he would give the boy a week to get to California by bus. If he hadn't heard from Jess in a week's time, he would book himself a flight to Los Angeles to talk some sense into the kid and drag him home. And possibly put Jimmy through a wall for being the asshole who set this precedent in Jess' life to begin with, normalizing the concept for the boy that scared and overwhelmed men can just walk away from their children. Just as he closed the book and set it back down on his nightstand, he heard his cell phone ring. He looked around the room frantically before remembering it was still in the pocket of his wet jeans. He dug it out and looked at the screen, 'unavailable.' He hit accept and pressed the phone to his ear. "Hello! Hello! Jess?"

"Luke?" Jess' voice was hoarse, either from crying or disuse, Luke couldn't tell.

"Jess! Where are you? Are you ok? I can barely hear you!"

"Sorry, I'm outside at a payphone and it's pouring." Jess responded a little louder. Luke could tell from the strain in his voice that the boy was almost shouting, but the background noise was so loud that his words were barely coming through.

"Where are you, Jess?"

"I'm in Hartford. I got off the bus." Jess yelled, trying to make himself heard over the rain.

Luke felt his chest unclench with relief at Jess' words. "Oh, thank god, Jess! You're at the bus station in Hartford? I'm going to come get you. I'm leaving now." Luke pulled his sweats back off and was trying to get back into his wet jeans as fast as he could while he cradled his cell phone between his shoulder and ear. "Stay put, kid. I'll be there in about forty minutes, ok?"

"Wait, Luke! I'm not at the bus station. It was closed, and the payphone didn't work. I had to walk for a while. I found a gas station with a payphone. I'm on the same road as the bus station, but a couple of miles away, I think. I'm not sure in which direction, but when you're facing the bus station, drive to your right."

"Ok." Luke was processing, trying to picture the area around the bus station. He hadn't been there since the last time he had picked Rachel up years ago on her way back into town. "Ok. I'll find you. What's the name of the gas station?"

Jess paused, and looked up at the sign, barely visible through the rain. "Driscoll's."

"Ok. I'm on my way, Jess." The hazardous conditions occurred to Luke. "It may take longer than forty minutes with the rain. I'll have my cell phone on. If I'm not there in an hour, call me again, ok? Do you have money for a second call?"

"Yeah, I do. Thanks, Luke. And, I don't want you to rush, ok? It's really bad out right now. I'm sorry to ask you to drive in this. Be careful, ok?"

"I will."

"And, Luke. I'm just…I'm so sorry about this." Luke heard Jess' voice crack on the last word.

"It's ok, Jess. We can talk about that later. All that matters to me right now is getting you back home. I'm leaving now. Try to stay dry, nephew." Luke paused, determined to end this conversation better than the last one. To give the boy something positive to hold onto. "You didn't leave, Jess. You're still here. That's what counts. You got off the bus. I'm proud of you for that." When Luke didn't get a response, he infused a smile into his voice. "Don't think for a minute that that means I'm not going to beat you like a dusty rug when I get you home, nephew, but I really am proud of you."

Luke heard Jess let out a shaky laugh. "Ok, Luke. Thanks."

"All right, I'm hanging up now, Jess. I'll be there soon."

Luke shoved his feet back into his shoes, stuffed the phone back into his pocket and grabbed a jacket. He gave the bathroom door a sharp rap as he walked past. "Kirk, Jess called! He got off the bus! I'm going to go pick him up in Hartford! I'll be back in a couple of hours!"

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After Jess hung up the phone, he limped slightly as he crossed the parking lot to the closed gas station and huddled against the cement wall where he had left his duffel bag, trying to use the roof's slight overhang to keep the rain off him. It wasn't entirely working, but he was better off than if he was standing out in the open. He felt lighter after talking to Luke. And so grateful that Luke was treating him normally again, and not giving him the same cold indifference he had received during their earlier conversation. Luke had even joked around with him at the end. The warmth and concern in his uncle's voice had lifted his spirits. He didn't think he had really earned Luke being proud of him, but he definitely appreciated that Luke had focused on him getting off the bus instead of having gotten on to begin with.

The past two days had really kicked his ass. Between everything that had happened with school, at the party, and with Luke, this felt to Jess like his lowest point since the night Shane had told him about the baby. The stuff with Luke had been the worst. Not so much the anger on Friday night, after the party. He had been expecting that. That Luke would flip out at the idea that he wasn't graduating. And Luke hadn't let him down. He had been angrier than Jess had ever seen him. It was the first time Jess had ever felt like Luke had been holding himself back from putting his hands on him in anger. But, that was ok. The anger. Jess knew he deserved that. It had been justified and he could take it. And Luke hadn't tossed his ass out on the street, even though he had broken their deal about school. He would have deserved that, too. But, Luke had shown him mercy that he was grateful for. The anger Jess could deal with. All of it. What he couldn't deal with, what had really broken him, had been Luke's attitude toward him that morning. The casual indifference Luke had expressed as he had listed off all the ways Jess had let down his uncle and himself. As if he had been talking about a stranger who had disappointed him so badly that he no longer had any expectations left. Jess hadn't thought Luke was capable of giving up on him until then. And the realization had felt awful. Jess started to tear up again thinking about it. He knew when it came down to it, that he could get by and face what he needed to for the baby without a high school diploma, and without Rory as his girlfriend. But, he wasn't so sure he could cope with everything and do what he needed to do without Luke in his life. In the almost two years he had been living with Luke, he had gotten used to having a parent-type person who loved him and put him first. Who was always there for him, no matter what, whether he needed financial help, or emotional support or tough love. Luke was the first, probably the only, adult in his life who had really believed in Jess, and seen him as a good person, who was worth something. His faith in Jess had been enough to influence Jess' image of himself, to make him believe that maybe, just possibly, Luke was right and Jess was worth something, that he might actually be capable of being there for his own child and being a decent father. That he might have something good to offer his son. Jess couldn't separate his own faith in himself from Luke's, and when it seemed Luke had pulled his faith away, Jess' had disappeared right along with it, leaving him the same low self-esteem loser he had always been. Jess couldn't see himself being a dad, being capable of emotionally supporting his child, without Luke in his corner, supporting him. He wasn't proud of how quickly he had crumbled. All the progress he had made in getting himself ready for the baby had dissolved over the course of one afternoon and by evening, Jess had been in full on panic mode, his brain running on a loop, insisting that he couldn't do this, any of it. What the hell had he been thinking? He couldn't be anyone's father. Luke was right. He was a pathetic screw-up with no self-worth. He wasn't anyone who should be guiding a child through life. He had packed his duffel bag on autopilot, not letting himself think too much about what he was doing. He had thrown in clothes and books, and lastly the letter from Jimmy, with his address in California on the envelope. When he had headed out to meet the bus, it wasn't lost on him that he already knew the schedule for when the three buses a day passed through Stars Hollow on the way to New York, ten o'clock in the morning, four o'clock in the afternoon and nine-thirty at night. He had checked the bus schedule a while ago, during another moment of panic, and kept the information in his head, somehow feeling safer knowing the details of his potential escape. As if this was what he was meant to do all along. By nine-fifteen, he had left a note for Luke and snuck out of the apartment and made his way to the bus stop. Standing in the pouring rain had felt right, like what he deserved, as he stood at the bus stop waiting for the bus to get him the hell out of Stars Hollow, once and for all. Away from his inevitable failure as a father. Away from Luke's disappointment. Rory's rejection. The school that kicked him out. Away from everything. And on to a new life. A fresh start in California. A reunion with the man he had waited all his life to know. At nine-thirty, Jess had boarded the bus with a feeling of having sealed his fate.

By ten o'clock, Jess had been overwhelmed with a new kind of panic, inspired by a truth that was spoken to him from somewhere deep inside, in a voice that sounded suspiciously like Luke's, telling him that this wasn't right. That this was how he was going to ruin his life. Not by being a flawed parent. But, this right here and now. Running out on his kid. Doing to his son what Jimmy had done to him so long ago. He had a flash of clarity, followed by shame that he had let his fear lead him so far off course. He had to get off the bus. He asked the driver where the next stop was. Hartford. But the station itself would be closed this late. And there probably wouldn't be any cabs waiting there in this weather. Did Jess have someone who could come pick him up? Jess had nodded that he did, knowing he was taking a chance. If Luke wouldn't come get him, Jess might be better off in this weather, just staying on the bus until New York and taking a return bus back from there in order to keep himself dry and safe. He really hoped Luke wouldn't be too angry to come get him, but even if he was, even if Jess needed to spend the night outside in the rain, or walk all the way back to Stars Hollow, he would do it. It wouldn't be more than he deserved. He just knew he needed to get off the bus. Now. While he was feeling strong.

By ten-fifteen, Jess had disembarked in Hartford, shouldering his duffel bag and looking for a payphone. The driver had been right, the station itself was closed. Jess had spotted a payphone against the outside wall and hurried toward it. He lifted the receiver and was digging through his pocket for change when he realized there was no dial tone. He hit and released the lever to hang up the phone several times, hoping to prompt the phone into working, but to no avail. Jess looked down and saw that the metal cord attaching the receiver to the phone had been pulled out of the base. "Fuck!" He slammed the receiver back onto the phone. He was already drenched from the few minutes he had been off the bus. He hadn't counted on not being able to reach Luke, and he wasn't sure what to do, or which direction to head in search of another payphone. He tried to look down the road each way to see if one direction looked any more promising than the other, but the visibility was terrible due to the rain, and he could barely see several feet in front of him. The only thing he could be sure of was that continuing to stand outside the bus station was wasting time. He picked one direction and started walking. He really wished he had a hat to keep the rain out of his eyes as he walked. On nights like this back in New York, Jess had always felt sympathy for the homeless people who were stuck out in it, while he was warm in his bed at night. Now, he was getting the chance to experience the other side, not knowing when or if he would find respite from the weather. Normally Jess would feel sorry for himself in a situation like this. But, not tonight. Tonight, Jess was all about embracing his misery as penance. Relishing his pain. Taking his punishment for what he had been ready to go through with, even just an hour earlier. He knew he more than deserved whatever he got.

At eleven-thirty, Jess had still been walking. The rain had soaked him down to his underwear. His sneakers were waterlogged and heavy. The friction between his feet and his wet shoes had started causing him discomfort a while back. The backs of his shoes were rubbing against his heels, scraping his wet skin raw, triggering real pain with every step. His socks were saturated rags, scrunched down in his sneakers, offering no protection. Jess was still trying to take everything with a brave face, knowing he had brought this on himself. But, he had no idea how far he had walked, and he still hadn't come across a payphone. He could barely see in the rain. He was shivering and had started sneezing. His feet hurt, and he was exhausted. He knew Luke had to have found his note by now, and he felt badly for all the worry he knew he must be causing his uncle. He really wanted to be home. Safe and dry in his bed. Hugged and forgiven for his lapse in judgement. He felt his eyes welling up with tears of self-pity. He tried not to let them fall, but he couldn't be sure whether he was succeeding because his face was already so wet with rainwater.

By midnight, Jess had arrived at a closed gas station with a payphone. He had picked up the receiver and listened to the dial tone with tears of relief. He had dug change out of his pocket and called his uncle.

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Jess was relieved to be done walking as he leaned against the wall of the gas station, shivering, as he waited for Luke. He was colder standing still, but he didn't think his feet could take any more steps. He could feel blood on the back of his right heel at least, but didn't bother taking off his shoe to check it out. He would deal with it later. It's not like he had any band-aids on him or anything. He checked his watch. He thought it had been about an hour since his call with Luke and he was about to head back to the payphone when he saw headlights approaching. He froze, not wanting to get his hopes up, until the vehicle slowly turned toward him and he was able to make out Luke's green truck under the lights in the parking lot. Luke stopped the truck a few feet in front of Jess, who grabbed his dripping duffel bag and pulled open the passenger door. Jess felt a measure of instant relief as he pulled the door shut behind him, finally getting real shelter from the pouring rain. He had a brief flash of memory to the last time he and Luke had been at a bus stop together, or in this case down the street from one, when Jess had first arrived in Stars Hollow and Luke had walked over to meet his bus. He remembered disliking his uncle at first sight. Because the man was trying so hard to be liked, because he was so much bigger than Jess, which had made the boy feel immediately vulnerable, and because he was to be his captor in the stupid little town he'd been exiled to. He thought about how different things had become. There was no one he would rather have picking him up this time, saving him from the rain. From himself. His uncle had come to represent security and love and dependability to Jess in a way that no one else had before. He needed that in his life and he was so very grateful that he hadn't lost that tonight.

Jess looked at his uncle. The man was staring back at him, with a warm smile, and concern and compassion in his eyes. He reached out a hand and squeezed Jess' shoulder. "It's good to see you, Jess."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh at the banality of Luke's statement. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting. More anger, maybe yelling. "It's good to see you, too, Luke. Thanks for coming."

Luke pulled the boy toward him for a hug. "I'll always come when you need me, nephew. I love you. You know that, right?"

Jess nodded, his chin bumping Luke's shoulder. "I know. I love you, too."

Luke pulled back and looked at Jess carefully, a small smile forming on his face at hearing Jess return the sentiment. It's not that Luke didn't know his nephew loved him. But, Jess actually admitting it was new, and Luke had sometimes questioned whether Jess knew that he loved him. Luke faced forward and put the truck in drive. "All right, let's hit the road, kid. It's going to be pretty slow going with this rain. I was hoping it would have let up a little by now."

"I'm sorry to drag you out in this, Luke. Really sorry. What I did was stupid. I know that. And I'm so sorry."

Luke steered the truck onto the road, windshield wipers barely keeping up with the rain. He kept his eyes straight ahead, focusing on the road in front of him, but not willing to miss this moment with his nephew. It was one thing for him to come pick Jess up and welcome him back with open arms, but he couldn't see how glossing over what Jess had done in his relief to have the boy back would be helpful to his nephew in the long run. The kid was an adult now, and Luke needed to treat him that way. He just needed to do better this time, and temper brutal honesty with love and compassion. "It wasn't the best decision you ever made, Jess. I'll give you that. But, from where I'm sitting, it looks like you've been making a lot of really stupid decisions lately."

Jess stared at his uncle, wordlessly, caught off guard by the man's words. He had assumed from his warm welcome that they were past the reprimands, and that he had been forgiven his transgressions without the accompanying post mortem.

Luke kept his eyes forward, on his driving. "What, you're not seriously going to tell me you disagree, are you? I mean, in the last two days, you get kicked out of school for not going to class, you get in a fight with Dean and apparently wreck the house of some family I don't know. That's right, Kyle's dad came by the diner this evening and wants you and Dean to each pay for half of what you broke or else he's going to press charges against you. I gave him a check to keep you from getting a criminal record, because that's the last thing you need added to your resume as a high school dropout, but make no mistake my friend, you will be paying me back for what I gave him. I let the window slide because you were upset about Jimmy and I could afford to take care of it, but if this is going to become a regular thing, you losing control and destroying other people's property, then you're damn sure going to make good on it this time. And then, last but not least, you skip town with the goal of running out on your unborn baby. You leave me some bullshit note that tells me absolutely nothing about where you're going or what you're doing. So, yeah, I'd say you've been on a roll with some real jackass decision making lately, wouldn't you? I mean, c'mon on, Jess, what is this shit?" Luke hadn't planned on getting angry. He had wanted to honestly and calmly lay out his issues with Jess' recent behavior. He wasn't sure if the stress of driving in these conditions was contributing to his reaction, or if it was solely due to his outrage over his nephew's unacceptable behavior, but he felt very tense and he could feel his temper rising along with his voice as he spoke.

Jess knew he needed to respond. "Uh, you're right. I know you are. I'm not going to argue with you. I've been particularly stupid lately, even for me. I'm sorry. And I'll pay you back for whatever you gave Kyle's dad. Thanks for doing that."

"Were you heading to California? To see Jimmy?"

Jess was surprised by the transparency of his plan. "Uh, yeah. I was."

"So, what was the plan? Hang out on the beach in California, bonding with your dear old dad over abandoning your kids?" Luke hadn't realized he had this much anger in him. Not knowing where Jess was had forced Luke to prioritize finding his nephew and getting him home without allowing him the time to really process what the boy had done. But, with the kid sitting next to him, safely on his way back home, Luke found his anger bubbling to the surface and boiling over.

Jess was starting to feel uneasy. He wanted Luke back on his side where his uncle belonged, being his usual forgiving and understanding self. He wanted more of the support and compassion that he had received when he first got in the truck, not the verbal spanking that Luke currently seemed so intent on delivering. He felt the sharp burn behind his eyes as tears started to form. "I don't know. I didn't really have a plan." He sniffled back a tear. "I couldn't go back to Liz's. Not after this. I felt like I needed to get out of here, and I didn't have a lot of options. I don't have much money left after buying all the baby stuff…" A few tears escaped and ran down Jess' face. He wiped them away with the back of his hand. "I thought maybe Jimmy would let me stay with him for a little while, until I could get on my feet. And, I know it's pathetic after what he did, but I've always been curious about him. And, I guess I figured, if I even told him about the baby, that he'd be the only person who wouldn't judge me. He couldn't."

Luke sighed, and when he spoke again, his volume was lower. "Why did you feel like you needed to leave so badly? I felt like things were going ok. You seemed like you were doing ok about the baby stuff. Like you were committed to being there for your kid. To doing better by your son than Jimmy did by you, and the next thing I know, you're running off to go live with that bum!"

Jess stared down at his hands, knowing he owed Luke an explanation, but also knowing that there couldn't be any sort of good excuse for what he had done.

"I want an answer, Jess." Luke's voice was tense.

Jess spoke without looking up, his voice thick with emotion. "I just…I don't know, I just panicked. After last night and then this afternoon, especially this afternoon. I felt like I couldn't do it. I couldn't deal with everything if you didn't like me anymore. I needed you on my side. I needed your support. And I felt like I didn't have that any more. And I panicked that I couldn't do it on my own."

"Are you seriously saying it's my fault that you almost ran out on your kid?"

"What? No, of course not!"

"I never stopped liking you, Jess. Didn't I tell you that I loved you when we talked this afternoon?"

Jess nodded. "Yeah, you did."

"What was the problem? Did you think I was lying to you?"

"No, but it didn't feel that way. It felt like you didn't like me anymore. Like you were done with me. Like you'd finally given up. And I guess I started thinking about everything you said. And that you were right. That I'm just some drop out, loser with no self-esteem. And I started to doubt that I was someone who would be good for my kid to have as a dad."

"I never called you a loser, Jess. Not today, not ever. I don't think you're a loser."

"Sorry. Maybe I added that part in my head." Jess paused. "Or maybe it's something left over from Liz. Either way, it's how I felt. And everything seemed hopeless. And, I panicked. And ran. And it was stupid. The worst thing I've ever done. And I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry I was so hard on you, Jess. Really, I am. And I get that you were feeling lost and alone, and I'm sorry for contributing to that. But, this kid needs to be your top priority. I plan on being here for you and your child whenever you need me. For the rest of my life. But, if I die tomorrow, you still need to be there for your kid. That's on you, Jess. Think about if you'd gone to see Jimmy and asked him why he had abandoned you as a baby, and his excuse had been that he'd gotten into a fight with his parents and didn't think he could be a father to you without their support. Or that he didn't think he had anything to offer you, so he bolted instead without even trying. What would you have thought of those reasons for why he left?"

"That they were pathetic." Jess tried to choke back a quiet sob. "That he was weak. And a coward. I get it."

"And, you're not weak, Jess. You're not a coward. So, you can't act like one. Not about this. Not when it comes to your kid."

Jess nodded, tears running down his face. "I'm sorry."

"You have a baby coming in less than two months. You need to grow up fast. Right now. I'm sorry that you do, but that's the way it is. You need to make every decision in your life from now on with him in mind, not just yourself."

Luke knew he was being hard on Jess again, and wondered if he was going to regret this conversation later, too. He didn't know how parents knew where to draw the line between tough love and being an asshole. He knew he had played a role in what happened tonight, and he had been feeling guilty about what he had said to Jess earlier, but he also knew there was truth in what he was telling the boy now, that Jess needed to be there for his son no matter what, even if there was no one there for him. He decided he needed to end the conversation, and just focus on getting them home safely. He didn't speak again for the rest of the ride. Aside from the occasional sniffle or sob, Jess was silent as well.

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The apartment was still and dark when they arrived home. The only light was the faint glow from an outside street lamp and the only sound the rain beating furiously against the windows.

Luke lowered his voice to a whisper to not wake Kirk as he addressed his nephew. "Go take a hot shower. Then I want to talk to you."

"I'm ok. I'll just change into dry clothes."

"Jess, you've been outside in the rain for hours. You were shivering in the truck even with the heat on. I want you to go take a hot shower."

Jess opened his mouth to respond, but Luke cut him off before he could speak, his voice an angry whisper. "Do not fight me tonight, Jess. I promise you it's not going to end well for you if you do. Go shower. Now." Jess nodded and headed to the bathroom.

When he left the bathroom twenty minutes later, he was dressed in the pajama pants, tee shirt and white cotton socks that Luke had brought in and left on the bathroom counter for him while he was in the shower. He made his way through the dark apartment to his room, where he found Luke, dressed in sweats and a dry tee shirt, sitting on the edge of his bed, the lamp on his nightstand on. Jess had a nervous feeling in his stomach. It had been a long day, an even longer night, and he just wanted to go to bed and not think about any of it anymore, but apparently, he was going to have to go through Luke to do that.

"Jess, come here." Luke whispered.

Jess stood frozen to his spot by the doorway for a moment.

"Jess, come sit with me." Luke patted the spot on the bed next to him.

Jess knew he couldn't put off facing his uncle any longer, and walked over to the bed. As he crossed through the puddle of light emanating from the lamp on his nightstand, Luke caught a glimpse of the spots of blood seeping through the back of his socks.

"Hey, what happened to your feet?"

"What?" The broken blisters didn't hurt as much now that his wet socks and shoes were off, and they had stopped seeming significant in the face of Luke's anger on the ride home. They had stung a bit in the shower when the water hit the opening in his skin, but by the time he had been done showering, he had been so distracted by the talk Luke wanted to have that he had forgotten to put band-aids on them. He really just wanted to go to bed and have this night, one of the worst in his life, be over and done with.

"The bloody socks. What's with the Curt Schilling look you've got going there?"

"Oh, uh, I got blisters or something from walking in wet shoes all night. They started bleeding. I guess I forgot to put band-aids on them."

"You can't leave them like that all night. The socks will stick to the wounds when the blood dries and it will reopen the area again when you take your socks off tomorrow."

"Oh, ok, sorry."

Luke grabbed two tissues from the box on the nightstand and handed them to his nephew. "Take those socks off. Use these to try to stop the bleeding. I'm going to go grab band-aids."

Jess took Luke's spot on the bed as the man walked out of the room. His gingerly removed his socks and bent forward to hold a tissue to each heel as he waited for Luke. He could hear his uncle opening and closing the cabinet in the bathroom, then washing his hands before his soft footsteps grew louder across the floor as he approached Jess' room with the first aid kit in his hand.

"Ok, Jess." Luke whispered, thinking over the logistics of the situation. "Why don't you lie down on your stomach so I can clean up the backs of your heels?"

"It's ok, Luke. I can do it myself if you want to just hand me a couple of band-aids."

Luke grabbed a startled Jess with a hand around his bicep and none too gently pulled the boy to his feet. "What did I tell you about pushing me tonight, Jess?" Luke asked in an angry whisper. "I really just need you to do what you're told right now. Is that seriously too much to ask?" Jess shook his head quickly at Luke, his eyes wide with surprise. Luke hadn't actually hurt him, or been as rough as he could have been, but having his uncle manhandle him at all was a rare enough occurrence to cause the boy alarm. Luke released his hold on Jess, and the boy obediently lay face down on the bed, pillowing his head on his folded arms. Luke sat down near Jess' feet, and Jess felt his uncle set to work on his left foot first, wiping off the blood with an alcohol towelette, smearing something on the open skin that he assumed from the sting was Neosporin, wiping the excess off and applying a band-aid over the open area. As Luke paused to rifle through the first aid kit for a second band-aid before moving on to his right foot, Jess considered how vulnerable he felt in his current position. He knew Luke had only made him lie down to get better access to his injured heels, not because he was planning on grabbing a belt and whaling on him, but Jess knew he wouldn't feel completely comfortable until Luke allowed him to sit up or at least flip over. Luke finished up on the second foot, and gently patted the side of Jess' calf. "Ok, Jess. You can turn back over now."

Jess rolled himself over onto his back and propped himself up against a pillow just in time to see Luke leaning toward him, thermometer in hand. "Open up."

"Luke, I'm not sick." Jess whispered. "I'd tell you if I was. I promise."

"I just want to make sure. Being out in that rain for so long couldn't have done you any good." Jess didn't move to cooperate. "Do not start with me tonight, Jess. I mean it, I-." Jess opened his mouth to avoid any more threats or rough handling, and Luke slipped the thermometer between his lips.

Luke checked the watch on his wrist and waited, bent forward with his elbows resting on his knees, head down. When he started to speak, he didn't turn all the way toward his nephew, but instead directed his words at the floor somewhere to the left of his feet. He needed to get some things out without being interrupted or thrown off by the boy's reaction. "Jess, I'm really sorry that I made you feel like I'd given up on you when we talked this afternoon. That's never going to happen. Not ever. No matter what you do. I need you to know that. To really believe it. I love you more than anything in this world, and I will never give up on you." Luke paused to collect his thoughts. "I want you to know that I copied down Jimmy's address in California from the envelope he sent your letter in. If you hadn't gotten off the bus and called me tonight, I was going to give you about a week to figure your shit out on your own, and if I didn't hear from you by then, I was going to fly out to Los Angeles to drag your ass back home myself. I wasn't going to let you run out on your baby without a fight. Not without doing everything I possibly could to keep that from happening. I have your back, Jess. Always. Even when it's you that you need protecting from. So, thanks for coming back on your own and saving me the trip. I'm pretty sure I would have hated being in L.A. even for just a few days." Luke sighed. "And I can understand panicking and giving in to a moment of weakness. I, uh, I waited three days after the letter from Jimmy arrived to give it to you. I was scared, too. Of losing you to him. So, I get it." Luke turned to face his nephew, who had been watching him intently with damp eyes, mouth closed tight around the thermometer. "What's important here is that you didn't actually run. You changed your mind, on your own, before you went too far and any real damage was done. I'm proud of you for getting off the bus and coming back. That was all you, and that's everything, Jess. I know you've been scared since you first found out about the baby. And I can understand that fear. But, you should feel good knowing that tonight you faced down the temptation to take the easy way out. To just walk away from your child, and your responsibilities. You had that chance and you didn't take it. I'm proud of you for that. You should be proud of yourself, too. You're a good boy, Jess. A good person. And you're turning into a really good man."

Luke paused at the sound of movement on the couch. "I hope we didn't wake Kirk." Luke checked his watch. "Ok. Time's up." He bent forward and plucked the thermometer from his nephew's mouth. Jess was looking back at him with love and gratitude in his wet eyes and a couple of fresh tears running down his cheeks. "99.1. You're kind of hot, Jess."

Jess smirked through his tears, giving in to the knee jerk reaction to deflect emotion and lighten the mood. "Gee, thanks, Luke. You're not too hard on the eyes yourself. Must run in the family."

Luke huffed out a soft laugh.

"Thanks, Luke. Seriously. For tonight, and for everything. I got really lucky when Liz shipped me out here. I don't want you to think I don't know that because I do. I think it every day. So, thanks."

Luke smiled warmly at his nephew. "You're welcome, Jess. You're always welcome. And just so you know, I'm the one who got lucky when Liz shipped you out here."

Jess just raised one eyebrow in response, his expression one of playful skepticism.

"Yeah, don't believe me, smart guy? You will. As soon as your own kid is here."

Jess wiped at his face as he listened to the sound of quiet crying and sniffling drifting in from the living room. "Well, it looks like we're all up now. What do you say we go play a few hands of gin rummy before we call it a day?"


	14. Chapter 14 - First Houses and Dates

**Chapter 14 Notes:** I feel this story is drawing to a close and, unless I get sudden inspiration for another chapter, everything will likely be wrapped up in the next installment. As always, thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with this story, and especially to those who've been generous enough to leave me reviews. I appreciate you all very much.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

The first time Luke stepped into the house after the closing, it looked different than it had the last time he saw it only two days earlier, when he had brought Jess and Kirk by to finally check it out, Jess having been adamant about not influencing Luke and staying out of the house hunting process until Luke had made the decision on his own. He couldn't put his finger on what was different. It just looked like his now. His house. His walls. His floor. His ceiling. His yard. The setting for the second half of his life. Luke walked alone through the empty rooms. He reflected on how this was only the third major decision he had made in his life. He had converted his dad's hardware store into a diner, purchased the building next store when he had needed more space for Jess, and now bought a house of his own. It occurred to him that that was a paltry list of major life decisions for a man who was about to turn forty. He had never gotten married, never had a child, never done so many of the things he always thought he would, or that most 'normal' people seemed to do. He had never even come close to finding someone to have a family with. He had regrets. He assumed everyone had at least some regrets. He knew he should have been bolder, and not spent so much time living in fear of change. He should have ended things with Rachel, instead of waiting for her to leave him. He had realized early on that she wasn't going to stay, and he knew that he would never leave. And still, he had given in to inertia and wasted his late twenties and early thirties on an on again off again relationship that he knew had no future. Because he had been scared to lose a woman who hadn't been all that invested in the relationship to begin with. He had been scared of being completely alone. Again. He had even spent another year with her in his late thirties, when she had come back to town, returning to something safe and familiar when she had been going through a personal crisis and questioning her own life choices. Getting back together had been an exercise in futility, with him throwing himself into the relationship, and working hard to make Rachel content with life in Stars Hollow, with him, even though history had already taught him that he couldn't. That wasted time had been on him, and him alone. He knew her. He knew himself. Deep down he had known better. But having someone want to be in his life, even if he had never really trusted her when she had said she was staying, that this time was different, had been too comforting an offer to turn down.

He should have asked Lorelai out on a date at some point. He certainly had had enough opportunities to do it over the years. But, he never had the guts. He had told himself he was too afraid of ruining what he already had with her, their playful banter, someone who cared about him and listened to him, a person in his life that made him feel like he wasn't completely alone in the world. He hadn't been brave enough to risk that for what he imagined they could have had together. And now she was dating that guy who was opening his own coffee shop. Alex somebody. Luke had run into them in town once and Lorelai had introduced them. The guy had seemed nice, solid, more grounded than the men she usually went out with. Luke could see this one working out. He had probably missed his shot with Lorelai. Out of fear.

He thought about the good things he did have in his life. Jess. And, soon Jess' baby. Kirk. Memories of his parents. Liz, sometimes, when she wanted something or remembered she had a brother. But, mainly Jess. He reflected on how he hadn't had to make any decisions there. The best thing in his life had been thrust upon him. Liz had sent Jess to Stars Hollow whether Luke wanted him or not. He was thankful for his sister's lack of consideration now, because he knew himself well enough to know that if Liz had given him a way out, he would have taken it. He could remember being petrified at first. That he wouldn't know what to do with a teenager, that they wouldn't take to each other and Jess wouldn't like him, that Luke would be too set in his ways to adjust to having someone, especially a kid, sharing his space. But, Luke had been shoved out of his comfort zone to make his nephew feel welcome and take care of him and good things had happened. The best things. His relationship with his nephew was the thing he valued most in his life. And, then, letting Kirk in had been easier because he had already opened his life up to Jess. He had been a little more confident and a little less out of practice socially and emotionally by the time Kirk had needed a hand, so the transition to having Kirk in his life had gone smoother. Plus, Kirk had been in real need. There was no way Luke could have turned his back on him in the gazebo that night. In a way, Kirk had been thrust upon him, too.

He thought about his future, and knew he had likely used up all his chances for God or the universe to help him out. He knew he had to take more responsibility for the things he wanted out of life. A loving relationship with a partner. Possibly children of his own. Those things probably weren't going to just show up on his doorstep the way Jess and Kirk had. He wanted to be someone who could open himself up to new people and experiences that might lead to a more fulfilling life. He knew he couldn't look to Jess, or his baby, to make him happy or give his life meaning. He worried about how difficult it would be when Jess and his great-nephew eventually moved out. He knew that was a natural part of life. Children grow up. They leave. Even biological children. He rationally knew that all he could do was enjoy the time he still had with his nephew and then his great-nephew and try not to worry about the future. But, emotionally, he knew that wasn't possible. He and Jess had gotten so much closer since Jess had found out about the baby, and his heart already ached at the idea of losing that, and not having the kid in his life on a day to day basis. He knew he was being dramatic, and that he wouldn't lose Jess completely when the boy moved out. The kid would still be in his life in some way, even if he no longer lived with Luke. Even if he eventually moved away from Stars Hollow. It just wouldn't be the same. And, Luke was just really bad at change. A part of him hoped that he was in a relationship by the time Jess moved out in hopes that having someone else in his life to love and focus on would soften the blow. Another part of him felt pathetic for thinking that, knowing that once again everything would come back to him not wanting to be alone. He knew he was perfectly capable of being alone. Of being his own little island, population, one. He had been for years, both before and after Rachel. He had been for long enough that he knew people in town referred to him as a hermit behind his back. He knew he could do it again if he had to. But, it would be that much harder to adjust to now, after having had a family again for a short time. It would be him, alone again, but now instead of being by himself in his apartment, he would be rattling around in a big empty house, paying to heat rooms he didn't even use. He didn't want that. He wanted more. And, he knew he couldn't just sit back and wait for something good to happen. Not anymore. He needed to do something about it himself.

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"So, how did it go with Lulu's family last night, Kirk?" Luke asked. He was eating a late dinner at the table in the apartment with Jess and Kirk on a rare evening when neither boy had to work. Luke had told them how the house had become officially his that morning, and they had just finished making plans to start packing the following day so that they would be ready to start moving into the house the next week. Luke wanted everything moved and settled into the new house before the baby was born in a few weeks. But, he had started to feel stressed by all the things that needed to be done for the move, and he needed a subject change. When Lulu's aunt had learned that her niece had become friends with one of her former students, she had insisted that Lulu invite Kirk over for Sunday dinner. Kirk had been very excited at the chance to see his junior high guidance counselor again, and Luke was hoping it had gone as well as the boy had been expecting.

Kirk's face lit up at the question even as he quickly finished chewing his bite of chicken. "It was so great, Luke! It was so good to see Mrs. Kuschner again. She even remembered who I was from junior high!"

Luke smiled. "I'm not surprised. You're a pretty memorable person, Kirk."

Kirk looked thoughtful, considering that. "I don't know. People don't usually remember me. Or, I guess sometimes they do, but they pretend they don't if they don't want to talk to me. Like when I run into some of the kids I used to go to school with in town. But, she remembered me and was happy to see me. It really made me feel special."

"You are special, Kirk." Jess said. Luke shot a look at his nephew out of the corner of his eye, monitoring the boy for signs of sarcasm, but Jess was looking seriously at Kirk as he spoke, with no trace of mocking in his expression.

"Thanks, Jess. I appreciate that." Kirk paused. "Mrs. Kuschner is such a nice lady. She always made me feel special when I saw her for counseling back in junior high, too. And her whole family is very nice. She has a cute, little dog named Scout. He's very friendly and he let me pet him a lot. She says he's a mutt, but that he's very smart. He can do tricks like shaking hands and rolling over. Mrs. Kuschner's daughter taught him how. Jess, do you know her daughter, Jen? She was in your grade at school."

"I know who she is. I've seen her around, but I'm not sure I've ever spoken to her or anything."

"Well, she's nice, too. She's going to go to Central Connecticut next year, just like Shane. I asked her if she knew Shane and she does. They used to be on the same tennis team when they were younger. Mrs. Kuschner's husband is very nice, too. He's a teacher, but I had never met him before because he doesn't teach at Stars Hollow. He teaches math at St. Mary's, the Catholic high school in Woodbury."

"I forgot about St. Mary's." Luke said. "Hey, Jess, maybe you can retake your senior year there, if you don't want to go back to Stars Hollow High."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Uh, excuse me, but I'm trying to listen to Kirk's story over here, if you don't mind, Mr. Rude."

Luke laughed. "Sorry, but I was just thinking that maybe Catholic school is what you need. Wearing a tie to school every day. Strict nuns with rulers to whip you into shape. It might be good for you." Luke grinned. "That or maybe military school, but we don't have one of those nearby."

Jess shot his uncle a mock disdainful look, and shook his head. "Gee, I don't really think I'm going to have time for book reports and pep rallies with a new baby to take care of, but thanks for the suggestion. And, for future reference, it's not right to want me to suffer just so you can have a good chuckle at my expense. You're going to have to get your jollies somewhere else." He knew Luke wasn't really over what had happened with school, but he appreciated that his uncle had mostly let it go and was able to joke about it now. The morning after Jess' very short-lived experience as a runaway, Luke had made him promise to at least take the GED if he refused to make up his senior year. Jess had agreed, to keep his uncle happy, and later that afternoon, he'd been the recipient of a GED study guide. He had raised an eyebrow at the cover, prompting Luke to laugh and tell him that he couldn't be blamed for the title. He didn't name the book, he'd said, if he had, he would have used a much more creative word than 'dummies.' Jess had yet to crack the book, but he would get to it. He had meant it when he told his uncle that he would take the GED. He wasn't going to let him down about school twice.

Jess turned his attention back to Kirk. "What did you guys talk about? Was it weird hanging out with your former guidance counselor? I think I would be uncomfortable in that situation."

"Jess, have you ever even met your guidance counselor?" Luke's only response was a scowl from his nephew, which made Luke chuckle.

Kirk shook his head. "It wasn't weird at all. I really enjoyed it. We just talked about normal stuff, I guess. School, work, what everyone was up to. I told them all about my job working for Taylor and how I'm helping him plan the Firelight Festival right now. And after dinner, we all played Yahtzee. Well, not Jen, she had a date with her boyfriend, but the rest of us. It was very fun. Then, before I left, Mrs. Kuschner asked me if she could talk to me privately, so we went out to the backyard, just the two of us and Scout, and she asked me about how I was doing with my mom…with what happened to her. We talked about that for a while, and she said she thinks I should talk to someone regularly, like a therapist, about it. She says that it doesn't mean she thinks I'm crazy or anything, but that most people could benefit from talking to a grief counselor after a loss…particularly a loss from…what happened to my mom."

It hit Luke that he should have thought of this months ago, that Kirk should have been seeing a professional all this time. He had done his best to try to be there for the boy, getting up in the middle of the night to keep him company when he couldn't sleep, talking to him when Kirk needed to keep his mind off his loss, and listening to him when he needed to talk about it. Trying to keep him from feeling alone. But, of course, he should have suggested grief counseling to a teenaged kid who'd lost his one and only family member to suicide. Late night games of rummy were only going to help so much. Luke was suddenly embarrassed by how remiss he had been in making sure Kirk got the help he needed. There had been no one there to suggest counseling for Luke when his father died, and he hadn't thought of it now. He had been trying to look out for Kirk, to make sure the boy wasn't alone and had a better time of it than Luke had had after his father's death, but it seemed he had missed the most important thing he could have done for Kirk. But, he could at least support it now. "I think that's a really good idea, Kirk. I think talking to a therapist will be good for you. Are you going to look in to it?"

Kirk tilted his head to the side. "I'm not sure yet. Mrs. Kuschner gave me the name and number of a counselor that she recommends. She told me that I should call her to set up an appointment. I'm a little concerned about how much it will cost, though. I didn't want to ask, but I think things like that are usually expensive. Do you have any idea how much something like that would cost, Luke?"

"No, but don't worry about the money, Kirk. We'll figure it out. I think Mrs. Kuschner's right. I think it's important for you to have someone to talk to who knows about stuff like this and who can help you. So, you just set up the appointment and we'll figure it out, ok? I can help you with this if you need me to."

"Oh, no, Luke! That's not what I meant. I would never ask you to do that. Not after everything you've already done for me."

"You didn't ask. I'm offering. I really feel like this is something that you need to do, and I don't want you to not do it because of money. So, make the appointment, ok, Kirk?"

Kirk nodded. "Ok. I'll call tomorrow, and see what they say. Maybe I'll even be able to afford it on my own."

"Maybe you will. But, either way, I think this will be really good for you. I'm sorry for not thinking of it myself."

Kirk furrowed his brow, confused by Luke's apology. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Luke. I didn't think of it either."

"I know, but…just…sometimes it's hard to see things clearly when you're the one going through something. I feel like I should have thought of it. I'm glad Lulu's aunt did."

All three sat, eating quietly for a few minutes, until Jess broke the silence. "So… what about Lulu? How are things going with her? Do you think you're going to ask her out on an actual date anytime soon?"

Kirk smiled brightly at the mention of Lulu's name, then looked distinctly uncomfortable as he processed Jess' questions. "I don't know. I want to ask her out, but I'm nervous. I really like her. But, what if she doesn't want to go out with me, and I mess everything up by asking her? I would hate to make her uncomfortable and scare her away from even wanting to be friends?"

"I think you should just go for it, Kirk. I'm pretty sure she likes you. When you guys met at Walmart, you were both making gooey, heart-eyes at each other, like crazy."

Kirk frowned. "We were not making gooey heart-eyes. I don't even know how to do that. Those were just my regular eyes. What if she was just being friendly because she's nice? She might not even like me."

"She also approached you at the party and spent the whole night talking to you. Just the two of you. Outside on the porch. Do you think that was just her being nice to someone she doesn't like?"

Kirk considered this. "She didn't go to school in Stars Hollow. I think I was the only person at the party she knew besides you and Jen. That's probably why she came up to me, because she didn't know anyone else."

"Lulu is the most outgoing person I know. She could have a conversation with a potted plant. She could have talked to anyone at that party if she had wanted to. Plus, she left the party with you and walked home with us."

"That's because she was worried about the cut on your face. It didn't have anything to do with me."

"She's a nice person, but she and I aren't that close. I'm pretty positive she wouldn't have ditched her cousin to tend to my wounds if she hadn't wanted to keep hanging around with you. And." Jess layered on extra emphasis. "She invited you to have dinner with her family. That's pretty big, Kirk. It's huge. Trust me on this."

"I don't know…...I'm not convinced she wants to be more than just friends. No girl ever has before."

"You should ask the girl out, Kirk." Luke cut in forcefully and instantly had both boys' attention. He already felt like he had let Kirk down about not realizing he needed counseling. He didn't want to let him down again, about this. Not when he had so much to offer on the topic. "I mean, I really think you should ask her out. It definitely sounds like she's interested. It felt like she was to me the night she came home from the party with you guys, with the way she was looking at you and how she told me what a hero you'd been tackling Dean. I think you have reasonable odds of getting a yes. But even more importantly, I don't want you to miss out on this opportunity, on this girl that you really like, because you're too scared to ask for what you want. I've spent my whole life doing that with women, Kirk, and I can tell you that it's not good. It won't get you anything but loneliness and regrets." Luke could feel the urgent emotion in his voice and he tried to tamp it down as he continued. "I think you should ask her out. I really do. Hope for a yes, but know that the worst you can get is a no. And if you do get a no, it will hurt, but you'll live through it, and there will be other girls to ask out. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that it's better to go after the girl you really like and get rejected than to never try at all and spend the rest of your life wondering what might have happened if you had. Not having the guts to even ask doesn't make for a very happy life, Kirk. You can take my word on that."

Kirk nodded solemnly, taking in Luke's advice. Jess was watching his uncle curiously. Luke suddenly felt overly warm. He was embarrassed by the earnestness of his delivery. He had wanted to give Kirk some sage, fatherly advice, not shine a spotlight on his own pathetic situation. He believed in what he had said, but the thoughtful look on his nephew's face was making him uncomfortable. He didn't want to know what the boy was thinking.

"That's very wise advice, Luke." Kirk's expression was serious and determined. "Thank you for that. And, you're right, I need to take this chance. I'm going to ask Lulu out!"

Luke nodded. He got up from the table and started carrying his plate into the kitchen to get away from Jess' prying gaze. He heard his nephew say to Kirk, "Oh, sure, you believe it when he says it."

Luke set his plate in the sink and turned to call over his shoulder. "And, Kirk, if you need advice on how to actually ask Lulu out, don't listen to Jess. Get a girl's perspective and ask Shane."

"Hey!" Jess responded. "Keep in mind that Shane said yes to me when I asked her out. So really, how wise does that make her? Let's all think about that, huh?"

"Point taken, nephew. Hey, I think I'm going to go for a walk. Would you guys mind cleaning up tonight?"

Luke watched the boys exchange a quick look before Jess responded. "Yeah, sure."

"We don't mind, Luke." Kirk said.

"Thanks." Luke patted Kirk on the shoulder as he passed the table on his way to the door. He knew they thought he was acting odd, but he just needed a little air. Fast. He wasn't sure if it was the magnitude of the decision he had made earlier when he closed on a house that was catching up with him or all the talk about missed opportunities, but he suddenly felt like he was about to lose it. "I'll be back in about an hour."

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The next morning, Jess was bussing tables after the breakfast rush. Now that he no longer had school, he had been helping out in the diner during the day whenever he couldn't pick up an extra shift at Walmart. He figured it wasn't worth formally switching up his schedule in the warehouse since the baby would be here in about a month and he would need his days free starting in September when Shane started college anyway. He carried his full bus tray over to the counter, keeping an eye on the only table of customers left, a family with one messy toddler sitting by the window, in case they needed something. He waited until Luke finished cashing out an older couple at the register before he approached his uncle. He wanted to check in with Luke after last night. The intensity of his behavior at dinner, followed by his urgent need to get out of the apartment for a walk that ended so late that Jess had fallen asleep before he returned, had the boy worried. It had all felt very un-Luke like. He wanted to make sure Luke was ok, but he didn't want to be weird about it, or make a big deal about it.

"So, how was your walk last night?" Jess started, trying to sound casual.

Luke looked up from the register drawer, where he had started idly counting through the cash they had taken in during breakfast. "Huh? Oh, uh, my walk. It was fine. I just needed some air. To get out and clear my head, you know."

"You got back pretty late."

Luke chuckled. "I wasn't aware I missed my curfew. I'll try not to do it again."

Jess smirked. "I'll let it go this once. Lucky for you, I'm in a generous mood."

Luke smiled. "Oh, you're too good to me, nephew."

"So, you're like ok, though, right? I mean, if there's something going on with you, or something…"

Luke leveled his gaze at Jess. "Yeah, Jess. I'm fine."

"You don't usually go for a long walk like that. At night. After working all day."

"You're right, but I needed it last night. I'm ok. You don't need to worry about me, Jess."

"You were kind of off at dinner, too…"

Luke frowned slightly. "Off?"

"Yeah, like you were super intense when you were giving Kirk advice on asking Lulu out." Jess hesitated. "Were you talking about Lorelai?"

"Lorelai?" Jess could tell that Luke was trying to evade the question, his eyes back on the cash in the drawer in front of him.

"Yeah, you know. Annoyingly chipper brunette. Coffee junkie. Mother to my ex-girlfriend. Object of your affection. That Lorelai."

"I know who she is, smart guy." Luke shot Jess a look out of the corner of his eye, wishing his nephew would stop staring at him like that, carefully observing him like he was a science experiment. "I'm just not sure why you're bringing her up."

"I was just wondering if she's who you were thinking about when you told Kirk that you missed your chance to ask out the person you were really into, thereby dooming yourself to a life of hopelessness and despair."

Luke looked up at that. "I really don't remember putting it quite like that."

"But, was she who you were talking about?"

"Let it go, Jess."

Jess sighed. "I'm just worried about you. You seemed really upset." He smirked. "Like maybe you were on the verge of a nervous breakdown and one step away from making a run for it, just buying a one-way bus ticket to anywhere but here." Jess put a hand on Luke's shoulder and feigned sincerity. "It's ok, Uncle Luke. I've been there. I can help."

"Well, let's see, nephew. I did briefly consider hopping a freight train last night with nothing but a little hobo bindle tied to the end of a stick and heading west, but then, oh yeah, I remembered that I'm not a drama queen like some people around here."

Jess barked out a laugh, then his expression grew serious. "But, really, you're ok?"

"Yes, I'm ok. Really. I appreciate your concern, but I'm good." Jess didn't look convinced. Luke sighed. "If I was acting weird last night, it's because yesterday was a weird day. I closed on the house. Which is a good thing, of course, but it got me thinking about my life…about how I always thought I'd be doing this with someone …like a partner. That's how I always expected my life to go. A wife. Kids. You know, the normal stuff. And, I guess it got me reflecting on the choices I've made, the things I didn't do…and it got me feeling a little down. I'm sorry if I worried you. I guess you can't get to my age and not have some regrets, but…I'm ok. Really."

Jess nodded slowly, his expression thoughtful. "Ok, if you say so."

"I do. I also say you should go sweep up under that table where that family with the toddler was sitting. That kid made a serious mess. I can see all kinds of crap on the floor from here."

Jess looked toward the recently emptied table and nodded. "Ok, I'll get right on it." He headed toward the back, to empty his bus tray in the sink and grab the broom.

"Oh, hey, Jess, one more thing. Do you think you'd like to see someone to talk to, like Kirk is going to? A therapist, I mean?"

Jess looked confused. "Why are you asking me that?"

"I don't know. You have a lot going on with the baby coming. And your relationship with your mom…isn't good, right now. And I know your childhood wasn't easy. And, I don't know. I thought maybe it would help you to talk stuff through with a professional, too. And I just wanted you to know that if that's something you're interested in, you could do that. I'd pay for it and everything. Whatever you need."

Jess frowned. "I have you for that. To talk about stuff with. Right? Why would I need to talk to a therapist, too?"

"Of course, you have me. That wouldn't change. But, I don't know. I just thought maybe they'd be able to help you more than I do. To sort through some stuff from when you were a kid, or something"

"I really don't think that I'm going to have time, with two jobs and a new baby, to lie on some shrink's couch analyzing my childhood and blaming my lack of emotional availability on the trauma of being Liz's kid."

"I don't think it's like that."

"Being a kid was a shitty experience for me. But, I already know that. Gee, look at all that money I just saved you by not having my head up my ass!" Jess paused. "How do you know what it's like, anyway?"

Luke sighed. "I don't. I mean, I guess I don't really know what it's like because I've never been, but Nicole went and she said it was helpful. I think productive was the word she used. She got good stuff out of it."

"Wow, dating you drove Nicole to seek mental health counseling! Hmmm, that actually makes a lot of sense."

"Stop it. There's nothing wrong with going to therapy. And, she didn't go because of me. She went before I even knew her. She just told me about it once, about how much it helped her."

Jess laughed.

"Why is that funny, nephew? What, because if therapy had really helped Nicole, she wouldn't have ended up dating me? Is that what you're trying to say here?"

"Dense much, Luke? By telling you that she went to therapy, and how much it helped her with her issues, I'd bet anything that she was trying to drop a hint that maybe you should go to therapy and get help, too, for your issues." Jess saw Luke's puzzled expression and continued. "Like with being emotionally guarded and keeping people at a distance." Jess couldn't read Luke's expression and wasn't sure if he'd gone too far and offended him. "I get it. I do it, too. So, does Liz. I think it runs in the family…"

It had never occurred to Luke that Nicole might have been hinting that he needed therapy. But, it made sense. Nicole had brought up her own experience with therapy late in their relationship, when they were already running into issues regarding Luke's inability to fully let her into his life. Not being emotionally available, she had called it. Maybe Jess was on to something. Maybe instead of worrying solely about helping Jess, Luke should have been focused on fixing himself, all this time, too. Helping himself was so much harder than trying to help someone else. Luke felt tired at the mere idea of trying to identify and fix his own emotional and interpersonal problems. He wasn't sure how to face that. He sighed, and decided to start by being honest with his perceptive little shit of a nephew.

"I never thought of that, Jess. Maybe you're onto something. You've definitely given me something to think about. But, right now, we're not talking about me."

Jess put on an exaggerated thinking face as he responded. "We never seem to be. Gee, why is that?"

Luke ignored his nephew's sarcasm. "I just, I never even thought about grief counseling for Kirk, and it should have been obvious. That he needed that. He found his mom's body after her suicide. I mean, how could he not need therapy after that? And I just want to make sure I'm not missing something I should have been doing for you, too. I want you to have all the help you need. To deal with…anything you need to deal with."

"So far, you've helped me deal with 'anything I need to deal with' just fine. How about we don't fix what isn't broken? If I run into an issue that we can't handle on our own, like an out of control coke habit or a gambling addiction where I'm blowing through my paychecks betting on the ponies, then I'll start going to therapy. But, in the meantime, if I have to talk to anyone, I'd rather just talk to you. Ok?"

Luke nodded, accepting his nephew's position. "Ok, Jess. And of course, you can always talk to me, but just know that the offer is there, if you ever change your mind."

"Ok. Thanks." Jess paused. "Hey, you know you can talk to me, too, right? I mean, about your stuff. If you need to. I'm not a kid anymore, and I want to be here for you, too. If something's bothering you. Rory always used to tell me what excellent listening skills I had when we were together."

Luke smiled warmly at his nephew. "Is that right?"

"Ok, no, I made that up. But, it sounded less conceited than just telling you that I have excellent listening skills." Jess shrugged. "And she seemed like a credible source whose opinion you would trust. But, I am serious. I'm here for you if you need me. And you can trust me with your stuff. I'm not a kid that you have to take care of anymore. Everything between us doesn't always have to be about me and my stuff."

"Ok, Jess. Thank you. I appreciate that. If I need to talk, I know where to find you."

"Good, and oh, hey, speaking of me not being a kid anymore…you're going to treat me like more of an adult now that I'm having a baby and I'm no longer in school, right? I figured as much, but we've never really talked about it, so I wanted to make sure we were on the same page."

Luke gave Jess a puzzled look. "What do you mean? I feel like I treat you like an adult now."

"Seriously? Do you have rules for the other adults in your life? Do you change their orders in the diner because you don't think they should be eating red meat? Cause, I've got to say, I've never seen you do that to anyone else?"

Luke laughed. "Ok, no more overriding your food choices. You're an adult. You can eat whatever you want from now on."

"That's a start."

"Unless we're at home and I'm cooking. Then you're eating what I'm making, or you're on your own for dinner."

"Fair enough. What about other stuff, like having to tell you where I'm going and when I'll be home, that kind of thing?"

"I suppose you don't need to account for your whereabouts every minute of the day anymore." Luke paused, thinking about Jess skipping so much school to work at Walmart. He still wasn't completely over the boy lying to him about that. He mocked his nephew's sarcasm. "Gee, Jess, just think about all the time you'll save by not having to make up ridiculous lies to tell me about where you're going when you leave the house. You'll have so much free time, you won't know what to do with it." Jess' cocky expression faltered, and Luke felt some satisfaction at seeing a flash of embarrassment cross the boy's face. "But, I would like to have a general idea of what you're up to. And, if you, I don't know, leave the state or go away for a few days or something, I'd appreciate it if you let me know, so I don't worry. That kind of thing."

Jess nodded. "That sounds reasonable. And, maybe you don't need to always be on me about stuff? Like when I leave my crap lying around, or when I do something that you think is stupid. Stuff like that. I just really don't want you to treat me like a kid in front of my actual kid. I want him to see me as an adult, and respect me."

"If you don't want me on you when you do something stupid, you might want to consider not doing something stupid to begin with." Luke laughed at the scowl on Jess' face. "C'mon, Jess, I would never want to embarrass you in front of your kid. Have I really been that hard on you that you feel like we need to have this conversation? I can't even think of any other rules that we have. And, you do realize that you've only ever been punished once the entire time you've lived with me, and if you remember correctly, nephew, you grounded yourself that time?"

"I know. I'm not saying you've been hard on me or anything, because you definitely haven't. I've always appreciated that you've treated me kind of like an adult from the start. I just want to make sure we're on the same page about me being an actual full-fledged adult now, that just happens to be living in your house temporarily, and paying you rent, as opposed to a child that you're responsible for raising." Jess looked down for a beat before regaining eye contact. "I just really don't want to get yelled at or scolded like a child in front of my son. I don't think it would be good for him to see that."

"I get what you're saying. And, I agree with you." Luke paused, eyeing his nephew warily. "I can't say I'm not going to say something to you if I think you're doing something that you shouldn't be, or not doing something that you should be doing. That won't change no matter how old you get. But, if something does come up, I'll do my best to tone down the yelling and scolding, and speak to you like an adult about it. How's that sound?"

"It's something. Thank you."

"And, I don't think you need a curfew anymore or anything like that, but, I'm not going to stop worrying about you just because you're a 'full-fledged adult' now. So, maybe you can call if you're going to be out really late, or if you're going to sleep somewhere else. Just as a common courtesy. So, that I'm not up all night wondering if you're lying in a gutter somewhere."

"That's fair. Hey, that one goes both ways, right? I worry about you, too, you know."

Luke smiled. "Sure, nephew."

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"So, what do you think, Jess?" Luke watched his nephew closely for his reaction. Luke had closed the diner the previous day and he, Jess and Kirk had moved into the new house. After a full day of carrying boxes and furniture up and down stairs, loading and unloading the truck, unpacking at the new house and picking up the new bed that Luke had ordered for Kirk's room, Luke had been exhausted the following morning, his back aching as he made his way around the diner taking orders and delivering food. But, he had one more thing to move today. And, he was too excited to put it off any longer. As soon as the lunch rush was over, Luke had picked up Kirk at the house where he had spent the morning waiting for the cable guy, and driven over to Bud and Maisy's place to pick up the crib that he had built for Jess' baby. Jess had picked up a day shift at Walmart, so Luke and Kirk were able to move the crib into his bedroom undisturbed, rearranging the furniture a little to make it all fit. Luke had stood back, surveying his handiwork with satisfaction, and then thought of Kirk's blanket and asked if the boy wanted to lay it on the railing of the crib so that they could surprise Jess with both at once. That was the sight that had greeted Jess when he had arrived home from work that afternoon, the most beautiful gifts anyone had ever given him, along with Luke and Kirk, grinning like fools and yelling surprise.

"I love them, Luke. Both of them. The crib and the blanket are incredible. Thank you guys so much for these."

The grins got even bigger. "I'm glad you like them nephew."

Jess picked up an edge of the colorful knit blanket and held it between his thumb and forefinger. "This is so soft. The baby is going to love this, Kirk. I know how hard you worked and all the time you put into it and it means so much to me. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Jess. It's not perfect. It has a few mistakes, but Shane says that's ok because it's the first thing I ever knitted."

"It's more than ok, Kirk. It's beautiful. The baby isn't going to care if it has mistakes. It's a great blanket." Jess turned hesitantly toward his uncle. "Luke, the crib is beautiful, too, so beautiful, but it's too much. It must have cost a fortune. We can totally make do with something a lot cheaper than this. Like something from Walmart or Ikea. I feel like me and this baby are already putting you out so much. I mean, you just bought this house so that we could have more room…I know we agreed you could buy the crib, but I didn't want you to do something this extravagant. Maybe we should return it and get something more basic."

Luke felt the inner glow of pride he always got when someone praised something he made. "Sorry, no can do, nephew. You're stuck with it. And don't worry about the cost. It wasn't as much as you think. I, uh, I made it myself."

"Are you serious? You built this?" Jess knew that Luke liked woodworking, but he had never seen anything the man had made, and he had pictured his uncle building simple, functional things, like bookcases and birdhouses, not something this intricately detailed and beautiful.

Luke nodded, amused by the shocked look on Jess' face.

"Oh, wow, Luke! It's amazing! Thank you so much. I love it even more now." Jess turned back toward the crib, taking a closer look and running his hand up and down over the beautifully carved side rails. "I can't believe you made this. It looks so professional. This is really impressive, Luke. Wait, how did you do this? Where did you put it together? When did you even have the time?"

"I used Bud's workshop. Had to keep sneaking over there during lulls at the diner and working on it little by little. Took a few half days off here and there and spent them in Bud's garage. I've had it done for a few weeks, but I had already started looking for a house, so I didn't think there was any point in dragging it over to the apartment, just to turn around and drag it over here. And, it seemed like a more dramatic reveal to wait until we moved in here, like this."

Jess kept looking at the crib. "This was definitely dramatic." He was touched by all the effort that Luke and Kirk had put into making special gifts for him and the baby and he knew he ran the risk of tearing up if he made eye contact with his uncle. "Are you still planning on setting up your own workshop in the garage here? To make stuff like this?"

"That's the plan. Once everything is settled in the house, I'll start putting together the workshop. I already have a bunch of ideas of things I want to make for the baby."

"Can you teach me to build something like this?" Jess laughed lightly. "Well, something at a beginner skill level. It's so cool that you made this. I want to learn how to do stuff like this. I want to be able to make something this cool for my kid someday."

Jess couldn't remember seeing Luke's face ever light up more than it did at his request. "I would love to teach you, Jess. I would absolutely love that. I can teach both of you, if you're interested in learning, too, Kirk."

"That sounds like fun, Luke, thanks." Kirk said. "And, I can teach you how to knit if you want me to, Luke. I think you'd find it quite relaxing."

Jess barely heard Luke laugh and respond to Kirk. He was lost in thought as he looked around his room, which had enough space for his own bed and dresser and the beautiful new crib he had just received. There was also a fourth bedroom that would serve as the baby's room when Jess was ready. But, since he wanted to keep the baby close to him at first, the baby's room would only hold furniture and accessories, like the changing table that he still needed to put together along with all the other baby stuff he had accumulated over the past few months, while the baby himself would stay in Jess' room. Now that he had space to organize everything neatly, he planned on buying a small kid's dresser to go in the baby's room and maybe a cute bookcase or toybox to organize the rest of the baby's things. Maybe one of those could be his first woodworking project. And maybe he would even buy a rocking chair. All the books he read had recommended having a rocking chair to help get the baby to sleep, but he had never seriously considered getting one since there was no space for it in the apartment. But, he could fit one here. He no longer felt stifled and drowning in stuff, his stuff, the overflow of Kirk's stuff, and the baby stuff, like he had in his small section of the apartment. This felt like a place where someone could actually raise a baby without losing their mind. This felt like a real home. Something sustainable, that wouldn't feel overwhelmingly small the instant the baby was born. It felt like the kind of place Jess wanted his baby to start his life in. The kind of home that Jess wanted the baby to have, even if only temporarily. And he felt a swell of gratitude for the man who had made this possible for him.

Jess turned back to Luke and Kirk, who were both watching him quietly. "Ok, Luke, now we really need to talk about rent."

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The following Friday evening found Luke and Jess standing behind the counter in the half empty diner, both trying not to be obvious as they kept sneaking looks at Kirk and Lulu.

"I still can't believe he brought her here for their first date. It seems like the most awkward choice he could have made." Jess said. He had only ever brought Rory to the diner a handful of times, mostly to save money after learning that he had a baby on the way. He had preferred to have their dates anywhere else, so that he didn't have to deal with Luke watching them the whole time and making him uncomfortable. Kirk apparently didn't have the same reservations.

Luke snuck another look at the teenagers as he responded. "I think he feels comfortable here. Being in a familiar place. Knowing we'd be around."

"Hmm, that's an interesting perspective. Knowing you'd be around is always what kept the diner off my list of places to take a date."

"Well, my friend, not everyone is as embarrassed of me as you are." Lulu looked up and briefly made eye contact with Luke from across the room. She smiled and then turned back to Kirk. "Oh, crap!" Luke whispered urgently as he quickly turned his back to the counter and looked at Jess. "I think she saw me looking at them! Quick, pretend you're talking to me!"

"I am talking to you, Luke. Jeez, stop spazzing! You'd think you were the one on your first date from the way you're acting!"

"Sorry. I'm just really nervous for Kirk. I'm so proud of him for asking her out, even though he was scared to do it. And I just really want it to go well for him, you know. He's such a good kid, and he likes her so much. I really want this to work out for him."

"I know. I do, too." Jess kept facing Luke, but he let his gaze wander over the man's shoulder to the dining room, without being obvious about it. "She's laughing." He said in a low voice. "Kirk said something that cracked her up. She just put her hand on his arm, and he's smiling his dopey cartoon character in love smile. It looks like it's going well."

"Good. That's good. Thanks for looking." Caesar yelled out for an order pickup from the kitchen. "Oh, that's theirs!" Luke started to walk over to the kitchen, but Jess quickly moved to block his path and put a hand on his uncle's chest to stop him.

"I'll take it. You're so nervous, Kirk's dinner would probably end up in his lap, and that wouldn't help anything. How about you stay here and try to calm down? Take some deep breaths or something, jeez."

Luke laughed. "Ok, you do it. Sorry, I didn't think I'd be this nervous. He's just really grown on me. I care about him so much more than I thought I would when he first came to stay with us, you know. He's such a sweet kid and he deserves so much more than he's had in his life. I really want to see something good happen for him."

Jess tucked two rolls of silverware into the front of his apron and picked up Kirk and Lulu's dinner orders. "I know what you mean. He's grown on me, too. I know I wasn't very gracious about it at first, but I have to admit, having him live with us wasn't exactly your worst idea."

Luke watched his nephew walk toward Kirk and Lulu's table with a warm heart, thinking not for the first time, how grateful he was that Jess was a sweet kid, too. Thoughtful and kind, when he easily could have turned out differently with the way his childhood had gone. Luke liked to think that maybe he had had something to do with bringing out that side of his nephew. Standing there watching Jess chatting easily with Kirk and Lulu as he delivered their food, all three smiling, Luke was happy. He knew he didn't have the things he had always wanted in his life, a partner and kids of his own, and he knew that with every year that passed it got more and more likely that he never would. But, in this moment he felt that what he did have might be enough.


	15. Chapter 15 - The Story of My Life

**Chapter 15 Notes:** So, this is the final chapter of my little story. I want to thank everyone for reading this story, as well as the others that I've written in the Gilmore Girls universe this year. 2017 has been a very trying year for me in real life, and I have very much appreciated being able to take refuge from the real world to come play with these characters. I'm grateful to all the reviews and encouragement that you lovely readers have provided me with this past year. I appreciate all of you, and wish you the best.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

The call came in the middle of the night, as these things so often do. It was Fiona, telling Luke that Shane was at the hospital and they were getting close. It was time for Jess to head over if he wanted to be there for the birth. The news startled Luke out of his sleep state. He told her they'd be right there, hung up the phone, and yelled for Jess to get up as he started to change his own clothes. Luke wasn't sure how long these things took, and he didn't want Jess to miss any part of this. Luke ran through the apartment to Jess' room, still yelling the kid's name. Kirk was sitting up on the couch rubbing his eyes. His nephew was lying in bed, dead to the world. Luke shook him hard and Jess woke with a start. "Shane's having the baby!" Luke told him. "We have to go. Now!" Jess' eyes popped wide open, a panicked look on his face as he hurried to get up, tripping over the sheet tangled around his legs, on the verge of falling on his face when Luke caught him and steadied him. "I'll go start the truck." Luke said. "Get dressed and meet me outside." Jess was dressed in less than a minute and running toward the door. Kirk still sat on the couch, looking unsure about whether Jess wanted him to come, too. Jess stopped at door, a nervous smile on his face. "C'mon, Kirk, let's go!" Kirk grinned. He grabbed his sneakers and ran after Jess, still wearing his Batman pajamas.

Fiona came out to greet them with Raegan a few minutes after they arrived. She asked if Raegan could stay with them in the waiting room while she went back in with Shane. Things were moving quickly, and Raegan had made it clear that she didn't want to witness what her sister was going through. Jess had been about to sit down in the chair next to his uncle when Fiona grabbed him by the arm and rushed him down the hall. He was told to wash up and given something to wear over his clothes and then ushered into Shane's room. She was already breathing hard and pushing, one tear running down her cheek. She gave him a small, scared smile and he instinctively went over to her side and held her hand. This looked like a horrible thing to go through and all that kept running through his head was how bad he felt for doing this to her. It seemed to go on forever. Finally, with lots of encouragement from the doctor and Fiona to push, push as hard as she could, Shane let out an agonized scream and squeezed Jess' hand so hard that his knees started to buckle. Then Jess heard a single startled cry and his heart wrenched. The baby. His baby. She wasn't done yet, the doctor said. The baby was almost out, just a few more good pushes. Shane obliged her, and the pained cries of mother and baby blended into one. Then it was over. Shane lay back on her pillow, exhausted, face wet with tears. Whether they were from happiness or shear pain Jess couldn't tell. Then a nurse was asking if he wanted to cut the umbilical cord. He wanted to make a joke about leaving that to the professionals, but all he could manage was wordlessly shaking his head. Then the nurse was asking if he wanted to hold the baby while they got Shane cleaned up. He didn't want to know what that clean up entailed. Then the baby was in his arms, the nurse adjusting him until he was cradling the baby properly. Then everything stopped. The world narrowed down to just this warm little person he held against his chest. Jess was mesmerized. He felt full, bursting with more love than he'd ever known or ever thought he could feel. All the anxiety leading up to the birth seemed to wash away, replaced by the overwhelming feeling that everything was going to be ok. Then the nurse was showing him how to transfer the baby to Shane. He locked eyes with his son's mother and they smiled at each other. They did this. He knew he'd always feel love and gratitude toward Shane for this. For having his baby and giving him the greatest gift imaginable. He felt tears in his eyes, and knew that if he spoke, he'd break down, so he did his best to convey his thanks by letting his hand land on her shoulder in a gentle squeeze after he handed off their baby.

Later, when Shane was recovered enough to see people, she let Jess go out to the waiting room to break the news. He found his uncle and Kirk playing gin rummy with Raegan. They all froze and looked up at the sight of him, three worried faces, Kirk's hand still hovering over the stack of cards, paused in mid-reach. Jess broke out in a grin and told them that Shane and the baby were both fine. That they could come in and meet the little guy for a few minutes if they wanted. Luke wrapped Jess in a tight hug and dropped a kiss on the side of his head, telling him how proud he was of him and how happy he was for him. They followed Jess back to Shane's room where she introduced their son, Ryan Lucas McMurphy to his Aunt Raegan. Luke's eyes were already wet by the time Jess introduced the baby to his Uncle Luke and Uncle Kirk. Kirk looked so shocked and pleased with his title that it made Jess laugh out loud and he pulled Kirk into a quick hug. As Jess pulled back from Kirk, he felt Luke grab him and pull him into another hug. "Ryan Lucas, huh?" Luke whispered against Jess' head. "That means so much to me, Jess. Really. Thank you. I love you so much, kid." Jess was shaking his head against Luke's shoulder before his uncle had even finished speaking. "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who should be thanking you for everything you've done for me. I'll never be able to pay you back for how great you've been about everything. The is the least I could do." Luke landed another kiss on Jess' head, before releasing his nephew with a smile and heading over to Shane to meet his great-nephew.

Epilogue

Late that August, Jess runs into Rory back from Europe, at the bookstore. They start talking and go to Weston's for coffee. Jess apologizes for how he ended things and for his erratic behavior at the party and toward the end of their relationship in general. She tells him she forgives him. He listens to her talk about Europe, and about what she needs to do to get ready for Yale. He tells her about Ryan, and tries not to gush like an idiot about how incredible his son is. Things aren't the same, but they seem ok. Better than leaving things how they had been. Rory hadn't done anything wrong and he hated the idea that she would be out there somewhere hating him or wishing she'd never met him. The following week, Jess and Luke walk over to the Gilmore's to see Rory off as she leaves for college. Rory tells Jess to keep in touch. He says he will, and he knows he'll still run into her from time to time when she's back in Stars Hollow visiting her mom. He has no hard feelings and he doesn't think she does either, but he knows that his time of being someone special in her life is over. And that's ok. Jess is holding Ryan and Rory's leaving now feels like a bittersweet goodbye instead of the impending tragedy it had felt like just a few months previously. His priorities have shifted immeasurably.

Luke is happy with his new home. Among his first purchases are deck chairs and a backyard grill. On rare evenings when everyone is home at the same time, he likes to grill burgers and vegetables and sit outside with a beer, enjoying his little piece of earth. And while he's in a spending mood, he buys a used Camry for jess, who balks at first, but then accepts it graciously, knowing that he should have a car so that Shane doesn't have to be the only one shuttling their son back and forth.

Shane starts college in the fall. She commutes to Central Connecticut near Hartford and only signs up for classes that are done in time for her to relieve jess before he needs to be at Walmart. Jess gets to spend all day with his son while Shane is in class. Shane drops Ryan off to Jess on her way to class in the morning and Jess brings him back to Shane on his way to Walmart for four. Jess only gets Ryan overnight on weekends because of his late hours at Walmart during the week and he cherishes those nights when he gets to rock his son to sleep with a story. Jess' heart aches at missing their bedtime rituals when it's not his night to have Ryan. He misses feeling the weight of his son's warm body against his chest as Ryan drifts off to sleep. But, he knows it's a sacrifice that will pay off. Helping Shane get through college will be better for Ryan in the long run.

Luke finally asks Lorelai out. They date for almost six months, and it's one of the best and worst times of Luke's life. He loves Lorelai, knows he has for years, and they have a lot of good times together, but things are harder than he thought they would be. He hadn't expected all the tension. When Lorelai and Jess are in the same room, they snipe at each other like two kids. Or they fight passively, with one walking out of a room as soon as the other enters. The worst are the handful of times when Lorelai tries to offer Jess unsolicited advice on something regarding the baby, and Luke has to break up angry arguments, and remind both of them that there is a baby in the room. Jess starts seeing a therapist after he scares himself and Ryan when he loses it and yells at his eight-month old son when he can't get him to stop crying. When Lorelai finds a self-help book Jess is reading, a recommendation from his therapist with a title about moving on from the past and letting love into your life, she mocks it to Luke behind the boy's back, and they get into a fight of their own. Luke realizes it had been building up for a while. Every time Lorelai says something sarcastic to Jess, or makes a disparaging comment about him to Luke. Every time he watches Lorelai behave toward Jess in a way that he would never behave toward Rory. During the argument about the book, it finally hits Luke what the problem is, and he accuses Lorelai of not understanding that Jess is as important to him as Rory is to her. She says it's not the same thing. He doesn't get it because he doesn't have a child, but she says she knows she's not doing enough to try to get along with Jess. She apologizes for mocking Jess' efforts to improve himself and says she'll try harder to get along with him. Luke appreciates that, but he needs her to see that even though Jess isn't his biological child, he and Ryan are the most important people in his life, just like Rory is to her. Lorelai accuses him of choosing Jess over her. He responds with a question, isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Lorelai is hurt. The argument escalates out of Luke's control. They end up calling it off. Luke sees her around town, looking very cozy with Christopher a few short weeks later. A couple of months after that, Luke hears that they wed on a trip to Paris. He reflects on how differently things might have gone if Jess hadn't still been around and been such a big part of his day to day life. If his nephew hadn't gotten Shane pregnant and had graduated high school and moved back to New York as he'd always planned. If Luke's only contact with Jess involved phone calls and occasional visits and holidays. If he hadn't been around to cause so much tension between him and Lorelai. Then he feels guilty for considering a scenario where there was no Ryan, and where Jess was less of a presence in his life. Jess had come to him after the breakup and apologized for not being better and trying harder to get along with Lorelai when Luke was dating her. He was sorry, and he felt like an ass for hurting Luke's chances with the woman he had waited so long to be with. Luke tells him that it wasn't his fault. That Lorelai had given him just as much attitude as Jess had given her. That the two of them just trigger each other. He lies and says that the fight that was the last straw hadn't been about Jess at all, but something totally unrelated. It just hadn't been right. They weren't meant to be together. But, it's ok. When Jess asks whether Luke is still glad that he finally asked Lorelai out, Luke doesn't hesitate. He is. Now, he can stop wondering about what might have been. He realizes his advice to Kirk on asking out Lulu was both wrong and right. The worst a woman could do when you asked her out wasn't saying no. It was saying yes and breaking your heart further down the road. But, either way, it hurts, and you get over it. He was right about that part.

When Ryan is almost three, Shane starts dating a guy she met at college. Jess worries that since Shane put up with so much shit from him when they were together, that her taste in guys might be like Liz's. He worries about who this man is and how'll he'll treat Ryan. Meeting the guy does little to alleviate Jess' concern. Teddy is a social work major like Shane. He's from New Hampshire and has a friendly demeanor and kind eyes, a gentle and sensitive guy, who's really good to Shane, and who appears to be good with Ryan. But, Jess has known other men who made good first impressions. Men who were nice guys, until they weren't. He realizes how powerless he is to control who comes into Ryan's life through Shane, and it scares him. Jess is noticeably cold to Teddy and observes his behavior toward Ryan with suspicion at family gatherings. He gets in arguments with Shane about the time Teddy spends with Ryan and on one very embarrassing night, he breaks down to Shane's mom about it. As time passes, and he listens to Ryan talk about Teddy, and sees how much Ryan loves him and all the things Teddy does with and for his son, he knows he lucked out, and so did Ryan. One thanksgiving when Ryan is four and Jess is feeling emotional and has had one beer too many, he pulls Teddy away from the rest of the family and tells him that his mom dated a string of physically and emotionally abusive losers when he was a kid. He knows what it's like to have your mom's boyfriend or husband see you as being in the way, or as a punching bag. He thanks Teddy for always being so patient and kind to Ryan, and for showing Ryan from a young age what a good relationship looks like and how a man should treat a woman. They have their first hug, and things become less strained after that. Two years later Jess is one of Teddy's groomsmen at Shane's wedding.

Almost a year after things end between Luke and Lorelai, Fiona kisses Luke. It's unexpected, but definitely not unwelcome. They are babysitting Ryan together while Shane is at a rare evening seminar for school and Jess is at Walmart, and Ryan had already been put to bed. Shane had asked Luke to watch the baby so that Fiona could go to her book club, but had forgotten to let Luke know when the book club had been cancelled at the last minute. Luke had been disappointed to learn that he wasn't needed when Fiona answered the door. He had been looking forward to seeing his great-nephew. Fiona says there's no reason he can't stay anyway. Luke is grateful to get to spend time with Ryan, and after the boy goes to sleep, he's even more grateful he has been asked to stay. Luke had felt a certain level of connection with Fiona since that very first dinner after Shane told Jess about the baby. And it had only grown over the past two years of being in each other lives through their children. He had never let himself think seriously about the attraction, not wanting to let it become something with the power to destroy their family dynamic. But, now all the moments leading up to this flood back to Luke. Images fly through his mind. Fiona coming over in the middle of the night with Shane when Ryan had had a fever on a night when Jess had him, and patiently assuring Jess that he was doing the right things. The emotion on her face when Luke had caught her staring at him the time she had brought Raegan over to his workshop for help building a birdhouse for a girl scout badge. The way they always seemed to linger together in the kitchen when they cleaned up after family dinners, talking and enjoying each other's company, and in no rush to rejoin the rest of their families. The way he always found himself staring when Fiona tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, or lit up when she held Ryan. The time Luke had found her sitting at his kitchen table comforting his teary nephew one night after work, when she had come to drop off Ryan while Shane was out on a date, and instead ended up listening as Jess opened up to her about his childhood and the irrational fear he couldn't shake about Shane dating and introducing a new, unknown man into his child's life. Now that he let himself unlock that box, Luke is able to recognize all the emotion he has for this woman. He knows he wants this. Fiona has already spoken to Shane about this and knows her daughter is ok with it. She understands that Luke probably needs to run it by Jess, too. When he does, Jess gives him a hug and tells him that he is in favor of anything that makes Luke happy. Luke goes back to Fiona and asks her on a proper date. Things move quickly from there, and they are married a year and a half later at a small ceremony, with just family and a few close friends, Jess and Kirk standing up for Luke and Shane and Raegan for Fiona. Jess makes a short best man speech at dinner after the ceremony. He talks about how lucky he feels to have Luke and Fiona in his life, and how grateful he's been for their support these past few years. He thanks them for that and wishes them a long and happy life together. He gets a laugh when he concludes by thanking them for officially making him cousins with the mother of his child and thereby part of the most inbred family outside of Appalachia. Luke tears up at Jess' speech and again, later than night, when Ryan, at Jess' prompting, calls Luke grandpa for the first time. Luke moves into Fiona's house. His house is bigger, and they may move into it at some point down the road, but they don't want to dislodge Raegan from her home. Shane had moved into an apartment with Teddy a few months before her mother's wedding, and between that and Fiona getting remarried, they agree that Raegan doesn't need any more change. Luke's life becomes fuller than it's ever been. He promotes Caesar to assistant manager at the diner and hires another cook and server. For the first time in his working life, Luke is home before six every night, earlier on afternoons when Reagan has softball games. Luke spends his free evenings with his family. Watching television or playing board games with his wife and step-daughter. Having family dinners on Sundays with Jess, Kirk, Lulu, Ryan, Shane and Teddy over for the meal, and often a meal or two during the week with some combination of the kids. Enjoying date nights with Fiona, or cuddling on the couch when Raegan is up in her room. And during softball season, playing catcher for Raegan in the backyard as she works on her pitching. It's hard on his knees and underhand pitching is something new to Luke, but he studies the windmill and soon gets the hang of it and is able to help the girl make adjustments. Fiona tells him that he doesn't need to feel like he has to catch for Raegan every time she asks him to, that it's all right to say no if he's tired or doesn't want to, but Luke tells her he likes doing it. That he's not sure how much he has to offer an almost teenage girl, but this is one way he feels confident about contributing to her life. He likes the idea of doing this with her, investing time into their relationship now, in case they don't have much in common as Raegan gets older, and she isn't as eager to spend time with him anymore. They'll at least have had this. Fiona kisses him and tells him he's a keeper. It turns out that Luke doesn't need to worry about losing their common interest. Softball remains Raegan's main focus all through her teens, and when she later gets into Boston College on a partial softball scholarship, Luke likes to think he helped in some small way. Jess only has two nights a week when he doesn't need to be at Walmart until midnight. And he is still Luke's top priority on those nights. Luke often drops by the house on Jess' nights off, sometimes with groceries that he cooks for dinner, sometimes later in the evening after Ryan has gone to bed to just sit and catch up with his nephew. He tries to be cognizant of not cutting into Jess' quality time with his son. Sometimes they spend those nights just the three of them, sometimes Kirk and Lulu join them and sometimes Jess brings Ryan to Luke's place instead and they spend the evening with Fiona, Raegan and Shane if she's over. Luke is happy with any of those permutations as long as he gets to see his boys.

Luke is happier with his life than he's been since before his mom died when he was a kid. And when April drops into his life with her crazy bike helmet and her science project, he feels like his world is complete. He stopped consciously longing for a child of his own a long time ago, when his life became full with other people's children, Jess, Kirk, Ryan, Raegan and Shane. But, he can't deny that finding out he has a biological child is the cherry on top for him. He resents that Anna made the decision to cut him out of April's early years, but he is so glad she found him, so glad he has this opportunity to get to know his daughter and have her in his life. And he's grateful for how much he's grown as a person by the time she finds him. For how much more prepared he is to have a surprise daughter than he would have been even a few years ago. He is grateful for everything he has to offer her. A loving and welcoming stepmother, a cousin with a cute little kid for her to play with, Kirk and Lulu who April takes to right away finding Kirk hilarious even when he isn't trying to be, and two step-sisters, who all make a point of getting to know her and including her in their lives even though she's only with them part-time per the joint custody agreement that Luke works out with Anna. April and Raegan are the same age and Luke is excited for them to bond and become friends. He's disappointed when it doesn't happen right away. They do all the things they're supposed to. Raegan accompanies Luke and Fiona to swim meets and April does the same with softball games. There is no animosity between them that Luke can see, but there doesn't seem to be any real closeness either. They have different interests, different sports, different schools and friends, only occasionally do they do things together outside the house without their parents. Fiona tells Luke not to worry when he gets discouraged. That sometimes sibling relationships don't pay off until later in life, but Luke can't help but be concerned. His relationship with his own sister is so limited and strained, and he really wants his kids to have more than that with their siblings. He feels like Jess found that with Kirk, and he knows that Shane and Raegan are close, and he worries about April being left out, the only one with no other kid in the family that she's especially close to. Years later, when April calls from MIT toward the end of her Sophomore year and tells Luke that next semester she's getting an off-campus apartment in Boston with Raegan because they're both tired of getting stuck with roommates they can't stand, Luke is surprised but happy. April tells him that it's been nice having Raegan in the same city for college, because she has had trouble making real friends at school and everyone she has roomed with so far has sucked, but she knows she can always count on her sister. Luke relays this information to Fiona and grins like an idiot the rest of the night.

A month after Luke moves in with Fiona, Kirk asks Luke if Lulu can move into the house. They've been dating for almost three years and they think they're ready for the next step of living together. She'll pay rent, too, Kirk assures him. Luke smiles and says of course. The next time he visits the house, he is surprised to see that Lulu has taken up residence in his old bedroom. He asks Kirk about it and learns that Kirk and Lulu are in love, but haven't had sex yet. They want to live together and see each other every day, but they don't want the pressure of sharing a bed just yet. They are all living like roommates, with Kirk and Lulu being two roommates that just happen to go on dates and snuggle on the couch. Kirk tells Luke that he might have been right about the whole roommate thing all along. That having roommates can be great, depending on who they are. He is very happy living with Jess, Lulu, Cat Kirk and sometimes Ryan. He couldn't ask for better roommates. Kirk had also started taking college classes in government policy. It seems like overkill to Luke, when Kirk's dream is to someday take over for Taylor and run Stars Hollow, but he's on board with whatever makes Kirk happy. Kirk still comes to the diner for breakfast almost every morning to chat with Luke before he heads off to work with Taylor or at the beauty store. He gave up the job at the theater in order to make time for his classes. Luke also spends time with Kirk when they work on projects in his workshop. As promised, Luke had taught both boys the basics of woodworking. Jess had finished the project he set out to make, a simple bookcase for Ryan's room, but not without a lot of cursing and frustration. The only times he has entered the workshop since were to sit and chat with Luke while his uncle was working on hand carving something. Kirk had made a jewelry box for Lulu, and had taken great satisfaction in the process of carving embellishments into the lid. He went on to complete several more projects of increasing difficulty, and usually has something that he's working on. Luke finds it funny that he bought his own house and still doesn't live at the same place as his workshop. But, it doesn't bother him as much now.

Once Shane has finished school, and Ryan has started, Jess switches to the day shift at Walmart and they switch to traditional joint custody, each having Ryan for one week at a time. Luke and Fiona take turns picking up Ryan from school and entertaining him until their kids get out of work to take over. When it's his turn, Luke loves seeing Ryan coloring at the counter in the diner in the afternoons while they wait for Jess to come pick him up. Jess loves all the cozy evenings and bedtime stories he gets with his son. But going a week without seeing their boy feels too long for Jess and Shane after having seen him every day for the first four years of his life, so it's not uncommon for Jess to bring Ryan over for dinner at Shane and Teddy's apartment, or for family dinners at Luke and Fiona's place during the week when he has Ryan, or for Shane to do the same for Jess when it's her turn with their son. That same year, Jess gets an apartment of his own, a small place in Woodbury, with a room for Ryan. It tears Luke's heart a little to see them leave his house, even though he himself doesn't live there anymore, but he knows it couldn't last forever and that it's right for Jess to get out on his own. To raise his son in a home that he provides for. For his son to see him as an adult on his own. Luke sometimes drops by the new apartment when it's been too long, and he needs to see his boys, often with dinner from the diner or a bag of groceries with Jess and Ryan's favorites, whatever he can to help Jess out, even though Jess always chides him that he doesn't need to. That Luke is always welcome and doesn't need a reason to drop by when he wants to see them, and doesn't need to bring them anything. Jess got his GED the year after he dropped out of school. Luke still harps on Jess about college periodically. That it's not too late. Jess has started writing and has had two short stories published in obscure fiction magazines. Luke had to have Bootsy special order the issues for him. There was a minimum of 25 copies for special orders, so Luke has pretty much wallpapered the house and diner with Jess' stories, and put away copies for Ryan for when he's older. Between writing, working and Ryan, Jess doesn't have time for school.

Luke offers to let Kirk and Lulu stay at the house after Jess moves out, but when they realize how much below market Luke has been charging them and that without Jess they wouldn't even cover his mortgage payment, they decide they should move out and let Luke rent the house to people who can afford to pay him what it's worth. They want to save up for a house of their own, though, so they're not sure if they should look for a cheaper apartment outside of Stars Hollow. Luke offers them the apartment above the diner. He's not doing anything with that space anymore anyway, and they are welcome to use it rent free, since that mortgage has long been paid off. They take him up on it, but insist on paying something in the way of rent, and for some reason it makes Luke happy, knowing that there are people living there again, even if only temporarily. One night, when Luke gets stuck late at the diner during a particularly bad nor'easter, he ends up spending the night in the apartment with Kirk and Lulu. As he enters the apartment for the first time since helping them move in, he notes that while both their beds were brought here from his house, only one is currently being used. Lulu makes up the empty bed for Luke.

When Ryan is five, Teddy's parents come to town to visit their son and daughter-in-law. Shane and Teddy bring them in to the diner for a quick lunch during a tour of Stars Hollow. Luke hasn't seen them since the kids' wedding and comes over to greet them and catch up before taking everyone's orders. When Shane asks for a large order of tater tots because she's been craving them all week, Luke raises one eye brow, but says nothing. Two days later, on the last night that Teddy's parents are in town, Shane invites both sets of parents over for dinner and announces that Ryan is going to have a little baby brother or sister. Luke knows he's become a complete softy when he tears up slightly as he hugs his step-daughter. He's excited for Shane and Teddy and at the prospect of a new little grandchild, but a part of him twinges with hurt. He had felt the same way at Shane's wedding. Luke likes Teddy very much, thinks he and Shane are great together, but a part of him wishes Jess was the one doing these things with the mother of his baby. He worries about Jess, and the solitary life he's been leading. To Luke's knowledge, Jess hasn't been out on a single date since Rory. And he supposes that made sense when Jess was working the four to midnight shift at Walmart and taking care of a toddler all day, but now that Jess is working the day shift, and Ryan is in school, Luke thought that the boy would get out more on the evenings when he doesn't have Ryan. He seems to spend most of his free nights home alone, reading or writing, and it worries Luke.

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Luke and Jess were sitting on deck chairs in the yard at Luke's house, each holding a partially empty bottle of beer. No one currently lived in the house, and Luke knew it was a waste to let it stand empty any longer. He dreaded the idea of dealing with tenants, but he didn't relish the idea of paying a mortgage every month when the only thing anyone used at the house was the garage workshop. He had bought the house for family and he really wanted family living there. He felt a twinge of sadness at things not working out how he'd planned with the house, then instantly felt foolish for the thought, greedy even, knowing that he had ended up with a lot more in his life that what he had planned for. So, what if no one lived in his house? Maybe the house had already done everything it was meant to do for him. He remembered how empowered and confident he had felt when he bought it, like he was finally taking a giant symbolic leap toward making more room for people in his life. Maybe that had been its purpose. Luke had brought Jess over with him today to work on replacing some shingles that had been knocked off the roof of the garage during the last storm. He wanted to get everything in order before he looked into renting the place out. Jess' version of helping was mostly just handing Luke tools and making sarcastic comments while Luke worked on the roof, but that was ok. This right here, was why Luke had invited Jess over. He wanted to check in with his nephew, just the two of them, and make sure the kid was doing ok.

"So, Shane's pregnant again, huh?" Luke asked.

Jess feigned surprise as he looked at his uncle. "I swear it's not mine! I had nothing to do with it this time. She can't pin another one on me, no sir!"

Luke chuckled. "I take it you already knew then?"

"Yeah, she told me yesterday when I picked up Ryan before you guys got over there for dinner. She had already told him, so she wanted to give me a heads up in case he wanted to talk about it."

"Did he?"

"Not really. He told me about it. Told me that's why Shane and Teddy were having you guys over. He didn't have any questions or anything. Just said he hoped the baby was a boy and not a girl."

"What did you say?"

"I said that I think he'll love whoever he gets. I said little sister type people can be fun, too. That I have a lot of fun with April and Raegan, and if he has a little sister, he will, too."

"Huh."

"I'm sure he'll have more questions once Shane starts to show and he realizes the baby is actually inside of her. He'll want that magic trick explained."

Luke chuckled. "I'm sure he will."

"I'll leave that conversation to Shane, though. She's the one who's having a baby. She can have the awkward conversations that go with it."

"What about you? Do you ever want to have another one?"

Jess huffed out a laugh. "I haven't wanted to yet. I'm only twenty-three. Some days, I still feel like I can barely manage myself and Ryan, and I only have him part-time. I definitely don't want another kid anytime soon. Plus, I hear you need a girl for that."

Luke nods slowly. "I've heard the same. You have anything going on in that department?"

"What? Dating?" Jess laughed. "No, nothing going on there. I can't even remember the last time I thought about wanting to ask someone out."

Luke felt a twinge in his heart. Jess sounded so lonely. "Why not? I mean, I know it wasn't practical when you were watching Ryan all day and then working until midnight, but now that he's in school and you're working days…well, why do you not think about it now?"

Jess shrugged. "I'm not sure. I think I just got used to my life being just work and Ryan. And you and Kirk. I think I just got into the habit of living like that. Like a hermit. I hear it's genetic." Jess laughed lightly. "I don't know. I can't remember the last time I bothered doing anything social with someone other than Kirk, aside from family stuff with you guys. I don't have any friends from high school, I haven't really met anyone at Walmart that I want to ask out, or really even hang out with outside of work. Which was fine before when I was too busy to think about it, but now, on the weeks when I don't have Ryan with me…sometimes I ask myself why I don't have a social life, but I don't know." He shrugs again. "I never come up with anything other than not really wanting to bother. I mean, I've never been a very social person, you know that, and I guess I get all the socializing that I need with you and Kirk and Shane and Teddy, and everyone. I don't mind being by myself the rest of the time."

Luke felt a tug of sympathy for his nephew. He recognized himself in Jess much more than he wanted to. Choosing to be alone instead of exposing himself to getting hurt or rejected. He suspected the cause may be similar as well. "Jess, does this have anything to do with Rory? Are you still, you know, pining for her?"

Jess turned to Luke in genuine surprise. "What the hell are you talking about? Are you seriously asking me if I'm pining for a girl I dated in high school? For less than a year. Five years ago. Are you fucking kidding me right now with this shit?"

That wasn't the response Luke had been expecting. He had been planning on bonding with Jess over both having pined for women they had seen as unattainable. He was hoping to inspire Jess to get past his longing for Rory and move on with his life like he had done with Lorelai. "Uh, sorry? I, uh, was just asking. I didn't mean to upset you."

Jess was looking at Luke with exasperation written all over his face. "Luke…." He hesitated, mentally toning down what he was about to say because this was Luke, who loved him and only ever wanted him to be happy, even if he did piss him off sometimes by asking stupid and thoughtless questions. "I don't need someone" he mentally replaced 'the way you do' with "In my life right now. My entire self-worth isn't wrapped up in being loved, or in being useful to someone that I love. I love Ryan so much and having him in my life makes me very happy and gives my life meaning that I wouldn't have otherwise, you do too, but I also have weeks when he's not around, and I have to focus on myself. And what I see is just Ryan's dad. A guy with a GED who works at Walmart. I don't want that to be all that I am. Being Ryan's dad might be my most important accomplishment, but it can't be my only one."

"Oh, Jess. It won't be. Like you said, you're only twenty-three! You have so much time. You'll have other accomplishments than just being Ryan's dad."

Jess shrugged. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't. But, that's what I'm focused on right now, when I'm not focused on Ryan at least, not on getting a date or getting laid. Ok?"

"Of course, that's ok, Jess. But, don't be so hard on yourself. You got those two short stories published. That's not nothing, my friend. To have been published twice at twenty-three is something."

Jess nodded. "It's not nothing, but it's not enough. Not nearly. It's not a career. It's something to do on the side, when I'm not driving a forklift." Jess paused, deciding how much he wanted to say. "I've been sending out resumes to publishing houses in the area, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, for about a year now. Large companies, small independent ones, fiction, non-fiction, whatever I can find, trying to get hired for an entry level position, basically as someone who reads through the manuscripts that get sent it and writes up notes on the stories and recommendations on whether something is good enough to publish."

"Oh yeah?" Luke aimed for nonchalant, even as he felt a sense of dread settling in his gut. He hated the thought of Jess living more than a short drive from him, but he hated the thought of Jess not living near Ryan even more.

"You can calm down, Luke, they hire a lot of contractors who work remotely, so it's not like I would need to move to any of those places."

Luke tried to hide his relief. "I didn't say anything."

Jess gave him a condescending look. "After all this time, I think I can read your 'Oh, no, not that!' face pretty well. Anyway, they all ask for your educational background, work experience and a writing sample. If you get past that stage, they send you a manuscript to read and send back with notes and a recommendation. You know how many times I've gotten past the first stage?"

"How many?"

"Zero, as in no times. They say they like to see college on your resume and related work experience, but that they aren't necessarily required, and not having them won't keep you from getting hired if your writing sample is strong enough. And apparently mine isn't strong enough to compensate for a GED and a job at Walmart and get me to the second stage of the application process, never mind getting me a job."

"I'm sorry, Jess. Which of your stories have you been sending?"

"I've sent both to different places. Still, zip."

Luke wasn't sure what to say.

"So, I've started writing something longer. Something that might be a novel someday."

"Oh, that's great, Jess!"

Jess shrugged. "For now, it's something to do. It's a story I feel like I want to tell. It's uh, well, remember when my therapist had me write about different parts of my life? Like write out scenes of certain things that happened when I was a kid, with Liz and her boyfriends, and stuff with Ryan and Shane?"

"Yeah, the journal she had you keep."

"Yeah. Well, I kind of started with some of those scenes, cleaned them up a lot, changed and embellished some of those stories a little, made them more fictional, and added a bunch of new stuff, all kind of based on my life, but with some scenes more made up than others. And it's kind of been turning into something resembling a book. Kind of a semi-fictional version of the story of my life. I only went back to the journal to begin with to help myself with some stuff. And, it is helping. But, now, I'm really liking what it's becoming. I think I have some decent stuff." Jess shrugged again. "Or, at least, the best stuff I've ever written."

"Well, that's great, Jess. I know it's going to be good. I can't wait to read it."

"I don't think it's going to be ready anytime soon. I'm still working through a lot of it. But, I'll definitely let you see it when it's done." Jess turned his gaze back toward the yard. "Some of it's pretty hard to get through, though, like some of the more painful things that happened to me. A lot of the stuff from when I was a kid. But, after I really dig into it and get it written down, I usually feel better about whatever the painful thing was. Like, whatever happened still sucks, but I usually have a different perspective on it after. I become more detached from it or something after writing the scene, and it doesn't hurt as much anymore."

"That's great, Jess. I'm really proud of you for doing this. For working through your issues like that. I know it can't be easy."

Jess shrugged. "I figure now's the time to take care of as much stuff like this as I can. I have the time, and I want to fix as much of my own shit as I can before Ryan's old enough to realize what a mess I am, or for my shit to affect him, more than it already has. And so far, writing it out like this has been the most helpful thing I've done. I really like the idea of turning some of the shittiest parts of my life into something good."

Luke smiled warmly at his nephew's profile. "I like that idea, too. But, you're not a mess. You're a good person, and a great dad." Luke's voice filled with emotion. "I love you so much, Jess. And I am so proud of you, and I'm so glad you're mine. You know that, right?"

Jess nodded, staring out into the yard. "I know. I love you, too, Luke."

"One of the best things that ever happened to me was my nut job of a sister putting her kid on a bus to my place whether I wanted him or not. I'm grateful for that every day. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me in my life. No matter how many other people I have in my life, or in my family, there's no one I love more than you. I need you to know that."

Jess turned to look at Luke. "Thanks, Luke. You definitely do have lots of other people in your life now, huh?"

"That I do, nephew. But, you were the first. You were the one who broke through my hermit lifestyle and made me want to change my life. I wouldn't have everything that I have now, if I hadn't had you first. Not Fiona, not Kirk, or Raegan or Shane." Luke paused a moment. "I guess April would still have found me, but I wouldn't have been as ready for her or had as much to offer her if I hadn't changed in the ways I did when you came into my life. I'm grateful for you every day, Jess."

"I'm grateful for you, too, Luke. I have no idea where I'd be right now if I hadn't been sent to live with you." Jess laughed softly. "And I know I'm no prize now, but believe me, I'm so much better off than I would have been if it hadn't been for you. You were the first person who really cared about me. All the time. Not just when it was easy, or when you were sober, or when you were happy with a new boyfriend." Jess huffed out a quiet laugh. "You know what I mean." Jess's expression turned serious again. "Even when I was a complete asshole to you. Even when I really fucked up. You were always there for me. You were everything I never had before. Everything I needed."

"You were everything I needed, too, Jess." Luke chuckled. "And, jeez, I remember being so pissed at your mother when she called and told me she was sending you out here. I was so sure it was a bad idea. That I'd mess everything up somehow, and you'd end up hating me."

"Trust me, I didn't want to come live with you any more than you wanted me here. Not at first, at least. But, then, I never knew what was good for me back then." Jess paused. "You won me over pretty quickly, though, even if I didn't always act like it."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah, I knew I wanted to stay around the time you caught me stealing Babette's gnome and you threatened me with, what was it, highway beautification projects and color-me-mine pottery?"

Luke laughed. "That's what sold you, huh?"

Jess nodded. "Yep. I knew you were really mad, and that you had a reason to be, but you didn't get all aggressive about it. I could tell you didn't have it in you to actually be mean to me, even when I'd given you a pretty good excuse to. I wasn't used to men being like that with me. That's when I knew you were worth the effort."

"Huh. And, I was convinced you couldn't stand me until the time you secretly fixed the broken toaster. Remember that?"

Jess nodded his head.

"It's nice to know you didn't really hate me all that time." Luke paused. "I guess there are some things you can never really plan for."

Jess nodded slowly. "Ain't that the truth. Sometimes I feel like it's all I can do to recognize something good when I get it and hope I'm smart enough to hold onto it."

They sat in silence for a few minutes, sipping their beers and staring ahead at the yard, each lost in their own thoughts.

Luke shot a tentative glance at his nephew.

"What, Luke?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking."

"You want to ask me something. I can tell. Go ahead. What is it?"

"It's nothing, really. I was just, uh, just wondering if I'm in your book at all."

Jess looked at Luke. "Weren't you listening? I told you. It's the story of my life."

"I know, I know it is. I just thought maybe I'd make a small appearance, or something. I was just wondering." Luke looked away from Jess, embarrassment clear on his face. "Sorry, it was stupid."

"It's the story of my life." Jess repeated, a small smile forming on his lips as he watched his uncle. "Of course, you're in it, Luke. Every story needs a hero, even mine."

-The End-


End file.
